Chapter Four

Thursday—Individual Sensuality

It was 7:50 A.M. and Pia sat alone in the WMS makeshift classroom, taking her first exam since graduating from Brown University too many years ago to count. The title, “The Sensual You Self-Test”; the questions, such as “How do you feel about public displays of affection?”; and their multiple-choice answers all had the ring of a cheesy women’s magazine self-help quiz. Last night she’d refused to partake, but this morning, while waiting for her teammates, guilt had set in. She was already here, so what the hell. And, as Dee had drilled into her head, she might just learn a thing or two.

“Shopping, and not sure if it’s real or faux fur? B…feel it,” Pia declared, and marked her answer. “Free hour? A…get a massage. Sexy elevator music? Meeting? B…listen, lust, and then get back to work.”

She continued down the list of queries and possible answers without incident until she got to question number eight: “What qualities are you most looking for in a lover?”

“A high sperm count,” Pia joked aloud before her giggles quickly fell silent. Even when sex and relationships had been a steady part of her everyday life, she hadn’t thought much about what she really wanted in a man. She usually just took the package as presented—accepting and valuing the noble qualities and ignoring the flaws for as long as she could before moving on or being pushed aside. Never had she sat and definitively decided what special qualities she was looking for in the man she wanted to love.

“Passion and adventure? Looks and humor? Stability and wealth? Why is there no ‘all of the above’? Because that would be way too easy,” she asked and answered for herself. Pia thought for several minutes before her choice came to her. She had to say that the qualities that would in fact aid in the pursuit of all the others were passion and adventure.

Testing complete, Pia quickly checked the answer key and equivalency table and added up her score. Consulting the “sensuality index,” she was pleased to learn that based on her score of six B’s and four A’s, she was still a solidly sensual woman at least on paper.

Satisfied with her results, Pia sat back and watched as the steady flow of workshop participants began, and within ten minutes they’d all gravitated to their newly formed teams. Rebecca arrived and the two women waited several more minutes before a visibly upset Flo joined them.

“How’d you do?” Rebecca asked as she nodded toward Pia’s self-test.

“Okay.”

“Well, according to this, I’m Supersensual.” Her smile was a combination of pride and disbelief.

“Go ’head, Jessica Simpson,” Pia responded, keeping her surprise in check. Of all people, Rebecca was the last she’d have pegged as living a hedonistic lifestyle.

“Well, I didn’t do so well,” Flo volunteered in a flat voice. “It looks like I am about as sensual as a rock. My score makes me too sensible to be sensual. It’s no wonder…” Her voice trailed off into a void of self-pity. Pia and Rebecca traded looks, not knowing whether the polite and proper thing would be to probe further or leave it alone.

“Remember what Joey said,” Pia offered. “This test isn’t to make you feel bad about yourself but to give you an indication of where you stand and what you need to work on.”

“Yeah, well, too late. I feel horrible and apparently I need to work on everything,” Flo said. Silence, heavy with the embarrassment that comes when strangers confess the intimate details of their personal lives, settled around them.

“I don’t know how much to believe this test, ’cause my score definitely doesn’t match my love life,” Rebecca revealed, politely trying to take the focus away from Florence. “Guys just don’t get me—at least not the ones I like. When I go out, it’s like I’m invisible. They want hot girls who love to party. So what chance does someone like me have?” Rebecca asked, her eyes almost pleading with Pia.

“Well, you know what they say, ‘Beauty is only skin deep.’” Pia’s words sounded scripted and insincere even to her, but what else do you say to someone you’ve just met who insists on unpacking all their personal baggage at your feet?

“Wonder what that’s all about,” a woman seated behind them commented, gesturing to six easels draped with lavender silk.

“I think we’re about to find out.”

“Good morning, lovelies,” Joey Clements’s husky voice rang from the doorway. She floated to the front of the room, wearing another gossamer caftan, this time in purple. There was an alluring lightness that surrounded the woman. Despite what Rebecca might think, it was clear to Pia that Joey Clements possessed the much-coveted “it factor.”

“I hope you each had a wonderful evening and are ready to begin in earnest the transformation into your sensual selves. Today we are going to delve into the realm of individual sensuality.” There was an enticing lilt to her voice that was both seductive and commanding.

“Society erroneously teaches women that we should feel sensual only when we are acting sexual. But a true weapon of mass seduction revels in her feminine side and strives to feel good even when there is no one around. How? By surrounding herself with comforting textures, sounds, scents, tastes, and a visually pleasing persona and environment. This increases a woman’s sense of beauty, pleasure, gratitude, and, most important, self-worth.

“Let’s do a quick exercise. I’d like each team to put together a list of items to be included in a gift basket for a newborn. Please note the purpose for each item.”

Pia felt her heart expand and contract ever so slightly. The last thing she’d expected in a flirt workshop was baby talk. It was disconcerting to participate in an exercise focused on preparing for the arrival of an infant when she was so far away from home trying to expand her chances of creating one.

