OLDGUY: SUPERHERO

IN HOT PURSUIT

Oldguy’s CB catches the locale
of a bank robbery in progress,
so he guns the Oldguymobile
to intercept. He arrives just as
the robber, loot in hand, jumps
into an idling getaway car. But
the Oldguymobile’s oil light’s
gone red, and smoke’s begun
to impair Oldguy’s already
limited vision. Luckily, after
clipping a fire hydrant, smashing
through a vegetable stand, and just
missing a pedestrian, he sideswipes
the robber’s car into a Starbucks,
upending a double-tall decaf latte
and three skinny mochas onto
a yoga book club and knocking
the robber out. After the police
take charge, Oldguy asks the barista
for his usual: double sarsaparilla, neat.