The doctor breezes in at three for Oldguy’s
noon appointment. The tests reveal Oldguy
has calcifying arteries, borderline diabetes,
cataracts, high blood pressure, low testosterone,
pre-cancerous skin lesions, a leaky bladder,
lung nodules, and a very iffy prostate.
The doctor looks at Oldguy like a father
who’s just seen a report card showing
four D’s and an Incomplete. He prescribes
Zilopen, Nulopride, Xanadop, Colonflo,
Trendocepses, Malonex, Percolexitate,
Yadaterine, and Markupamax, adding that
Oldguy also needs a strict diet and even
more rigorous exercise, that his present
habits are a form of slow suicide. Oldguy
thinks about giving up pizza, barbecue,
bourbon, grass, Oreos, microwave fries,
and all-you-can-eat Sunday brunches,
about jogging two miles a day, summer
and winter, about tai chi and yoga,
then heads for the nearest Krispy Kreme.