“Good thing we have a mother of three on our team,” Rebecca remarked.

“Yes, but it’s been a long time. My babies are old enough to make babies of their own. But I guess the basics never change. Let’s see: receivin’ blankets, gowns, onesies, socks, and a few bibs are really about all the clothes they need when they first get here.”

“And lotion, shampoo, powder. I love the way babies smell. Fresh and sweet,” Rebecca added, furiously writing the list.

“Pia?”

“Ah, I don’t know. You two seem to have it covered.”

“You New York career girls, too busy workin’ to think about havin’ babies,” Flo remarked. She noticed the subtle drop of Pia’s eyes and slight twist of her lips before moving on. “Well, every baby I’ve ever known has needed diapers and wipes.”

“What about those wipe warmers? Those things are cold on a little bottom. And a mobile over the crib. They’re supposed to stimulate the baby,” Rebecca offered.

“And a lambskin rug to lie on,” Pia softly voiced. “And music. Soft, soothing tunes. Smooth jazz, classical, new age.”

“That’s good. I say we add a few books and we’re done,” Flo said, just as Joey brought the group’s attention back to her.

“So why, do you ask, in a workshop about turning women into sensual weapons are we making lists more appropriate for a baby shower? To prove my point: that from birth to around age four or five, there is nothing surrounding our children that isn’t intended to stimulate every one of their senses with tastes, scents, and textures that are varied and appealing. We intentionally buy things that feel good to the skin, smell pleasant, and sound soothing. And then, somewhere around the time kids discover self-pleasuring, we begin to associate sensuality with sexuality and things change drastically. Suddenly, sensuality is discouraged and becomes something we adults pull out of our trick bags when we want to spice up our sex lives.

“Honesty Moment: You walk into your seven-year-old daughter’s room one morning and find the pajamas she went to bed in are on the floor and she is sleeping happily nude. ‘Why?’ you ask. ‘Because the sheets feel good on my skin,’ she says. Please, a show of hands: How many of you would be shocked and bothered and insist that she sleep with pajamas so she wouldn’t catch cold or some other concocted reason?”

Slowly the hands of nearly three quarters of the room rose into the air. Apparently Joey’s point had hit home. Why was sensuality considered an imperative in early childhood and then snatched away before puberty?

“Whoa, that is so my mother,” Rebecca whispered to Pia, keeping her hands defiantly in her lap. “Once she and I went shopping for school clothes. I didn’t put on a bra under my slip ’cause I liked the silky feeling, and she got so upset she slapped me. She said the boys would think I was a slut.”

“Shhh,” Flo gently admonished, putting her index finger to her lips and tilting her head toward the front of the room.

“So it is time to take back your sensuality and revel in it once again,” Joey was saying. “A woman’s sensuality truly takes root in her individuality. A woman comfortable with her uniqueness is a confident woman. And a confident woman is a sexy woman! So you must first find the things about you that are unique and interesting and make you feel good about being you.

“Yes?” Joey interrupted herself to acknowledge Rebecca’s waving hand.

“What if there’s just nothing that’s interesting about you? What if you’ve spent your entire life trying not to be noticed and now nobody does?” Her comment raised the curious eyebrows of her teammates.

“Or maybe you’ve spent most of your life being somebody else’s somebody,” a voice called out.

“Yeah, like a mother,” added another sympathetic participant.

“Or a wife or lover.”

“Or a wife and a lover,” Julie quipped, making the group around her snicker uncomfortably.

“Or all of the above plus about a hundred other job titles,” Flo added.

“So the question is,” Joey stepped in, “how do you wear all of those hats and find your authentic self beneath them?”

“Exactly. How do you find someone you never realized you’d lost?” Flo asked.

Or have kept hidden for so long? Pia wondered in her head.

Or never knew, thought Rebecca.

“Well, you dig deep and excavate. You dust off the precious relic, polish her up, and voilà: You discover what Dubya and others couldn’t—a bona fide WMS.

“This morning we’re going to talk about ways to bring out the incomparable you hiding behind all those titles, expectations, marketing campaigns, and celebrity endorsements. And we begin with identifying your personal charisma.”

With all the flair of Vanna White, Joey walked to the easels and dramatically removed the fabric from each, revealing poster-size photographs of six very famous celebrities. Staring back at the audience with their perfect toothy grins were Sharon Stone, Whoopi Goldberg, Angelina Jolie, Reese Witherspoon, Oprah Winfrey, and Halle Berry.

“Charisma. Every woman has her own distinctive brand of ‘star quality.’ You don’t have to be famous to own and use it to your best advantage. Charisma is not what you are—your job or role—but who you are. It is your own ‘secret sauce’ that helps connect you emotionally, intellectually, and even spiritually to others. Your personal charisma might be flashy or flamboyant. Maybe it’s quiet and intoxicating or warm and witty. Once you identify yours and really own it, it can never be taken away.

