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His head lay on my chest where we had rearranged ourselves on the bed to catch our breath. These were the good moments. These little moments when we were tangled in each other’s arms and the rest of the world stood still.
“We’re totally incompatible. You know that, right?” I stroked his hair teasingly.
“Oh? How so?”
“You’re insatiable and we’re never going to get anything done.”
Arie laughed. “Can you blame me? You’re gorgeous, and I’ve been holding back with you for so long it’s like a dam burst.”
I was quiet for a moment as I wondered if it might be better to bring up the obvious when he was relaxed, when he was open—which was usually right after sex. Maybe guilt, Katarina’s death, or the fact that so much had happened made it feel like I’d jumped from one frying pan into another. Deep breath. I could barely look at him when I voiced the niggling question in the back of my mind.
“But don’t you think we’ve jumped into things a little too fast?”
“It’s not like there was a choice.”
“Yeah. But now there is. We only started living together because there was a threat to my life,” I said softly. “I mean most people, most couples—they’ve been together for at least six months before they’d even consider moving in with one another, right?”
I wouldn’t even think about the promise ring he’d given me over Christmas, which at the moment lay on the nightstand next to the bed. His scavenger hunt had been the most erotic and romantic gesture that anyone had ever done for me. Arie surprised me. Conflicted me. It wasn’t that I didn’t want a commitment; I did. In fact, I’d imagined something more than a promise ring eventually. But that was just it...it felt too soon, and my emotions were still so new and raw. And if I was still processing it, then how did Arie feel about Katarina’s death? Hell, when you’re with somebody that long, there are bound to be residual emotions, even if that somebody was totally twisted.
Arie tilted his head, looking up at me. “Six months? You know that’s kind of an arbitrary number.” The wounded look in his eyes took my breath away. “So what are you saying? Are you saying that you don’t want to live with me?”
I swallowed hard. “I’m saying...now there’s no threat and we have plenty of time, so maybe we should slow down and take the time to really get to know one another.”
It crushed me to hear Arie’s intake of breath, a thin hiss. I didn’t want to hurt him, but I’d never lived with anyone. At least not in a romantic sense. Other kids in foster care didn’t count. So much had happened, and he’d finally let go of Katarina. Or had he? I didn’t know for sure. What I did know was that it didn’t change his worry that the Sight would be harder on me as a vampire. Deep down, he had to wonder if I’d be able to handle it. It pissed me off being compared to her, and I wanted to know that he believed in me, that he knew that I was stronger than that.
“Holly, I want you to stay. I need you with me.”
I didn’t have an answer for him. There were no easy answers, and I wanted to stay more than anything. I just didn’t want to ruin what we had by rushing it, and it didn’t feel right staying now that my reason for being here was dead and gone. But I didn’t want to argue with him about it, either. I couldn’t stand the hurt in his eyes.
And there were other things I had to figure out for myself. Rue, my godmother, had told me that she would take me to meet my grandmother if I wanted her to. I’d never known my parents or anyone that I was related to by blood. Blood. A ripple of hunger coursed through me.
I nodded slowly, my only acknowledgment, because I wasn’t ready to agree to anything. “Let’s go out. Let me take a shower and then we’ll go.”
Arie’s brows knitted together. “You drive a hard bargain, Holly. We’ll revisit this after the club. We need to talk about this. I don’t want you to leave. I want you with me. I need you by my side.”
He paused.
“I didn’t think I could ever feel like this about anyone. You satisfy me. I feel content when I’m with you...it’s like coming home.”
I smiled as I continued to stroke his hair. His words almost made me want to take back what I’d said. Other than the Ellis family, I’d never had a home. Not a real one. Arie had become my world, and we shared so much passion. We had more than that. Knowing it wasn’t just the fact that I rocked his world meant everything to me. Maybe reminding him he’d been buried inside of me moments ago would take his mind off the bomb I just dropped. “I figured a satiated man would be a lot easier to persuade to get out of bed and do something other than suck on my nipples and spank my ass.”
