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Chapter 47

2014

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Annamari’s heart sank. Damn, what did that nosy journalist want now?

‘Tracy, hello. What a surprise. Thanks so much for the excellent article on Steynspruit. There’ve been some developments in the land claim situation – have you heard? I was planning to phone you once we knew all the details but at this point it looks like it may all be settled, finally, but I think it would be best if you spoke to Busi, or our lawyer...’

‘No, sorry to interrupt, Mrs van Zyl. That’s not why I’m phoning.’

‘Oh?’

‘Umm yes. Actually, I’m phoning about Arno.’

‘Arno?’ Her stomach clenched.

‘Well... Ja... Umm. I understand he is visiting you on the farm right now?’

‘Yes. But I’m not near him at the moment. If you like, I can ask him to call you back. I have your number. Will that be okay? Bye...’

‘No wait. Don’t hang up. I don’t want to speak to Arno. At least not yet. I wanted to speak to you...to... to confirm...’

Annamari held her breath.

‘Umm. Remember I told you that I was friends with Yair Silverman, Alan Silverman’s son?’

Annamari closed her eyes.

The journalist rushed on: ‘Well anyway, I was having supper with Yair last night and he told me that Aviva – his twin sister – had come back from Israel. Hello? Are you still there?’

‘Yes,’ Annamari said. She felt faint.

‘Ja. Well Yair said that Aviva and Arno were ... were engaged. He was terribly excited about it. He said Arno had gone to Israel to persuade Avi to come back with him and that it was all terribly romantic and they were planning to get married soon... and, well yes, I wondered if you had a comment about it?’

Annamari’s hand was shaking so much she could barely hold the phone. ‘Comment? What... I... no... ’ her voice petered out.

‘Hello? Hello? Are you still there?’

‘Yes,’ she whispered.

‘Look, Mrs van Zyl. I don’t want to seem rude but... when I was down at Steynspruit I noticed...’

Sweat poured down Annamari’s back; her forehead was wet, her hands clammy. She wanted to cut off the journalist’s voice, but she couldn’t. She felt like a rabbit, caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck.

‘I noticed that Arno looks very much like... there’s a remarkable similarity between Arno and... and Alan Silverman.’

Annamari screwed up her eyes, trying to hold back the tears that were leaking down her face.

‘Actually, it wasn’t the first time I had noticed it. Before I knew who Arno was – I saw him in the courtroom during the inquest, and I kind of made up a name for him. I called him Alan Lookalike. Hello? Mrs van Zyl? Are you still there?’

‘Yes, This is a very bad line. I can hardly...’ Annamari croaked.

‘Can you hear me now? So I was wondering... look this is really awkward for me. Especially as Mr van Zyl said you weren’t related. So I’m sorry but I have to ask...’

No you aren’t, Annamari thought. You are not sorry at all. You don’t have to ask anything. Just don’t ask, just go away...

‘I realise this is very ... but is Arno somehow ... umm. Is Alan... was Alan... I mean are Arno and Alan Silverman...’

Annamari swallowed hard.

‘Mrs van Zyl, are you there?’

‘I’m sorry. I can’t hear you. Can you repeat ...’ she said and pressed the red button on her cell phone. She leaned over and gave in to the nausea that had been threatening to overwhelm her all day.

*** 

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The back door was unlocked. Annamari pulled it open and stepped into the stillness of the kitchen. She couldn’t remember walking back from the rock. She kept hearing the journalist asking those terrible, terrible questions. The silence assailed her. Arno and that girl, they must still be out somewhere. Thys too. Perhaps he was still down at the kibbutz office. Perhaps Mr Venter had phoned. She didn’t care. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered anymore. She idly picked up a piece of paper that was lying on the table, caught under the salt cellar. It was a note. From Arno. He was taking Avi for a picnic at the dam. They’d be back later. She put it back on the table. She opened the fridge, took out a bottle of water; she gulped down a mouthful, then another, but the foul taste of vomit persisted. She walked down the passage into her bedroom. She saw Thys’ bible, lying open on the bed. She was sure she had closed it and put it back on Thys’ bedside pedestal. She shrugged. She hated that bible anyway.

