Evan felt as though he’d been dragged behind a runaway horse through a field of rocks, only instead of a bruised and bloodied body, it was his heart that had taken the brunt of the beating.
And that was the best outcome the day could have had.
Blowing out a long breath, he pressed the heels of his hands hard against his eyes. He’d been sitting in his study for hours, unable to get the look on Sophie’s face when she left out of his head. She’d been wrecked. Heartbroken. And yet, somehow she’d been strong enough to stand unflinching in the face of her mother’s fury when Evan decreed that he would not be making an offer.
He reached for the snifter of brandy sitting at his elbow on the desk. At the last second, he dropped his hand. He didn’t deserve the escape the liquor promised. Sophie wouldn’t have one, so why should he?
For perhaps the hundredth time, he repeated the words he had been saying since she left: It’s for the best. She had hope of living a happy life, in time, at home in Appleton. The infraction was minor when compared to her sister’s scandal. Her family would already be lying low, so in time, it all might just blow over.
If she had chosen to marry him, it would have been a life sentence. In the beginning, they might have found some happiness, but what if he was stricken as his father had been? He would never, in a thousand years, subject anyone to the fate his mother had endured, let alone the woman he loved.
But now, what the hell was he going to do with himself? He was on edge, anxious to do something, but what that something was, he couldn’t figure out. He wanted to pack up and return home, but another part of him wanted to stay. To be here in case Sophie needed something, anything, before she left. He was fully aware of how ludicrous that thought was, but it was true nonetheless.
“Higgins said I would find you here.”
Evan tensed at the sound of his sister’s voice. “Julia,” he said, unsure whether he was angry, relieved, or irritated to see her. He came to his feet, but didn’t move toward where she stood quietly just inside the door, her features calm and collected. Her eyes were brilliant despite the dull day, as if lit from within somehow. She seemed happier than he ever remembered seeing her. Not the brief joy that entertainment or a fun evening brought, but rather a state of being that softened her whole countenance.
In the face of what he had just given up, he was in no mood for her happiness. Did she have no care at all for what she had just done? What Harry might yet have to suffer because of her incredibly selfish and shortsighted decision? “What in God’s name were you thinking?”
She pulled off her gloves, much as she had the day she arrived. Hard to believe how much had changed since that day. She met his gaze evenly, one corner of her lip turned up in a light grin. “Well, it’s good to know you’re still speaking to me, at the very least.”
At the very least, indeed. He blew out a breath and shook his head. “I could murder you right now, but I’m afraid I’ve too much on my mind at the moment to bother with hiding the body.”
“If you were to murder me, at least I would die a happy woman, which never would have been the case before.”
Scowling, he came around the desk. “Happy? For doing something that not only undermined our pact, but which ultimately could hurt all those you love?” He was veering toward angry, thinking of the chain of events that had unfolded in the last day.
“No,” she replied, not at all ruffled, “for doing something that I had fought against for so long, but that I knew my heart so desperately wanted.” She walked fully into the study and settled on the chair Sophie had occupied not three hours ago. She patted the adjacent seat and waited until he sighed and came to sit down.
“I told you it was a long story, but let me summarize how this all came about. I’ve known for years that Harry harbored a sort of puppy love for me, and I was actually quite annoyed by it. He was just a boy, and then just an adolescent, and then just a foolish young man. But when he finished school and came home to take his place as the new baronet, something changed in him.”
Her cheeks grew rosy as she twisted the gloves in her hands. “It was no longer puppy love, then. He tried to properly court me, but I wouldn’t have it, so he set about trying to wear me down by coming up with a million reasons to visit. It was hard not to be swayed by that kind of persistence.”
He knew all about being swayed without wanting to be. Evan rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “Why did you never say anything to me? Why didn’t Mother?”
Lifting her shoulders, Julia sent him a guilty look. “I think deep down I was falling in love with him, and I didn’t want to do or say anything that would change the way it made me feel. Until something did change.” For the first time since she entered the room, her composure slipped. “One day, when we were walking along the creek, Harry asked me to marry him.”
At the mention of the creek, Evan’s shoulders tensed. He always avoided going there—the association with his father’s death was just too devastating.
“Yes, I know,” she said, ducking her head. “It couldn’t have been a worse place. I hadn’t been thinking about the path we were on until we were there, and then he was on his knee, asking for my hand.
“I froze, panicked, told him I could never marry him, and ran back to the house. He caught up to me, tried to reason with me, told me how he had always loved me and always would, no matter what. The problem was,” she said, turning troubled eyes to him, “that I realized then just how much I had come to love him. I knew that I could never have him, so I pushed him away. I came here the very next day.”
That explained so much. No wonder she had been so moody and volatile when she arrived. A week ago he couldn’t have understood her turmoil, but today, he sympathized only too well. But still, it only made the simmering anger that much more painful. He had tried to walk away. He had tried so damn hard to do the right thing—for him, for his family, and for Sophie. Julia had simply tossed all caution and prudency out the window and taken what she wanted.
