Tanner rushed out the back door with a glass of water, his heart pounding like a mallet against his ribs. “Eva?”
She sat holding a hand to her throat, her eyes wide with fear as she tried to find air.
“What can I do?” he asked, unsure how to handle this. Then he remembered when he’d had to take CPR training in case something happened in the shop.
“Calm,” he said. “I need to calm you down.”
She bobbed her head, her eyes full of a plea for help.
“Water?” he asked as he kneeled in front of her.
She shook her head. Tanner placed the water glass on the table and then took her hands in his. “Eva, look at me. Take one deep breath.”
She gazed at him and then struggled to get in a deep inhale.
“Now, let it out slowly, another, over and over,” he said. “Breathe deep.” He did the same and decided he needed this, too. “Now another, deep, deep breath and let it out.”
She struggled to gain control, but finally her breathing went from frantic to slow and steady. Her expression held a trace of fear and shock, but her eyes were steady now, her pupils less dilated.
“Let’s try one more,” he coaxed. “Deep breath in and out. You’re going to be all right. They are gone now and you’re safe with me. Breathe deep and listen to me. You’re safe. The air is fresh and clean, the creek is gurgling, and the ocean is only a few miles away. Keep focusing on that.”
Eva nodded. “Water,” she finally whispered.
Tanner held the glass. “Steady now. Just a sip.”
She sipped, her hand over his as he held the glass. “More.”
“Okay, but slowly.” He tilted the small glass a bit more.
Eva took another sip then lifted her head. “Okay.”
“Ja?” Tanner let out a long-held breath of his own. “You scared me. Does this happen often?”
Her relief turned to disappointment. “You’re going to fire me, aren’t you?” she said on a whisper that made its way into his heart and settled in.
“Why do you keep thinking that?”
“Because you are frowning, and you saw what happened. I made a mess of everything, and Martha says the customer is always right. I didn’t please any of them today.”
“Martha is not here, is she?” he asked, touched that Eva wanted to do a good job. “She is right to a point. We try to please our customers, but we do not put up with people who are being obnoxious and unreasonable and what I witnessed today was certainly that. You did nothing wrong.”
Eva looked so shocked, he had to smile.
“Now you’re laughing at me?”
“Neh,” he said, frustration coloring the one word. Why did this woman seem to fray his nerves at every turn? “I’m not laughing at you. I... I think it’s sweet that you care so much, is all.”
She sank back against the bench and gave him a quizzical once-over. “So I’m sweet?”
Tanner couldn’t seem to get himself out of the hole he’d dug himself into. “You are kind and a hard worker, Eva.” Should he tell her he thought she was a sweet person, or would that make her angry again?
“So I’m not sweet, but capable.”
Tanner grunted. “I liked it better when you couldn’t talk much.”
“So I talk too much?”
“Neh, I’m glad you can talk. You couldn’t breathe a few moments ago.”
She found the water and took a long drink. “I’m sorry. I want to do a good job. I like working here but these first few days have been hard. I’m afraid of doing something wrong and I’m leery of getting sick, and I’m afraid of you.”
Tanner dropped back and lifted up to stand over her. “You do not need to be afraid of me. I will try to do better. I’m not used to someone like you.”
“And who am I like?”
“You aren’t like anyone I’ve ever known before, that is for certain sure. And yes, you are a sweet lady who has found a whole new world so different from the one you left and yet, you are so willing to do your part, to work and become a part of this community. You did a gut job today, Eva. Never doubt that.”
She nodded and held her water glass in two hands. “I had a panic attack. I don’t want to be sick, Tanner.”
“What are you talking about? You just got too worked up and nervous, but you aren’t sick. Are you?”
His thoughts went back to Deborah. She’d been depressed during her pregnancy, according to the doctor. Did all women get such anxieties, even the single ones? Women were hard to understand. Tanner had managed to stay single because he was afraid of that kind of deep love again, and he was afraid of not being able to help the person he loved. He’d failed Deborah in every way. He never wanted to be that man again.
Eva must have seen the shock in his eyes. She stood and tried to get past him. “You don’t want a frail, sickly worker.”
He tugged her back. “Just explain this to me, please.”
She glanced around like a lost doe wanting to jump the fence. “I have allergies and as a baby I had lung problems, a lot of respiratory infections. I’m better now, but sometimes I... I panic and that causes what happened today. It’s not asthma but being anxious adds to my breathing problems.”
“I had no idea,” Tanner said. “Why didn’t you tell me this up front?” He couldn’t take secrets from another woman either. He would not abide that, and yet, this woman who appeared so innocent and naive, hadn’t told him the truth. “I need to know if a worker has special needs.”
“I have medication and I know how to deal with this most days,” she said, her voice holding some fight now. “The panic attacks are not part of the sickness. They only happen when I’m tired or stressed—”
She stopped, put her head in one hand. “I should have never asked you for a job. I was rebellious and I wanted to take on a challenge. Maybe this challenge is just too much.”
Tanner let out a sigh and sat down beside her. “I only ask that you’re honest with me. Is there more I should know?”
“I’ll tell you everything,” she said. “It’s not some dark, horrible secret.”
Tanner felt the stab of that remark since he couldn’t be completely honest with her, but he held his feelings inside and waited for her to continue.