Arie grinned. “I suppose our prelude should just about tide me over. But don’t take too long in the shower. You’re only going to get sweaty again later.”
With a smile I slid out from under Arie, who had been using me like a body pillow. “Why don’t you join me?”
Arie groaned. “It’s a good thing we’re already dead, because we’d fuck each other to death otherwise. And that is precisely why I shouldn’t join you in the shower.”
“Precisely?” I laughed as I pushed myself off the bed and padded across the floor to the bathroom, glad the injured look had left his face. I bent to scoop a bra off the bedroom floor, deliberately taunting him with the view of my ass. “Suit yourself.”
I closed the bathroom door behind me. It muffled the string of expletives that followed. Lord, how I loved that man. He’d forget what century we lived in sometimes and go all formal in his tone and choice of words. But he could be gruff, cocky, and downright blunt at other times. It was an interesting contradiction, and I always wondered what would come out of his mouth next. Better to take a shower or we would indeed fuck each other to death.
***
HE HAD TO BE AT LEAST six-foot-three, even without the platform Goth boots. I looked into the dark eyes of the stranger dancing with me. Before meeting Arie I never hung out in Goth clubs, but I gyrated on the dance floor to the pumping music that echoed off the converted warehouse walls while I waited to see Victoria. Arie perched on a barstool, watching with an amused look on his face was I danced with the vampire groupie.
The smell of leather, cheap knock-off cologne, and sweat lingered in the air, intensifying my libido. I moved with the crush of bodies grinding on the dance floor, undulating with the tide as the human that I’d just met leaned into me. I could sense his desire, his dark need, and part of me considered that it was wrong to lead him on like this, wrong to let him think that I was interested in him for anything other than a feed.
But when he’d offered to buy me a drink, Arie had nodded at me encouragingly. I thought watching me move with the guy on the dance floor turned him on—or rather, watching me hunt got him hot. Although, I couldn’t be sure exactly what Arie thought, with his expression that looked both amused and a little bored at the same time.
“Come with me,” the human shouted above the nosebleed tempo that made conversation damn near impossible. “My table is over there.”
The stranger’s way of speaking felt odd after being with Arie. Semi-formal, stiff speech was part of Arie’s allure. His decorous yet blunt mannerism when I first met him at the Coffee Grind drew me to him. An ancient vampire, he dressed in tasteful but casual clothing beneath a black leather jacket that helped him blend in with the Goth and punk fashions at the club. So unlike the stranger that I was following, in his black trench coat and glossy black, waist-length hair, severe white-powdered make-up and black lipstick.
Two guys and a girl around my age sat at a table in a darkened corner. The girl glared at me as I approached them. My black cargoes slid across the faux-leather seat as I sunk into the semi-circular booth. He wrapped his arm around my waist and tugged me into his side. Her glare deepened into a frown that creased her forehead.
“Brandon, who’s your friend?” she asked, her voice steeped with derision.
Brandon. I remember now.
I’d found it hard to remember names long before out-of-control hormones had run amok from becoming a vampire.
“Holly, this is Jess.”
The girl looked a bit familiar, but I couldn’t figure out why. I winced as her open-toe shoe banged into my ankle under the table. Her toe brushed against my ankle when she drove my cargo pant up my leg as she kicked me. I was pretty damn sure she had kicked me on purpose, but I didn’t have time to consider it as the Sight took over and images spun through my mind.
Jess was sitting at a kitchen table across from Brandon in a cramped apartment. They ate carry-out from Styrofoam containers. He slurred his words and Jess snickered. Fury etched his features before he struck her and blood spurted from her nose. She cried out, tears welling in her eyes, and then she flung a slew of curses at him.
The images began to fade and no one at the table seemed to notice me shudder or catch the blank stare. I knew that I got this sort of blank expression whenever the Sight took over. And the passage of time seemed to happen in the blink of an eye.
