Zack had never been kissed like this in his life. It was like John was trying to unravel him using nothing but his lips. Zack was still holding his face, gripping it tightly, but it was John who was dominating the kiss. One second, he sucked Zack’s lower lip into his mouth and bit it; the next, he rolled his tongue over Zack’s in a way that made him light-headed. John seemed to be everywhere at once, invading his senses. It was more than Zack could process.
Then John wrapped his arms around him and pulled them close. Zack had nearly forgotten how good John felt against him: firm but pliable. The fact that he was half-naked was not lost on Zack. When John pressed their hips together and rocked, Zack saw stars.
“Zack,” John said breathlessly, “Zack, I missed you so much.”
Zack shushed him, moving to nip at his earlobe. “We can talk later. Right now, I need you.”
“But are you sure you—”
Zack crushed their lips together, and John turned to liquid in his embrace. Zack trailed his hands down John’s back. His bare skin was silky smooth and radiating heat. Just being able to touch it again felt therapeutic.
“Bed?” John asked between frantic kisses.
“Too far,” Zack answered. He maneuvered John back. They stumbled past the kitchen and somehow managed to make it to the living room without dissolving into a tangle of limbs on the floor. Zack gave John a gentle push, and he toppled backward onto the couch.
John blinked up at him, looking disoriented and disheveled in a way Zack would almost label cute.
“But,” he looked around, “isn’t this the last place you want to be right now?”
Zack understood what he meant. It felt like returning to the scene of the crime. But Zack knew what he needed. He kneeled on the sofa and crawled over John, forcing him to lie back. Zack kissed up his abdomen as he went, pausing to dip into his belly button. John made the softest, most erotic sounds in response, and by the time Zack reached his lips, he was so hard it hurt.
“This is exactly where I want to be,” Zack murmured against his skin. “Right here, with you, and by the time I’m finished, that whole horrible memory will be erased.”
“Fuck, I missed you,” John said again. He grabbed Zack by the hair and pulled him in for another bruising kiss. He wrapped his legs around him, bringing their groins hotly together. Zack ripped his mouth away and groaned, closing his eyes to better absorb the sensation. He rolled his hips on instinct, dragging his clothed erection against John’s. The pleasure that shot through him was so intense, it made him spasm.
“Here, let me,” John murmured, shoving a hand between them. He fumbled with Zack’s fly. Zack was still thrusting against him, and John huffed a laugh as his fingers kept slipping. “Stop moving.”
“I can’t.” Zack buried his face in the crook of John’s neck and inhaled. “It feels too good.”
“It’ll feel better if you let me get your jeans off.” He held Zack’s hips still with one hand and clumsily opened his pants with the other. His hand slithered into Zack’s underwear. Zack almost swooned when long fingers fisted around him.
“Fuck,” he panted, “don’t stop.”
“Wasn’t gonna.” John gave him a gentle squeeze and then started to pump. It was all Zack could do not to collapse on top of him. He felt like it had been years since John touched him, like he’d forgotten what true pleasure was in the interim. Like some missing part of him had come home.
Through a haze of arousal, Zack remembered he should be returning the favor. He reached for John’s sweatpants and pulled them down as far as he could. John’s erection bobbed up and slapped against his stomach. Zack swiped his thumb over the head, smearing a bead of pre-come, and fisted him. John’s hand faltered as he moaned, but he twisted his wrist in a way that nearly made Zack come right then and there.
“Jesus, John, I can’t wait much longer. How do you want to do this?”
John bucked his hips up, sliding his cock through Zack’s closed fist. “I don’t care. Whatever you want is fine. I just want—” He stopped short and opened his bleary blue eyes. “Wait, no. I want you to fuck me.”
Zack’s dick twitched in John’s hand. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He wet his lips slowly, knowing Zack was watching. “I want to be as close to you as I can be.”
Zack whimpered. “Jesus, the things you do to me.” He forced himself to sit up. “Lube? Condoms?”
John nodded toward the hallway. “Bedroom. You remember where.”
Zack would never forget.
He stood up, peeled his jeans and shirt off, and hastened to the bedroom for supplies. When he returned, John was naked and lounging on the couch. Zack couldn’t decide which he more resembled, a Greek statue or a jungle cat. He was poised somewhere between chiseled marble and liquid grace. Zack stared at him until the ache in his groin urged action.
