CHAPTER FOUR

Callie had spent all the intervening days and about every spare second of her time over the weekend trying not to think about Sebastian’s imminent arrival at Jambalyn. But, as she pulled her car into her parking space Monday morning right next to Sebastian’s, it could no longer be ignored.

A nervous tremor ran through her stomach and she placed her hand against it. Why, why, why had she opened up to him like that? Opening her body to him had been far less intimate in comparison to letting him inside her head.

She felt as if she’d let Sebastian – the Sebastian Walker, for Pete’s sake — cross some sort of line. One she’d never let a man over before. And now he knew. And frankly that scared the hell out of her. How had she confessed something so personal to someone she barely knew?

Annoyed, Callie pulled down her sun visor and inspected her reflection. She fiddled with her hair, inspected her teeth for stray food and pouted. Reaching for her voluminous handbag she searched for some lip gloss she knew was stashed somewhere inside, grabbing it triumphantly when she found it almost immediately.

Glancing back up to the mirror, her hand hovered just above her lips. And then sanity returned.

What was she doing? Was she trying to look nice for him? Nope. She would not do that. They were not in a relationship and neither were they going to be. She would start as she meant to go on — treating him as a colleague and pretending what had happened hadn’t happened at all.

She was thirty-eight years old, for Pete’s sake! And he was just a man. They were there to work and work only. It was imperative that she acted like a professional and forgot all about that night and the pillow talk that was making her feel unaccountably anxious.

Hopefully he’d get the message that their one-night stand was off-limits. And if he didn’t, she’d just have to make it crystal clear.

Sebastian looked across the room as Callie — fierce, proud, warrior-woman Callie - strode into his new place of work with her head held high. She was wearing the same sort of clothes she’d worn on the bridge that fateful day. Loose-fitting jeans and a roomy T-shirt in a rusty-brown that set off the honey highlights in her hair.

While there were no uniforms in community mental health, an ID tag hung from a lanyard around her neck and bounced against her breasts. Sensible flat shoes and a large black bag completed the picture. She looked every inch the professional. Poised and confident, ready for another day at the coal face. A far cry from the sexy clothes she’d worn to the restaurant.

As she approached, her bag swung hypnotically against her hip, drawing his gaze lower and distracting him from Geraldine’s fascinating explanation of the appointment system. He had kissed that hip. Those thighs. Those long legs had locked around his waist.

His gaze travelled up again, her necklace peeking out from the V of her neckline. Moonlight had glinted off that pendant as he had pounded into her.

‘Good morning, Sebastian,’ she said briskly, folding her arms across her chest.

Tahlia had given birth to a baby boy three hours after Geri had left the restaurant.

‘Not any more she’s not.’ Geri grinned, tapping her watch. ‘I have a breakfast meeting with the government community mental health advisor.’ She walked the two paces to her desk to gather some files. ‘Can you show Seb around? Take him out with you later today, too. The sooner he gets to know the local area the better.’

Geri didn’t wait for Callie to agree and Sebastian hid a smile as Callie gaped after her boss obviously not keen on playing babysitter. She was careful not to show it though as she turned to him and said, ‘Seb, huh?’

She frowned at him then, or more specifically at the buttons on his crisp white shirt like they’d offended her somehow.

‘You might want to think about going a bit more informal,’ she said, stiffly. ‘I’m sure a man with your reputation must have a debonair image to maintain, and in your private practice your clients probably expect spiffy. But, trust me, in the community there are no expectations and most of our clients find it easier to relate to casual dress.’

Sebastian looked her up and down again. He really did mean just to take an inventory of her casual dress but his eyes refused to move quickly, lingering on her thighs and breasts. Her prickliness didn’t faze him - it was just part of the puzzling patchwork woman in front of him. ‘Casual. Check.’

She swallowed. ‘Don’t look at me like that,’ she said crankily, lowering her voice even though they were the only ones around.

Shoving her hand on her hip, Callie glared at him. ‘You damn well know like what.’

‘Sorry.’ He held his hands up in a surrender motion. ‘I’d forgotten how...great you look.’

