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Callie was still feeling numb when she drove to Jambalyn on Monday morning. She was tired of the same thoughts turning over and over in her head and was looking forward to the distraction of work. Eight hours of something else to concentrate on other than the fact that Sebastian’s baby was growing inside her.
Her stomach was still delicate and she’d spent half an hour that morning in and out of the toilet. Of course, it didn’t help that it was also churned up at the thought of seeing Sebastian again.
Sebastian had wanted to stay the weekend but she’d needed to be alone. It was too hard to think with him there. Her affection, her sexual attraction to him became all jumbled up in the seesaw of emotions inside her and just muddied the issue further.
So he’d gone. Almost eagerly, she’d thought.
But then, how could she blame him? He’d just had this momentous news dumped in his lap too - why wouldn’t he also need time to think things through?
He’d looked like hell when he’d left. Unshaven. Haggard. The lines around his eyes and mouth more pronounced. He looked like he had that night after Frank and a part of her had wanted to call him back. Hold him tight. Tell him it was all going to be okay, as he had assured her on the bathroom floor.
He would have stayed - she had no doubt of that. Had she asked. But something had stopped her.
The shock pregnancy news had thrown up some sort of shield between them. A physical and mental barrier. It was like they suddenly didn’t know what to say to each other.
How to act.
There was an awkwardness that had never existed between them. Not even in the beginning. And she wanted it back the way it had been.
Before the baby.
‘Hi.’
Callie stopped in the staffroom doorway in mid-stride as Sebastian pulled up beside her. Her stomach did its usual funny dip thing - which did not bode well in her current state. He was clean shaven but the smile he smiled didn’t quite go all the way to his peridot eyes.
‘Hi,’ she murmured as his gaze roved all over her face like he was performing a military inspection to assess her level of morning sickness.
It shouldn’t be hard to spot. Her reflection in the mirror had looked...peaky at best and she didn’t miss the way his gaze took in the extra layer of concealer she’d dabbed under her eyes this morning.
Not that he looked like he’d had much sleep, either.
‘How are you feeling?’ he asked.
Callie’s grimaced. ‘Delicate.’
He nodded. ‘We really need to talk.’
Her heart squeezed in her chest. ‘Yeah, I know. We will. I just need a little more time...to get my head around it.’
He regarded her for a few more moments. ‘Okay. But soon. I’m not going to wait forever.’
Callie watched him walk away, his shoulders back, his head with its glorious crown of red and gold held high. He looked like a man who’d made a decision. Who knew what he wanted and trepidation squirmed through her already unsettled belly.
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Thankfully the morning was frantic which didn’t give her time to dwell on things too much. Sebastian was scarce and Geraldine, sensing Callie’s need for space, didn’t push her on anything, even though Callie could tell that her boss was dying to talk.
Unfortunately, though, due to the way Rodney had booked appointments, Callie found herself doing community visits with Sebastian in the afternoon. Four hours of being trapped in a car with him stretched ahead of her and her stomach shifted uneasily.
They made it through two of the four visits, sticking to safe subjects - the clients and other work-related matters. Then Sebastian dropped his bombshell.
‘Just so you know,’ he said as he pulled the car out into traffic, ‘I do want the baby. Very much.’
Callie, who’d been sucking on a lolly to keep the nausea at bay, almost choked on it. ‘Wh-what?’ she asked, bewildered, after the coughing fit settled.
‘The baby,’ Sebastian repeated, his eyes on the road. ‘I’ve thought about nothing else since you’ve told me. You asked me the other night whether I wanted it or not, and it was all too enormous to take in back then. I know that you’re still at that stage too, but...I’m not. I do want this baby.’
Callie was stunned. That she hadn’t expected. ‘I thought you didn’t want children.’
‘I didn’t.’
‘You told me that some people in this world shouldn’t have them and that you were one of them. Me included, you said.’
He pulled up at a traffic light and turned to face her. ‘And I still believe that not everyone is equipped to handle the responsibility of a baby. But not wanting a baby when there isn’t one is completely different to not wanting a baby when there is one.’
