Chapter 20

A couple of days later, Tash arrived at Winters Hill, which made Nick’s afternoon. All he wanted to do was spend as much time as he could with Tash but this turned out to be tricky as their working lives got in the way. If he had his way, they’d stay wrapped up in each other and never leave the bedroom but he guessed that was just a dream, and besides, Tabitha might have something to say about it.

Tash was leaning against him as they sat on the couch, eating some of The Gumnut’s legendary croissants. Their conversation had been as light as the pastry, but when it lulled, Nick knew something was up. For a brief moment, a wave of panic washed over him—and immediately he thought something was wrong. He sat up and gathered a little courage.

‘Tash, is something wrong? Is there something you wanted to tell me?’

She shook her head as she glanced up at him. ‘No,’ she said with a fleeting smile.

They were silent for a moment and then another. ‘Is there something you wanted to ask me?’

Tash shrugged. ‘Maybe, but I don’t know if I should.’

Nick gave her an encouraging smile. ‘Come on, spit it out.’

‘I suppose I want to ask you about the fire and what happened that day. You don’t have to tell me. I’m sorry, I had no business asking.’ Tash said as she picked up and fiddled with the closest cushion.

Nick shook his head.

‘Of course you’d be curious. I suppose I should have said something sooner. It’s just I don’t like talking about it.’

‘Then don’t.’

‘If we’re taking this anywhere, you’ve got a right to know. No secrets, everything out in the open.’

‘But…’

‘It’s okay, Tash. I never talk about her and maybe that’s wrong. Sophie was more than her death. She was fun and always quick to laugh and loved strawberries, rainstorms and her horses, Alfie and Queenie. You remember the fire that threatened the town six years ago?’ Nick said with a slight smile.

Tash nodded. ‘Yeah, it was close. I know that we were lucky the wind changed when it did. If it hadn’t, the fire front was heading straight for us.’

He took a breath before he continued. ‘The wind change saved the town, but it pushed the fire towards Winters Hill. We still had an escape route as the fire was coming up one side of the hill. The car was almost packed and we were about ready to go. I thought I had everything under control, but I didn’t realise just how fast a fire can travel. I was caught off guard. Part of me wanted to stay to see if I could save the house as it was so close to being finished, but I knew it was more important to get Sophie to safety. Anyway, I told her to get in the car and that I would only be a couple of minutes. I wanted to open the last couple of gates so the sheep at least had a chance of getting away. And I needed to open the stables and get the horses out. She wanted to do that, but I said no. The horses would be panicked and she was pregnant.’

‘You don’t have to go on, Nick.’

‘Yeah, I do.’

He was silent for a moment as he tried to gather himself.

‘I told her that if I wasn’t back in five minutes to drive down to the road and that I’d meet her there. I got one of the gates open and herded the sheep out. They all ran down the drive and towards the road. There was time to get the horses, but the wind had whipped up and pushed the fire along the north side of the hill faster than I thought possible. I ran towards the stable, but the flying embers had beaten me to it. The stable roof was already on fire, and as I ran forward I saw one of the horses gallop past me and down the track to the road below. That’s when I realised that Sophie was in the stables. As I reached the doorway, I saw Sophie near Queenie’s stall at the back. I screamed to her to get out, but the roof had already begun to collapse. Sophie ran towards me, but it was too late—the burning beams came down. The place was filled with fire and smoke and charred wood. If I close my eyes I can still see it—smell it. I dragged her out, but she was already…gone.’

‘I’m so sorry, Nick. What you went through…’

‘Was nothing compared to Sophie. I should have made sure that she was—’

‘You can’t blame yourself, Nick,’ Tash said as she reached out and took his hand. Her fingers skimmed over the old burns that puckered his skin—permanent reminders of the terrible day. ‘You didn’t start the fire, that awful firebug from over Maldon way did. Remember? The one who’s now in jail for arson and murder—he did this, not you. You weren’t responsible for your wife’s actions, either. I’m sure she thought she had time to get the horses, but it didn’t turn out that way. The whole thing is awful and tragic and unfair, but it wasn’t your fault.’

