If there’s anything that should take my mind off Becca right now, it’s Liam’s half-naked body in my pool. His bathing suit hangs low on his hips, so those abs I was talking about are in their full glory. But unfortunately, I can’t stop thinking about the little brat.
“I swear, it was like she was possessed by someone else, Liam. She totally went ballistic on me.” I tell him about last night while wading in the shallow end, wishing I had the nerve to run my hands down that stomach of his.
He’s listening, but he’s also stealing glances at me as I glide by. I may not be Barbie in a bikini, but I guess I shouldn’t complain. Liam seems to appreciate me just fine. And from the artwork I saw in his bedroom, I don’t think I have to worry about looking any particular way.
“What else did she say?” he asks, his finger drawing curvy lines on the surface of the water.
“Well, let’s see…that I’m unappreciative, that my dad deserves respect even though he cheated on my mom, that my mom is the best, that you’re nice to me, that I’m unappreciative—”
“You said that already.”
“That I’m a jerk for not giving Jessie a chance.”
“That girl was using her.”
I look up at him. “That’s what I told her!”
“Yeah, but I told you you can’t say that to Becca, remember? She doesn’t take criticism well. Look, Des, you know how Becca can be really negative sometimes.”
“Sometimes? Try all the time.”
“Right, well, you gotta take it easy on her. She can get really down on herself.”
“I know this, Liam. Anyone who thinks they’re invisible to the world has got to be pretty down on themselves.”
I let myself slide under the surface for a few seconds, then pop back up. When I wipe the water from my eyes, I see Liam smiling. “Um…what?” I ask.
He shrugs and looks down. “Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Yeah, okay, buddy.
He bugs his eyes out. “Nothing!”
“Okay, then.” Whatever you say.
“You just look hot when you do that, that’s all.”
To which I freeze. I mean, what do I say to that? “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” He grins.
“Um. So anyway…that time I told you about? When Becca said Crossfire’s music is the only thing that keeps her going, I was like, ‘What?’ Why would someone say that?”
He backs up and leans against the edge of the pool, arms stretched out. “Why? Because she’s depressed, Des.”
“Yeah, no kidding, she’s depressed. You should’ve seen how she got when I told her that Crossfire’s future didn’t look so hot.”
“No, you’re not understanding.” He reaches back to support his weight then hoists himself out of the pool, water spilling onto the baked brick. “I mean she really is depressed. As in, depression. As in, she takes medication.”
I stop and focus on him. He’s gotta be kidding me. The only other person I know that takes meds for that is J. C. Funny, too, because Becca sometimes reminds me of him.
Liam sees I’m stunned into silence. “Yeah. You’re not supposed to know that, though.”
Well, I guess that explains a thing or two. “But she’s told me other things that you’d think are a bigger deal.”
“What, about being gay? That’s nothing. It’s the whole deal with her dad not wanting her, her mom’s dead, her sister’s away. And her grandmother—the woman’s like eighty-something, and you name it, she’s got it…high-blood pressure…high cholesterol. She’s not gonna be around forever.”
Man. Talk about getting dealt a crappy hand. I look away and see my parents sitting out on the deck. Mom’s on the left feeding seagulls, Dad’s on the right checking out boats. They’re not talking, but they’re there. I don’t know what I’d do if one of them was gone, much less both of them.
Behind me, I can feel Liam watching me watching them. He sighs. “Did he tell her, or did she find out?”
I haven’t asked my mom anything about the affair, because I honestly don’t want to know, but that, I did ask. And it just might be the reason why I still see my dad as a good person, even though he’s a bonehead. The fact that it was him who came clean makes a world of difference. “He told her.”
After Liam leaves, after my shower, I feel something inside me breaking down. And all of a sudden, I’m leaning over the sink, crying. I think of my mom and all she’s been through, my dad and how difficult it must’ve been for him to make a mistake and admit it, of Becca and her laundry list of cruel life events, how she thinks she’s invisible. God, I couldn’t see anything that was happening. How could I be so freakin’ blind to everything?
I rush into my room and dial Becca’s number. I don’t know how to come right out and say I’m sorry. Isn’t that kind of dorky? You’re supposed to look humble, Desert. That’s the whole idea. Then, I’ll ask how she’s been and stuff. And hopefully, she’ll still want to be friends with me. Hopefully.
Her phone keeps ringing on and on, though. No voice mail. No answering machine. I’ll guess I’ll just talk to her at school on Monday.