As soon as Zack approached, John tugged his boxers down, letting them pool at his feet. Then John propped himself on his elbow, leaned forward, and blew on the head of Zack’s cock. Zack felt the light sensation throughout his whole body, like a ripple. He grabbed his cock and squeezed to keep his orgasm at bay. His skin barely gave at all when he touched it.
“Get on your hands and knees,” Zack commanded.
John’s eyes darkened with desire, and he scrambled to comply. He propped his upper body on the arm of the couch, leaving Zack with plenty of room to get behind him.
Zack dumped the lube and condom onto the cushions and draped himself over John. His desire to touch was overriding even his desire to get laid. He wrapped his arms around him and rested his chin on John’s back, enjoying the heat and how solid John felt.
John turned around enough to kiss him, and Zack lost himself in the slick, honeyed slide of their tongues. Then John shifted, and Zack’s cock rubbed against his ass. He hissed. Just that little bit of friction was enough to remind him of what he really wanted: to bury himself as deeply in John as he could.
Zack pushed himself into a kneeling position and reached for the lube. John twisted to watch him open the bottle and smear some of its contents onto his fingers. John was breathing hard, and Zack rubbed his back with a clean hand.
“Relax,” he said. “Don’t be nervous.”
“It’s not that,” John rasped. His pupils were enormous. “It’s just— I’ve already said it, but I want to keep telling you. I’m so glad you’re back.”
Zack sucked in a breath. He shook his head to clear it and focused on preparing John. He slathered lube over John’s hole and slowly eased a slick finger inside.
John was a panting mess by the time Zack had two fingers in. The slightest touch made him quiver and moan. His whole body blushed pink, and though Zack couldn’t see his face, he could tell from the tension in his shoulders that John was in ecstasy.
Zack couldn’t resist teasing him some. He found what he thought was the right angle and then curled his fingers so he stimulated John’s prostate directly. John’s reaction was way more than Zack expected. He threw his head back and made the most tortured, erotic sound, and the look on his face reflected it perfectly.
“God,” Zack breathed, “I’ve never seen you like this. You’re beautiful.”
“I thought I was never going to have this again,” John whispered. “Have you.”
As he spoke, John canted his hips back, pushing Zack’s fingers deeper into him. Zack actually felt the full-body shudder that racked his form. It was one of the most intensely sensual experiences of his life.
“John,” Zack said in a reverent tone. “I could keep you like this for hours, all stretched out and gasping for my cock.”
“Please don’t,” John keened. “Please, I’ll die.”
Zack withdrew his fingers and positioned his body. He rolled a condom onto his dick and lined himself up. John was quaking beneath him.
Zack smoothed a hand down his back. “Hey, are you all right?”
“Yeah, I just, I need—Zack, I need you.” John sounded like he was too desperate to think straight. “Please, I need you with me, inside me.”
Zack understood exactly what he meant. John didn’t just need Zack to fuck him. This was a balm on the wounds they’d inflicted, a bridge over the chasm their mistakes had carved. They both needed this.
He took himself in hand and pressed slowly in until the head of his cock breached John’s body. He gave John some time to adjust and then pushed forward, sinking gradually in. Being in John felt like heaven, tight and velvety and molten hot. He could write poetry about the way John’s body molded around his cock, seeming to both grip him and pull him deeper.
He stopped when his hip bones touched John’s ass, and took a ragged breath. His thoughts were reduced to a mindless reprise of Good, fuck, so good, need this, need him.
When John shifted, Zack pulled out and rolled his hips until he was buried in John’s body. John moaned wantonly and pressed back as if he could somehow force more of Zack into him.
Zack managed to ask, “Okay?”
“Yeah,” John murmured. “Christ, Zack, you’re perfect.”
Zack set a quick, shallow rhythm, never pulling out by more than a couple of inches before slamming back in. John was reduced to a quivering mess within minutes. He kept up a steady stream of moans, curses, and jumbled versions of Zack’s name. Zack focused on keeping the pace steady and on not orgasming, which became more difficult with every passing second. His instincts screamed at him to pound into the warm body beneath him until he teetered over the edge.
And it was tempting too. John seemed to match Zack’s movements before he made them. His moans reverberated in the air like a plucked cello string. It was beautiful and sonorous, and Zack swore he could feel it vibrating against his flesh, spurring him on. John’s body was a sensual dichotomy: so yielding as Zack thrust, but hard beneath his exploring hands.
Zack fisted John’s cock, and the volume of John’s moans soared. Zack’s dick throbbed. “Jesus,” he muttered, “I’d almost forgotten how vocal you can be.”