He put his hand on her knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. ‘Circumstance may have forced my hand, Callie, but I’m in. Fully in. And I want to be a part of my child’s life.’
Callie’s head started to spin. She could hear the words but nothing seemed to make any sense. Part of my child’s life? What did that mean exactly? A life with her, too? Or just him and the baby? The baby she wasn’t even sure if she wanted.
Her brain was full. Just too full of startling information to comprehend.
‘So what does that make me? Some kind of unnatural freak because I’m still confused about this while you’re painting the nursery?’
‘Oh, Callie,’ he said softly, lifting his hand and reaching across but stopping when she flinched away. ‘It makes you human.’
A car behind hooted and Sebastian turned his attention back to the road accelerating away as Callie looked out the window, her brain grappling with the knowledge he suddenly wanted to be a daddy.
‘What if I don’t?’ she asked, glancing at him, her pulse fluttering madly at her temple. ‘What if I don’t want this baby?’
‘Then I guess we have a problem,’ he replied.
He didn’t take his eyes off the road but there was steel in his voice and the grim determination she’d seen on his face that day on the bridge tightened his profile.
He’d been adamant then. He looked immovable now.
Callie turned back to the window. ‘My mother was bipolar. My brother was schizophrenic. Both of those are familial mental illnesses.’
The car slowed and stopped for another red light. ‘I know what it’s like to have the sword of mental illness hanging over your head,’ he said gently. ‘It’s okay to be scared, Callie.’
‘Well, that’s good,’ she said, a hitch in her voice, as she turned back to face him. ‘Cos I’m terrified.’
‘Callie.’
He went to touch her again but Callie shrunk away. She was just barely keeping it all together. If he touched her she might shatter into a thousand pieces.
‘Well, I’m not,’ he said. ‘Terrified. Everything’s going to be okay, Callie. I’m going to be here for you.’
‘Except for when you disappear off back to Melbourne.’
He shook his head. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’
Callie blinked. ‘What?’
‘I’m going to stay in Brisbane. Or you could come to Melbourne. But I figured you’d want to stay close to Zack and I’d really like to keep going with Bree and Frank. And I think we should get married.’
Callie gaped at him. ‘What?’
Holy freaking cow. What was even happening right now?
‘Okay. Okay.’ He nodded a couple of times. ‘I didn’t plan on saying that. But, you know what? Why not? We were going to have a long distance relationship, so why not this?’
Callie put a steadying hand against the dashboard as the light turned green and the car moved forward. The whole world suddenly seemed topsy-turvy. ‘Oh, I don’t know. What about love? I think that’s kind of vital, don’t you? You don’t even love me, Sebastian.’
‘Yes, I do.’
His quick rejoinder hit Callie like a tonne of bricks and she gasped feeling winded by the unexpected declaration. ‘You love me?’ Since when?
Had she heard correctly?
Had he taken leave of his senses?
‘Yeah.’ He nodded then smiled to himself as if he was only just trying the words on for himself and liking the sound of them very much. He grinned at her. ‘I love you.’
‘Just like that, huh?’ she demanded. ‘Suddenly I’m pregnant and suddenly you love me.’
His knuckles whitened around the steering-wheel and took a deep breath. ‘Look...I know it’s a lot to take in. I know it’s sudden.’
‘Sudden!’ Callie could hear the note of hysteria edging into her voice. ‘You think?’
‘I guess sometimes it just happens that way.’
Callie snorted. ‘So we’ve spent months and months pretzelled together in either your bed or mine and there’s been zero mention of the L word. But today you’ve had a sudden revelation?’
‘Yeah...’ he admitted. ‘Pretty much. I know that love hasn’t been on either of our agendas. I know we just wanted to enjoy the ride without any of the normal relationship pressures and love has certainly not ever come up. But...yeah, spending all this time with you, working with you, sleeping with you...it happened anyway.’
Oh, God. Her head spun. How could he be so calm? She turned away from him. Now she was faced with not one bombshell but two.
‘Do me a favour and just don’t talk any more, okay?’
He nodded. ‘Okay. Sure.’
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They completed the rest of their visits in relative silence. Sebastian didn’t push. He knew that he’d shocked her and that she was going to need time to process what he’d said.