‘Yes, but…’

Tash shook her head and squeezed his hand.

‘No buts. You couldn’t have done anything more. You can mourn Sophie and rally at the injustice of losing your wife and unborn child because it’s a terrible thing. I can’t begin to imagine the pain you’ve gone through, but you have nothing to feel guilty about. You did everything you could.’ Tash tugged on his arm. ‘Come on.’

‘Where?’

‘I don’t know, but I reckon we could both do with some fresh air, followed by a decent cup of tea.’

Nick let her lead him out of the caravan and into the sunshine. They wandered hand in hand down through the garden and down towards the paddock. Leaning on the old rail fence, Nick pulled Tash in and hugged her. The sun warmed him and the cool breeze tugged gently at his hair. Looking out across his land, he saw that the green pastures were beginning to spread over the once dry countryside. The seasons had changed and a new cycle had begun. The thought made him smile—maybe it wasn’t just the land that had a renewal.

‘Feel better?’ Tash asked as she looked up at him.

‘Yeah,’ he nodded. ‘I do.’ It was the truth, Nick felt as if a great weight had been lifted off him.

‘I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.’

He gave her a light squeeze. ‘It’s time to put the past to rest. Our future is ahead of us, let’s not look behind anymore.’

Nick ran his hands down Tash’s back. His fingers lightly grazed her bare shoulders. He couldn’t remember ever touching anything so silky. His heart seemed to beat a little harder as he gently pulled her towards him. The faint scent of her perfume wrapped around him and drew him closer. There were flowers in its intoxicating mix and maybe roses, but also something deeper—warmer, woodier—that made him want to hold her close and breathe her in.

Her soft mouth opened as his lips touched hers, welcoming him. Everything about Tash felt right, as if they had always been waiting to get to this point. Their kiss deepened and Tash’s hands skimmed along his shoulders before spiking up into his hair.

He needed her in every way possible and it frightened him. Nick had never thought that he’d fall in love again—not like this, anyway. When he’d first met Sophie they’d both been barely out of their teens. Their love had been true and bright. But in a lot of ways they had both been a bit like kids trying to be adults; it had been hard and even though he liked to remember it differently, it hadn’t been a bed of roses. Sophie had been his first love, but Tash would be his last.

What he felt for Tash was…well…Hell, he couldn’t put it into words. Whatever it was, it seemed to come from deep within him.

Tash pulled away from the kiss and smiled. She took his hand, her warm fingers sliding over the old burns that puckered over his skin.

‘Come on, follow me.’

‘Where?’

‘Well, the bed’s this way.’

Nick grinned. Tash glanced over her shoulder, her eyes light with laughter.

‘I can see that you’re in a hurry,’ she said, ‘but we’re going to make love somewhere comfortable. You know, in an actual bed, instead of against a shed wall or the car.’

‘I didn’t realise it was a problem…’

‘It isn’t,’ she said as she pulled him towards the bedroom.

***

A couple of hours later Nick stood outside the caravan. He held up his hand and gave a wave as Tash drove past. He looked around and everything appeared a little brighter: the sky, the landscape…everything. Okay, maybe that was stupid, but it was how he felt. A cynic would say that he was just experiencing the afterglow of being loved-up, but it was more than that. For the first time, Nick could see a future, one in which he wasn’t alone. He didn’t want to push his luck, but he decided to be mildly optimistic, which was weird as up until this very moment he’d forgotten what that felt like. He began to smile. It was a bloody good feeling.

He watched as Tash’s little car bumped down the long track. But just as she almost reached the bottom, another car turned into the driveway and started up the hill. Tash had to pull over to let the white car pass.

It took Nick a few seconds to work out it was Pete Telford driving towards him. There came the familiar, sinking sensation in his stomach. God, that was so unfair, the poor bugger takes the time to come and say g’day, and all Nick could do was wish he hadn’t.

‘Hey, Peter,’ he said as the car came to a stop and Peter got out.

‘Hi yourself. I was just passing by and I thought I’d drop in.’

‘That was good of you. You want a cuppa or something?’

Peter smiled.

‘I reckon I could go a coffee.’

Nick nodded and headed back towards the caravan. Peter quickly fell into step with him.