John didn’t respond. He didn’t seem to be capable of it. A second later he tensed up, clearly about to orgasm. Zack pumped him faster and shifted his hips until he found an angle that made John’s moans turn into pleasured sobs.
Zack didn’t usually come at the same time as his partner, but watching John grow taut like a drawn bowstring was too much for him to resist. Pleasure uncoiled in his belly just as John gave one final shout and spilled all over Zack’s hand. John’s muscles contracted as he came, clenching around Zack.
Zack pushed himself deeply into John’s body and orgasmed hard. The experience was so intense, he thought he might have blacked out for a second. His whole being seemed to dissolve into all-encompassing sensation.
When he finally came down, he was drenched in sweat and breathing hard. John had collapsed. His face was nestled in the crook of his arm, and his back was heaving. Zack carefully pulled out of him, discarded the condom, and maneuvered until he was lying next to John. Eventually, when John’s breathing had returned to normal, he rolled over to face Zack.
“God, you were perfect.” John wiped sweat from his brow. “I always enjoy bottoming, but that was something else.”
“Couldn’t agree more,” Zack said. He leaned in for a kiss.
John obliged, but it was more of an exhausted, openmouthed smear than anything else. He let his head fall back against the squishy armrest. His eyelids fluttered closed. It seemed he was going to fall asleep, but then he spoke without opening his eyes: “We should talk.” His voice was gravelly, like he was too fucked out to speak properly.
“We should,” Zack agreed. “Or we could forget our troubles and just have spectacular sex.”
“I believe that’s what got us into this mess.” John sighed and snuggled closer, snaking an arm around Zack. He slid his fingers through Zack’s hair, and Zack lost the ability to form sentences. Instead he made a contented humming noise and stretched.
“It’s funny you like dogs so much,” John said, his eyes still closed. “You’re a lot like a cat.”
“How do you figure?”
“You love to be petted and stroked—and I don’t just mean like that. Your mood is mercurial, like you’re joking one second and intense the next, and . . . I dunno, you have this way of moving that makes me think of a cat. Sometimes I expect you to pounce on me.”
“I nearly have,” Zack admitted. “More than once.” He trailed a knuckle down John’s arm. “You reminded me of a cat earlier, but a big one, like a panther or a tiger. Though I suppose a horse would be more appropriate.”
“Nah, too many dick jokes.”
They lapsed into silence. Zack considered letting it stretch on, but he knew they needed to discuss this. He huffed a breath. “I owe you an apology.”
John startled and lifted his head. “For what?”
“Punching you.”
John settled back down. “Yeah, I won’t lie. That sucked. Everyone in my lectures asked me if I got into a fight. It was embarrassing.”
“I’m sorry,” Zack said. “I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know what I was thinking. I used to get into fights when I was younger, and I should have left that behavior behind in high school.”
John nodded. “Just promise it won’t happen again.”
“I promise.”
“I believe you.” John nudged the side of Zack’s face with his nose. “I’m sorry for what I did too.”
Zack hesitated. “Thank you. I . . .” He stopped, unsure of what to say next. He felt like they had so much to talk about, but he also had absolutely no idea where to begin.
“What is it?” John asked.
“Nothing,” Zack said awkwardly.
“You can’t do that to me. Shutting down is what got us into this mess.”
Zack’s temper flared. “I’m pretty sure you having sex with other—” He stopped cold. “Wow, I’m sorry. I guess I’m not as over it as I thought.”
“No, I deserved that,” John said. He was looking anywhere but at Zack. “I did a horrible thing and betrayed your trust. I really am sorry.” His face was so crestfallen, Zack’s heart hurt.
“I didn’t come here to shove it in your face. I shouldn’t have had sex with you again if I wasn’t ready to move on. I can’t keep bringing that up if this is going to work.”
John peeked at him. “You want this to work?”
Zack grabbed his chin and kissed him. “Yes, I want this to work. That’s all I’ve wanted from the start, even if I didn’t act like it. Look, John, I can’t say I forgive you entirely. I don’t know if I’m quite there yet. But maybe if we air out our grievances, I can come to terms with what happened.”
John nodded, but he looked miserable. “It wasn’t the same.”
“What?” Zack asked.
“When I called that PSO. I tried to get into it, but . . .” He frowned. “I don’t know if it’s because of my feelings for you or because I know now what it’s like to have genuine chemistry with someone, but it didn’t really do it for me. You probably don’t want to hear about this, but I thought you should know.”
