The process of birth is intensely stressful for newborns, psychologically as well as physiologically. The initial separation may cause an anxiety that remains for life. Some psychologists believe that all human beings carry a deep-seated desire to return to the womb.
Other psychologists assert that life begins as a tabla rasa, or “clean slate,” and that we form impressions of life and the world around us only from the moment of birth onward. Accordingly, they argue that infants are not developed enough for any complex emotion, such as separation anxiety, to be created during birth.
A combination of the contrasting opinions offers practical insight. It seems reasonable that separating from the comfort of the womb would be stressful. After months of living in a dark, warm, stable environment, infants are suddenly exposed to a very different world. They are startled by bright lights, loud noises, open space, and cold air. Then they are passed from hand to hand to be washed, poked, and prodded. Birth can also be physically painful, as Dianne’s three-year-old grandson, Silas, recounted to her daughter and then to her.
“It hurt me”—Dianne’s Story
A team of twenty doctors and nurses crammed into the delivery room. After nine months of a difficult pregnancy and sixteen hours of complicated labor, K’Anne underwent a cesarean section and Silas was finally born.
“Three years ago, at this very moment, you were being born,” K’Anne told Silas, pointing to her watch.
“It hurt me,” Silas said, bowing his head.
“What do you mean?” she asked.
“It hurt me real, real bad. I wanted to stay in there,” he said, frowning.
Upon their arrival at my house, K’Anne (an occupational therapist with a second master’s degree in psychology) pulled me into the kitchen. After repeating their conversation to me, she questioned, “He couldn’t actually remember, could he?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “It sounds unbelievable. Do you want me to ask him about it?” After the family gathered for supper that evening, I posed the question to Silas, “Do you remember the day you were born?” at which time he made the same statements.
We must all endure leaving the womb, and whether consciously remembered or not, this first great loss plays a fundamental role in the development of our early psyches.