Zack ended up staying with John for a second night in a row, and the two had what Zack could only call a sexathon all over John’s house. By the end of it he was exhausted, sore, and happier than he could ever remember feeling. They’d fallen asleep close to dawn, wrapped in each other’s arms and utterly satiated.
The next morning, John drove Zack back to his apartment complex. Zack almost asked him for a drop-off a few blocks away so John wouldn’t have to see the sad, dilapidated building, but he figured if they were going to get serious, John needed to know what he was getting into. To Zack’s immense relief, John didn’t bat an eyelash when they pulled up. He simply kissed him good-bye, made him swear three times to call soon, and then drove off, leaving Zack on the curb.
Zack stared wistfully after him. He tried to joke that it was the car he was truly going to miss, but it fell flat even in his own thoughts. Man, what a night. What nights. He shook his head and trudged up the path to his building. He barely got through the gate before the sound of frantic barking reached his ears.
Zack’s head shot up. He’d know that bark anywhere. A streak of white barreled full-force into him, knocking him clean off his feet. He only had a second to register the ground beneath him before something slobbered all over his face.
“Oh my God, Ziggy,” Zack spluttered as he tried to pull away from the onslaught. Sharp claws dug into his chest. “I’m so sorry, boy! I don’t know how I forgot about you.”
“Well, you did,” said a voice that was equal measures irritated and amused. “We were beginning to think you were dead.”
Zack managed to roll Ziggy off of him and then kept the dog occupied with a round of furious petting. When he sat up, Mr. Alvarez was standing a few feet away, holding a wrench and wearing grease-stained jeans.
“I’m so sorry,” Zack repeated. Horror washed through him. He hadn’t thought about his dog in hours. If it hadn’t been for Mr. Alvarez . . .
Zack climbed to his feet. “I don’t know how to thank you. I can’t believe I left him alone for so long.”
Mr. Alvarez waved him off and walked toward the parking lot. “You’re allowed to take two nights off. Especially when you know you have a neighbor who lets your dog out for you half the time anyway. Hell, my wife keeps a bag of his food in our pantry just in case.”
Zack trotted after him with Ziggy on his heels. “You don’t understand, I forgot about Ziggy. I’m the worst dog owner ever!”
Mr. Alvarez actually laughed. “Now that’s a bold-faced lie, son. I’ve never seen anyone dote on their pet the way you do. Besides, you didn’t forget. You texted me the first night and asked me to take care of him. I knew that meant until you got back.”
They reached the backyard, and Mr. Alvarez looked at Zack askance. “Though I must say, this is a first for you. It must’ve been one hell of a date.”
His cheeks pinked. “How’d you know it was a date?”
“Because I know that look on your face. I had it plenty when I was your age. Wasn’t until I met Pilar that it stuck around permanently.”
Zack shifted from foot to foot. He hadn’t bothered to come out to the Alvarezes. Since his love life was nonexistent, he’d figured it would never come up. He knew in his heart that he had nothing to worry about, but they were an older couple. There was no telling how they’d react.
He was considering changing the subject when Mr. Alvarez said, “So, who’s the lucky fellow?”
Zack’s jaw dropped. Mr. Alvarez laughed so hard he clutched his belly with both hands. He was still tripping over his own tongue when Mr. Alvarez wiped tears from his eyes and said, “Son, I may be old, but I’ve been around the block a few times. I’ve worked on more cars than I can count, and do you know what men talk about over a hot engine? Women. Except for you, that is.”
Zack started to protest, but Mr. Alvarez raised a hand. “There’s no way a handsome boy like you wouldn’t have brought a girl home by now. Except for those lady friends of yours, of course, and I know you’re not wooing one of them. Matter of fact, I saw them leave together one morning looking awfully cozy, if you catch my meaning.”
“Well, you’ve got me there. I guess there’s no denying it.”
“There’s nothing to deny,” Mr. Alvarez said. “Mind you, I don’t want to hear any details, but I’ve lived too long and seen too much to not know people are who they are.”
Mr. Alvarez wandered over to Marilyn and uncovered her. Zack helped him, revealing her gleaming red body. “You should bring your new boyfriend over for dinner sometime. I know the missus would love to see you with somebody.” Mr. Alvarez popped Marilyn’s hood.