She took a deep breath, flicking her eyes around the room, checking they were still alone. ‘Don’t, okay? Just don’t. Don’t look at me like that and don’t think about the other night. You and I are going to pretend it never happened. Okay?’

Sebastian shouldn’t have been surprised by her hushed outburst. She’d obviously had some time to over-think things and this professional boundaries front was her attempt to claw back control. He regarded her quietly for a moment. ‘You do know that what happened, the things we did and said, are private between us, right? I would never break your confidence.’

‘But if you think I’m going to forget about that night — the things we did, the things we talked about — you’re wrong. I know how hard that was for you, Callie, and I understand that at work you need to be able to put that side of you away and be the bolshie professional. And I also understand that it’s not going to happen again. But I’m not into denial and I will not pretend it didn’t happen.’

His tone held an unmistakable air of command and he was looking at Callie with calm authority — like he had when she’d mistaken him for a cop, all brooding and serious in his flak jacket. Like he did in his author photo on the back of his book, which Callie had looked at obsessively the last few days.

His quiet words hit her in the chest with an impact that belied their volume. She should have known after their altercation on the bridge that Sebastian wouldn’t be pushed around easily.

She wasn’t worried about him breaking her confidence, sharing her pillow talk. That wasn’t her concern.

‘Fine,’ she huffed. ‘I’ll pretend for both of us.’ She brushed her hands together briskly. At least they both knew where they stood now. ‘Let’s just get on with our jobs, shall we?’

Callie didn’t wait for his response, opening the door to an office and striding inside but she was excruciatingly aware he was following. ‘This is Donna’s office. Your office now.’

She walked to the desk, and tapped the keyboard belonging to the government issue desktop computer bringing up an electronic diary. ‘When Rodney gets in he’ll fix you up with a computer password and familiarise you with the system, but for now,’ she said, ‘you have a couple of clients this morning.’

Callie scanned the desk locating a neat stack of charts and handing them over. ‘After lunch you have a group therapy session. I go out on my home visits at two.’ She straightened as he took them. ‘I’ll leave you to it and send Rodney in when he arrives.’

‘Callie.’ He placed the charts back on his desk as he causally rolled up his shirt sleeves. ‘There’s no need to be so jumpy. I do know how to be professional, too.’

She watched the motion, mesmerised by his strong forearms and those long fingers, remembering how they had looked against her skin, where they has touched her and a fuse sputtered to life in her belly.

His hands stilled and Callie lifted her eyes to his as their gazes locked and for a moment there was a flare of heat between them that was the sexual equivalent of a mushroom cloud.

Sebastian’s Adam’s Apple bobbed and a slow, thick pulse took up residence between her legs.

‘Callie...if you want me to stop thinking about you and forget everything that we did and said and act like nothing happened between us, you really have to stop looking at me like that. You can’t have it both ways.’

His voice was soft but held an unmistakable edge. His face was grim and serious, the planes and angles uncompromising. He was giving her no quarter. Letting her know that he would hold her to the same standards she was holding him to.

She gave an awkward nod. ‘Rodney should be in soon,’ she said and backed out of the room.

‘So you go out most days, into people’s homes for community visits?’ Sebastian asked.

Anything to distract him from her alluring profile. He’d been yearning for a distraction since leaving the Middle East. Something very different to do to fill his days and take his mind off the work he’d been doing there, the things he’d heard and seen. But Jambalyn was supposed to be the distraction.

He’d been sitting in the car with her on and off for the last two hours and her perfume was driving him nuts. It was the same one that permeated his sheets.

Sebastian nodded. Good. Working in the prison system and in several war-torn hotspots had made him especially attuned to safety issues. ‘How big is your area?’

‘Jambalyn staff cover mainly just the inner-city areas. The health district we’re in takes in all of northern Brisbane but there are several centres dotted around to break up the workload. Jambalyn is just one.’

She pulled up at a traffic light and riffled through a pile of charts wedged in the centre console. Grabbing the one she was obviously looking for, she handed it to Sebastian. ‘The next client is twenty-four-year-old Ginny Carpenter.’

Sebastian rested the chart on his thigh noticing her gaze follow the movement, feeling the heat of it shift and fix firmly on his forearm as he opened the chart. ‘What’s her story?’

