Tanner heard the knock at the door, wondering who’d be out on a rainy night like this.
He opened it to find Teresa and Jasper standing there underneath umbrellas, their expressions haggard.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, his heart going heavy with dread.
“There was an accident,” Teresa said. “Eva and a man on a racer bike. Just around the corner from Ramona’s house. Eva was hurt.”
Tanner grabbed for something, anything. He held to the open door. “And?”
“I’m here to stay with Becky,” Teresa said. “Jasper will get you to the hospital. Ramona is already there.”
Tanner heard a distant drumming and realized it was his pulse. “Hospital? Just tell me how bad it is. Is Eva all right?”
“She’s unconscious,” Jasper said. “That’s all we know right now. I’ve called a cab.”
Tanner nodded, grabbed his hat and glanced at Teresa. “Becky is asleep. If she wakes—”
“I’ll explain you got called away. Work.”
Tanner didn’t argue with that. He’d need to be the one to tell Becky if.
He wouldn’t think about anything like that now. His brain wouldn’t allow that. But he knew in his heart, Eva had run out of his home to get away from him. Him and his refusal to tell her he loved her. And to confess all his secrets and fears to her, too.
Tanner couldn’t believe this. Why had he let her go out the door? Why? Because he was too broken, too terrified to love anyone again. He’d poured his heart and soul into loving his child to the point of smothering her the way Eva’s mamm had smothered her. It was one thing to love a child but another to hold that child back. If Eva hadn’t been involved, Becky wouldn’t even be singing in the scholar program next week.
Next week. What would happen now?
He glanced up from his seat in the waiting room and wished he could turn the clock back, but it was too late for that. Too late for him to tell Eva everything. He’d go to the bishop and wipe this stain off his consciousness, do what needed to be done to find forgiveness and peace.
Now he prayed Eva would be all right and he’d have that same opportunity with her, too.
Ramona came walking back from the cafeteria, carrying two cups of coffee. She handed one to Tanner and then sat down beside him with her own. “I should have asked if you were hungry,” she said.
“I’m not.” He took a sip of the coffee and set the cup down on the table between them. “I wish I’d kept her at my house.”
Ramona held her coffee cup with both hands. “If we’re gonna play that game, I should have never forced her to come here in the first place.”
“Neh, I’m glad she came to Pinecraft,” he began. Then he shut up and leaned back against the cold wall.
Ramona wouldn’t let that go. “Because?”
He slanted his gaze toward her, but he couldn’t find the words. “I...”
“Let me do the talking,” his friend said. “Because you think that keeping the truth about Becky’s birth a secret is the best thing for everyone. You can’t let anyone else into your life because then you’d have to be honest, and that might shed a bad light on Becky, right?”
He barely nodded. “Ja,” came the raw whisper.
Ramona finally set her own cup down. “Becky is a sweet little girl with a hardworking daed. I know of no one here who has ever thought any less of her, regardless of the rumors that are always floating around. We love her, Tanner. We love our own, take care of our own. Don’t you think it’s time you let us do that and let Gott get on with his plan for you and your daughter?”
Ramona had never been one to mince words.
He thought about that for a while and then he said, “I love Eva. I do. But now I’ve messed things up with her in the same way I messed things up with Deborah.”
“Deborah was a troubled woman,” Ramona replied. “Eva seems levelheaded and capable. I know she has a lot of love to give.”
Tanner lifted off the wall and rubbed his eyes. “Deborah did have problems. She didn’t love me, Ramona. She only married me for Becky’s sake.”
“I know that much at least. Didn’t take a lot to figure that out.”
And yet, she’d never once let on. “You’re a kind woman.”
“So is Eva. What’s holding you back?”
He couldn’t tell her now. Neh, first he had to tell Eva. Then he’d go to the bishop and confess all. If Eva was okay and still wanted him after that, he’d gladly ask her to be his wife.
“I need to clear my conscience. With Eva and with the brethren.”
“Okay then, that’s settled. Let’s pray for Eva. I had to call Helen and she says she’s coming down here on the first bus she can get to, and that she’s taking her daughter home with her.”
Tanner shook his head. “If she does, I promise you this. I will go to Campton Creek, and I will find Eva and I will bring her home, where she belongs.”
“That’s the Tanner I know,” Ramona said with a soft smile. “Now drink your coffee. It’s gonna be a long night.”
Eva woke with a start, the sunshine beaming through the window blinds making her blink. She moaned and glanced around. Her head hurt and she ached all over. Staring down, she realized she wasn’t at home, not even at Ramona’s house. This looked like a hospital room.
“What’s going on?” she asked, wondering if anyone could hear her.
“You’re awake. Ramona, she’s awake.”
“Mamm?”
Helen stood and leaned over her. “I’m here, Eva. I’m here and you’re going to be okay. Once you’re up and about, I’m taking you home where you’ll be safe.”
No hello, so glad you’re awake and I’m here to show you my love and to comfort you. Neh, not from Helen Miller.