“Whatever,” she grumbled, before taking a swig from the beer bottle on the table.
“You need to chill.”
“I’m sick of your bullshit. It’s always the same with you.” She slammed the bottle on the scuffed tabletop and grabbed one of the guys by the front of his shirt, dragging him toward the dance floor. “Come on.”
The other guy shrugged at me and grinned, exposing cigarette-stained teeth. Brandon barely noticed her departure—his heavy-lidded gaze focused on my mouth and his erection prodded my hip. I wanted to scream at him and couldn’t stand him sitting so close. With my out-of-control emotions, I had to remind myself that I could really hurt him even though the woman in me, not the vampire, wanted to rip him limb from limb.
Guys like him were cowards. I’d never had to deal with any in my previous relationships, but I’d seen enough of it to know what it was about—control, plain and simple. It was inexcusable and ridiculous when I thought about it. One thing I knew for sure was that there was no such thing as complete control, not really. The sooner one could accept that control was just an illusion, the easier it was to accept that things could go terribly wrong, and when they did, all you could do was react to the shit you’d been dealt. That was the one thing that I could always count on.
Woman-beating bastard.
“Hey man, I’m going to go out for a smoke and grab a beer. Want one?” his friend asked.
“Yeah, sure.”
His lanky friend lumbered away through the throng, heading toward the entrance. He smelled like he’d just had sex. I was thankful that the club didn’t allow smoking. I despised the saturated smell from working at the Coffee Grind, and I didn’t think I could handle it with my new, keener senses. All our senses, I discovered, were heightened in a way I hadn’t been prepared to deal with. The stink of smoke and sex jogged my memory. Now I remembered where I’d seen the girl.
“I’ve seen Jess before—upstairs.” At the BDSM sex club.
Brandon nodded. “Yeah, she’s a dancer at another club. A friend of hers told her she should audition to dance upstairs at HFC because she could pull in mad tips. When I found out, I didn’t believe in vamps. I had to see for myself—turns out her friend was right. So I told Jess she has to get a job here. But they’re not looking for dancers right now.”
That explained everything.
Clubbers downstairs had no idea that vampires existed, but when he put the moves on me and asked me to dance he’d made it clear that he knew exactly what I was. Our clientele upstairs, at a sex club that had spanned the centuries under various names and locations, knew about our existence, but down here they didn’t have a clue. And high-ranking government officials kept it under wraps. After all, the Hellfire Clubs existed to provide feeding grounds for vampires. I still couldn’t get over the fact that our government knew everything and covered it up. Although, wasn’t that just how governments operated? Arie had told me that vampires existed within every facet of society, but that didn’t even cover half of it. And then I thought of Luna.
“The tips are the best in the city,” I mused.
“Nah, that’s not why I wanted her to get a job. Jess is my way in—or was my way in, until I met you. I want to be one of you.” He leaned in as he spoke.
The smell of alcohol and cigarettes almost made me gag. It took every ounce of my willpower not to grab him by the back of his head and smash his face into the table, make his nose bleed like he had done to Jess.
“I want to be a vampire,” he said.
I raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”
“Fuck, yeah.”
No one could hear him above the raucous music, and even if they did, they’d never believe him. They’d just think it was all part of the game. Some of the Goths were into fake role-playing. Victoria liked to joke about it.
I shook my head. “I’m sorry. I can’t help you.”
“Oh, you mean like right now. Nah, baby. There’s plenty of time to get to know each other. Let’s go back to my place. You, me, and Jess. I’m sure she won’t mind. You could feed on her and you and me could have a little fun.”
My guilt over leading him on and using him for a feed was long gone. I could have just grabbed a pint of Puncture or a donor upstairs, but Arie told me that the adrenaline spike would help my strength. I’d only been a vampire for seven days, so I was still weak and needed all the strength I could get. This fucktard would make the perfect meal, and I wouldn’t feel the least bit bad about it.
