“The strawberry ice cream was gut,” Becky said later after they’d washed up. “Now I get to help fold?”
“That’s the plan,” Becky said. “We will start with beach towels. They are easy to fold if you know the routine.”
Becky wrinkled her nose. “What’s a routine?”
Eva wrinkled her nose back. “That means you learn over and over until we get it right.”
“Like math and reading?”
“Exactly.”
“Okay, then show me.”
Eva checked the store. Martha was up front helping two women with sun hats. A couple of young Amish girls were thinking of buying some bathing suits to wear under their lightweight dresses, so they could go swimming.
She watched the girls while she showed Becky. “Take the big towel and fold it in two.”
She gave Becky a smaller towel. “Your arms won’t reach as far as mine.”
Becky stretched her arms, but the towel was still too long. Eva motioned to the folding table. “Let’s try this.” She spread the colorful floral towel on the tabletop. “Now start at one corner like you are taking a sheet off the bed, but gently.”
Becky picked up one corner. “Now what?”
“Bring it to the middle.”
Becky did as she instructed.
“Now come around to the other side of the table and do the same with that side.”
Becky primly walked around and lifted the corner and brought it to the middle. “It’s still all messed up.”
“We’re halfway there.” Eva tugged her side and brought it even with the bottom side of the towel. “Now you do that on your side.”
Becky did so, and then ran her tiny hand over the terry cloth to make it smooth. Beaming, she said, “Almost done.”
“See, all we have to do now is fold your side over my side, and then the pretty flowers will be showing. I’m going to count to three, and you bring your side over.”
Becky counted with her. “One, two, three.” Then she lifted her side of the towel and folded it over Eva’s side. “I did it. I did it.”
“Perfect,” Eva said as she quickly straightened the folded material. “Now one more big fold and it is ready for display.”
Becky squinted as she lifted the now-double material one more time. “It’s folded.”
“Gut job. Now go and place it on the beach towel table.”
Becky slowly carried the pretty towel as if it were a crown on a cushion. Then she placed it on top of another similar one.
Martha came walking by with the two women. “That looks great.”
One of the women stopped and smiled. “That’s so pretty, I’m going to buy it. I didn’t notice those yellow hibiscus flowers when it wasn’t folded neatly.”
She beamed at Becky and Becky beamed right back. “I’m learning so I helped.”
“You did an amazing job,” the woman replied, her perfume smelling like the some of the flowers etched into the towel.
“Denke,” Becky said. “We have much work to do.”
“What a precious daughter you have,” the woman told Eva.
She was about to correct the woman when she looked up to find Tanner standing near the cash register, his eyes on her.
But Becky took care of that. “This is Eva, my friend. My mamm went to heaven.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry.” The woman blushed and glanced at Martha. “I’m ready to ring up my items now.”
Martha took over, chattering like a bird while Tanner turned and went through the swinging doors so fast, Eva could still hear the swish of him leaving.
Would he ever be able to let go of his pain and grief?
Tanner took out his frustrations on a huge arching driftwood branch he’d found after a storm had rolled through. He planned to shape it like a wave and place colorful handmade fish along the wood. He studied the weathered bark and as he always did, tried to imagine where this wood had come from. Maybe the yard of a home or broken from a huge aged tree on an island far away. How far had this piece of wood floated before it had finally washed up on shore?
He also wondered why driftwood had fascinated Deborah so much. She loved the gray pieces, her hand roving over each branch they found in the sand. Now he touched this piece, taking in the heat and the grain, his eyes closed as he thought of carving fish to place on the wood, his memories of watching his beautiful pregnant wife walk barefoot along the waves, her head down, her hand on her stomach.
Had she thought of him when she walked, or the other man, the man she’d really loved?
The door swung forward, and Eva came in. “May I speak with you?”
He wanted nothing more. “I’m busy.”
“I can see that, but this is important.”
He took his hands off the wood and turned to her, so many things crashing through his head. “What is it?”
“You heard what the Englisch woman said? And you heard Becky’s answer?”
“I did.”
“And it bothered you. Hurt you, maybe?”
Her eyes blazed with questions, but he wasn’t ready to answer them. Lowering his head, he said, “I’m fine, just busy, as always.”
Her gaze scanned the workshop then zoomed in on him. “You hide away in here.”
Tanner picked up a tool and studied it. “I work here. This is my space.”
“And you fill it completely.”
That brought his head up again. “What are you trying to say, Eva?”
“I don’t know,” she replied in whisper. “I wish you’d talk to me. If we are to be friends, you need to know I am a gut listener. And I have plenty of room in my head and my heart to keep secrets. You seemed upset the other day when Becky mentioned singing the solo. That is a great thing—not something to be afraid of. Don’t begrudge her of that because of your concerns. If you’re worried, talk to me. No one else will ever know what you tell me.”