Eva was too confused and disoriented to argue.
Ramona came to the other side of the bed. “You were in an accident two days ago. The storm got bad, and you were on your way back to my place.”
Eva nodded. “The rain. I couldn’t see. A man on a bike.”
“She’s remembering,” Ramona said to Helen. “That’s a gut sign.”
“Ja, he near killed you,” Mamm said. “Whoever heard of such.”
Ramona took Eva’s hand. “You’ve got a sprained ankle and you hit your head on the concrete, but the doctor thinks you’ll be okay. No concussion. Those huge bird-of-paradise bushes cushioned your fall.”
Eva felt her bandaged left temple. “That’s sore.”
“You could have died,” Mamm said, clucking her tongue. “Running in the rain like that. You’ll catch a cold, mark my words.”
Eva blinked again, her memories swirling like the sunshine slipping through the blind slats. She might be bruised and sore, but she definitely didn’t have a cough or a cold. Instead, a warm blush of a memory poured through her tattered mind. He’d kissed her, but it had come at a cost and that kiss had come too late.
“Tanner? Becky?”
Helen huffed and straightened Eva’s blanket. “I told that man to leave. He has no business here, hovering around. Sounds like it was his fault since you’d been at his home, watching his child. That’s not proper, Eva. And now look what’s happened.”
Ramona glanced at her sister. “Helen, let the girl get her bearings. Why don’t you go check on Moses? He’s awfully tired.”
“Moses? You brought Moses to Florida with you?” Eva asked, her mind clearing as she went. “I’m going to be okay, Mamm.”
“I had to be sure, didn’t I?” Helen asked, tears in her eyes. “And Moses insisted on coming with me. That’s a mighty long bus ride when you’re worried your daughter might be—”
“—I’m okay, Mamm,” Eva interjected. “I’m sorry you came all this way.”
Her mother stared down at her. “Just get well so we can go home. You can’t stay here. It isn’t safe and I don’t care what your doctor back home thinks.”
Eva grew weary just thinking about what “back home” would be like now. But she didn’t have the energy to dispute her mamm.
Ramona took over. “Helen, we need to let the nurses know Eva is awake. Go find someone.”
Helen marched to the door and took off.
Ramona leaned in and whispered to Eva. “You drifted in and out yesterday. Tanner went home and then came back right after your mamm and Moses arrived. Fancy that.”
“And she sent him away?”
“She did,” Ramona said. “Told him you didn’t want him here.”
Eva’s fingers clutched the soft blanket, her mind spinning in a whirl of despair. Did she want him here? If not, that was her decision, not Mamm’s. “Did he believe her?”
“I don’t know. Right now, he can’t believe in himself, so he didn’t fight her too much. He feels responsible and I fear he’s having some flashbacks, being back in this hospital.”
“Deborah died here?”
“Ja, and Becky was born here.”
Tanner would surely be in his own pit of despair. But what could she do, lying here and barely able to move? Mamm had sent him away. Eva had to get a knock on the head to see that she loved the man, and that she should stand firm in that love. But would that even matter?
“He’s never going to admit that he loves me,” Eva said, tears in her eyes. “He didn’t even protest my mother’s words. I think I do need to go home, after all.”
Ramona patted her arm. “That man might not be able to say the words, but honey, he is in love with you. Right now, he’s just scared to death of messing things up again.”
Eva nodded, fatigue taking over. “I’ll explain things to him if I ever see him again.” Then she drifted back to sleep, oblivious to her mamm’s sharp orders to the nurses.
Over the next few days, Tanner worked with the desperation of a man running from the truth. He carved and painted and arranged wood and driftwood and seashells until he’d made enough items to fill a whole shelf out front. He had frames covered with seashells; he had mirrors layered with starfish and shells. He’d cleaned and carved biscuit bowls and bread trays, and candleholders. Busywork, that’s all it was.
And still he’d heard nothing from Eva.
He should have given the message to Ramona that day at the hospital when he’d returned, but she’d gone home to take care of some things and instead, he’d heard the wrath of Eva’s mamm. Helen would not tell Eva what he’d said. And he knew that. Maybe he’d sabotaged himself on purpose.
“I care about her...” he’d stuttered, his emotions too raw to make a complete sentence. “It’s my fault. I should let her go...but I can’t. I care. Please...tell her that.”
Helen had given him a cold stare. “I’ll think about telling her, but my child is not going to want to stay here—not after this. She’ll be going home with me, mark my words.”
Tanner wanted to go back to the hospital, but he had work to do. Always work to do. And Becky was asking too many questions. Teresa had been a great help there, as well as Martha and his other family members.
But Becky wanted Eva. And so did he.
He planned to go talk to the bishop today, and he planned to see Eva soon, no matter what her mamm said. Then he’d tell Eva the truth—all of the truth. But he’d also tell her he loved her with all his heart and soul, and he trusted her to help raise his child. And he’d pray she loved him back.