Hell, he’d shocked himself. But he wasn’t sorry that he’d said it. Any of it. Because he’d meant it – he loved her.
He’d spent a lot of time not examining his thoughts and feelings for Callie too closely. But they were having a baby and it was time to rip the subterfuge away. To get right down to the nitty gritty. To what was important.
It was time for clarity. For honesty.
And it had felt damn good to give those feelings voice. To articulate them as they were – raw and real. It had felt damn good to be honest about his feelings for Callie and the baby.
As shocking as they were.
And at least he’d declared himself. Callie needed time to sort out her thoughts and her feelings, he understood that. He’d just dropped an awful lot in her lap. But at least now she had all the facts to consider.
He daren’t think about what would happen if Callie couldn’t get past her fears. If she never loved him back. His life stretched in a long bleak road ahead of him at the very thought.
But, no. It wouldn’t come to that. She just needed time. And of that he had plenty.
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‘Could you drop by Ginny’s?’ Callie requested when Sebastian started the car after their last appointment for the day.
They were the first voluntary words she’d spoken to him since his startling admission and even though Sebastian could tell she was still pissed at him, it was a start.
‘Sure. Is Ginny okay?’
‘She’s fine,’ Callie dismissed. ‘I’ve taken to dropping in with the Doppler if I’m nearby.’
He nodded. That was such a nice thing to do especially when she didn’t have to. Callie was doing it because she knew her clients and their needs and passionately believed in the benefits of good community support.
‘Okay, sure.’
They pulled up at Ginny’s five minutes later. Sebastian sighed when Callie scrambled out of the car like it was on fire.
She really wasn’t taking the whole L word thing very well.
He also exited the car, a little slower than Callie only to be waved back into the vehicle. ‘It’s okay, you don’t have to come. I’ll only be five minutes.’
Ignoring her and her dismissive wave he shut his car door. ‘I’m coming,’ he said, his voice brooking no argument as he strode past Callie for the gate leaving her no option but to follow.
Ginny was happy to see them both and insisted they have a cup of tea and some of her home-made lamingtons before they got to the Doppler. Callie looked like she was about to decline but Sebastian got in ahead or her with a, ‘That would be lovely,’ and Ginny beamed at them.
‘I’ve been cooking all weekend.’ Ginny chatted away as she waved off their assistance with a look that said, I’m pregnant, not an invalid. ‘And cleaning.’ She laughed. ‘Brad’s been reading these maternity books and reckons I’m nesting.’
‘That sounds normal,’ Callie murmured.
‘You’re looking great,’ Sebastian added.
How would Callie look heavily pregnant with his child? Would she rub her hand across her stomach in the way Ginny was, like she was subconsciously soothing the babe inside, or trying to connect through the layers of skin?
‘Liar.’ Ginny laughed. ‘I was up half the night and then I couldn’t get comfortable in bed because my back’s been aching something fierce the last few days and I’ve been cleaning all day.’
Sebastian frowned. ‘I hope you’re not overdoing it. You’re supposed to be using this time to rest. You won’t get the chance after the baby comes. It’s only two weeks away.’
Ginny waved the concern off. ‘I know, that’s what Brad says, but I just want to get everything shipshape for the baby. Actually – ’ Ginny patted the table. ‘I’m pleased I’ve got you both here. I’d really like a second opinion, if you wouldn’t mind.’
‘Sure,’ Sebastian said.
Ginny grinned and hauled herself up from her chair. She took a moment to stretch out her back, grimacing. ‘Ugh! I tell you,’ she joked, waddling towards the doorway to the hall, ‘backs weren’t meant to carry so much extra weight out front.’
They followed her to the end of the hall, Sebastian aware that Callie was lagging behind and only realising why as he walked into the room where Ginny had disappeared.
The nursery.
It glowed pink enough to disguise a flock of flamingos and he guessed, given their current conundrum, Callie didn’t want to be confronted with baby things. Not all the pink frilly clothes, or the wooden cot, or the array of pastel coloured stuffed toys and teddy bears.
Not today. Maybe not ever if the very uncomfortable way she hovered in the doorway was any indication.
