Chapter Seven

Friday—Social Sensuality

After a morning dedicated to relaxing and sensual spa and aromatherapy treatments, followed by a sumptuous lunch of tasty bite-size cuisine, everyone reconvened in the Pacific Ballroom for day two of unearthing their inner bombshells.

“Good afternoon, lovelies! You’re all glowing!” Joey remarked once her pupils were assembled. “And there’s a new vibrancy in the air. Can you feel it? You all must be wearing your new lacy attitudes.”

Happy laughter buzzed around the room. The sparkling energy was evident and contagious. It had even managed to warm Pia up to the idea of being there. Yesterday’s lessons had obviously sunk in and were being fully applied this morning. Armed with a new confidence brought on by self-discovery and the emergence of self-acceptance, the weapons-in-waiting sat eager to absorb today’s knowledge.

“Yesterday we began to discover our individual sensuality. You identified your personal signatures—the things about your personality, opinions, and choices that set you apart from every other woman in the room. Today we take the next step toward bringing out the sensual you in a social setting by learning how to interact on a joyfully flirtatious level.

“We were all born to charm. If you’ve ever watched a baby work the room with his or her sparkling eyes, irresistible smiles, and sweet coos, you already know that flirting is an inherent part of our DNA.”

Like that little charmer in the mall, Pia remembered, smiling.

“And with practice, we can all be good at it. Flirting takes no special equipment and costs nothing. Your God-given attributes will do you just fine. A good flirt is merely a woman who has learned to revel in the power of being a woman, is determined to enjoy herself in the moment, and has a benevolent streak. Oh, yes, my lovelies, flirting is all about transferring your good feelings on to someone else, thus making someone else’s day. So, as they say, ‘It’s all good.’”

“Excuse me, Joey.” Florence raised her hand to interrupt. “I’ve been married over twenty years. Bowlin’, I am good at. Flirtin’, not so much. Just exactly how do you go about doin’ it? Especially with a man who I haven’t flirted with since I was a baby?”

“I agree that charming a stranger can somehow feel easier than charming a man who has experienced your ‘natural loveliness upon awakening’ and has come to accept your penchant for eating potato chips in bed. But flirting with your life partner is a crucial part of your arsenal. Flirting helps keep romance and playfulness alive in your marriage. It should not stop at the altar; neither should it stop at your twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.

“And here’s another tip for you married ladies. Lightly flirt with other men when your husband is with you. Keep your flirtation mild and definitely don’t tease—you don’t want to start an argument. But by letting him see that other men find you attractive, you’re revving up his competitive nature, which translates into him feeling pretty studly about himself and pretty damn lucky to have you.

“So whether with stranger or spouse, flirting begins and ends with feminine confidence. And it’s this sensual strength that affects how you walk into a room, how you return a hello with your eyes, and how you come across as absolutely fascinating to both men and women. Exploit your charm and you will be surprised how people respond to you in all situations—and how often you get your way.”

“That sounds kind of…manipulative.”

“And phony.”

“That’s because you’re thinking of flirting as if it’s some kind of public performance with scripted pick-up lines, which is exactly what bad flirting is. Think of it as simply presenting the naturally charismatic and curious side of yourself. That’s what true charm is about, and that’s what people react positively to.

“But I always get stressed out because I’m worried that I’ll look stupid,” another participant revealed.

“Or desperate,” Pia whispered under her breath.

“I wouldn’t know where to start,” Flo admitted.

“You start simply by SELLing yourself using my four basic principles of flirtation: Smile, Eyes, Listen, Laugh. Let’s turn to page thirteen in your Weapons manual.” Joey paused the lecture while everyone pulled out the binders and turned to the correct page.

“With these basics—all tools each of you already possess—used in tandem with your personal charisma, your social sensuality can successfully step out into the public. So let’s go over them now.

