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“Where are we going?” Cecilia asked as she looked at the brown fields and gray sky. She had no notion of how long or how far they had been driving. But the sun was low on the horizon and would be down in only a couple of hours. They were quite exposed in the open phaeton and the cold was starting to creep under the thick blanket Lord Archibald had draped over her knees.
“I don’t know,” Lord Archibald said, and then after a pause of a heartbeat or two: “Where would you like to go?”
Cecilia looked at the road ahead of them. It was a simple question, but it held such potential. As if the two of them could actually go anywhere. A feeling so large and overwhelming that it made her dizzy for a minute and unable to answer. Where did she want to go?
As if her stomach wanted a say in the matter, it growled loudly.
“Anywhere there’s food,” she told him and tried to smile, but found that her face was oddly stiff, and she was not certain that she actually managed it.
“Excellent choice,” Lord Archibald stated brightly, although there was a phony quality to his voice. Cecilia had no energy to analyze it though.
About ten minutes later, they arrived at an inn. Lord Archibald took care of everything while Cecilia hobbled after the innkeeper as he showed her to a private parlor. She immediately made her way to the roaring fire, hurrying as much as she could on the crutches. She tore off her woolen gloves and stretched her hands towards the heath. It only seemed to amplify how cold she was. Her skin prickled as the fire slowly unthawed her body.
She wished that her insides would remain frozen though. For the past... Cecilia had no notion of how many hours they had been driving, she had tried to come to terms with what she had seen. No matter what angle she attacked the situation from, the result would inevitably be that Flint would marry Lady Hester and Cecilia would be on her own again. She had not even been able to keep the attention of the most loyal and steadfast man of her acquaintance.
The door opened behind her, and she briefly glanced over her shoulder to see Lord Archibald enter, then turned towards the fire again. She could hear that he threw his hat on the table and tore his overcoat off with a slight grunt. He came to stand beside her and reached his hands toward the fire as well.
Cecilia imagined that she could feel the heat from his body even though they were standing with at least a foot between them. But that was utter nonsense given the many layers of clothes they were wearing. Despite this, it did seem to warm her insides.
They were silent for minutes. Cecilia felt that she should probably speak but now that they were away from Great Farleigh Hall, truly alone together for the first time, it felt as if she needed to become acquainted with him all over again.
Lord Archibald was the first to break the silence:
“I’ve ordered food for us. I expect that it will be here shortly.”
“Oh,” was all that Cecilia could answer. She could have done that. She had spoken to the innkeeper when he showed her into the room. It was just that she was so used to others taking care of such things for her. “Thank you,” she then hurried to say, not wanting him to think her ungrateful.
She turned more fully towards him, looking at his profile illuminated by the flames since he did not turn at once. He was almost sinfully handsome. There was no denying it. And was that not part of the problem? She had liked that he was willing to entertain her because he was so good-looking.
When he turned towards her, he studied her intently. She could practically feel his eyes roam over her face. She wondered what he saw. A destitute dependent girl supposedly. Yet they had developed a sort of friendship over the last week, she had to remind herself. Although she was not sure whether it was from boredom on his part or other ulterior motives.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, and she was surprised when he reached forward and untied the shawl that she had wrapped around her head and shoulders. He threw it on one of the chairs without taking his eyes off her.
Cecilia averted her gaze and shrugged. How did she feel? Besides the enormous task ahead of her of having to go through yet another season, some part of her also felt...lighter. As if she was a bird that had taken flight and had yet to figure out where to land.
“Better,” she settled on and dared to look at him again. The corners of his mouth tugged upwards. “Would you fault me if I say that some part of me feels relieved?”
She supported herself on the wall and chairs as she made her way to the table to avoid standing opposite him as she waited for his answer.
“I would never fault you for how you feel,” he told her with an uncanny seriousness.
Cecilia looked startled at him, and their eyes caught in a way that she had not experienced before. Lord Archibald’s blue eyes seemed to shimmer in the light from the fireplace and several emotions played over his face. But she was too preoccupied with the beauty of his eyes to analyze any of them. She was not certain that she would ever be able to tear her gaze away.
A small sigh escaped her when there was a knock at the door at that moment and Lord Archibald averted his gaze to it as he called:
“Enter.”
Their food was served, and they sat down opposite each other. The silence from the phaeton that had felt pleasant was now loaded and Cecilia desperately wanted to relieve the tension yet had no notion of what to say or do. The easy conversation that they had enjoyed in the salon seemed to have vanished the minute they left Great Farleigh Hall.
Her mind raced over the last couple of hours, stopping at him rushing into the salon where she had been resting and all but coaxing her to come with him. She had gone with him because being with him always held excitement for her and she wanted to be near him. She had been aware that he was putting on his charms for her and acting unnatural yet had not thought more of it. She had assumed that he wanted to show her a matter that was obscene or ridiculous. A matter that would make her laugh, not turn her entire world upside down. She had a vague memory of realizing at the time that this was what he had wanted to show her, but she needed him to acknowledge it.
“You knew he was in there,” she stated without thinking first. “What you wanted to show me was the two of them together...”
Lord Archibald did not look at her, but his utensils stilled on his plate and his shoulders went rigid. Cecilia stared at him trying to will him to look at her.