“I’m glad you told me,” Zack said. “It makes me feel a little better. I have to ask a hard question, though. Why did you do it in the first place?”
“I guess because I was frustrated with you. You were giving me so many mixed signals, and I thought that acting like I was free to do what I wanted gave me some modicum of control. It helped me pretend that it would be easy for me to move on if you did leave. I was irrational . . . and terrified.”
“Terrified of what?”
“My feelings for you. I’ve been in relationships before, but you’re still the first person I’ve ever felt this way about. I was trying to protect myself from a broken heart before I gave you a chance to break it.”
“Well, we’re both guilty of that. It seems so ridiculous now. What were we doing?”
“Being idiots,” John stated. “Though to be fair, it’s not like there’s a handbook for our situation. Plenty of people can give you dating advice, but advice for what to do when you start to fall for the voice at the other end of a telephone? Not so much.”
“I see your point.” Zack brushed his hand against his cheek. “Tell me again that you’re sorry.”
John’s expression was solemn and sincere. “Zack, I’m sorry I cheated on you. I won’t ever do it again.”
Zack smiled. “I forgive you. And I won’t bring it up again. There will be no more cheating, punching, or shitty communication.”
“Deal,” John said. “Though I can’t say I won’t ever have a craving for phone sex again. I may give you a call sometime.”
Zack folded his arms beneath his head. “Man, I’m going to miss profiting off of that.”
“What?”
Zack grinned coquettishly. “Oh, did I forget to mention? I quit.”
“What? Really?”
Zack nodded. “It was time. I’m ready to move on. Besides, in the one year I was a PSO, I gathered enough weird stories to last a lifetime.”
“You’re brave. I’ve never had a job, but if I did, I feel like I’d have to have some sort of safety net in place before I quit.”
“I haven’t had a safety net since I left my parents’ house, so I’m used to it.”
John considered him. “I admire that about you.”
“Even though I’m just a lowly street urchin, and you’re a handsome prince?”
John rolled his eyes. “Honestly, sometime I think you’re convinced we’re characters in a Mark Twain novel.”
Zack gaped. “You mean we’re not?”
John laughed and gave him an affectionate squeeze.
Zack feathered light kisses along John’s jaw. “There’s one other thing we should talk about.”
John grunted an acknowledgment.
“About what I said . . . about loving you . . .”
“It’s okay. I know it was an accident.”
“It was at the time, yes, but since then I’ve realized I meant it.” Zack’s voice was steady despite the anxiety humming through him. “I love you, John. And I’m not saying that because I want you to say it back. You don’t have to say anything at all. I just want you to know that I do, and that I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”
John’s smile was radiant. “Thank you. And Zack?” He kissed him. “I love you too.”
Zack’s heart somersaulted. “Really?”
“Really. Though we can’t get too complacent. There’s still one major hurdle in our way.”
“What’s that?”
John arched a mischievous brow at him. “Remember what I told you about my childhood?”
“Yes.”
“And the fancy boarding schools I went to, and the horses, and the elitist rich people?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Well, you’d better start practicing your curtsy, darling.” John flashed a grin. “You still have to meet my parents.”
Zack stared at him, openmouthed in horror. He’d known that John had parents, of course, but the abysmal reality had failed to sink in until just now.
He swallowed thickly. “Maybe we should break up after all.”
They broke into a fit of giggles that quickly became full-blown laughter. Zack held on to John as their bare chests heaved. It took a minute, but eventually they quieted and lay together, breathing in unison. Though Zack felt more at peace than he had in days, there was still one last question he needed to ask.
“Not to spoil the mood or anything,” he said, “but you’re right: we do have a long way to go. I mean, you still have to meet my family—good luck there—and I have to find a new job, and you have to graduate, and we have to live happily ever after, blah blah blah. We’ve been through so much already. Are you sure . . . I mean, are you certain you want to do this? With me?”
Zack held his breath, though he was confident he knew the answer.
A slow, sweet smile spread across John’s face. He took Zack’s hand and laced their fingers together. “I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. I’ll gladly make this journey if you’ll make it with me. All right?”
Until this moment, Zack hadn’t known happiness could feel like this—like light and love and brilliance teeming in every fiber of his being. He wanted to shout, to burst, to hold John and breathe in the smell of his skin until some part of him lingered forever in Zack’s lungs.
Instead, he returned John’s smile and gently squeezed his fingers.
“All right.”