“SMILE: Often and naturally. We really don’t pay much attention to how much we don’t smile. And what’s most amazing about that is, smiling is our most effective calling card, a free and easy spirit lifter, and a surefire antidote to negative energy. A genuine smile is power. With it you can change another person’s entire mood and perspective. Let’s try a little experiment. Close your eyes and smile right now. Stretch the corners of your mouth wide. How does your body feel?”

“Relaxed.”

“Happy.”

“Warm and kind of tingly.”

“Where in your body do you feel it?” Joey probed. “In your chest and stomach?” Nods of agreement bounced around the room. “Now open your eyes, turn to the person next to you, and smile. Again, big and genuine. What happens?”

“They smile back.”

“Exactly. Smiling is contagious. And in a flirting situation, we want to infect as many folks as possible. A smile makes you look friendly, confident, and approachable, and it puts the other person at ease. And if he’s feeling at ease, he’s bound to be more receptive and interested in you.

“SELL TIP: Even when you are flirting via telephone, have a smile on your face. The other person can feel and hear the difference in your voice. There is a warmth and friendliness that comes across with a grin.

“EXERCISE: For the rest of this week, pay constant attention to your facial expression and practice smiling. If you’re waiting in a cashier’s line, smile. When you pass strangers on the street, smile. Smile when you notice a beautiful flower or the clear blue sky. Make it a habit, and soon you will find yourself not only happier and more persuasive but on the receiving end with greater frequency.

“EYE SMILE. Your eyes are your most important flirting tool. If you don’t believe me, think of the ancient and yet still highly effective lessons of the Kama Sutra, where prolonged eye contact is a main tenet of this powerful sensual, spiritual approach to lovemaking. Think of belly dancers and their provocative sideways glances as they work the allure of the veil. Think Elizabeth Taylor and Prince—both masters of ocular seduction. Oh, yes, lovelies: The eyes definitely have it!

“In my younger days, my body wasn’t quite so…so…voluptuous.” Joey laughed, evoking a rush of “You got that right” around the room. “I depended on my body to attract men. And not once did I look into my basic brown eyes and see anything particularly special. That is, until I was nearly thirty and one very sweet gentleman—a master flirt for sure—told me that my eyes were the sexiest part of me. He said he loved the way he felt when I looked at him. His comment enlightened and empowered me. And from that day forward I stopped worrying so much about my body and began cultivating my ‘looks’ and other charming skills.”

“I totally disagree. Men respond to sexy bodies,” Juile argued with a convinced matter-of-factness only experience can bring.

“Trust me, lovelies, your breasts and bottoms will one day surrender to gravity, but when it comes to drawing a man over to your side of the room, a seductive set of eyes and a warm smile will rarely let you down.”

“Julie’s right. It’s the sexy-looking girls who pull the guys across the room and home with them,” Becca complained, getting plenty of support.

“It’s no secret that men are visual creatures,” Joey countered. “And I will concede that women who are considered more physically attractive do have a head start when it comes to picking up men. But let’s be real here, lovelies: It’s not really hard to pick up a man when everything about you is promising sex. You’ve got to know the difference between being sexy and looking and acting sexual.

“Flirting is not teasing. Teasing is used to proposition sex. Flirting is used to entice interest. And eye contact is a big part of getting and keeping his attention.

“And once you have it, use eye contact as your barometer of his interest. There is more direct gazing when people like each other and less eye contact when they don’t. And should you lose eye contact, chalk it up to his loss, not yours, and move on.”

“But then you haven’t really succeeded,” Julie goaded.

“When you go shopping, does every outfit you try on fit?” Joey asked, calmly making her point.

“How do you know how long to look? I mean, at what point does a look become a stare?” Rhonda asked.

“True, you don’t want to scare him off by staring. Practice eye control. Give him a nice gaze and genuine smile for, let’s say, no more than three seconds—long enough to let him know you’re interested—and then look away. Follow up with occasional peekaboo glances to keep him on the hook and eventually reel him in,” Joey suggested while demonstrating her technique.