I felt nothing for him but loathing. Now I was repulsed and angry that he could offer up someone who was obviously his girlfriend or someone who had feelings for him, for me to feed on. And he’s an abusive dick. I couldn’t imagine why she’d want to be with a guy like that. His abrasive attitude gave me the perfect solution to remedy her bad taste in men. I forced myself to edge a little closer to him.
“Yeah? Why don’t we have a little fun right now?” I asked, faking a seductive voice.
His eyes lit up. I’m sure he thought that I wanted to fuck him. He had no clue that my idea of fun included feeding on him and dazzling him to show his girlfriend some manners. This was definitely going to be fun, but not for him.
“Yeah, sure.”
I threw him a faux sexy smile. “Come with me.”
“Whatever you say, baby.” He swiped an almost empty beer bottle from the table as he rose to follow me through the crowd.
I grabbed Brandon’s arm and led him through the press of bodies on the dance floor. Arie arched an eyebrow as I passed him on the way to a supply room next to the bar. I hoped he didn’t thick for one second that I actually wanted this dirtbag. Lucky for me, my fangs had come in two days ago. Not so lucky for Brandon. I opened the door and yanked Brandon inside, pulling the door closed behind us.
When I closed the door he sat his beer on one of the metal shelves opposite to us. He pressed me against the cement wall, his hot breath leaving an unpleasant trail of salvia down my neck as he kissed me. He made my skin crawl, but I resisted pulling away.
“Are you sure Jess won’t mind?”
He pulled away from my neck. “Nah, she’s good. If not, she’ll deal.”
“You’re sure your girlfriend has no qualms about you sucking face with me? Because she certainly seemed jealous of me at the table.”
Brandon groaned. “Whatever. She’ll get over it.”
He didn’t correct me when I referred to Jess as his girlfriend, so I’d guessed right. And my dislike for him grew to insurmountable proportions. His attention returned to my neck and he never notice that I had my sights set on his.
“And what if I mind?”
His head jerked up and he took a step away from me. His eyes were wide. I met them with an icy glare.
“Hey, look, I didn’t mean to offend you.” He reached for the doorknob to the supply room, taking another step back.
“Oh, you didn’t offend me. Maybe you offended Jess, but me...you just sicken me.”
I grabbed a handful of hair, pulled him to me, and penetrated his neck. When I broke his skin with my fangs, his blood tasted as if it were marinated in cheap beer spiked with adrenaline. Funny. Never gave skin much thought when I was human, but it amazed me now how delicate it was, how it tore like paper. He clawed at the shelf, knocking his bottle to the floor, where it smashed. The adrenaline surged through me, its vital energy renewing me. I felt triumphant when I saw the fear in his eyes. When I released his neck, his gaze darted around the storage room, looking for an escape route.
“Look at me,” I said, grabbing his chin. “This never happened. You’re going to go out there and fucking apologize to Jess. You will never hit her or anyone ever again. You’re going to show her some respect, and from now on you’re going to agree with whatever she says. Do I make myself abundantly clear?”
I wondered if my eyes turned silver like Arie’s, as I dazzled him to forget our encounter and play nice with his girlfriend. Violent? This wasn’t like me at all. I couldn’t believe how aggressive I was with Brandon. I wasn’t sure if it was my vision of him abusing his girlfriend, or not being able to deal with my emotions after being turned that made me want to completely drain him. What was even more shocking was that I liked the power that thrummed through me when I fed on him. But I wouldn’t stop to analyze it any more, because if I did, I thought that guilt might follow and that was a useless damned emotion whether you were a human or a vampire. Even though I knew that, I couldn’t help but feel that way at least a little.
“Yes. Of course.” He staggered out of the supply room with glassy eyes and I followed on his heels, slamming the door behind me.
Arie took a sip of his drink as Brandon stumbled past him. I slid onto the next barstool, amped and keyed up after absorbing the guy’s adrenaline.
“Don’t you think that was a bit much?” Arie asked.
