OLDGUY: SUPERHERO,

SCOUTMASTER

Oldguy, who’s volunteered to head up Troop 29,
lectures his charges about the importance
of the Scout Law, which he recalls has something

to do with keeping your powder dry and always
washing your hands after peeing, except when
you’re in the wilderness, where you just have to

let nature take its course or maybe wipe them
on your Scout neckerchief. He says the secret
is just not to pee on your hands, which gets

a lot trickier when you’re so old you can’t
pee straight and it might take a hard left
or sudden right or make a droopy fork

or just let go without a beg-your-pardon,
and there you are with a pee-spot spreading
down your pant leg. He wears Depends,

and if they think that’s so funny, they can
wait about 60 years and think again, when old
Mr. Jojo suddenly springs a surprise leak

or you can’t remember where you parked
the car or you get into somebody else’s
or have to fart in a crowded elevator

or read with a magnifying glass or wear
one of those contraptions on your face
at night so you won’t strangle in your sleep.

But cheer up, boys, there’s many a campfire
between now and when you’ll have to
swap your stream for a seniors’ discount.