A car tooted behind them indicating the light had changed and she dragged her eyes off him, slamming the car into gear a little more firmly than required as they moved off.

‘Ginny has suffered from agoraphobia and severe depression since she was in her teens.’ Callie’s voice was all business but he could just detect a slight raspy tremor. ‘She’s been well controlled on medication and cognitive-behaviour therapy the last few years. She has a part-time job and got married almost a year ago now.’

Sebastian flicked through the chart until Callie pulled up at Ginny’s house five minutes later and practically leapt out of the car. Not that he blamed her. Being this close to her in an enclosed space was unnerving. It was hard not to be constantly distracted by their overwhelming physical attraction.

But that issue went on the backburner as soon as Ginny opened the door, her face tear-streaked.

‘Ginny?’ Callie stepped into the house, popping an arm around her client’s shoulders. ‘What’s the matter?’

‘I’m...I’m...’ Ginny led them into the house, her shoulders heaving, fresh tears streaming down her face. She led them into her bedroom and picked something up off the bed. ‘I’m pregnant,’ she wailed, holding up a home test kit with a little pink plus sign in the test window.

‘Oh, hey, hey,’ Callie crooned as Ginny dissolved into more tears. She sat her down on the bed and took a seat next to her. She had to admit to a certain amount of relief. For an awful moment she’d thought Ginny might have been having a relapse of her symptoms.

‘It’s going to be okay, really, it is.’ She put her arm around her client’s shoulders again and rocked her slightly, letting her cry it out.

After a couple of minutes Ginny’s weeping settled to a few spasmodic, hiccoughy breaths and Callie made the introductions. Sebastian smiled and said, ‘Why don’t I make us all a cup of tea?’

Doing this for a bunch of years had taught Sebastian that only one thing beat a good cry and that was the restorative powers of a cup of tea. Sometimes those things were better than all the drugs and all the counsel in the world.

Sebastian found his way to the kitchen aware they were following. ‘Here. Let me,’ Ginny said from behind as he proceeded to open up a bunch of cupboards, looking for mugs.

Ginny took over, fussing around and there was silence as they all sat and took their first sips of tea. Sebastian was fine with letting the silence go figuring that Callie, the one who knew Ginny the most, was best placed to lead the conversation.

‘So, you...don’t want a baby?’ Callie asked tentatively after another sip or two of tea.

Ginny immediately recoiled from the question, her hand sliding to her belly. ‘Of course I want a baby, but...’

‘Oh, no, Ginny. No, no, no,’ Callie put her mug of tea down. ‘That’s not true.’

‘It is true,’ Ginny insisted. ‘I’ve already been taking drugs that have probably harmed it. I’ve been on the internet all afternoon. The meds for my condition have been known to cause birth defects and low birth weights, even prematurity.’

Ginny started to cry again, her hand tightening on her abdomen. ‘And I can’t go off them, Callie, I just can’t. I can’t go back to the way I was. It’ll kill me. I won’t be any kind of mother if I can’t even take my little girl for a walk in the park or down to the shops for an ice cream. And what kind of mother does that make me?’ she demanded.

Ginny stopped abruptly at his deep calm voice. ‘What...what do you mean?’ She hiccoughed.

‘You’re already thinking like a mum. Worrying about your baby. Putting its needs first. That’s what the best mums do.’ Ginny rallied a little at his words and he pressed gently on. ‘How far along are you, do you think?’

Ginny sniffled and shook her head. ‘My periods are always so erratic. I just don’t know.’ Her fingers scratched at the rim of the mug as she grew worried again. ‘If I go off my meds they might even...take my baby away from me.’

Callie reached over and squeezed Ginny’s hand. ‘That’s not going to happen, Ginny. It’s not. That’s why you have us, right, Sebastian?’

She flicked a glance at him and Sebastian got their message loud and clear. ‘Right,’ he said with a nod, smiling reassuringly at a distressed Ginny.

‘Remember how we always talk about taking one day at a time? That’s what we’re going to do here. Nothing will change with that. Now...where’s Brad? Does he know?’