Zack glanced at the engine and then did a double take. “Oh hey, you changed the serpentine belt. Thanks.” He looked closer. “Was it about to snap?”
“It did snap,” Mr. Alvarez said, looking down at the engine. “Luckily, I had one lying around.”
“Oh, okay,” Zack said automatically. “If you tell me how much it was, I’ll pay you b—” He stopped short and stared at Mr. Alvarez. “Wait, what do you mean?”
Mr. Alvarez was still looking down. “I mean just what I said.”
Zack opened and closed his mouth several times. “Was it cracked?”
“Nope.”
“Dry rotted?”
“Nope.”
Zack’s heart was pounding. “Did . . . it snap while you were driving her?”
Mr. Alvarez finally looked up. His face was split in half, he was grinning so hard. “Yup. She only made it ten blocks before something went wrong, but she was purring like a kitten.”
Zack let out a whoop. “I thought she was still a long way from driving condition! How did you get the tires on and off by yourself?”
“Pilar helped. You should have seen her out here with her yellow dishwashing gloves on.”
Zack shook his head. “Good ol’ Mrs. Alvarez. I knew she’d come around eventually.”
“Make no mistake, she still thinks this car is a death trap. But when I made it clear I was going to get her running before I left, no matter what, she gave in.”
“Left?” Zack asked. “Where are you going?”
“She’s making me stay in the hospital for a while. They want to monitor my heart and run some tests. I’ll be gone for a few days, so I figured I needed to get in as much time with my pet project as I could.”
“Thank you,” Zack said. He gave Mr. Alvarez a hug.
The man patted him on the back in a fatherly way. “Now that she’s running, where are you going to take her first?”
Zack’s thoughts went immediately to John. He could just picture it: rolling up to John’s house and driving through the hills, the chrome gleaming in the sun.
He was broken from his fantasy by the sound of chuckling.
“That boy’s got you bad,” Mr. Alvarez said. “It’s written all over your face.”
Zack blushed. “Yeah, I guess he does.”
Mr. Alvarez’s smile shifted into a thoughtful expression. He pulled a rag from his pocket and wiped his hands, which Zack noticed were shaking less than last time.
“Son, I’m going to give you some advice,” Mr. Alvarez said. “You can take it or leave it. I don’t know this boy, and I don’t know what your relationship is like. Maybe I’m barking up the wrong tree.”
“Okay,” Zack said, blinking.
“I worked my entire life before I retired. I started delivering groceries when I was fifteen, pumped gas at eighteen, and sold cars when I was twenty. Then, when I realized that wasn’t the get-rich-quick scheme I thought it’d be, I started working on them. You know what all those jobs had in common?”
“Cars?” Zack asked.
“Yes, but that’s not what I was going for. They all had me working for people who had a lot more than I had. And I don’t just mean money. I mean education and opportunities and everything. Half the reason I started working on cars was because I got sick of paying mechanics. No matter how the economy has changed over the past few decades, there has always been someone out there willing to pay me to do what they couldn’t be bothered to do themselves. And that’s fine. If I had that kind of money, I might do the same.”
Zack leaned against Marilyn’s side. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because in my youth, I fell in love with a girl who might as well have been a princess, she was so far away from my situation. She came from one of the wealthiest families in town, she went to the best schools, she had everything I didn’t, and somehow, she loved me too. She used to stop by my shop after school, still in her uniform, and sit on a milk crate while I worked. I thought we were going to run away together. I started saving money the day I met her. I knew I could never buy her the things her family could, but I thought with hard work and love, we could make a little life together, and that would be enough.”
“So what happened?” Zack asked, mesmerized.
Mr. Alvarez laughed. “It wasn’t enough. Love can do a lot, but it’s not a guarantee. There are plenty of people in this world who go from rags to riches, but they usually do it on their own. Trying to marry into it is a lot more complicated and can get messy quick. Not that I think that’s what you’re doing. I’m sure you don’t care a lick about your boy’s money, but the money isn’t the important part.”
“Then what is?”
“The power difference it creates. For a relationship to work, the two people in it need to be equal. If one person has more ‘value’ than the other, it throws off the balance. That value can stem from anything, mind you, not just money. You’ll find just as many problems in a relationship where one of them is attractive or talented or intelligent and the other isn’t.”