She seemed further away now than she had in the car and he wished he knew how to reach her. How to assure her he meant what he said. And then, as he watched, she slipped her hand over her belly and hope bloomed in his chest.
His own hand itched to join hers. Of course there would be nothing to feel now but he wanted to be there for every change, even the slightest nuance.
He wanted to feel his baby move inside her.
‘So we can’t decide between the yellow ducks and the pink unicorns.’
Sebastian dragged his eyes off Callie to find Ginny holding up two samples of what looked like a wallpaper frieze. She turned and faced the wall, placing each one against a different section of pink. ‘What do you think?’
‘Ducks,’ they answered in unison, and then glanced in surprise at each other.
Ginny looked over her shoulder at them and gave a rueful smile. ‘Yeah, yeah, too much pink, I know.’
Sebastian chuckled, returning his attention to Ginny. ‘Pink is a very calming colour. Your little girl is going to be very laid back.’
‘Ha!’ Ginny laughed. ‘My little girl is going to be spoilt rotten.’
‘Shall we listen to the foetal heart now?’ Callie asked.
Sebastian was surprised at the note of abruptness in Callie’s voice especially when she was always the complete opposite with her clients. Thankfully Ginny didn’t seem to notice but it was clear to him that Callie was eager to be out of this very pink room as fast as possible.
Ginny grinned. ‘You bet.’
Sebastian watched from the doorway of the nursery as Callie and Ginny headed to the main bedroom before he turned back to the baby’s room. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he moved inside, swivelling his head to look all the way around. He stopped by the cot and watched dust motes swirling in a stream of sunlight that pierced the centre of the mattress.
Like a beam of light from on high. A sign from something not quite earthly that this was his path.
Fatherhood.
A chance to give life. To love unconditionally. To prove that the legacy of his own childhood ended with him. And to share it with Callie, a woman who had burst into his life and turned it completely upside down in a way he’d never thought possible.
A mobile of fuzzy, candyfloss sheep attached to the headboard hung over the cot and he spun them idly as the enormity of what was ahead loomed large. But he wasn’t scared – he was excited. He truly believed they could become a family.
He just had to make Callie believe it, too.
‘Sebastian?’
He turned to find Callie in the doorway. She looked lost and he wanted to go to her and pull her into his arms, tell her he loved her and it’d be alright. But there was also something else he felt when he looked at her, something very primal.
She was his woman and that was his baby and he’d fight for both of them.
‘Let’s do this, Callie.’
‘Just do it?” Her voice was a little high as she stared at him disbelievingly. “Just like that?’
‘Yeah.’ He nodded. ‘Just like that.’
‘God...Sebastian...’ She shook her head. ‘Come on. It’s time to go.’
Ginny had wrapped up some lamingtons in plastic film when they arrived back in the kitchen and handed them over. ‘For morning tea tomorrow at Jambalyn.’
‘What makes you think they’re going to make it that far?’ Sebastian joked as he accepted them.
‘I’ll tell Geraldine to expect them,’ Ginny said with a laugh as she led them to the front door but, as she reached for the handle, she stopped abruptly and clutched her abdomen.
Sebastian frowned as Callie said, ‘Ginny?’ and placed her hand in the small of her client’s back. ‘What’s wrong?’
Ginny looked at a puddle of liquid at her feet. ‘I think my waters just broke.’
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Callie looked down too at the rapidly growing puddle on the polished floorboards. Holy crap. ‘I think you may be right,’ she agreed careful to sound unworried.
Ginny looked at Callie with wild eyes that quickly turned glassy. ‘But...it’s too early. Too early,’ she repeated clutching at her belly with one hand and tugging at Callie’s sleeve with another.
‘Nonsense,’ Sebastian dismissed. ‘You’re nearly thirty-nine weeks. That’s not early. Your little girl just can’t wait to see her pink room.’
‘What are we going to do?’ Ginny wailed as tears spilled down her cheeks.
‘We’re going to take you to the hospital,’ Callie stated matter-of-factly. The last thing they needed was for Ginny to become hysterical. ‘Are you having contractions?’
