The last two weeks had been busy. The Redmond TV ads were in the final production stage, pretty much out of Dani’s hands now.
She had started work on the furniture store account. Mundane stuff, she could draft the storyboard in her sleep. But when she looked down at her drawing table, a face was looking up at her. A dark curl drooped over one eye, just begging to be moved gently to one side. Camila. The name was starting to haunt her waking hours as well as her dreams.
Dani stared at the phone on her desk for another minute. The old saying faint heart never won fair lady came to mind. She strode over and dialled Redmond’s number before she lost the impetus. The receptionist was helpful when Dani gave Gordon’s name; she was put through after only a short wait.
“Hello, Gordon. What can I do for you?”
The perfectly modulated voice sent a shiver through her. Dani gripped the handset tightly. “It’s not Gordon. It’s Dani. Dani Barker.”
“Ah yes. The art director.”
She sensed more than a hint of sarcasm. Dani moved the receiver to her left hand and wiped the moist palm of the other on her shirt. “I was wondering if we could meet.”
“I really don’t get involved in creative decisions. You want to talk to Robert, or perhaps, James.”
“I don’t think they could be of much help. I have, uh, I have a business proposition.”
“That’s a bit vague.”
“I can’t tell you more, on the phone.”
“It’s not illegal, is it?”
“No, of course not.” Thanks to Queen Victoria. “How about this evening, at say, seven?”
“All right. But it will have to be brief. I have another appointment at eight.”
“Would Flounders suit you?”
“Yes, fine. I’ll see you there. At seven.” Camila put the phone down, mildly amused at herself for agreeing to meet this stranger on such a flimsy pretext. But Dani was hardly a stranger to her dreams. More than once in the last few weeks, she had woken to a memory of those eyes haunting her.
Camila picked out a folder from one of the piles on her desk and went in search of James. He was in the marketing office, alone. The poor fellow jumped when she put her head around the door.
“Hello. Just came to see how the other half live,” she said with a smile, trying to put him at ease. “How is the ad coming?”
“Oh, it’s looking good. I’ve got a rough cut here if you want to see it.”
“Yes, I might as well see how they have spent our money.”
He put the cassette in the player and they watched the sixty-second ad together in silence.
“Could you run it again?” she asked.
He complied eagerly. After the second time, he waited for her to comment.
“I like it,” she said finally. “Yes, it’s much better than I expected it would be after that meeting. This Dani Barker, she’s pretty good, is she?”
“Yes. She’s absolutely the best in the business.”
“So, why has she stuck with a small outfit like MBE?”
“She’s a partner. They started the agency together. McKenzie Barker Enterprises.”
“Ah. I see.” That would explain why a man like Gordon McKenzie tolerated her turning up for an important client meeting looking like she’d been brawling in the street. “Have we got a media schedule yet?”
“Yes. I’m just running them off. You will have a copy this afternoon. There are thirty and fifteen-second versions.”
“Too much information, James, but thank you. Tell Robert I’m pleased with the ad. It should go down well at the conference.”
†
James sat staring at the door after she left. Slowly, he dialled the number now ingrained in his memory. Declan put him through to Dani, and he told her what had just happened. “Maybe she has some artistic feelings after all,” he whispered, looking over his shoulder.
“I’m sure of it,” Dani said calmly, before hanging up.
†
Camila entered the bar, looking around for a leather-clad creature with puffy black eyes. With some relief she realised no one of that description was in the room. However, she wouldn’t mind being cruised by the good-looking dyke at the bar. Camila ordered a gin and tonic. She was getting out her purse when she found her wish had come true.
“Put your money away, this one is on me. After all, I invited you.”
Camila took another look. The voice was certainly familiar. The woman still had some faint bruising around her eyes, which were green, she noticed. “I’m sorry,” she said, regaining her composure. “I didn’t recognise you. You were in disguise last time we met.”
“Actually this is my disguise.”
†
Dani had taken a long time deciding what to wear. She had registered the look of disgust on Camila’s face at the meeting and she wanted to get it right this time. She wouldn’t likely get another chance. So she had gone for classic butch with clean white shirt—the creases still evident from the packaging—and new black jeans. One of the boys had been sent out midafternoon to buy them. Word had quickly got round the building that Dani had a “new” pair of jeans. Penny had come to her studio and asked point-blank if this was a sign—who was the new woman? Dani had told her, politely, that she just needed a new pair of jeans and she was busy. Penny took the hint and left, but Dani didn’t think she had been fooled for a minute. Luckily she had actually been busy; she hadn’t had much time to worry about the evening. Now that the time had come, she was still unsure what to say. Camila seemed to be calmly appraising her in the cool, assessing way she did everything.
