Oldguy, invited to a white-tie banquet
honoring him for his service to mankind,
mistakes his rented duds for opera attire.
When he’s invited to say a few words,
he steps to the microphone and belts out,
over and over, the only opera phrase
he knows, “O Sole Mio,” which he usually
saves for taverns. When a lady host, thinking
he’s had too much champagne punch, tries
to escort him back to his seat, he assumes
his big scene’s at hand, the one where
that king strangles Aretha Franklin.
As he grabs the hostess by the neck, they
tumble off the dais and into the “Venetian”
chocolate fountain, splattering some VIPs
and convincing Oldguy he’d remembered
the wrong opera. Fished from the goop,
Oldguy dusts off “The Cowboy’s Lament.”