I did what I could to distract myself from thinking about the audition the next few days as we waited for the cast list to be posted. I studied every single note I’d taken throughout the day for each class. I was completely caught up on my homework for the first time all year. I cleaned the kitchen after dinner and took out the trash. I studied even more (then I cleaned my room, too). I called Chloe but forbade her to talk about the audition—I didn’t want to jinx it. (“Girl, then why are we even on the phone?” she asked. “Because I don’t want to hear my own thoughts!” I explained.)
I had that crazy roller-coaster feeling in my stomach for three days. Not crazy like I wanted to throw up, not queasy like anxiety. Not like I was going to have another panic attack because I was freaking out. More like anticipation. Like when you’re excited to go on a trip somewhere.
When I sat in class, I couldn’t get comfortable in my chair. It’s like I was tensing my body to control butterflies floating around in my stomach. I tried to distract myself by doodling in my notebook and deep breathing and taking extra-thorough notes of every little thing our teachers said—even noting when other kids asked questions—but it was no use. My mind was preoccupied with The Wiz. I literally couldn’t wait to see the cast list!
After school, I tried to concentrate on my homework, but my head hurt thinking about whether I’d sung well enough to impress the teachers making decisions about the cast. I had wrung my mind in a knot.
Then I thought about what would happen if I made the play but didn’t get cast as Dorothy. What if I was cast as a Winkie? Would my dad even come to the play if I was just a Winkie? At least if I was Dorothy, I would be in the lead role. He’d have to be proud of me if I starred in the lead role! But if I was a Winkie, he’d think I didn’t have enough acting chops to get a starring role, and therefore wouldn’t be an exceptional, Halle Berry–level actress and therefore wouldn’t be able to make it as an actress or afford healthcare or my own apartment, and he’d tell me to get a real job. Thus killing my dreams of being an actress, a creative, an artist. My whole life would be spent behind some desk somewhere, wondering what if…
So his support all hinged on me scoring the role of Dorothy.
That was a lot of pressure for my first try at acting.
Finally, Tuesday morning had arrived. The day when the cast would be announced.
Mrs. Stevens was supposed to post the lineup for the theater production on the wall of the auditorium before school started. I was waiting for Nia and Olive outside for twenty minutes before they made it to the end of my driveway. “Okay, let’s go!” I said, springing ahead of them. “Come on, guys, come on come on come on come on come on….”
“What’s the rush?” Nia said.
“They’re announcing the cast for the play!” I said. “And I want to see if I made the cut.”
“Oh, right, right, let’s hustle!” Olive said. “What if you get the lead? Oh, June, that would be major!”
“Yeah, it would,” Nia said. “Major for a school play. This is a school production, after all, not Broadway. It’s gonna be okay.”
I looked at Nia. My temples were already throbbing from thinking about whether I would get a part in this play. Now my jaw was hurting from clenching my teeth as Nia yet again acted like she didn’t care about my dreams. “This is probably one of the biggest things I’ve done since I started middle school. So, yeah, it’s major.”
“Okay, girl, dang,” Nia said. “I didn’t know you took it so seriously.”
“I do,” I said, daggers shooting out of my eyes at her. “So I want you to take it seriously.”
Nia blinked quickly, looking for something to say. “Sorry, I’m just not into theater.”
“But you’re into celebrities, right?” I said. “So imagine me walking the red carpet at the Oscars in like fifteen years with you as my plus-one. Sound fun? Well, it all starts with this musical.”
“All right, all right, June,” Nia said, “or should I say, Dorothy.”
“Thank you,” I replied. I could still hear the hint of shade in her voice. But I’d said my piece. No time for haters right now.
I kept two paces ahead of them the entire time we walked to school. Once we got onto school property, I sped ahead of the girls and headed for the auditorium. “I’ll keep you posted,” I said over my shoulder.
“Good luck!” Olive called out.