“Another great eye smile is to catch his gaze, hold it for a second, and then let your eyes inspect his face and body for a few seconds. This lets him know you like what you see, which may be all the encouragement he needs to pursue you.

“Once you have captured his attention with your smile and have him locked into your gaze, let your eyes communicate all those things that you’d love to say but feel too silly or forward verbalizing. Let your glance dip to his lips and then back to his eyes as you mentally tell him how delicious his mouth is. Your facial expressions will translate the messages in your head. Drown him in unspoken compliments and he will start living to spend time in your gaze.

“SELL TIP: Your eyes and smile must work together. If one is smiling without the other, you’ll appear bored and disingenuous.

“EXERCISE: Make eye play part of your morning routine. As you’re getting ready, practice flirting with yourself. Look in the mirror and hold your own gaze. Practice complimenting yourself through eye talk. Smile and witness your mesmerizing effect. Keep practicing until flirting and smiling with your eyes becomes second nature.

“Next you must LISTEN. Your ability to listen effectively is the secret to coming off completely fascinating to men. The more you listen and ask questions, the more attractive, mysterious, and intriguing you become. Asking for more details proves you have been paying attention, and sends the message that you find him interesting.

“SELL TIP: Don’t think too hard about what you’re going to say—just really listen to what he is saying and respond naturally.

“And when she’s not listening or talking, a WMS should be LAUGHING. Laughter and humor are also powerful armaments in your seductive artillery. It’s almost impossible to flirt successfully and enjoyably without them. So don’t be afraid of a little playful teasing.

“But remember, sarcasm and wit walk a very fine line. If telling jokes aren’t your forte, don’t. Let him do the telling.”

“What if his jokes aren’t funny?”

“Always let truth be your guide. Your best bet is to react naturally and sensibly. It’s all in your delivery. A gentle, lighthearted grimace can be the bridge between a bad joke and an authentic shared laugh. And sometimes it’s almost better if the joke does bomb, particularly if you can gracefully pull him out of a seemingly awkward situation. Repeating what I mentioned earlier, flirting is a benevolent act. It’s about making a man feel good about being a man.

“SELL TIP: Stay away from giggling. Giggling translates to anxiety, and you are a cool, collected weapon of mass seduction, not an eighth-grader on her first date.

“Now let’s quickly go over a list of three things you should definitely avoid.

“DON’T TAKE IT TOO SERIOUSLY: The most successful flirts are those who enjoy it and can flirt without expecting anything to come of it. Leave the ‘must score’ attitude at home or you risk looking desperate. Practice charming men you aren’t interested in, and soon you’ll be able to flirt with the one you adore and still seem casual.

“FLIRT, DON’T TEASE: There is a difference between innocent flirting and a full-court come-on. Avoid overtly sexual talk or touching. Be a little mysterious—show your interest by being friendly, but don’t offer more than you intend to give. Consider this when you are choosing your attire for the evening. Suggestive and revealing clothing says less about you being a powerful, sensual woman and more about you being sexually available. Be clear what message you are trying to send.

“DON’T BE UNKIND: If someone you are not interested in approaches you, act appreciative and polite. Smile, ask his name, and thank him for coming over before gently discouraging further contact. Let him leave with his pride intact. Other men are watching to see what you do. If you laugh after he leaves or show visual disapproval, you are lessening your chances of anyone else approaching you.

“Now if you would please split into teams of six, we’re going to do a little flirtatious role-playing in preparation for tonight’s field trip.”

As the groups divided up and began practicing making eye contact, smiling with sincerity and listening with rapt attention, Pia excused herself. Walking down the hallway toward the ladies’ room, she could feel her entire body tighten up. Tonight’s activity terrified her. These past five years of sitting at the singles bar of life, sipping a no-sex cocktail, had definitely taken a toll, and what used to come so naturally now felt like speaking a foreign language.

Damn, how does one say, “disaster waiting to happen” in Embarrassed Jackass?