“Well, I’m screwed then,” Zack joked. “John is definitely smarter than I am.”
Mr. Alvarez shrugged. “There’s a difference between being smart and being educated. My point is, people can sometimes move beyond those things, but they have to be honest with each other about them. Pretending like the differences aren’t there never works. You’ll just end up with hurt feelings and a whole lot of resentment.”
“Really?”
“Really. The people who have more tend to think they can get away with more. After all, they have the talent or the money or the nice things. Why shouldn’t they get to do what they want? They also expect you to give more because you have less. After a while, feeling like you have to compensate for just being yourself will wear you down.”
Zack frowned. He didn’t think that sounded like John and him, but it was too early to tell. John usually liked to give up power when they role-played, but those were just fantasies.
“Thanks, Mr. Alvarez,” he said. “You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“Mind you, don’t overthink it. If you’ve got a good thing going with this boy, let it happen. I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”
Zack smiled. “Okay, Dad.”
Mr. Alvarez swatted him on the shoulder. “I don’t remember adopting a little gay white boy.”
Zack laughed heartily. “And yet at some point you did.”
The two worked on Marilyn for a bit—or rather, Mr. Alvarez worked while Zack “supervised”—until Ziggy loudly indicated that it was time for Zack to feed him. Zack thanked Mr. Alvarez again and then headed back to his apartment. He fed Ziggy, changed out of his date clothes, which he’d worn home from John’s house even though there were some questionable stains on his jeans, and got ready for work.
He arrived at Murmur Inc. just as the sun was setting. Alexa was outside waiting for him. She handed him a cigarette and a lighter as soon as he walked up.
“Welcome back,” she said simply.
“Thanks,” Zack replied. He lit his cigarette and leaned on the wall next to her. He shivered as a cool breeze ruffled his hair.
“So, how was your date?”
Zack grinned. “Long.”
“I guessed that much when I didn’t hear from you.”
Zack’s grin widened. “I didn’t get home until a few hours ago.” His stomach warmed at the thought.
“You two been banging this whole time?”
Zack rolled his eyes and took a drag on his cigarette. “I wouldn’t put it like that.”
“Oh, pardon me,” Alexa said with feigned solicitation. “Should I refer to it as ‘making love’?”
“God, no.” Zack wrinkled his nose. “I just think John and I are a little more serious than ‘banging’ at this stage.”
“Wow. I never thought I’d see the day. I owe Kira twenty bucks.”
“It’s not like I’m gonna marry the guy. I just wouldn’t classify him the same way I would my other hookups.”
“So, what would you classify him as?” Alexa asked. She inched closer, smiling from piercing to piercing. “Boyfriend material?”
Zack flushed. “Maybe.”
“Zaaaack,” Alexa cooed. “Do you want to date him? Does he want to date you?” She gasped. “Are you already dating? Oh my God, I have to call Kira.” She fumbled with her phone.
“No!” Zack insisted. “No, we’re not dating. Don’t call Kira. She’ll skin me if she thinks I told you before I told her.”
“But there is something to tell, right?”
Zack sighed. “You get more like Kira with every passing day. This is why I’ve avoided dating all these years: everyone puts so much pressure on you.”
“And here I was thinking it was because you were a giant, self-sabotaging commitment-phobe.”
Zack arched a brow. “Thank you. Look, John and I are not at the boyfriend stage right now, and we may not be for a long time. There’s still a metric fuckton of stuff we don’t know about each other.”
“But?”
“But during our date yesterday, he told me that’s where he wants this to go.”
Alexa actually kicked up a heel in glee. “And did you tell him that’s what you want too?”
“Yeah,” Zack said, “I did.”
“Did you mean it?”
Zack huffed. “Alexa.”
“Okay, okay.” She held up two hands defensively. “I’m only prying because it’s refreshing to see you interested in someone. Not that there’s anything wrong with dating casually in your youth, or hell, never settling down at all, but somehow I never saw that as the endgame for you.”
“Really? Why?” Zack was genuinely curious.
