How did it go?” Sean strode toward the front door as Zack and Alexa stepped inside, and although what Alexa really wanted was to slip her hand into Zack’s, she didn’t.
“Good, I think,” she said, toeing off her sandals and letting her purse fall to the floor. “I was able to place all the devices and activate them. Morales texted me to let me know everything was working.”
“We almost got busted at one point by one of the staff,” said Zack, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms.
“Oh yeah? What’d you do?”
Zack tipped his head at her, and she was impressed with how casual he was able to look. “I kissed her. Made it look like we’d snuck off to make out.”
Sean nodded approvingly. “Good call. Glad it went to plan.”
“I guess now we just wait?” asked Alexa, tugging off her denim jacket and hanging it in the closet.
“Morales will see what they can pick up with the bugs you planted, and yeah, we wait.”
Sierra padded into the hallway, a bowl of popcorn in her hands. She passed it to Sean and wrapped Alexa in a hug. “You okay?” Sierra pulled back and rubbed Alexa’s arm, and Alexa felt her throat thicken a little at Sierra’s concern.
Swallowing, she managed a small smile and a nod. “Yeah. I’m okay.”
“You know where you to find me if you want to talk or if you need anything. Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
With a final nod, Sierra took the popcorn back from Sean, who followed her into the living room.
A shard of guilt dug into Alexa, right between her ribs. She’d brought her drama, her danger, to their doorstep and was completely encroaching on their space, not to mention lying to them.
Zack touched her lightly on the arm, and she felt that touch from her shoulder to the tips of her fingers, as though her entire body was sensitized to him. “I need to go fit in a workout, even though it’s getting late.”
“Oh.” She felt oddly disappointed, although it wasn’t as if they could curl up on the couch together and watch a movie or something.
“The fight’s the day after tomorrow. You’re gonna come, right?”
She nodded. “I wouldn’t miss it,” she said, although the idea of watching him in that cage had her stomach tying itself into knots.
“I’ll be back, but not until later. After I work out, I need to swing by my place, pick up a few more things.”
“I wish I could see where you live. What’s it like?”
He smiled and tucked her hair behind her ear. He glanced down the hallway, but the Walking Dead theme song echoed softly from the living room. “It’s a studio apartment on Los Feliz. It’s small, but it’s nice.” He leaned closer, his nose brushing hers. “God, I’ve thought of you in my bed so many times.”
His words sent both lust and fear spiraling through her, because as much as she wanted that too, she knew she’d have to figure out a way to tell him about her past and what it meant. About how it affected her. She wasn’t ready, but she knew she owed him the truth.
“I’ve thought about you too,” she whispered, wanting to say something true. “Even when you were with Taylor.”
That shard of guilt dug itself in deeper, and he slipped his fingers under her chin, tilting her face up. His eyes narrowed slightly, and it was as though he knew, as though he understood how she felt.
“Don’t do that, princess. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
She nodded, although she wasn’t too sure about that.
“I’ll see you tomorrow. Sleep tight.” He cupped her face and gave her a quick kiss, one that was far too fleeting and only left her wanting so much more. And then he was gone, the door closing behind him, leaving Alexa to head upstairs.
She closed her bedroom door quietly behind her and stripped her dress off, dropping it in a puddle of fabric on the floor. In her bra and panties, she moved in front of the floor-length mirror mounted on the back of the door. She studied herself, trying to look past the familiarities and see herself as Zack might. But all she could see was how different she was from Taylor.
They were both blond, but where Taylor’s hair was long, thick, and the color of honey, Alexa’s was baby-fine, just past her chin, and a silvery blond that looked almost white in harsh lighting. Taylor’s eyes were a light sky blue, another similarity, but Alexa’s had silver in them, dimming the blue. Where Taylor was tall, Alexa was petite. Where Taylor was lithe and toned, Alexa was soft and curvy.
Where Taylor was pretty much a sex goddess, Alexa was…unsure. Experienced, but in all the wrong ways. It wasn’t that she didn’t like sex. It was more that she didn’t know how to enjoy it. She’d spent so much time just enduring and detaching that she wasn’t sure how to proceed with Zack.
What if he found her lacking?
She closed her eyes, took a breath, and then opened them, looking again. She turned her head, examining the planes and angles of her face. The button nose and rounded cheeks. The soft, feminine slope of her shoulders. Reaching up, she skimmed her hands over her breasts, the pale pink of her nipples barely visible through her white bra. She teased her knuckles over her nipples, and they beaded beneath the lace. Cupping her breasts, she let herself feel the weight of them, imagining what Zack’s hands would feel like on them.
She let out a soft sigh as she imagined his hands on her and slid her hands lower, over her stomach, her hips, wondering when she’d get to feel his skin on hers. Surprised at just how much she wanted that. She wanted him with an unprecedented intensity. Before tonight she’d yearned for him. Pined. Lusted from afar. But now that she knew what was between them, she wanted. With each breath, each heartbeat, she wanted.
She traced her fingers over the lace of her purple thong, pulling at it slightly. The fabric slid against her, and she moaned softly.