“So with the help of these well-known ladies, let’s look at what I believe to be the six main types of charisma:

“POWER CHARISMA,” she said, pointing to Sharon Stone, “is all about chutzpah. Sharon is shocking and fearless, and standing next to her you just might be a little intimidated by her energy and intensity, but you’re also fascinated. Hillary and Condoleezza also have this kind of charisma.

“HUMOROUS CHARISMA,” Joey continued. “Whoopi is clever and disarming. She’ll draw you in with her wit and amusing take on life, all the while making you laugh and feel at ease. Ellen DeGeneres has the same kind of power. There’s nothing clownlike about this kind of charisma. Think about it. How high is humor on your list of what you want in a mate?

“No offense, but Whoopi Goldberg is not very sexy,” Rebecca whispered, leaning over. “And Ellen is gay.”

“Well, something’s working for them, because they can pull some serious men—and women,” Pia said, before returning her attention to Joey.

“Now, Angelina Jolie certainly personifies SEXUAL CHARISMA. Sex appeal and passion ooze out of every pore. Her sexuality permeates everything she does, and yet she’s no bimbo. Her attire is elegant and refined and still enormously provocative.”

“Jennifer didn’t have a shot in hell,” Julie joked from the back, setting off a roomful of titters.

“Jennifer Aniston is much like Reese,” Joey continued through the laughter. “She’s someone who is completely capable of taking care of herself, and yet people seem to want to protect her. Women with CUTE CHARISMA are friendly. They make people feel comfortable around them, and their appeal lies in the fact that they aren’t intimidating, snobbish, or aloof.”

“And aren’t old enough to be pissed off at the world,” Flo joked to those around her.

“Now, women who possess SMART CHARISMA,” Joey continued, gesturing to Oprah, “are truly brilliant without the need to prove it. They listen and talk to you, not at you. They don’t need to overwhelm you with all they know, but have the humble, unassuming ability to make you consider things in an entirely different light. Brooke Shields is another great example of smart charisma.

“And last, cool as a Coca-Cola, Halle Berry. Mystery is what makes a woman with COOL CHARISMA so appealing. Though she may be slightly aloof and you never quite know what she’s thinking, her smile is as genuine as it is tempting, because it always implies that there is so much more to know and uncover. Charlize Theron is another cool customer.

“Each is different, yet each as seductive and sexy as the next, and most are a combination of several charismas. So, probably, are you. Let’s take a moment to think about what kind of charisma you possess.”

“Pia, you’re easy. You’ve got cool charisma,” Rebecca immediately declared. “You’re beautiful and fashionable and there’s a secret part of you that makes people curious.”

“I can live with that,” Pia agreed, visions of her own cool heroine, smooth and sexy jazz singer Sade, appearing in her head. “What about you, Florence?”

“Rocks don’t have charisma. Not even sensible pet rocks,” Flo deadpanned.

“Well, I want charisma like Angelina Jolie. She’s so hot. Guys love her. But I don’t exactly know how to do that,” Rebecca admitted while waving her arm in the air.

“Joey,” Rebecca asked, “if you don’t know what kind of charisma you have, or don’t have the kind you want, how do you get it?”

“By pinpointing the parts of your personality that are appealing and then working them to the max. Most people waste their time working only on their weaknesses. I say, strengthen your strengths,” Joey advised.

“TIP: The things you are drawn to in other women are the hidden, undeveloped assets you possess but have yet to acknowledge. Study these women—and pull from their lives that which is you, but don’t try to copy them. Imitation may be the sincerest form of flattery, but it’s also the fastest way to look like an idiot.

“Now, enough lecturing for today—you have other exciting things to do. First, if you’d please turn to page seven to find your homework assignment for this evening,” she said.

Pia and the others flipped to the pages.

EXERCISE: Identify three things: 1) your individual charisma; 2) the secret weapon you already possess but underutilize; and 3) what trademark icon you would choose to represent yourself. Write these down in your WMS journal with any thoughts or feelings that might accompany your answers.

“I don’t get it. What exactly is a trademark icon?” someone from the back asked.

“An icon is merely a representation of something. In this case, you. Your trademark icon is something you can see and touch that connects you to your sensual, unique self and reminds you of the woman you are striving to be.

“Right now the bus is outside to take you on a very special shopping expedition. As you leave you will receive your shopping list. Sometimes it’s the small and very personal things—shoes, jewelry, or fragrance—that make you feel sensually unique and become lingering clues to your inimitable personality. Now keep all these things in mind as you make your purchases.

“Your first stop will be a visit to my good friend Cosette. If anyone can make you feel like a true WMS, she will. I’ll join you later at dinner. Have a sensual afternoon, lovelies, and by all means, take time to notice and smell the flowers along the way.”