“So he followed you here, and you suddenly decided to throw up your hands and give in?”
She sat up straight, glaring back at him reproachfully. “That’s not fair, Evan. I did fight it. So much so that you reprimanded me for being too harsh. Believe it or not, it wasn’t until I went to make sure that Sophie was all right that I started to see things differently.”
Evan’s gaze jerked back to his sister. What did Sophie have to do with this?
Lifting her hand to her chest, Julia leaned forward. “Her heart was broken, Evan, and still she didn’t regret taking the risk. She helped me see that none of us know what the future holds, and we have to at least try to reach for the things that will make us happy.”
After the way he had rebuffed Sophie’s advances that night, after the way she must have felt, she truly hadn’t regretted it? Evan rubbed his palms over his thighs, trying to rein in his emotions. Everything was crashing down around him, and it all seemed to center on one diminutive brunette.
“Speaking of Miss Wembley,” he said, “I’m afraid there is something I must tell you.” As briefly and concisely as he could, he explained the events of the morning.
Julia stared back at him, clearly shocked. “My God, Evan. I—I don’t know what to say.”
“Your condolences would be appropriate. For both me and Miss Wembley. I doubt she is as happy now for her risks as when you spoke with her.”
She reared back a little, watching him with thoughtful eyes. “How could you have let her walk away like that? She loves you, and I’ve seen the way you look at her. I find it impossible to believe you’d rather see her ruined than married to the man she loves.”
Anger balled in his stomach, low and heavy. “Don’t patronize me. You may no longer give a damn about this family, but I sure as hell do. The marriage would have been a sham, harmful to both parties. Sophie is the sweetest person I’ve ever known. She doesn’t deserve to be shackled to a man who may someday turn out to be a monster.”
Even saying the words made dread condense in his chest and chill his blood. That was his deepest, darkest fear, the one that made him wake with a start in the middle of the night. What if he turned into his father? Being out of his mind, unable to control his own thoughts and actions—it was the worst possible hell.
“You are not our father,” she said quietly, her eyes intense.
He looked down to his hands. “Not yet, anyway. But the possibility remains.”
Leaning forward, Julia placed a hand over his forearm. “Neither of us knows what lies ahead. We still don’t know if our father’s illness is inheritable, just as we don’t know if one of us will be struck dead by lightning tomorrow.
“You could be held up by highwaymen on the way home, or fall ill with the plague, or God knows what else. But here is what I do know: I’m ready to start living the life God gave me. I’ve been given the gift of love, and I won’t turn my back on it anymore.” She straightened, looking him directly in the eye. “It’s my greatest hope that you won’t either.”
He blinked back at her, at a loss for what to say. Real passion lit her eyes, as though she honestly believed what she said. Didn’t she know such a thing was wishful thinking? That she’d been reckless as hell to run off and marry the man she loved? Evan had allowed Sophie to walk away because he loved her. It was the noblest thing he could have done.
When he didn’t say anything, she sighed and released his hand. Standing, she shook out her skirts and started for the door.
“Where are you going?” he demanded, turning in his seat.
She smiled at him, an odd mingling of compassion and joy evident in her features. “I’ve a husband to look after, dear brother.”
He came to his feet, pushing back the resentment that threatened to engulf him. She was his only sister, and he loved her, despite wanting to throttle her. “So it would seem. Which begs the question, how is it you were able to marry him so quickly?”
Her cheeks reddened again and she gave a little shake of her head. “Harry went to London to purchase a special license before following me here. He said he wanted to be prepared the very moment I came to my senses.”
The clever bastard. If Evan didn’t like him so well, he would really hate him right about now. “And you somehow found someone to perform a ceremony at a moment’s notice?”
“Indeed,” she said, biting back a smile. “Your very favorite vicar, in fact: Mr. Wright.”
Bloody clergyman. Evan crossed his arms. “I’ll have to remember to thank him,” he murmured darkly.
Julia chuckled. “Be nice. I owe him a debt of gratitude.”
“I owe him something, all right.” Suddenly feeling incredibly tired, he turned to more-pressing matters. “I expect to head back to Ledbury the day after tomorrow. Will you be returning with me?” It felt odd, asking her travel plans. It would take a while to grow used to the idea of her being a married woman.
“Yes, I think so. I’m anxious to check on Mama. I feel terrible for leaving her as I did. I wrote her a long, long letter that I posted yesterday before the wedding, but I’m looking forward to speaking to her in person.”
Evan couldn’t begin to imagine what his mother would think of this. Both he and his sister had always felt she was too fragile to discuss the events of so long ago, but he felt certain she would have agreed with their pact, had she known. “I wish you would have waited until we could be there with her before telling her. But what’s done is done, I suppose. We all must move forward as best we can.”
Offering him a sympathetic smile, she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace. “I love you, brother. Things will work out for us, one way or another.”
Evan sighed and patted her on the back. He would have thought she’d stopped believing in fairy tales years ago.