She was wet, the crotch of her panties slightly darker, soaked through with her arousal. She moved the fabric over herself again, her hips moving of their own accord at the rasp of pleasure caused by that small brush.
From Zack. Because of Zack. For Zack.
She walked toward the bed, yanking off her bra and panties as she went. Slipping under the covers, she spread her legs and rested her hand on her aching pussy.
Pussy. Such a dirty word, one she didn’t really use, but right now, in this moment, it felt right.
She traced her fingers over her soft bare skin, teasing her lips apart. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been this wet. She slipped a finger inside herself and slicked her wetness over her clit, gasping at the bolt of pleasure flaring up her spine at that one touch. Her eyelids were heavy, and they fell closed as she moved her fingers in a slow circle over her clit, aching warmth pooling deep inside her.
Spreading her legs open wider, she let herself sink into a fantasy, pushing everything else away. No Golden Brotherhood. No Taylor. No string of men she’d never wanted to sleep with. Just her and Zack, and the things she wanted to do with him, and to him. The things she wanted him to do to her. The things she imagined she’d like, given the chance.
Words fell away, images flickering like a dirty montage as she rubbed her clit, firmer and faster now. Dropping to her knees in front of him and taking his cock into her mouth, his hands in her hair, her name falling from his lips. Zack’s mouth on her breasts, his hand between her legs, touching her just like this.
She changed her rhythm as sweat gathered along her hairline, switching from circles to firm diagonal strokes across her clit, and she could feel that twisting deep inside her as the pressure built. She’d never come with a man, only like this, and she wanted to know what it would feel like to come with Zack inside her.
The image of Zack climbing on top of her and sliding inside her tight, aching pussy almost pushed her over the edge, and she stroked faster. God, she was desperate for it, not just for release, but for him. Her clit swelled, and she wanted…more. It felt good, but it wasn’t nearly enough. She let out the breath she’d been holding as she imagined being spread out before Zack, her legs wide, her pussy dripping, her knees pressed to her shoulders as he filled her, over and over again. Stretching her and soothing the clenching ache deep inside her. His hands big and slightly rough on her hips as he stroked harder and deeper, getting caught up in the pleasure spreading between them like a wildfire.
So much that it almost hurt, she wanted to make him feel good. Wanted to please him. Wanted to be good for him.
She slid a finger along each side of her clit, pulling slightly as she rubbed, and she could smell how turned on she was. Sweat gathered behind her knees, under her breasts, in the crooks of her elbows, and she let her mind wander to beautifully dirty places. Zack fucking her from behind, his hand between her legs. At the idea of him pulling free and coming on her ass, marking her in such a primal way, she came, her hips bucking up off the bed, her legs shaking. Hot, heavy throbs beat through her body, her clit pulsing against her fingers, swollen and overly sensitive.
She pulled her fingers away and lay completely still, her heart pounding, throbbing in time with her clit. It wasn’t the first time she’d thought of him while she touched herself. Not by a long shot. But it was the first time she’d felt that maybe she was allowed. That maybe she wasn’t doing something wrong.
Maybe. It was hope tinged with guilt, and it crawled over her sweaty skin, dulling the buzz from her orgasm.
She’d come, but it hadn’t eased the ache deep inside her, or the uncertainty that when she and Zack had sex, she’d be enough for him.
* * *
Although he’d hit the gym less than twelve hours ago, Zack was back at it the following morning. The fight was tomorrow night, and this morning would be his last workout before the fight, so that his body had time to recover.
Holding the medicine ball in front of him, he lowered his back to the floor. It was supposed to be a light workout, but God knew he had enough pent-up energy to keep going for hours.
He’d spent an hour reviewing tapes with Jenks, watching his opponent, memorizing the way he moved. Some guys didn’t watch footage before a fight, but Zack found value in studying his opponent and coming up with strategies. It made him feel more prepared. Given his dyslexia, it was the only kind of studying he actually liked.
After reviewing the footage, he’d spent an hour in the cage, sparring with Jenks, working on various holds and defense techniques. Now he was focused on conditioning. Sit-ups, push-ups, lunges, all interspersed with rapid-fire jump rope.
He pulled himself up to sitting again, and Alexa’s words from the night before echoed through his brain, making his blood beat hotter and faster through him.
It’s been you, Zack. Since the day I met you, for me…it’s only been you.
And now he was in it with her, no looking back. No more excuses.
He let the medicine ball drop between his bent legs with a heavy thud as the truth hit him. Excuses. He’d used them with Taylor, and with the women who’d come before her, never letting himself get in too deep with anyone, insisting that he didn’t have time for a relationship because of his commitment to fighting. He’d felt so sure that he didn’t have room in his life for fighting and a relationship, felt so sure he wasn’t looking for anything serious. Those excuses had felt so damn necessary, and not like excuses at all, but like the truth. But when it came to Alexa, he saw those reasons as the hollow excuses they were. He’d hidden behind those excuses because he’d never met a woman he was willing to make room for.