I nervously made my way to the theater wing, walking quickly, that excited feeling popping into my stomach again. My palms were sweaty. I tried to avoid people’s eyes out of fear they could see how uncomfortable I felt. But Aisha Jenkins smiled at me. So did Kenya. So did Kayla Burnett. “Congratulations,” Kayla said.
“What?” I said. “I haven’t done anything?!”
I worked my way to the wall where the cast roster was posted. My eyes rose to the top of the piece of paper. The cast was listed from lead and larger roles to ensemble and orchestra and dance corps members. I looked across…and saw my name at the very top left. June Jackson. My eyes shifted to the right-hand column to see what role I would play. There it was.
DOROTHY
And now I was officially an ACTRESS!!!
I jumped up and down, squealing, unable to control my excitement. I had to let my true feelings loose. My true excitement. I was Dorothy!
“Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!” I said, in complete shock. I didn’t notice that other people were standing next to me, congratulating me. Candace Brown from seventh grade held her hand up for what seemed like forever before my eyes came into focus enough to realize she was trying to give me a high five. “I can’t believe it!” I said. Oh my gosh!
“Girl, believe it,” Candace said. “Rehearsals start in January, after winter break.”
Just as I turned to go to my first class, Alvin was all of a sudden beside me. “Okay, June! I told you.”
“Oh my gosh, Alvin, um, hi, thank you!” I stammered.
“I’m your Scarecrow,” he said. “Because I reminded Mrs. Stevens so much of Michael Jackson.”
“I bet you did!” I said. “Wow, looks like we’re going to be rehearsing right after break.”
My thoughts and my mouth were running on high. “Hey, if you ever want to run lines together we could rehearse at my house over the holidays.”
“Yeah, all right,” Alvin said. “Let’s do it.”
He smiled as he stuck his fist out for a fist bump. I returned the gesture. My cheeks burned from smiling. Dorothy. Wow! This was indeed a brand-new day for June Naomi Jackson…America’s next big breakout star!
I went to my locker singing along to the music playing inside my head. I couldn’t believe the legendary Diana Ross and I were going to have something in common: leading roles in major productions! I basically floated on air to homeroom. I knew I was supposed to wait for Nia and Olive like usual, but I was so excited I just went straight there. I was relieved when I saw them sitting in the first two rows already.
“I got it!” I squealed. “I’m Dorothy. I. Am. Dorothy!”
Olive excitedly clasped her hands “OMG, June, that’s so exciting! We have to celebrate! This is so big! Congratulations!” She reached out her arms. “Come here!” We excitedly hugged.
Nia sat back in her seat, looking more surprised than happy for me.
“Girl, reeeeeeally?” she said, like a low-key drawn-out question, as if she doubted that I could score the lead role. “Well, okay?! I had no idea you had it in you but, wow, like, get it!”
“I think that was a congratulations?” I replied, the sarcasm in my voice rising. “I couldn’t tell if one of my best friends for life was ACTUALLY happy for me there.”
“Yes, girl, of course! What, you think I’m not happy for you? This is big, June! Like, really big!”
“I know!” I said. “I mean, I’ve only been studying The Wiz for, like, ever. But wow, I never thought I’d get the lead role!”
“Me neither,” Nia said. “But I guess since Ayanna Pullman got cast in this season of Queen Sugar, she wasn’t available. So they went with the next best thing.”
I was too excited to let the shade of that comment kill my happiness.
“What’s the deal with costumes and stuff? Will you have to change your hair or anything for the role? Because Diana Ross had that short Afro in the movie.”
“I don’t know,” I said with a shrug.
“Like, the hair was real short,” Nia continued. “Have you ever had your hair short?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Like when I was three. Hair grows back, though. I’ll do whatever I need to for the role.” Where was this train of conversation going? It’s just hair!