“What?”
“Dazzling him to agree with whatever she says. You’re really going to have to work on moderation when it comes to using your skills.”
I should have known that Arie would be able to hear me even with the pumping music in the club, a few yards, and a closed metal door separating us.
“He had it coming. I can’t stand guys like him.”
Arie laughed. “Without a doubt. But what if she tells him to take a flying leap? It’s not an unlikely possibility, given his previous actions and his aptitude for being an asshole. Dazzling him not to hit her won’t change his oh-so-charming personality.”
That was the first time I had dazzled anyone, and I didn’t realize until now just how easy it was to screw up.
Shit.
I took a sip of the drink that I’d left on the bar before I’d started dancing. “I think it’s a lot more likely that she’ll tell him to eat shit or go fuck himself, and that’s something I’d love to see.”
Arie leveled me with a stern look. “Be serious.”
“He deserves it. You know, he broke his girlfriend’s nose. I saw it.”
Arie nodded. He knew that I’d had a vision.
“I didn’t say that he didn’t deserve it. But how would you feel if something bad, something permanent, happened to him on account of you dazzling him, something you couldn’t take back? The guy’s a dick, that’s for sure, but let’s get one thing straight: you can’t be his judge. It’s not your place.”
I looked away. Now I felt bad about how I’d handled the situation. I couldn’t stand the way Arie was looking at me. Disappointed. All my fight dissipated before that one look, filled with brutal honesty and years of experience way beyond mine. It was hard to admit that I’d completely screwed up but it was true.
“You’re right,” I said, my voice dropping. “How do I fix it?”
“Sit tight. I’ll be right back.”
Arie made his way across the dance floor to where Brandon and Jess moved in abandon to the pumping rhythm. There were too many sounds, too many voices that I couldn’t separate, to focus on what he was saying. Arie told me that would come with time. I knew from the dazed look that he’d dazzled them both and corrected my mistake.
Being a vampire at least gave me a fighting chance, but now I’d discovered that I had an awful lot to learn. And I wanted to prove to Arie that I could do it. My aura was like beacon to supernatural creatures. Since the Sight matured with age and had a distinct aura, it made me the perfect target. Arie had found me from the gold shimmer of my aura, which was probably how Katarina had found me too. Although she had been searching for Arie and he could have inadvertently led her to me.
Arie made his way back through the crowd. I could tell from the look on his face that he was worried about me handling my new life as a vampire. And he shouldered the guilt to go with pulling me into his world. He held out his hand. I took it and slid off the barstool.
“Come on. Let’s go upstairs—get a real drink and see if Victoria got someone to cover for her.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait to have a drink with her. It seems like forever, even though it’s only been a week since she stopped by the loft.”
Victoria had been screening the people filtering through the doors when we’d arrived. I genuinely liked her after spending so much time working on planning the gala together. She’d said that she would come find us upstairs on her break. Arie had wanted me to find someone suitable to feed on downstairs to boost my strength first.
Mission accomplished.
As I followed him toward the elevators we passed Jess and the scum she called a boyfriend swaying to a slow song. The guilt had worn off and right now I didn’t feel bad about taking a bite out of him. That scared me a little. I didn’t even feel a tiny bit unsure about feeding on and manipulating a low life that beat on women.
I was surprised that I’d done it so easily after all the times I’d chastised Arie for dazzling people. I’d always had a pretty good grasp on right and wrong, and even in-between. Since I’d become a vampire, I could see there would be a lot more of those in-between gray areas.
But next time I’d do it right. As for the right way, the correct way, I wasn’t sure there was one, and I felt a little like I was losing my way. More than anything I wondered what Arie would think of me if I told him about all my conflicting emotions and thoughts, which were spinning out of control. I didn’t want to feel like this. I hated that it made me vulnerable, but I just couldn’t help it. The last thing I wanted was him to worry or compare me to his past. As I said...guilt was a useless damned emotion. I was sick of watching it consume us.