Ginny thought about it for a second. ‘No,’ she sniffled, wiping at the tears. ‘I don’t think so.’
‘Good. So we’ve got plenty of time. What did those books tell you about first labours?’
‘That they go on for ages.’
Callie smiled. ‘Right, okay, then. No need to panic. Let’s get you organised. Have you got some things packed?’
Pointing to a small overnight bag standing near the door Ginny said, ‘Right there.’
‘Good. Perfect.’
Perversely, Callie felt on a much more even keel now there was a crisis not involving her to get sorted. A crisis she could deal with. She was a methodical thinker who excelled at problem solving. Most importantly, Callie knew that what was required most here was calm. If she stayed calm so would Ginny.
And she had calm in spades.
‘Sebastian is going to stow it in our car. Then he’s going to ring Brad and ask him to meet us at the hospital.’
‘Check,’ Sebastian said, smiling at Ginny and Callie could have kissed him for so quickly putting aside their stuff and prioritising their client’ needs.
‘Brad.’ Ginny’s chin wobbled slightly.
‘It’ll be fine.’ Callie patted Ginny’s hand. ‘He’ll be at the hospital in a jiffy. We all will. Now, while Sebastian does his thing, we’re going to get you changed and then we’ll go, okay?’
Ginny sniffled. ‘Okay.’
Ten minutes later Callie had helped Ginny into a fresh set of clothes and thrown some towels from the linen closet on the pool of fluid sitting in the hallway. Sebastian was waiting for them at the front door, holding it open.
Ginny made it halfway to the door when she stopped abruptly and screwed up her face.
‘Contraction?’ Callie asked.
Ginny bit her lip. ‘Yeah.’
‘That’s fine. We’ll wait till it passes.’ She motioned to Sebastian to time it with his watch.
The contraction was long and painful and Callie rubbed Ginny’s back as the mother-to-be panted. When it passed they started towards the door again but after two paces Ginny had to stop again.
They were nearly at the door when the third contraction hit and Ginny cried out, ‘I need to push.’
‘No!’ both Sebastian and Callie said in unison. Callie had seen a few babies being born during an obstetrics rotation — twenty years ago. But even she remembered that the urge to push was a sign of very advanced labour.
‘Oh, God,’ Ginny wailed, her eyes bulging in her head, reaching for both of them for support. ‘The head, it’s there, I can feel it. It’s right there.’
Callie’s heartbeat thundered in her ears at Ginny’s calamitous statement. It was so urgent, so desperate that Callie didn’t doubt the truth of it for a moment.
She glanced at Sebastian, who raised an eyebrow at her over Ginny’s downcast head. Right. Change of plan.
‘Okay. No problem. Let’s go into the living room and see what’s happening down there.’
‘No, no,’ Ginny wailed. ‘We need to go to the hospital. I need Brad. The baby’s coming now,’ she sobbed. ‘It’s coming now.’
‘Ginny,’ Sebastian said, his voice firm and calm, ‘it’s not safe to take you in the car. Callie’s going to be with you and I’m ringing the ambulance. They’ll be here pronto and will be able to get you to the hospital much quicker and more safely than we can. Then I’ll ring Brad and let him know the change of plan. Just don’t push, okay? Do not push. Do you understand?’
It worked, his voice carving through Ginny’s rising hysteria and, despite the turmoil of the last few days, Callie had never been more pleased to have him by her side.
Ginny nodded. ‘Yes.’
‘Come on,’ Callie directed. ‘Let’s get you comfortable.’
They went left through an archway into the living room and Callie positioned Ginny on the couch. A brief examination revealed that Ginny was indeed right. The head was there, just starting to stretch the vaginal opening. Another contraction hit and Callie urged Ginny to, ‘Pant, pant, pant.’
Which she did — splendidly. Despite the obvious overwhelming dictates of her body telling her to push, push, push. But at the end of it more head was revealed and Callie knew that the arrival of Ginny’s baby girl was imminent.
Sebastian entered the room. ‘Ambulance ETA is eight minutes,’ he announced.
Callie looked at him. She didn’t have to say a word for him to know that they didn’t have eight minutes.
‘What do you need?’ he asked.