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Cecilia had not noticed that Archie had followed her until she reached the groom from Great Farleigh Hall who was still holding her horse. As soon as Archie had excused himself with urgent business matters at the wedding, she had known that he was going to meet this other woman. Lavinia. She had quietly disentangled herself from Gregory who had evidently been tasked with looking after her. At least he kept following her around, which had only strengthened her suspicion. But he had been loath to follow her into the ladies’ retiring room and from there she had hastily made her way upstairs to change her dress before heading to the stables to have a horse saddled. She knew where Archie and the other woman were meeting and thus did not have to follow him there.
“Cecilia,” Archie said by her shoulder as she was settling into the saddle.
“Not here,” Cecilia ground out. This was not a conversation to have in the middle of the courtyard of a public inn. This was one of the useful things that she had learned during four seasons: to keep her emotions in check until a fitting time.
Archie accepted her statement as he walked to his own horse, mounted it, and followed her out of the courtyard. He kept his distance from her on the ride back, which she was grateful for.
Her emotions felt like they were on a boat that was tossed around on a raging sea. Anger and sorrow kept replacing each other as the most prevalent emotion and she clutched the reins tightly as she tried to keep back the tears.
Above the miasma of all the other thoughts was the fact that her relationship with Archie was over. Not her marriage, they were bound to each other for life, but the budding understanding, the teasing, the friendship, the passion. That was over. She had no idea how she could give any of herself to him after this. Not her body and not her soul.
When they passed the bend in the driveway and Great Farleigh Hall came into view Cecilia could see the carriages and people lined up outside. She slowed the horse to allow Archie to catch up with her without looking at him.
“Hester and Flint are leaving,” she murmured.
The last thing she wanted was to have to deal with the hundred wedding guests who were saying goodbye to the bride and groom.
“We’ll go around the back,” Archie told her and led the way. Cecilia cast one last glance at the carriages and people in front of the estate. They were still too far away for her to make out any of them. She was sad that she could not be there to say goodbye to Flint. Despite her not having been in love with him, she did care for him. And seeing him with Hester was truly endearing.
She looked at Archie’s rigid back in front of her. For a moment, she had thought that their relationship was developing in the same direction, but no. Both her throat and gut felt like tight knots at the thought.
They did not speak as Archie led them through the estate with an ease that could only be accomplished by someone who had grown up there. He was evidently making sure that they did not encounter anyone on the way.
“Cecilia,” he breathed when they entered his room. She could hear several emotions in his voice, one was definitely sorrow. Probably at having been caught, she guessed.
Cecilia held up her hand to prevent him from speaking.
“Would you ever have told me?” she demanded and crossed her arms over her chest.
She stood in the far corner from him. Despite the room being spacious, it felt crowded with the two of them in it. Even though she felt the urge to back further away, she held her ground.
Archie scratched the back of his neck and avoided her eyes before he answered. His blonde hair was an unruly mess from the wind outside. He was so devastatingly beautiful that Cecilia had to force her gaze away from him for a moment.
“No,” he then told her, and her gaze returned to him. He met her eyes now. “I knew this would hurt you and... given how new everything between us is, I was afraid of how you would react.”
“With good reason,” Cecilia scoffed and felt the anger return. It was like water in a kettle that slowly began boiling.
“I never did this to hurt you. I wanted to protect you.”
Cecilia snorted at his words.
“This happened before we married. Before I even met you.” Archie’s voice was stronger, and he took several paces towards her.
“And the child? Did you know about it before we married?” Cecilia asked and gesticulated in exaggerated motions with her arms as she spoke. She took a few paces towards him as well.
“Of course not,” Archie huffed.
“And if you had? Would you still have married me?”
Now it was Archie’s turn to snort. He crossed his arms over his wide chest. He was even closer now, but Cecilia was not certain whether it was her or him that had moved.
“It was not as if either of us had a choice in the matter...” he drawled.
Cecilia opened her mouth to make an indignant comment, but he cut her off.
“Not that I regret it,” he amended in a softer tone of voice. “In fact...” he hesitated and reached for her hand and Cecilia felt her heart beat fast and wildly in her chest, despite her commanding it not to. “I can’t imagine being married to anyone else. I don’t want to be married to anyone else. I...”
Archie stopped when Cecilia shook her head. She could not bear to hear him continue.
“I can’t trust you again,” she stated and tried to meet his gaze even though she was not quite able to. “Ever,” she added and looked into his blue eyes only to see the most pained expression she had ever seen in another person. Cecilia clenched her fists and jaw to strengthen herself against anything her stupid, foolish soft heart might make her do.