“Yes,” he finally agreed, and his fathomlessly blue eyes found hers with an expression she had not seen in them before. Remorse possibly, although it seemed improbable. “I’m sorry. I wanted you to see for yourself and not hear it from me.”
Cecilia opened her mouth to speak but no words came. She snapped her mouth shut as she tried to comprehend his reasoning.
“How long have you known?” she finally snapped.
His gaze immediately left hers. Cecilia felt her cheeks flush with indignation, and she rose slowly from her chair, careful not to put too much weight on her foot. Lord Archibald leaned back in his chair, an anxious look in his eyes as if she might leap over the table and go straight for his throat. Some part of her wanted to.
“How long, Archie?” she demanded, forgetting all about cursory titles, propriety, and whatnot.
“About a week,” was the meek answer.
“A week,” Cecilia squealed in a voice so high-pitched that she was uncertain whether he had understood her. “A week,” she repeated in a tone of voice that was closer to her normal register. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
He squirmed in his chair like her brothers when they were taken to task by their father.
“I wanted to give Lord Lambourn the chance to talk to you in person, but when he didn’t...” He had been looking at the table and not her as he spoke but now turned his gaze towards her. “There’s also Hester’s reputation to consider.”
Cecilia huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.
“Yes, her reputation is of course important whereas mine...” She let her voice trail off, hugging herself and turning her back to him. She had once seen a giant balloon meant to carry people being filled with gas, it had been a marvelous sight. But she now felt as the balloon had looked when it was deflated afterward.
“Your reputation will not suffer from this,” Archie said behind her, and she could hear his chair scrape over the wooden floor.
“Of course, it will. Don’t be naïve. I was undesirable before my engagement to Flint and now that he has left me for another... I don’t think I can go through another season.” She hobbled to the window and leaned her forehead against the cool glass. It was rapidly growing dark outside and the small garden behind the inn was fast becoming obscured.
“I can’t imagine that anyone would find you undesirable,” Archie said behind her. Cecilia was startled when he placed his large hands on her shoulders. Besides helping her in and out of the phaeton, he had not touched her since they left Great Farleigh Hall.
“Oh, yes, I did everything a young lady is supposed to: singing, dancing, water coloring, my reputation was impeccable, and I’m not that atrocious to look at and yet... the only offers I received my first two season was from gentlemen who I had not even entertained the notion of marrying. And the ones where I tried to catch their eyes...” Her throat constricted at the thought of Mark Walfingham and his crude words. It took her at least a minute before she could go on. “And it was not that I strove for the unachievable or that he necessarily needed to hold a title. I just wanted someone I could like. Someone I could trust...”
Cecilia closed her eyes as she felt the sting of tears in her eyes and tried to force them back. She imagined how by pressing her eyelids firmly shut she was able to make the tears roll back into her skull.
Archie did not say anything but was merely standing behind her. A large warm soothing presence. It reminded her of how her old nanny could soothe her simply by taking her into her arms and stroking her hair over and over. The thought of Archie as a nurse maid was ridiculous and she felt the image tug on her lips.
It gave her the strength to lift her head from the window, confident now that she was not going to cry.
“We should head back,” she murmured.
“It’s too late. We will have to stay,” Archie muttered behind her.
Cecilia focused on the darkness outside and felt her eyes widen.
“No, but we can’t,” she breathed. “The scandal. And my parents.”
She had only left a note for her parents saying that she needed to leave. She could not even remember whether she had mentioned that Archie was with her or what had happened with Flint. Abruptly she turned towards him and almost bumped into him. She had not realized that he was this close. He steadied her with his hands on her shoulders, but she wrenched out of his grip and staggered past him to retrieve her shawl.
“If we leave now, we can be back in time for dinner. We have not been driving that far. Only a couple of hours...” she babbled frantically while tying the shawl around her head and shoulders once more.
“Cecilia,” was all Archie said. The calmness and decisiveness in his voice made her stop with her hands still holding the knot of the shawl. She could see it in his eyes, in his entire posture that what she said was nonsense.
“But if we spent the night together, even in separate rooms...” She did not need to finish. She could see that he already knew this. “Why didn’t you stop me?” she accused and rushed forward to slam her fists into his chest. Only to have her injured ankle give in and she fell against him with a subdued shriek.
He caught her effortlessly and held her by her upper arms. Cecilia could not bring herself to look at him but focused on one of the horn buttons of his waistcoat that was not buttoned properly. A corner of it was still under the fabric. She wondered whether it had happened when he dressed this morning, when he carried her away from Lady Hester’s study, or perhaps when he was helping her out of the carriage. Her hands itched to button it properly, but she could not touch him.
“Because you’re my friend and you said you needed to be anywhere else,” his voice came from several inches above her. Cecilia could feel his hot breath on her forehead as she tried to remember what they had been talking about. “And I felt certain that you would have gone with or without me. I thought it safer to go with you rather than let you leave on your own. Especially with your injury.”
Cecilia nodded. It all made sense and yet nothing made sense.
“But you know what will happen if we are gone an entire night?” She moved her head to be able to see his expression as she said this. She wanted to see the fear and trepidation on his face as realization dawned on him. But there was nothing. Just a stern determination.
“Yes,” was all he said.
Cecilia nodded and felt her eyes go wide. She wanted to say something, anything, but her mouth had gone completely dry.