Ajax stared down at the most amazing woman he’d ever met, watching her sleep. She was finally peaceful. He had no idea what had come over her when she went into a frenzy and climbed on top of him.
He suspected she’d had things to say and meant to grill him, but then she’d found her pleasure and lost her train of thought. It was fucking hotter than hell watching her fall apart. He was glad he’d had the good sense to lift her up and use his fingers. He hadn’t been kidding. She would have rubbed herself raw against his jeans. Never mind what she’d done to his cock.
He’d never been so damn hard in his life, but at the time he’d been so consumed with the angel from heaven fucking his fingers, her lovely breasts swaying above him. The way her head arched back and her lips parted. All of it was like a perfect piece of art. Mesmerizing.
So, he’d given her what she needed and then held her as she crashed again. He was relieved that she’d worn herself out and fell asleep. She needed sleep.
What had she been thinking though? In her frantic state, she’d acted like this would be their last night together and she’d needed to milk everything she could out of it.
He stiffened at the thought. Maybe that had been her fear. It made sense. Naturally, she might be worried about what could happen to him in the next few days. Or even herself.
He would never allow her to be in harm’s way. No more than she already was, so that wasn’t an issue. But she didn’t fully know that yet, so she could be worried. He suspected it was more than that. The entire package. The danger drove her to desperation.
Maybe he was wrong to deny her his cock. Maybe she was right to feel desperate and greedy. He’d promised her he would not take his pants off tonight though, so it would have been irresponsible to renege on that promise mid-stream.
He should not have sex with her. It would be horrifically selfish of him to make love to her. Even though she’d had sex before and wasn’t technically a virgin, she wasn’t the sort of woman who slept around or would ordinarily have sex willy-nilly with a guy she’d known so few days. Not to mention the dire circumstances that made people make odd decisions.
His goal was to ensure she understood what sex could be like. He couldn’t stand the thought of her going even one more minute thinking it was a chore, something to be endured by women for the purpose of procreation.
And fuck her church for making her feel dirty and naughty. That made him so angry. He knew better than to try to convince himself they hadn’t had sex. What they’d done was still sex. But if she didn’t fully see it that way, it might save her some shame and self-recrimination down the road if he at least kept his cock in his pants this week.
Was he wrong to keep that from her though? He wasn’t sure. He’d have to take his cues from her and see what happened.
He closed his eyes, and drew in a deep breath, forcing his mind to slow down and relax. He needed to get as much sleep as possible.
He cringed when he thought of his six brothers who were potentially alive and in God-only-knew what shape somewhere in this country. He was doing everything he could to get to them and rescue them, but he was at the mercy of the plan. Charley’s plan.
He was not in charge of this mission. Not really. There was no way to speed things up. It was risky enough as it was. He was growing to realize that Charley knew what she was doing. She knew people. She’d arranged this elaborate cross-country trip. Every step of it.
He rubbed a hand down his face, guilt seeping in that he was enjoying the best thing that had ever happened to him while his men were huddled somewhere uncertain anyone would ever come to get them. They’d probably been told no one was coming. That everyone thought they were dead.
And what was the purpose of that? It concerned Ajax greatly. Why hold six men hostage in two locations for months on end while the enemy believed them dead? What was the goal?
He didn’t have the answers, and he needed to chase the guilt away. There wasn’t a damn thing he could do to change the pace of this rescue mission. And hell, he had a side goal too. Convincing Serena to come out of her shell and live. Even if it was as impossible as it seemed for the two of them to carry on this relationship back on US soil, he at least wanted her to aim higher than men like James. To find a man who would worship her like she deserved.
He wanted her to know she deserved to be doted on and never settle for less. She was everything kind and good and caring this world had to offer. She was light and life. Beauty and happiness. She was smart and sharp and strong.
If Ajax was the right man for her, he would claim her in an instant. But she lived in a different world. Her church and her family and her hometown were important to her. Attaching himself to her would drag her down.
Most importantly, it was obvious her family and her church would never accept him. He would never suggest she give all that up for a man, not even himself.
Religion was not his thing. He had a basic understanding of most religions but that was about it. He had no interest in attending church, and certainly not becoming a member. No matter what, Serena would always need religion in her life. It was a part of her. He would never take that away.
Damn, they had chemistry. His cock stiffened again just looking at her face, so peaceful. She had one hand curled up between her breasts, lightly fisted.
He’d nearly choked when he realized how nervous she was about being naked. He couldn’t fathom what it must have been like for her to scramble around in the dark under sheets and blankets to experiment with her boyfriend. What a picture.
Ajax closed his eyes again. It was impossible to let go of the visual of each of her orgasms. So fucking raw and sexy. Every emotion was on her sleeve as she came. Every sound coming from her lips was pure. She’d held nothing back.
He loved how she could get all flustered and embarrassed and then completely change course as soon as he kissed her or touched her intimately. And the fact that she’d thought they’d done all there was to do in the sex department after three generic orgasms hurt his brain.
He itched to show her two hundred more ways he could pleasure her. He wouldn’t have time to make even a dent in the list. In fact, this might be the only night he would get to have her at all. Tomorrow they would be in someone’s home again. No way would he fuck her as a guest in someone’s house.
She was noisy. He hated to think of stifling her sexy sounds. He hated to ever be in a situation where he even had to bring it to her attention. He doubted she had any idea how loud she was. It would embarrass her.
He stifled a groan as he ran a hand down his face. He ached to own this woman in every imaginable way. His hands shook at the thought of touching her. His cock would be stiff for the rest of his life every time he thought of her.
Nothing Ajax did or didn’t do would flush Serena out of his system. He was so far gone for her. He pictured her in every aspect of life. Watching her as she cooked or worked or jogged or practiced self-defense or held a child in her arms. She was so expressive, her face would be lit up with joy.
But he wouldn’t be there for any of that. He wouldn’t be there because the more he knew about her, the more he realized it would be a disservice to her to think he could have her in his life.
Ajax needed to rein in his emotions. Control his lust. Force himself to concentrate on the mission, not on the woman currently in his arms. He would never know if he’d done the right thing by introducing her to the kind of pleasure she deserved. Maybe he’d done more harm than good. Possibly even to himself.
It was too late to go backward now. What was done was done. The only thing he could control was how he acted in the future. If he were smart—and he certainly wasn’t suggesting he was—he’d retreat, pull back, not let things escalate. Damage control. For both of them.
He doubted he’d have the strength to do that, though. Tomorrow was a new day. He’d feel her out in the morning and adjust his responses accordingly.