“I’ve had pneumonia and severe bronchitis several times over the years and the last time, my doctor suggested I might need a change—the cold air is brutal on my lungs, and I get sick very easily if I’m chilled. The doctor suggested I kumm to Florida to visit my aenti.” She stopped and hung her head. “I think even the doctor saw how my mamm hovered over me and protected me too much. She kept me inside even in the summer and fretted if I attended a youth event.”
Lifting her head again, Eva faced him. “Doc told me I’d never get strong if I didn’t have fresh air and sunshine. But I can see now, he wanted me to experience life—as long as I would be careful. But I haven’t been careful here. I’ve been here over a week now and already I’ve panicked. Next, I’ll probably become fatigued and get a sore throat and a cough. If Mamm finds out, I’ll have to go home to the snow and the cold weather and her constant worrying. Since Daed died when I was young, I’m all she has. But I don’t want to go back there. I sound selfish, but not yet, not yet.”
Tanner’s mind raced with a million reasons to tell her to go home and rest, and to let her know she didn’t need to report to work again. But the forlorn look in her pretty eyes held him. He couldn’t fire her, not when she’d tried so hard each day. Martha loved her and Eva had stood up to those bullying teens today.
“You don’t have to go back yet,” he finally said. “You can still work here—but no more than three hours at a time until you’re steadier, and only when the weather is gut. No getting out in rain or storms.”
She bobbed her head. “Denke.”
Then he studied her. “I also have another idea that I think might work, too.”
Surprised, Eva sat up straight. “What would that be?”
“How would you like to be Becky’s companion as needed, which will be every day after school until school is out, and then it would be more hours. But that’s only for the high summer, and you might not even be here then.”
Eva let out a gasp. “You want me to tend to Becky?”
“If you’d like. You can help out with her here at the store and help Martha in a rush. You have the backyard here to enjoy and I can put up a covered patio for you two to do schoolwork and such. She needs help on her reading, and you’d be gut at that. I have lots of well-meaning cousins, but it’s always complicated, having to pass Becky around so much. They mean well, but they’re moving on to other jobs. She’s getting older, and she needs stability.”
“And you think I can give her that?”
Tanner wished he could show Eva just how much courage and spunk she truly had. He understood how her mother’s hovering had almost ruined her, and she obviously felt that, to come all the way down here to get away for a while. She only needed responsibility and confidence, like most people. She could help Becky with that, too.
“I believe you are a gut influence on her, ja.” He leaned close. “Despite the notorious ice cream incident.”
She smiled at that. “I am sorry.”
“Not your fault. I learned from it. I realized I’ve been coddling Becky and that needs to stop. You’d be a big help in that since you understand what being coddled means, ain’t so?”
Eva smiled and shook her head. “You are always a surprise, Tanner.”
“So are you, Eva,” he replied, smiling back. “So are you.”
Then he asked, “Well, do we have a deal?”
Eva waved bye to Tanner and Becky. Once Becky had arrived at the shop, Tanner decided they’d shut down early. So they hastily cleaned up and he showed Eva how to void a sale so the register receipt would match up.
“You’re not walking home,” he’d told Eva. “I’ll bring the cart around.”
Before Eva could protest, Becky clapped her hands. “Riding in the cart is fun, Eva. Have you tried it?”
“I have,” Eva told her as she exchanged a speaking look with Tanner. “I had my first ride when your daed picked me up at the bus station a few days ago. It’s different from riding a horse.”
Becky giggled. “A horse doesn’t have wheels. But Daed takes me to the riding stables, and I get to ride the ponies. He says that’s how Amish get around up north.”
“Your daed is correct. I’m glad he is teaching you the traditions we have in Pennsylvania.”
Tanner came and stood with them. “Before I get the cart, Becky, I need to ask you something.”
“Am I in trouble?” Becky asked, her eyes wide.
“Neh, this is a great thing,” Tanner said, glancing at Eva. “How would you like it if Eva spends more time with you after school?”
Becky’s squeal pierced the air. “I’d love that.”
Tanner covered his ears and grinned. “Then we will discuss it a bit more when we get home.”
“Is Eva coming with us?”
Eva intervened after seeing the doubt in Tanner’s eyes. “Neh, I am tired and my aenti is expecting me for supper. But she did say we might visit the ocean this weekend. Maybe you can tag along if it’s okay with your daed.”
“Can we, Daed?” Becky said, smiling. “You can kumm with us, ain’t so?”
“I don’t think—”
“You promised we’d go to the beach soon.”
Tanner gave Eva a helpless shrug. “What can I say? I did promise that. If Eva doesn’t mind.”
Eva had readily agreed on Becky’s behalf, but now as she waved to them she wasn’t sure how she felt about being with Tanner at the beach all day. Becky had her heart set on it, and Eva couldn’t turn her down. Eva would have Ramona as a chaperone, and she’d be careful about staying warm and dry, and away from Tanner. Surely she’d be fine. It would be nice to watch Becky’s reaction to the beautiful sea. And Tanner’s, too, at that.
When she reached the porch, she turned to see them rounding the corner back toward their house. And she had to wonder—had she agreed to spend the day with them because of Becky’s request, or did she really want Tanner to be there with them?
“A little of both,” she decided, smiling despite her doubts. “Just a little of both.”