She sank down on the bed, curled up, wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes.

‘You’re back.’

She opened her eyes, stared at Thys and closed her eyes again. She didn’t want to talk to him. She wasn’t ready. She would never be ready.

‘Don’t you want to know what Mr Venter said?’

She kept her eyes closed.

‘He said he had also just been informed about the withdrawal of the case. He said it seemed like it was all over... but he was cautious. Apparently there is some talk that the law may be changed. There’s a rumour that the ANC is going to extend the cut-off for land claims to past 1998 because apparently there are still a lot of people who want to claim and haven’t been able to. Which is a joke, if you think of it. They haven’t even been able to process the claims they do have. But Mr Venter said that could be why the claim was withdrawn – so that they wouldn’t lose in the Constitutional Court and then they could resubmit a new claim...Annamari, are you listening?’

‘I can’t think about that now. I really can’t.’

She tucked her chin into her chest and hugged herself tighter. She just wanted him to go away. She wanted everyone to go away. She wanted time to reverse, to go back to before... before everything.

She could sense Thys standing silently, looking down at her. She heard him draw in a deep breath. She knew he was going to say something. She didn’t want to hear it.

‘We need to talk,’ he said. ‘We cannot pretend anymore. We have to discuss ... before they get back... come on, liefie. Please. Come with me. I want to show you something.’

Her heart bounced. He’d called her liefie.

She dragged herself into a sitting position, hauled her feet off the bed and planted them on the floor.

Thys sat down next to her. ‘Annamari, liefie... we have to tell Arno and Aviva.’

She shuddered. ‘Why?’ she whispered. ‘Why can’t we just leave things as they are?’

He shook his head. ‘Things aren’t the same. You know that. And Arno has a right to know.’

‘Why? It’s just going to upset him. There’s no need to tell him.’ She looked at him hopefully.

‘Don’t you think it’s time we stopped all the lying, all the pretence? For us. It’s about time we were honest with each other. And with Arno... and everyone.’

‘But it’s going to break his heart. It will destroy him if he can’t marry... her. He’s obviously crazy about her. He went all the way to Israel to propose to her...’

‘Who told you that?’ Thys looked at her sharply.

Annamari mentally kicked herself. Slowly, reluctantly, she told him about the call from Tracy Jacobs. ‘I didn’t know what to do, so I just put the phone down on her.’

Thys looked grim. ‘All the more reason for us to stop the lies. To tell the truth, the whole truth, for once in our lives.’

*** 

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Arno and Aviva bubbled into the lounge, flushed, smiling and sweaty after their day in the sun. Annamari swallowed. She felt sick. The vague headache she had been fighting all day was threatening to turn into a full blown migraine. She wondered if she could plead illness and escape to the bedroom, emerging only after Thys had told them.

But Thys had insisted that she had to be the one who should break the news. It was, after all, her secret, her story. Her sin.

‘We’re just going to have a nice long glass of orange juice, with lots of ice and then we’ll go shower,’ Arno said, disappearing into the kitchen.

Aviva sat on the edge of the couch, her hands clasped in her lap. Annamari tried to examine her objectively. She could see why Arno had fallen for her. She really was very pretty – big brown eyes, thick brown hair, cut to just below her chin with just a hint of a curl, a nice straight nose – Annamari caught her breath. Alan’s nose and his wide mouth and perfect teeth...

‘So do you approve, Ma? She’s gorgeous, isn’t she?’ Arno said, plonking himself down on the couch next to the girl and taking her hand.

Annamari flushed. She hadn’t realised she was staring. She looked beseechingly at Thys. He nodded.

‘Arno. Your mother has something to tell you,’ he said.