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As it turned out Cecilia had not had to fear meeting her new family the next morning. Neither Millie, Edwina, Hester nor Flint raised an eyebrow when they entered the morning room together the next morning.
“I trust that you are well this morning,” Millie said without a hint of mirth or mock in her voice.
Cecilia quickly turned towards the buffet to hide her blush.
“Yes, quite, thank you,” she murmured as she placed salmon and eggs on her plate. It was well into the morning since they had consummated their marriage thoroughly once more when they woke up. The only thing wrong with her now was a slight soreness between her legs, but she was not ever going to disclose that to her mother-in-law.
Millie asked about their plans for the day as Cecilia sat down next to Archie.
“I need to go into town again today. There is some urgent estate matter that I need to take care of,” Archie told his mother.
Cecilia felt a little foolish for having thought that their night together meant that they would also be spending the day together. Of course, it was not always so.
“Oh, I thought the Cottage ran smoothly. You have always said that it does,” Millie said.
Her plate was empty, and Cecilia suspected that she had finished her meal long ago but had merely stayed to chat with whoever came into the morning room. The devotion that Millie had for her children was very charming. Cecilia was certain that her own parents loved her, but there had also always been a calculation to their love. They knew that their children had to make advantageous marriages to better their social standing. Millie seemed content with whomever her children married as long as they were happy.
Cecilia’s heart swelled at the idea, and she chanced a glance at Archie. Yes, the two of them could make each other happy. She quickly looked away again before his eyes sought hers and they would be caught ogling each other in front of his family.
“Do you need any help?” Flint volunteered at the other side of the table and Cecilia was reminded of their conversation.
“No, it is nothing as serious as that. You should enjoy yourself,” Archie replied with an easy smile.
He had not mentioned this estate business when they had been alone together. Cecilia pinched her thigh beneath the table as she tried to drive her thoughts away from the place they wanted to go. She did not succeed, however. It only took a second for her thoughts to spiral about why he would not tell her and whether he was keeping anything secret from her. After their night together, she could hardly believe that he had the desire nor energy to be with another woman. Then again, her mother had said that men often had more desire than women.
“I could accompany you. If you want company,” Cecilia offered Archie and felt her smile wobble even though she was trying to keep it steady.
But he declined it and shoveled the last of his potatoes into his mouth.
“In fact, I should probably leave now, so that I will not be back too late,” Archie said as he rose. He kissed Cecilia’s forehead, bid the others goodbye, and was out the door the moment after. Cecilia looked at the empty doorway for a moment.
“I would very much like your company, Cecilia,” Edwina said from the other side of the table. “I will be spending much of the morning in the salon upstairs with Neville and it would be lovely with some company.”
Cecilia smiled gratefully and nodded absentmindedly. Her mind was still on Archie’s swift departure.
About fifteen minutes later she left the room to collect her book and needlepoint from her room. Edwina had gone to fetch Neville in the nursery and would join her in the salon. She was headed up the main stairways when she heard someone call her name behind her. She turned to see both Flint and Hester walking into the entrance hall from the hallway leading to the morning room.
She descended the stairs again to meet them in the hallway. Hester ushered them into a drawing room and for a moment the two of them were looking uncomfortably at her. Cecilia began to worry whether they would actually comment on the fact that she and Archie had not been at dinner last night.
“I’m very sorry about what happened yesterday,” Hester began, and Cecilia remembered their conversation.
“Oh, think nothing of it. It was... I was just surprised,” she told them and looked from Hester to Flint. They both wore concerned expressions, and it was evident that they thought she had been hurt deeply by Hester’s words – and Flint’s earlier actions. If she had not had other things on her mind, she might have spent more time on it, but as she had hidden under the covers for a couple of hours, her thoughts had been how Archie found her dispensable, not Flint. “Well, it was not pleasant, which only goes to show that it was a good thing that we did not marry, Flint. Honestly, I would never have thought you so calculating, but you never truly know another, do you?”
“I am sorry, Cecilia,” Flint breathed, and she could tell that he meant it sincerely. “I did care for you. I still do, as a friend. As a sister of sorts even.”
Cecilia nodded and pursed her lips. What Flint had done could not be changed and she was only relieved that they had not married. It would have meant spending her life with a man who thought her expendable. At least Archie had intimated that he did not. He might not love her, but he cared deeply about her. As more than a friend. And his affection certainly was not that of a brother either.
“I don’t want to talk about it again. Luckily our marriage never came to be. The two of you suit each other much better than we would have,” she was speaking to Flint as she said this, but her words were just as much for Hester. She wanted her new sister-in-law to know for certain that she did not have any romantic feelings for Flint.
“So do you and Archie I am astonished to discover,” Flint said.
Cecilia sent him a surprised look, then decided that she did not need to reply. She said she would go find Edwina in the salon. As a kind of olive branch, she added that she would be delighted if Hester would join them.
***
Archie did not return to Great Farleigh Hall until late afternoon. Since it was nearly November, it was already starting to grow dark. He thanked the groom as he handed him the reins to his horse and walked to a side entrance to the estate. He sighed as he sat down in the boot room and pulled off his muddy boots to change into a pair better suited for indoor wear. He sat for a moment with one boot in his hand as he contemplated what to do. He wanted to go straight to his room and haul Cecilia into his bed again. Forget this day had ever happened. At the same time, he wanted to stay far away from her, take a long bath, and hope that at least some of the guilt would be washed away by it.
Speaking to others had always come easy to him but asking probing questions of his tenants to try to determine whether they might be willing to raise his bastard child as their own did not fit into the category of easy conversation. He was bone weary from constantly weighing every word. So far, he did not believe that any of his tenants suspected that he was asking on his own behalf, but he could not be certain.
