OLDGUY: SUPERHERO

DISCOVERS HIS BROTHER

Oldguy, known to some as Oldwhiteguy,
discovers that Oldblackguy lives next door.
After getting acquainted, they go out for
a couple of beers at a local bar, where it

dawns on them that, though Youngwhiteguy
got all the breaks, now, as oldguys they’re
treated as equals: better off dead. In light
of this, they celebrate how racial slurs now

seem innocuous as Nerf balls. “Kneel and
lick my boot,” opens Oldwhiteguy. “Bow and
kiss my black ass,” counters Oldblackguy. “Coon,”
shouts one. “Ofay,” retorts the other, followed

by tearful laughter. After a while, the regulars
complain to the bartender about the oldguys,
who ought to be locked up in some home,
acting like they owned the place. A bouncer

escorts them out through an alley door and
shoves them into a pile of uncollected trash.
After helping each other up, they head for
the nearest liquor store. “Another fine mess

you got us into, Brillo pad,” grins one. “Me
and yo momma’s dried-up titties, bird shit,”
chuckles the other—oldguys ambling along
as if they owned the whole damned street.