Tanner swallowed, willing his anger and pain to go away. “Nothing much to tell. I loved a woman and...she died and left me a beautiful daughter who reminds me of her every day.”
“Yet you cringe whenever your daughter mentions her mamm and heaven.”
He had avoided that for a long time. “Do I?”
“I’ve noticed it. You got angry when she and I spoke of losing a parent, remember? I believe she wants to talk about her mamm with you. She needs to hear things about her mamm, from her father.”
“Does your mamm talk about your father?”
If he’d meant to hurt Eva, he’d succeeded. She went pale, her eyes flaring and then fading out. “Only when I push, which I’ve learned not to do.”
“You do seem pushy.”
“I can be, when I feel the need.”
“So why should I be any different? You of all people should understand.”
“I do understand, but Becky is not me, and you still have time to help her with all that has to be going through her head. I never got that time or any answers, and it’s part of the reason I came here. I needed to learn to be free of the grief and the guilt, Tanner. And so does Becky. The only way that can happen is to let her live her life and be a part of this community—in the singing and the youth frolics, and with all the people who love her. Especially you.”
In his heart, Tanner knew Eva was right. But he did not want to deal with his heart right now. “Becky is my daughter. Just because you are helping out, doesn’t mean you get to second-guess the way I deal with her or raise her, understand?”
Eva stepped back to give him an imploring look. “I know my place in her life. You need someone you can depend on, a stability for her. I will be that, for her and for you. But I don’t agree with you on this issue. She’s a little girl without a mamm, and she needs to know things. My mamm rarely opens up to me about anything, and when I ask she reminds me I am to honor her. But how can talking about a loved one who died be dishonorable—to that person or the people they have left behind? What is so wrong with wanting to know about the parent you never had an opportunity to be around? I wish someone could tell me why that is so hard?”
“You want someone to tell you,” Tanner said, anger boiling deep inside his soul. “I loved her mother. I loved Deborah, even before we married. And I love Becky because she is a part of that. She is Deborah’s daughter. But it hurts too much to talk about this. I don’t want to upset Becky or confuse her. She knows her mamm is in heaven, with Gott, and she knows I’m here on earth with her. That is all she needs to know.”
“You’re wrong,” Eva said, lifting her head, her gaze holding his. “I wish my mamm would talk to me, help me understand why I had to grow up without a father, why other children teased me or felt sorry for me, why she shielded me and held me back when I needed to grow and thrive. I know you want the best for Becky, but you can’t see it from the same perspective as me, Tanner.”
Tanner dropped the gouge chisel he’d picked up. “You’re right on that. We have a different perspective. If you ever have a child, you’ll understand a lot better.”
Eva gasped and gave him another hurt look, causing him to flinch at what he’d just said.
“I might not be married with children, but I know what has hurt me all my life. I can see that same hurt in Becky if you don’t change things. But I’m just here for a season to keep her company. I have overstepped.”
She turned and left the room, the doors moving with such a rush, Tanner knew if the door hadn’t been on a hinge, it would have been slammed in his face.
“You are a dolt,” he said to himself. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to go after her and apologize. She was right about one thing. It hurt. Always it hurt.
But he couldn’t tell her the difference between his protective nature and that of her mother.
He had to protect Becky’s name and he had to keep her safe as his child.
Even if she did belong to another man. All the more reason, because of that secret, and because that man had died before he ever knew Deborah was carrying his child.
A few days later, Eva went to find Becky. She’d left her in the office behind the cash register since Martha was close by. Now she found Becky coloring pictures—flowers and birds and what looked like the sea behind them.
“Are you going to walk me home?” Becky asked. “Martha told me Daed is working on a big piece of wood today. He needs more time.”
“I could do that,” Eva said, wishing she could run away and not look back. Tanner would never approve of her, even though he’d hired her. The man must have been desperate. He could go back to letting his kinfolk help with Becky, if he felt Eva had asserted her opinions too much. But he just avoided everyone, all the time. “I’ll check with Martha first. We don’t want to upset your daed.”
“He’s always upset about something,” Becky replied, her eyes wide with a bluntness Eva respected. And with a worry she knew all too well.
“I will find out what he expects,” she said. “I’ll send Martha to ask him.”
“Because he’s grumpy?”
“Ja, exactly.”
Martha stuck her head in the room. “Did I hear my name?”
Becky bobbed her head, but Eva spoke up before the child told all. “I don’t know if Tanner wants me to take Becky home or not. I haven’t talked to him all day.”
Martha took the hint. “I’ll just go and check. Sometimes he does stay late. His family usually gets this one home and fed at those times. Let me see.” She gave Eva a knowing nod.
At least someone knew what to expect from the man. She hadn’t a clue, and that was frustrating. That and the way he made her feel, at times as if she was the only person in the world, at other times, as if she was the worst person in the world. Which way did he want things? That would be her next question to him. Did he want her here or not? And she’d get the truth this time, no matter how the man made her feel.