Determined to catch Nathan before he left the lean-to the next morning, Abigail spent a fitful night listening for his footfalls on the ladder. Sometime before dawn slight scuffling sounded in the kitchen, and she slipped from the bedcovers, already wearing a wrap over her nightdress. Nathan huddled before the stove wearing his trousers, a red undershirt, and a look of surprise.
“Abigail. Did I wake you?” After tossing one last piece of kindling on the fire, he dusted off his hands and rose.
“No—I—” He was devastatingly handsome with his undershirt untucked. She gave a shiver that he mistook for cold.
Grabbing a chair, he pulled it close to the fire. “Sit here and get warm.”
She sat, but an awkward silence followed. Compelled to break it, she stood and started for the cupboard. “I’ll make some coffee.”
“Abigail.”
His voice was husky and low, his breath warm upon her bare neck. Aware of his proximity, she froze, afraid to move, afraid to breathe. He grasped her arms, gently turning her until she had no choice but to look into his face.
“I’m glad you’re awake. We need to talk.”
Her heart tripping against her ribs, she let him lead her back to the table. Until this moment, she’d held onto a slim hope that Nathan would ask her to stay. It was obvious by his desire to get this conversation over with—the one where he told her he was happy the aunts had come for her—that her slim hope had been false.
She sat at the table with her palms down on the top. Tears threatened, but she held them back by steeling her jaw and willing resolve into her shaking limbs.
“I’m glad your aunts came to Calico—”
“Belle McAllister hates Gavin Nichols.”
“What?”
Despite the fact that she’d tried to prepare herself for what he’d been about to say, she wasn’t ready to hear it. She nodded. Fists clenched, she buried them in the folds of her nightdress. “I spoke with him yesterday, when I took Lizzie to meet the aunts. I just didn’t have a chance to tell you.”
Elbows propped on the tabletop, he leaned forward. His eyes glittered in the dim light of the lantern. “What does that have to do with your father?”
“Remember when Belle told us about the Chinese immigrants and how Gavin cheats them out of their life savings because they’ll pay any amount to get here? He claims Belle only said that because he foreclosed on some money she owed him. He even had her tossed in jail. Someone bailed her out, but she’s hated him ever since.”
She could see the news percolating in his mind. To her surprise, Nathan reached across the table, took hold of her chin, and gently caressed her jaw with his thumb.
“We’ll find out what happened, Abigail. I promise you, I won’t rest until we know the truth.”
With that one simple movement, her heart leaped. She stared into his eyes, hoping for a glimpse of the man behind the strong exterior, some clue as to his feelings—but he pulled away too quickly.
“I’d like to go to the Chinese camp today,” she began, hoping to draw him close again.
He ran the back of his fingers against his stubbled chin. “More questions?”
“Actually, it’s to see the Chens.”
“Hui’s family?”
She nodded. “I overheard Mrs. Baker telling Gavin they’re in desperate need of food. I thought maybe I’d take them a basket—that is, if you don’t mind.”
“I think that’s a wonderful idea.” Pride warmed his voice—at least, she hoped that’s what it was. His brow furrowed. “But I thought they had the money from Anson’s last paycheck to help them get by.”
“They did, according to Gavin.”
Nathan shrugged. “Well, I’m still concerned about you going alone, but I guess it’s a good idea”—he hesitated, and his steady gaze settled over her—“for both your sakes.”
She quirked an eyebrow.
“Lin Chen needs to know that you care about her and her family, and you—you need to know that she doesn’t hate you or hold you to any blame.”
Sudden insight flashed into her brain. “You spoke to her.”
This time he took hold of her hand and held on tight. “I did. She’s an amazing woman, Abigail. Strong. Full of faith. She reminds me of you.”
With every ounce of her being, she resisted the urge to lean forward and settle into his embrace. This was a temporary reprieve. Hadn’t he started to say how glad he was that the aunts had come and she’d soon be leaving? She wouldn’t risk damaging any more of her heart.
“Thank you,” she whispered softly, sad when he pulled his hand away and smiled.
“Would you like me to go with you? I can leave the livery early.”
The temptation was great, but she already owed him so much, and no good could come from spending even more time in his company—not when she already wondered how she would fare once she left Calico for good.
“No, that’s all right. It’s Saturday. Lizzie will be home. I’ll take her with me. I want to visit with my aunts after I finish there, anyway.”
He lowered his gaze to the table, probably in an attempt to hide his relief. After a moment, he propped both hands on his knees and pushed to his feet. “All right, then. I suppose I’d best get a move on.”
Abigail rose too. “Do you have to? I could make some breakfast.”
To her surprise, pain shadowed his eyes before he looked away. “Uh—no, thanks. I’m—not really hungry.”
Her heart gave a lurch. Not hungry, or not in any mood to stay here with her? Once again she found herself fighting tears.
Without another word, Nathan turned to go, snagging his hat and a shirt from a hook on his way out the door. It closed with a bang, leaving her standing alone in the empty room.
So she was right. He couldn’t wait to get away. With that knowledge, Abigail’s heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces.
Nathan strode toward the livery, finding his way by the feeble light of the setting moon and memory.
From the moment Abigail slipped into the kitchen, quiet as a whisper and more beautiful than the sunrise, he’d felt a dull ache start in his chest. It had only intensified when she refused his company in favor of Lizzie’s. Obviously she regretted the decision to marry him—even more now that the aunts had come to fetch her home from Calico. Their marriage was a farce, born of necessity, not love. He shouldn’t be surprised, and yet…
A part of him had held onto a slim hope that she would come to love him. He’d claimed it was him that would need to learn to love again, to let go of the past and embrace their future together. What a fool he’d been. He’d fallen in love with Abigail the moment she set foot in his life, only he hadn’t been willing to admit it.
A donkey’s bray greeted him as he entered the darkened livery. No moonlight brightened his way here. He’d need a lantern.
His fingers shook as he fumbled with a match, though he finally managed to get the thing lit and the lantern hung from a nail next to the door. Even with the small circle of light, most of the livery remained in shadow.
Much like what his life would be like when Abigail left town. Lizzie would provide a circle of light, but without Abigail…
A shudder shook his limbs. Too well he remembered the dark days that followed Charlotte’s death. He’d been like the walking dead depicted in the Scriptures, a ghost of himself, no use to anyone, especially Lizzie. Well, he wouldn’t fail his daughter again. No matter how his heart ached, he wouldn’t succumb to the despair he’d felt when he lost Charlotte.
He strode across the livery and snatched a shovel off the wall then gripped it in both hands, his pulse hammering through his veins.
Who was he fooling? He couldn’t let Abigail go without a fight. She obviously cared something for them, for Lizzie if nothing else. At the very least, he could let her know how he felt before she left Calico.
The decision lifted the weight pressing on his chest. Yes, he would speak to her tonight, after she’d finished at the Chens’. That would give him plenty of time to figure out what he wanted to say.
And plenty of time to pray.