‘Right.’ Callie stood. ‘I’m going to make a phone call and we’ll get you in for an ultrasound right now.’ She checked her phone. ‘Reception is terrible. I’ll go outside. While I’m doing that, Sebastian’s going to talk to you about pregnancy and managing your condition.’

She looked straight at him all businesslike and Sebastian nodded imperceptibly. No wonder Callie was spoken of so highly. She clearly cared effortlessly for both the emotional and practical needs of her clients.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Ginny murmured as Callie strode out of the house. ‘You must think I’m stupid.’

Sebastian shook his head. ‘Not at all,’ he said with a kind smile. ‘Okay,’ he drained his tea. ‘Let’s talk facts, yes?’

Ginny had visibly responded to Callie’s practical approach so why reinvent the wheel? Every client and their needs were different and it took time and an experienced practitioner to know those needs.

‘Okay, generally there’s not a lot of data about drugs in pregnancy because obviously no pregnant woman would volunteer for clinical trials. But for the type of medication you’re on, we actually know quite a bit.’

He paused to make sure she was following him. ‘There is one drug in particular that’s been linked with minor heart defects in babies but - ’ He tapped her chart. ‘You’re not on that. On the other things — the premature birth and low birth weights, there is some evidence around these in a couple of studies but usually only in women who also drink and smoke while on their medication.’

Sebastian paused again to give it time to sink in. The internet was a wonderful tool and he had no doubt that patients were more informed these days because of it — which was a good thing. But there was a maze of information out there that could be very confusing too.

‘Yes.’ Sebastian nodded. ‘Quite safely. Only a very small percentage of the drug crosses into the breast milk and there are numerous studies reporting no ill effects from the medication you’re currently taking.’

‘Okay.’ Ginny sounded much more confident now and she sent him a tentative smile as Callie traipsed back into the house.

‘Right, then,’ she announced. ‘I have an appointment for you in half an hour.’ She strode to Ginny’s fridge and pulled out a two-litre bottle of water from the door.

Plonking the water on the table, Callie tapped her nose twice on the side. ‘I have my sources.’ Then she winked. ‘Now, drink up. You need a full bladder. We’ll take you and you can ring Brad from the car.’ Her gaze skittered towards him and she asked, ‘You ready to go?’

‘Okay.’ She turned to Ginny, who was drinking from the bottle. ‘Let’s go.’

It was only about a ten-minute drive from Ginny’s to the local hospital but they were heading into peak hour so heavy traffic made the going slower. Callie drove while Sebastian talked some more to Ginny about managing her condition and the pregnancy. He explained it might be possible to reduce Ginny’s medication and that they would see her more frequently during the following months to monitor the situation.

By the time they arrived, Ginny was actually smiling. She was a little anxious that her calls to her husband kept going to his message bank but obviously feeling much more positive about the unexpected twist her life had taken and with her ability to provide as a mother.

Callie, on the other hand, was not doing so well. She’d tried to concentrate on the services and strategies she could put in place to support Ginny — child health clinic, community midwives, a lactation consultant. She’d made a mental note to take Sebastian to the psych unit at the hospital to introduce him around. She’d even recited the twelve times table.

But the lull of his voice had washed over her as she’d driven and she couldn’t banish the image of him reclining naked on his bed, the sheet pulled up over his hips, his chest beckoning.

‘Oh, no.’ Ginny placed her hand on his sleeve. ‘If it’s okay, I’d like you to be there. I’d like you both to be there.’

Callie nodded, even though she’d rather stick a poker in her eye than have to share such an intimate thing with Sebastian. They’d already been intimate enough!

It was good — great, she supposed — that Ginny had taken so well to Sebastian but it really was the last straw in a very long day!

‘Hi, Blake.’ Callie smiled at the sonographer who was a very good friend. ‘I really appreciate you fitting us in on such short notice.’

Sebastian raised an eyebrow at her which Callie ignored. Let him wonder about her relationship with Blake. Let him wonder about their familiarity and whether or not they’d been involved at some point. Just because she’d opened up to him a bit didn’t mean her life and her past were his business.

‘Okay, Ginny, climb up here, my lovely,’ Blake said, holding out his hand to help Ginny onto the narrow couch. ‘Are you ready to see your baby?’