Dani led the way to a table overlooking the river. They sipped their drinks and looked at the view. Camila broke the silence, saying, “So what is this business proposition?”
“It’s a bit of a crazy idea. You may not think much of it.”
“Now you’ve got me here, you may as well tell me.”
“Yes. Okay.” Dani put her hands on the table. Camila noticed the long, tapered fingers, clean fingernails; expressive, creative hands. “I’ve done a T-shirt design.”
“T-shirt! You don’t seriously think I’m interested in T-shirts, do you?”
“No. Of course not. But this would tie in with the ad.”
“Right. I was wondering how long it would take Gordon to get around to the add-ons. I thought it was going to be posters. Did he put you up to this?”
“No. He doesn’t know anything about it. Look, it won’t cost you anything, initially.”
Camila looked at her. Dani seemed nervous. “Go on.”
“Right. So once people see the ad, they will want something. I mean posters are ideal; they’re easy to mail. Robert has my designs for those. But the T-shirts can be sold for a decent profit. They don’t cost much to make and you could sell them for, say, £12.99.”
“You think the ad is going to be this popular?”
“Yes. No question.”
“Modest too.” Camila sipped at her G and T. She wanted to knock it back but she didn’t want Dani to know she was nervous. “Why haven’t you told Gordon about this?”
“He would have a fit. He doesn’t let me talk to clients on my own.”
“Why? Do you bite?” Their eyes met. Camila was startled by the direct look that met hers. There was no mistaking the message. She was also startled because she wasn’t unaffected. She hadn’t felt this way since…since the last time, and that had been a long time ago. Since before Chris, before Allison even. She pressed her knees together. She didn’t need this; she couldn’t afford to lose control. Not with this woman, who was clearly dangerous. “I have to go,” she said. “We will have to discuss this further, in the office.” She stood abruptly.
Dani got up too. “You haven’t finished your drink.”
“No. I’m sorry. I have got another appointment.”
“Okay.” Dani pulled a business card out of her shirt pocket. “Call me,” she said, handing the card to her.
†
Camila didn’t look at the card until she got home. When Dani gave it to her, she just shoved it in her briefcase and made her exit as quickly as possible. She had the MBE number at the office on one of Gordon’s business cards, so she knew Dani would have written something on hers. She had. On the back, she’d scrawled a phone number.
Surprised to find that she was trembling, Camila collapsed onto the sofa. Had it been so long? It had been three years almost exactly. Was she so desperate for a good fuck? She knew that was what the men in the office said behind her back. What they didn’t know, and wouldn’t have believed, was how keenly she did want a good fuck, with a woman. It had taken her a long time to come to terms with Allison’s death. They had lived together for ten years and had expected to go on together for years to come. They had lived quietly, discreetly, happy in each other’s company and that of a few select friends. Camila had never “come out” to anyone, not even her parents. She put forward the front of an all-consuming passion for her career. Perhaps that was why Dani frightened her. She was so obviously “out” and not afraid to take whatever abuse came her way.
†
Dani sat for a time after Camila left the bar, nursing her drink. She considered whether there was anywhere she could go, dressed as she was. She had been keeping a low profile for the last few weeks, letting her face and body heal.
Eventually she decided on something totally out of character. It went with the costume, she thought. She bought two bottles of chilled champagne and took a taxi to Penny’s flat.
Penny opened the door. “Oh, hi. Come in. We’re just watching TV.”
Dani followed her into the living room. Astrid was slumped on the sofa and looked up, alarmed. “Pen!” She was wearing a short dressing gown that gaped where it failed to adequately cover her ample breasts. Dani got a full-frontal view as Astrid jumped to her feet and rushed into the bedroom.
“Hope I haven’t interrupted anything,” Dani said, feigning innocence. “What were you watching?”
Penny glanced at the television as if noticing it for the first time. “Uh, I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.” She switched it off.
“Well, come on. Haven’t you got any glasses? I’m thirsty.”
“Sure, make yourself at home,” Penny said sarcastically, heading for the kitchen. She brought out three glasses as Dani popped the cork on one of the bottles.
Astrid re-emerged, fully dressed in jeans and sweatshirt. She had even put a bra on. “Oh, it’s you,” she said as Dani handed her a full glass of champagne.
“What does that mean?” asked Dani. “If you had realised it was me, you wouldn’t have bothered to get dressed? I’m flattered.”