Alexa shrugged. “I can’t say exactly. Maybe it’s the way you spoil Ziggy rotten. Maybe it’s the way you refuse to blow off your family no matter how much they drive you crazy. I know we haven’t known each other for that long, but you always struck me as someone who wasn’t so much disinterested in love as afraid of it.”
Zack took another contemplative drag on his cigarette. Eventually, he said, “I don’t know. I remember being thirteen and realizing that I like boys. I was in denial for a few years, but then I came out to my parents right before I left for college, and after that . . . Well, there was so much sex to be had, I didn’t have time to think about it.”
Alexa laughed. “That sounds about right.”
Zack threw his cigarette on the ground. “I guess I just watched so many of my friends fall head over heels for the wrong person and then get their hearts broken that I decided I wasn’t going to let that happen.”
“Those were teenagers, though,” Alexa pointed out. “Very few people marry the first person they meet in college.”
“I get that, but I was a teenager myself less than two years ago. How am I any better off than them?”
“You’re not,” Alexa said. “Except that you’ve moved out of your parents’ house, gotten a job, paid all your bills yourself, and seen a lot more of what it’s like to be an adult than some college students. You don’t need to have all the answers right now. You just need to know that you’ve found someone you want to date, and hey, it might not end with happily ever after. But even if you and John aren’t meant to be, and he does break your heart, that doesn’t mean the relationship wasn’t worthwhile.”
Zack sighed. “When did you get so smart?”
“I was always smart, babe.” Alexa crushed her cigarette out beneath her yellow pumps. “I was waiting for you to be ready for my bountiful wisdom.”
They headed into Murmur Inc. as the last of the sun’s light faded from the metallic sky. They chatted on their way up the stairs and parted ways once they entered the office. Zack waved at Colette, who was standing near the break room with her arms crossed, but received only a curt nod in response. Zack frowned. What was her problem? Shrugging internally, he made his way down the aisle of cubicles and ducked into his.
Zack barely had time to sit down at his desk before a stern voice floated to his ears.
“So, how’d you fuck it up?”
Zack jolted in his chair. “Colette. I— How’d I fuck what up?”
Colette loomed in the doorway to his cubicle with her hands on her hips. If that weren’t enough to tell Zack that she meant business, her scowl was. “Your whale. What’d you do to piss him off? He used to ask for you every day, even if you weren’t here. But now he hasn’t called in days.”
Zack’s stomach filled with lead. Colette was right. It had been four days since his last professional conversation with John, the longest they’d gone since they started talking regularly. And that made sense, of course. Why would John keep calling now that they were sleeping together?
He scrambled to think of something to say. Colette wouldn’t confront him like this if she didn’t think something was up. He needed to act casual. Clients fell out all the time.
Zack shrugged. “Dunno, guess he got bored with me. It happens.”
“Bullshit,” Colette said without venom. She was merely stating a fact. “Clients may be fickle, but they don’t go from blowing up the phone lines to radio silence in a matter of days. Not unless you did something completely unacceptable.”
Shit. Zack almost wished he were caught between a rock and a hard place. It would be a lot more comfortable than being pinioned by Colette’s fierce stare.
“What really happened between you and your client?” Colette demanded.
Zack switched tactics. “He might just be taking a break. I think he mentioned he was going on a business trip or something. Maybe he can’t get to a phone.”
“You’re contradicting yourself. Did he get bored with you, or did he say he wouldn’t be available for a few days? Which is it?”
Zack’s veins pumped shards of ice. He had no idea if agreeing or denying it would be better. He tried to make a quick decision, but he waited too long.
Colette spoke again. “Is there something you want to tell me, Zack?”
Zack tried to swallow, but a lump had taken up residence in his throat. “No.”
“Nothing? Nothing you’d like to confess?”
She knows, Zack thought. She must know. “No.”
“If you fucked this up,” Colette said evenly, “then you may soon find yourself in need of other employment. That whale was the only thing you had going for you, and I believe you know that.”
It took everything Zack had to keep the panic from showing on his face. “Yes, ma’am.”
“I won’t bother discussing this further right now,” Colette said, turning away. “I believe I’ve made my position clear. Just understand that I’m going to be keeping a very close eye on you from now on, and if I discover anything untoward has occurred, you’re done.”