‘So, how’s it all been going?’ Peter paused to scan the farm all the way to the caravan. ‘Looks like you’ve been busy. I don’t think I remember the old place ever looking this good. Hey, is that a new shearing shed?’

‘Yes. I put it in a few weeks ago. The old one was falling apart and I’ll need it if I’m going to increase the mob.’

‘You’re expanding Winters Hill?’

‘I’ve let the place run down. It’s high time that I did something about it.’

‘Sounds like you’re inspired.’ Peter stared at him for a moment. ‘So everything’s good?’

Nick opened his mouth to answer, but then closed it again. Everything was more than good. Not only had he found friends and a new life, but Tash was bringing his heart back to life. He glanced at Peter. Somehow he couldn’t say all this to him.

‘Yeah, things are okay.’

‘Glad to hear it. So, was that your girlfriend who I passed coming in here?’

‘No, she’s just a friend.’

Peter smiled, but it didn’t seem to reach his eyes.

‘Come on in. I can offer you mineral water, orange juice or a beer.’

‘A beer sounds good.’

Nick led him into the caravan and gave him a beer. He tried hard to find some common ground with Peter, but once the weather was exhausted, the conversation dwindled. There had been a few disruptions to the silence, like when Peter described his new tractor or how many bales of hay he managed to produce last season, but it only confirmed to Nick that all he had in common with Peter was Sophie. Relief washed over him when Peter finally stood up and announced that he’d better get going.

‘Give my love to the family,’ Nick said as he walked him back to his car.

‘Will do,’ Peter said and slid into the driver’s seat. ‘I know it’s been difficult for you, but don’t forget we’re still family. Give it a bit of time and then come out to our place again. Next time won’t be as traumatising, I promise.’

Nick nodded, but said nothing. Honestly, no matter what he felt for Sophie’s family he doubted that he could survive another visit. He blew out a breath as he watched the white car sail down the old dirt road towards the road at the bottom of the hill, glad that the whole thing was over.

***

The sun was going down by the time Nick made it back to the caravan. If he hadn’t been so damn tired he might have noticed that something was off.

‘I’m home, Tabitha,’ he called as he opened the door. Nick scanned the inside of the van and noted that the cat wasn’t in any of her usual places. Maybe she was outside chasing mice. He frowned. Normally she’d be hanging around for her dinner by now. But he didn’t worry; she’d turn up when she was hungry. Nick had learned long ago that Tabitha was a contrary creature who did what she wanted.

Grabbing some clean clothes from the basket on the couch, Nick headed off for a shower. By the time he’d finished and started thinking about dinner for himself, the cat still hadn’t made an appearance. Nick started to get a niggling feeling in his belly. He took out a tin of food and a knife from the drawer. He opened the front door and banged on the side of the tin.

‘Tabitha, Tabby, come on—dinner.’

He stopped for a second to see if she’d come, but there was nothing. He tried again, this time hitting the tin harder.

‘Tabitha, damn it, where are you?’

It was then that he thought he heard a tiny meow coming from back inside the van.

‘Tabitha?’

He searched the place from top to bottom. He tried calling over and over, but the cat wouldn’t answer. He walked over to a small cupboard by the bed. It was a narrow thing with a few shelves, as far as cupboards go; Nick had always thought it was pretty useless and rarely used it. As soon as he yanked open the door, a black ball of fur flew out and landed with a thud against his chest.

‘Jeez, Tab you scared the shit out of me,’ he said as he held the cat to his chest, trying to calm her down. ‘How the hell did you even get in there?’

Nick carried her over to the couch. Her ears were still flat against her head and her eyes were wide—almost crazy. It took another half an hour before she had settled down enough to eat. But even then she was skittish for the rest of the night and ended up pretty much sleeping on Nick’s head.

Because he’d been tired and distracted by Tabitha’s antics, Nick hadn’t paid much attention to his surroundings. So it wasn’t until the next morning, just as the sun was rising, that he rolled over to hit the alarm and saw a faint, golden gleam. He sat up and stared at his wedding band sitting next to the clock. How the bloody hell did that get there?