Astrid blushed and gave Penny a searing look, but Penny wasn’t looking at her. She was observing Dani over the rim of her glass. “So what’s the occasion? Are we drinking to anything in particular? Christening the new pair of jeans? Or is it commiseration? Did she stand you up?”
Astrid smiled and joined in. “I guess that’s why I didn’t recognise you right away, Dani. You haven’t got two black eyes and you’re wearing normal clothes.”
“If you can call going around looking like some sort of throwback from the fifties normal….”
“Shit. Have a good laugh, girls. This is the last time I’ll waste decent champers on either of you.”
“I don’t know why you’re wasting it on us in the first place,” said Astrid. “Unless Penny’s right about your date.”
“I would have gone home and changed if I’d known you two were going to take the piss. I only wanted to say thanks again, you know, for patching me up last time.”
“I hope it is the last time,” said Astrid heatedly.
Before Astrid could launch into a lengthy tirade on Dani’s lifestyle, Penny jumped in. “So tell us about this mystery woman.”
“Who said there was any mystery woman?”
“Oh come on. Everything you are wearing is new, right down to your boxer shorts.”
Dani looked down to see if her flies were open. “How did you know?”
“I saw the wrapper in the loo before I left. So come on, who is she?”
“I’m not going to tell you.”
“I won’t tell anyone else.”
Dani sat back in the chair, crossed her legs, and took another gulp from her glass. “Hm, not bad shampoo, if I say so myself.”
“Did she stand you up?”
“No.”
“It must have been a real quickie. You left the office at ten to seven and arrived here at eight having stopped off to buy two bottles of champagne. So, assuming she was probably a few minutes late, that means you spent, say twenty minutes with her, at the most—”
“Penny! Lay off. Dani obviously doesn’t want to talk about it.”
“Thank you, Astrid. I don’t know how you can live with her.”
“That’s rich, coming from you,” retorted Penny.
“Who stepped on your corns? Did you have a bad day at the office?”
“You could at least tell us her name.”
“That would be telling, wouldn’t it? Look, one day I will confess all, but right now, as Astrid rightly said, I don’t want to talk about it.”
Penny refilled their glasses, which took care of one bottle. “All right,” she said, sitting down next to Astrid on the sofa. “Let’s go back to the night of—”
“I’d rather not.”
“What time did we arrive? We had been working late on the Redmond print ads, left the office about nine thirty. You suggested we go to this bar. Only you didn’t tell me it was a leather night.”
“I didn’t know.”
“Luckily, or unluckily as it turned out, we were both wearing leather jackets, so they let us in. We ordered drinks. You had a pint. I had a half which I finished quickly because I wanted to get home.”
“A likely story,” said Astrid with a smile, putting her hand on Penny’s thigh. “I didn’t believe it at the time, either.”
“I left you with most of your pint left to drink, leaning against the wall. What happened then?”
“Nothing.”
The champagne was obviously having a strong aphrodisiacal effect on Astrid. She was leaning into Penny now, one hand playing with the buttons on her shirt. Penny wasn’t immune to this attention either but she continued. “It didn’t look like nothing.”
“Look, I told you what happened. I don’t remember much about it.”
“At least you know how to find Trish now. She must be into leather.”
Dani looked at her; Penny was clearly drunk. Astrid had undone the top two buttons of her shirt and was going for gold. Dani could see Penny’s erect nipple from where she was sitting.
“I knew that,” she said quietly. “Enjoy the other bottle.”
They didn’t say goodbye as she let herself out.
The thing was she didn’t want to find Trish now. Trish had disappeared from her head, from her dreams both sleeping and waking. It was a lousy way to let go, but she had. She was free of Trish now.
Now she was obsessing about Camila Callaghan instead. Funny, it was Penny who had told her that obsess was now commonly used as a verb, in America anyway. And who was she to argue? Penny knew about words.
Dani didn’t know what specifically about Camila obsessed her. Perhaps it was the overwhelming desire to rip her clothes off and make her sweat. Dani was willing to bet that underneath her cool composure, Camila was hot stuff. But what would turn her on? Did she want to have her clothes ripped off? Or would she prefer a subtler approach? Dani had just about reached her limit on subtlety.
Watching Astrid and Penny had made her feel incredibly horny. Too bad they hadn’t invited her to make a threesome. It may have been the drink, but she had been on the verge of finding Astrid attractive. Definitely time she got herself sorted out.