“What about wardrobe, though?” Nia continued, finally perking up. She was literally more excited about the potential wardrobe than me scoring the lead role. “That whole movie was mad seventies chic! Bell bottoms! Large collars! And Diana Ross’s classic pastel girly look! Do you think you’re gonna need a wardrobe person? Maybe I should volunteer my services.”
“I thought you hated the theater,” I said, and scrunched my eyebrows.
“I don’t like phony people in theater,” Nia clarified, twirling a braid around her finger. “But wardrobe is something I love, and you know that I’m good at it. But”—Nia’s mood changed, as if she was scared she looked too eager to join The Wiz after being so against it during lunch the other day—“whatever, basketball season is starting anyway, so I’ll probably be too busy.”
Why oh why does everything Nia says have to come with a side of shade? I thought to myself. I almost wanted to not tell Nia anything more about The Wiz. If she was going to keep hating on the entire production, then why even bother sharing my happiness with her?
“Anyway,” Olive said, keeping the mood light. “We’re so proud of you, June.”
“All right, homeroom, let’s get settled for attendance,” Mrs. Worth said. Nia quickly turned to the front of the classroom. Olive gave me one last smile before turning toward Mrs. Worth. I smiled back at both of them, but I was really bothered by Nia’s reaction. Had she really doubted that I could get the leading role in the play? What kind of a friend was she? I thought my best friend was supposed to be there to cheer me on, to encourage me. But she just wanted to mock me. Mock my dreams. Spit on something that fueled a creative spark in me. I felt the rage bubbling inside my chest—I was going to explode at Nia if I didn’t get this down somewhere stat.
I pulled out my school tablet and brought up my blog. My fingers typed quickly:
CONFESSION #65:
Hello?! Did my best friend Nia not hear me tell her that I got the lead role of Dorothy in The Wiz? She seemed more interested in talking about clothes than congratulating me for getting the role of Dorothy! Like, is she not happy for me? Is she jealous of me? Jealous that I’m going to be, like, this big famous actress and she probably wouldn’t even get the role of a Munchkin? Maybe she’s just not made for the stage like I am! I mean, she would make a good stylist, no doubt about that. Maybe that’s what she’s meant to be, while I’m made to be a star! She just lost her invite to accompany me to the Oscars when I’m nominated for
“June,” Nia said unexpectedly over my shoulder. I almost dropped my tablet on the ground.
“WHAT, GIRL? DANG! You scared me.”
Nia jumped back. She looked down at me and raised an eyebrow. “Whatcha writing there? Must be important if you missed the bell.”
My cheeks got warm again. Did Nia see what I was writing? Did she know that I had a secret blog where I put all the truths I was keeping from the world? Oh man, after all, she and Chloe were the only ones who knew about the spell!
“I—um…”
“Type fast, we gotta go to our next class,” she said, and slinked off.
I shook my head as I watched her go. If she’d read anything I had just typed, there was no doubt we’d get into a huge fight—way bigger than whatever petty stuff she’d been pulling the last few weeks. I looked back at my tablet and checked the time. I had about thirty more seconds to jot down my feelings before I had to run to my next class. I typed super fast, making crazy spelling mistakes along the way:
Anywhoo…me. DOrothy! The lead role in this play! 
Just like Mom was back in the daY. I am so excited…and I…have to tell my dadd now…
Ooooooooffffff!!!
Okay, I gotta think this thru. I got the the bigggest role. He shuld be happy about thAT, right? And since I got the lead part, then my change of being a famous and succesful actrss in the real wrld—in Hollywoood!—would be pritty great, too! Mayb I start acting FIRst, then cross over to directin, or writin? Or producing? I could be the next Marsai Martin! And then HE could be my date to the Oscars once I’m nomininated, in stead of Nia! See, Me being in the school musical is puttin me on a path toward becommming successful! And that’s what DAd wants for me anyway. So, doesn’t erevybody win? They could win—if I could get up the nrve to just tell the man I’m IN the play. Arrggghh!