The ultrasound got under way and Ginny reached for Callie’s hand. Callie gave a reassuring squeeze but she was aware only of Sebastian standing to one side and slightly behind her. She could feel the heat radiating off his body and smell the rich, earthy tones of his aftershave, which seemed to be imprinted on her DNA.

All she needed to do was lean back and she’d be pressed along the length of him. Then it’d only be a small move to turn in his arms, press her face into his neck, feel his stubble scratching her cheek.

Blake pressed a button and the room filled with the steady whop, whop, whop of a tiny fluttering heart. It dragged Callie out of the haze miring her body and she actually took in what was on the screen for the first time.

Ginny burst into tears and Callie squeezed her hand again. The fuzzy image squirmed and from nowhere a lump of emotion rose in her throat as tears pricked the backs of her eyes.

Callie blinked hard to dispel them. This was ridiculous! She’d sat through dozens of these. Unfortunately lack of sexual inhibition and promiscuity often went hand in hand with unmedicated mental health conditions, so she’d done this very thing with too many clients over the years.

But there it was on the screen. All fuzzy and black and white with a fluttering movement right in the centre. It was rhythmic and utterly entrancing.

‘Oh, you think it’s a she, huh?’ Blake grinned. ‘Well, I think we’ll need to wait until your nineteen-week ultrasound to know that one for sure.’

Callie didn’t really take in what Blake and Ginny chatted about over the next few minutes. She was too caught up in the image flickering on the screen. And for the first time ever a tiny worm of regret wriggled inside her.

‘According to my calculations,’ Blake mused as he input his final data and pressed a button, ‘you’re twelve weeks along.’

Ginny’s startled exclamation snapped Callie out of the strange twilight zone she’d been stuck in. She moved away from Sebastian and closer to the bed.

Blake grinned and patted the large metal machine like it was a much loved pet. ‘The waves don’t lie.’

‘That makes you due in September,’ Callie said, helping Ginny adjust her clothes and aiding her into a sitting position.

Sebastian crossed to the other side and held out his hand, joining with Callie to help Ginny down off the high couch. ‘You’d better believe it.’ He smiled. ‘You’re going to be a mummy.’

Ginny thanked the sonographer and Sebastian guided her out. Callie raised on her tip toes as the door swung shut behind them and pecked Blake on the cheek. ‘What would I do without you?’

That was true. Blake had only ever been a phone call away and always managed to fit in Callie’s obstetric patients. Always. She smiled and pecked him on the cheek again. ‘Kiss Jen and the kids for me,’ she said as she headed out of the room.

Ginny was on a call when Callie joined them in the corridor. ‘Is that Brad?’ she asked, aware of Sebastian’s brooding gaze and ignoring it.

They spent the next half-hour in the cafeteria, talking to Ginny and Brad about the baby and how to manage the pregnancy and Ginny’s condition without compromising either.

‘I’m worried that I’ll be so anxious about the baby, that it’s...you know...okay that I might have a relapse of my anxiety,’ Ginny admitted.

Callie grabbed her client’s fidgety hands and squeezed, stilling their nervous plucking movements. ‘I’m going to set you up with a community midwife service that’ll see you every week, and if you’re still worried – ever — you can come to Jambalyn. We have a hand-held Doppler there and I even know how to use it.’ Callie grinned. ‘You can listen to the baby’s heartbeat every day if you want.’

Callie nodded knowing that Ginny was going to require extra support and reassurance and that was what she did. She’d do whatever it took to help Ginny through her pregnancy. ‘Really.’

On that promise, Brad took Ginny home which left just her and Sebastian in the car again for the ride back to Jambalyn. Not that she was paying him much heed as Callie reflected on that strange moment when the sound of the foetal heartbeat had filled the room and tears had threatened.

Callie had no desire to carry on mysteriously about her relationship with Blake outside his office. ‘We’re just friends. Old friends. We went to uni together. He married another uni friend of mine. They have three children. I’m their godmother.’

It was just one word but it was loaded with relief and smugness neither of which Callie wanted to explore too deeply especially not when all she could think about suddenly was how many of her friend’s had chosen her to be godmother to their kids.

It seemed like she was destined to always be the godmother. Never the mother.