So far she hadn’t made any progress. She had given Camila her home phone number on the back of the business card. And Camila had given her nothing. Dani had no idea where she lived, or who she lived with. She didn’t even know for sure if she was gay. There had only been that fleeting second when their eyes met in the bar. Nothing definite; only a feeling. And her intuition of late wasn’t on top form; it had failed her a few times recently.
She could send flowers. That was subtle, sort of. At least Camila would know what Dani had in mind and could decide what to do about it.
Here she was, however, sitting at home at nine thirty on a Friday evening waiting for someone to call; knowing she wouldn’t. Camila had said she had an appointment. Not a date, an appointment. That could mean something or nothing. It could just mean she hadn’t wanted Dani to know she was going home to an empty flat.
Dani started drawing. At first it was an aimless doodle, then the pattern began to take shape, a face. She looked at it critically; she really was obsessed, obsessing.
Friday night was long. She masturbated until her arm felt like it would fall off and she still wasn’t satisfied.
Saturday she was restless; she couldn’t settle down to anything. Saturday evening, unable to bear the thought of another night alone, she went to the club; dressing carefully for the occasion in tight leather trousers, no underwear, and leather vest; likewise studded collar with matching belt and wristbands.
It was an exclusive club; so private that only a select number of women knew of its existence. Dani had tried a mixed venue once. Once was enough. If she was going to let herself be tied up and whipped, she wanted the added pleasure of knowing that a woman was getting off on doing it to her. Some would say, if you put yourself in that situation, what’s the difference? There was a difference. She was getting wet just thinking about it.
†
Dani didn’t get home until six on Sunday morning, elated by the sensations coursing through her as she stripped off her leather gear and turned the shower on.
Walking home had been slow and painful; she wasn’t going to be able to sit down properly for at least a week. But it felt so good. She didn’t know how she had managed to go so long without. The last time had been three months ago. She had promised herself, once the euphoria passed and she was left with just the yellowing bruises, that she would give it up. Now she wondered why she had ever thought she could.
Somehow she didn’t think it would be Camila’s thing, although she had been imagining her wielding the cane, watching angry red stripes form on her lover’s—well, it was a fantasy—buttocks. She had called Camila’s name out, twice. And been given extra strokes for it.
“Who is Camila?” Lisa had asked her afterwards.
“No one you know,” Dani had mumbled.
“Someone I should know.”
“I don’t think so.”
After the whipping, strapping on the dildo and fucking Lisa had been extremely painful. Lisa knew this and made her work hard to bring her to orgasm. She did come, eventually, several times. Dani knew that fucking Lisa like that wasn’t a turn-on in itself. All the other stuff was what made her feel high, stimulated, and somehow, weird as she knew it would seem to anyone else, at peace with herself.
She slept most of the day, waking at last around five, ravenously hungry, in pain. She stayed in bed a little longer, aroused by the memories of the night’s experiences. Ecstasy took over her body again as she came. She heard herself crying out and hugged her pillow tightly. If it had been a warm body, it would have been suffocated in the crushing embrace.
Dani got out of bed carefully and shrugged on a short cotton robe. She called the Chinese takeaway and ran a bath. The food arrived before she could get in the tub, but it didn’t matter. She bathed slowly, savouring the feel of the soothing water on her battered body.
She was still wet when she dressed, pulling on a pair of loose-fitting jeans and a baggy sweatshirt. None of it mattered. Rippling sensations from the cuts across her butt brought a smile to her face. The residual pain and memory of each stroke as it landed would stay with her for days; she just felt so good. Ripping open the cartons of food and emptying them onto a plate, she recalled Lisa’s parting words that morning. She had just managed to put her jacket on over her vest and was standing by the door ready to leave when Lisa came over to her. She was naked except for the black leather harness that outlined her generous pelvis and breasts.
“Hey, babe,” she said, leaning against Dani and slipping her small hands under her jacket. Dani had leaned down and kissed her gently on the lips.
Lisa pulled back and looked at her, “You know…I could fall in love with you.”
“But…?”
“But that would spoil the fun, wouldn’t it?”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t leave it so long next time. I missed you.” Lisa pushed Dani out onto the street and closed the door firmly.
Sad but true, Dani thought as she scooped up some egg-fried rice with her fork. Her relationship with Lisa was the longest she’d ever had. An introduction to the then-trainee dominatrix twenty years ago had been the beginning of her love affair with the cane. She didn’t love Lisa, and she knew Lisa’s words were just an extension of the pleasure she had given her. Their shared history had forged an unbreakable bond that, perhaps, was the closest to a real love either of them would ever find.