Hopefully, he would never have to reveal the child’s true heritage. Lavinia was darker than he and if the child had her colors, chances were that no one would suspect that he was the father. It would be easier for the child that way.
Archie donned the boot and placed both feet on the floor but was not ready to leave the boot room. He needed just a moment more to himself before he might encounter Cecilia or someone from his family. Because Lavinia had certainly not made matters easier for him.
He had gone to see her after visiting the three tenant families. He had been a bit put off by the whole idea of giving the child to a family since it exposed them to the risk of being caught. He had therefore suggested that perhaps, if he gave Lavinia a dowry, she would be able to find a suitable husband who was willing to overlook the fact that she was carrying another man’s child.
To say that Lavinia had been livid would be to put it mildly.
“I will under no circumstances marry. I am only twenty. Do you know what opportunities lie before me on the stage? Do you have any idea what roles I could be given? The fame I could achieve? I will not have that ruined by marrying some small man that will keep me pregnant for the next fifteen years and prevent me from ever enjoying a fun moment in life again,” she had practically shouted at him.
He had quickly agreed that he would keep looking while fighting the urge to ask her who exactly she had been referring to. Most likely her father, which was the only insight that Archie had ever been given into Lavinia’s background. Before that moment it had not occurred to him why she would not ask her parents for help, but if they had ten or fifteen children themselves, they might not have the funds nor the time or energy to care for another. He was discouraged from even asking her whether they could be an option if he paid them. If they had been, she would have brought them up herself.
What remained was to either give the child to one of the tenant families that he had selected or try to find another family somehow.
The door to the boot room was flung upon and Gregory entered.
“Ah, there you are,” he said as a way of greeting and sat down next to Archie on the bench and started pulling off a boot.
“Were you out riding?” Archie asked, even though it should be evident by Gregory’s riding attire.
“Yes,” Gregory answered cheerfully and avoided the otherwise obvious barb. “This is one of the things I miss most about being a city doctor: To be able to go for a ride in the countryside for a couple of hours. Hyde Park is really not the same.”
Gregory had specialized in lung diseases and was working with a well-renowned elder doctor to try and find a cure for tuberculosis. Archie admired his brother’s passion for medicine. He had always thought that he could probably be a doctor as well if he just applied himself, but he had never felt the urge to do so.
“Yes, well, you know that you are always welcome at the Cottage if you need to escape the city,” Archie told him. He thought he had said it in his usual voice, but Gregory stopped and looked up at him with a frown.
“What is wrong?”
If it was that transparent that something was wrong, then it was a good thing that he had not sought out Cecilia right away. After last night he felt more strongly than ever that he could not tell her about Lavinia. Even though he felt certain he would never want to touch another woman again, their relationship was still too fragile and new. Especially when it had almost been ruined because she feared he would be unfaithful.
“Nothing,” Archie answered.
“Fine,” Gregory murmured in a tone of voice that told Archie that Gregory did not believe him. Gregory focused on his boot instead of Archie so at least there was that. Archie should have left while he was ahead, but just rising from the bench seemed an impossible task at the moment.
“Do you...” Archie began before he had thought it properly through. Once again Gregory stopped his work on his boot and looked up at him. “Do you know anything about... pregnancies?” He did not give his brother a chance to answer but babbled on. “I mean, do you know anything about ending them? I heard that it can completely ruin the woman’s lower body...”
He let his voice trail off and looked helplessly at his brother. Gregory’s grayish blue eyes surveyed him as if Archie was one of his patients and Gregory could find the source of his illness by simply looking at him.
“I assume that we are not talking about Cecilia,” he answered in a professional voice that encouraged trust as well.
Archie shook his head.
“It’s the actress, Lavinia.” Just saying it out loud felt as if the fact solidified and became real. Archie gulped and stared at the brown tiles on the floor.
“How far along is she?” This was clearly Gregory the doctor and not Gregory his brother that he was having a conversation with.
“She believes about four months,” Archie murmured and looked at his hands.
“Well, it’s still early. There is still the possibility that she will miscarry although it grows smaller the further along she is. She is too far along though for the more noninvasive methods to usually work.”
“Non-evasive?” Archie had to ask. Despite his extensive knowledge of women’s lower bodies, this was not a matter that he had ever discussed with someone else. Male or female.
“There are several kinds of herbs that might induce a miscarriage early in the pregnancy.”
Archie had no idea how Gregory knew this and now was not the time to question it.
“But you believe that she is too far along for that?”
Gregory nodded. Archie wished that he had known about the pregnancy earlier. Then he might have spoken to Gregory and the whole thing might have come to naught. He would not have to live the rest of his life in fear that Cecilia would find out and that it ruined his marriage.
“And the more invasive approach is the only option?”
Once again Gregory nodded. He crossed his arms over his chest and was silent for a moment while looking into the distance.
“I don’t suppose I have to tell you that it is illegal?” he said as he once again turned to look at Archie.
Archie shook his head. Of course, he knew that it was not allowed.
“As you said, it comes at great risk for the mother to go through it. Especially if it is not done by a doctor. Plenty try to help out women in these situations, some for money, some out of a good heart, but as you said they can end up causing more harm than good. I do however know a doctor from the hospital who performs these kinds of procedures.”
Archie had to check that his feet were still on the ground because he had never felt so lightheaded before. Could it really be that there was a doctor who could handle the situation and make it go away?
Lavinia had said that she did not want the child removed, but if he could present her with a trained physician who had done it successfully before, she might consider it.
“Thank you, Greg. I will talk to her about it,” he muttered as he took his brother’s hand, then reached to pull him into an embrace. Gregory slowly put his arms around him and held him until Archie was ready to let go of him.