There were no excuses when it came to Alexa because the idea of not pursuing something with her…Yeah, it was impossible now that he knew how she felt about him. A year ago he hadn’t pursued anything with her for a couple of reasons, namely doubt and intimidation. He knew he owed her an explanation. A wave of guilt and shame rocked him, a tingle spreading uncomfortably through his chest as he thought about what had happened with Taylor. The way he’d leaned on those excuses, had even believed them. But subconsciously he’d known that she wasn’t the woman for him, as much as he might’ve cared about her.
It had only ever been Alexa, who was so sweet and warm and good. He knew that now, like he knew the sky was blue and fire was hot.
An elemental truth.
He reached behind him and peeled off his shirt, then wrung it out and watched as the sweat dripped from the soaked and bunched cotton onto the mat. With a sigh he pushed to his feet, his muscles trembling slightly. He grabbed his towel from a nearby bench and wiped at his face. Time to hit the shower and head back to Sean’s, check in on Alexa. Make sure she was safe.
A chill worked its way down his spine, the magnitude of what was at stake rocking him. Alexa. Them. Her safety. His job, potentially. He didn’t even want to think about what they’d be facing if her father, an incredibly dangerous man, found out what she’d done. Found out that Zack wasn’t who he’d said he was.
So much hidden. But not his true feelings for Alexa. Not anymore.
“You heading out?” asked Jamie, who was just finishing up his own workout.
“Yeah. I should get back to Alexa.” He flung his sweaty T-shirt over one shoulder, his towel over the other. Cool air brushed over his skin, evaporating some of the sweat.
“If I don’t see you before, good luck tomorrow.” Jamie said. “And don’t forget the Rocky Rule.”
“You know that rule’s bullshit,” he said, waving Jamie away. The rule, based on the famous quote from Rocky that “women weaken legs”—meaning a fighter shouldn’t have sex right before a fight—had been disproven in all kinds of scientific studies that Zack hadn’t read. But it still held major sway with a lot of fighters.
“Even if the science doesn’t prove it, it’s tradition.” Jamie wagged his finger at him. “You don’t mess with tradition.”
Zack smiled and shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “Doesn’t matter. Not seeing anyone right now.”
The look on Jamie’s face shifted from joking to serious, his smile firming into a thin line. “I heard what happened last night.”
Zack frowned and swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. “What do you mean?”
Jamie stepped closer. “You and Alexa. Natalie and I, we heard everything.”
Oh fuck. The bugs. A weight pressed against Zack’s chest. “You were with Morales.”
Jamie nodded. “Sean sent me to check in with her, make sure everything was going okay with planting the listening devices. We were sitting at her desk when you…” Jamie tilted his head, letting his silence fill in the blanks.
Zack clenched his jaw, tension radiating through him. “Did you tell Sean?”
Jamie shook his head. “No.” And then a smile spread across his face, his eyes twinkling. Fucking twinkling. “I knew it!” he said, clenching his fist triumphantly.
Zack felt his eyebrows slam together. “What the fuck do you mean, you knew it? You don’t know shit.”
Jamie blinked at him. “Dude, I have eyes. And a brain. And observation skills. Ever since you and Taylor split…” He shook his head. “Man. The way you look at Alexa. Anyone could see it.”
“How do I look at her?”
Jamie laughed, and Zack couldn’t help but smile. “Like she’s this adorable little kitten that you want to hold and pet and protect from the world. Like you want to keep her all to yourself. Like you’d do just about anything to keep her safe and make her happy.”
Zack arched an eyebrow. “You can tell all of that from a facial expression? Bullshit.”
“Okay, so I’m putting my own interpretive spin on it, but…” His eyes met Zack’s, and the asshole smirked. “I’m not wrong.”
“You’re a jackass.”
“Oh, sure, but I’m also right.”
Zack scoffed out a laugh and twisted his mouth into a scowl, letting his eyes roam over the gym, not sure what to say.
“And Alexa? She looks at you like she could drown in you and die happy for it.”
“Okay, easy there, Shakespeare,” Zack said, grabbing at the opportunity to rib Jamie and get himself out of the hot seat. “Are you going to tell Sean?”
“If I do, he’ll turf you from the case.”
Zack closed his eyes for a second, his jaw clenched so tight it hurt. “I know.”
Jamie met Zack’s eyes, his expression serious. “Do you think this will negatively impact your ability to keep her safe?”
Zack shoved a hand through his sweaty hair and tugged at the back. “Fuck no. And…God, Jamie, I need to be there. I can’t get booted.”
Jamie nodded slowly. “I get it. That’s why I’m not going to say anything.”
“You’re not?”
“Nah. But if I think you’re slipping, I will. Stay focused, De Luca.”
Relief filtered through him. “I will.” He headed toward the showers, slapping Jamie on the shoulder as he passed.
“Don’t forget Mighty Mick’s advice. It’d be a distraction you don’t need right now, man. In a lot of ways.”
Jamie’s warning followed Zack into the locker room, and he knew he was right. He also knew he wasn’t going to be able to stay away from Alexa. Everything was snarled up—he and Alexa, his need to protect her, his inability to walk away, the dangerous game they were playing with her father, the fact that tomorrow’s fight was instrumental to his career. He stripped and cranked the shower on, letting the hot water pelt his tense muscles. He’d handle it. For Alexa, he’d fucking handle it.