The next few weeks became a routine for Eva. One that ebbed and flowed like the nearby waters. Her heart shattered like those great sea waves each time she thought about leaving Pinecraft.
Leaving Tanner and Becky.
Father Gott, I came here to feel better and see this beautiful place my aenti always talks about, but I never dreamed I’d fall in love with the first man who ever paid much attention to me, and his little daughter, too. Help me to be brave. Help me to let go and go home. And please send them someone who can love them and care for them.
She prayed this prayer day and night while she and Teresa helped Ramona as her business stayed steady during the beginning of the high season. Tourists crowded the streets and the beaches, and many of them came into the Dawson Department Store.
Eva continued to work there for a few hours when she could, and she walked to school to get Becky, so they could talk about their day, just the two of them. Then they’d have a break on their picnic table, Tanner joining them at times even if he barely spoke and often looked off into the distance.
But for the most part, he stayed busy, too. “Business always picks up in the spring,” he’d told Eva one day when he needed her to stay with Becky later than usual. “I don’t know when I’ll be done and home. I have to hang a huge wooden fish on a wall.”
“I’ll be here,” Eva had said, wishing that to be true. Wishing they could be carefree and laughing the way they’d been on the beach when he’d given her the beautiful carving.
It had a place of honor on the small dresser in her bedroom at Ramona’s house. Eva touched it each time she walked by it, remembering the look in Tanner’s eyes when she opened it. The pretty pink hibiscus jutted out from the shiny wood like a real flower perched on a branch. It looked so real with its yellow face and hot pink blossoms. So real.
Was anything about this real?
Now as she sat on the back porch watching Becky chasing butterflies, Eva let herself think more about Tanner.
He cared. She could see that, and because she could see that, she’d tried to wait him out. He had to work through his feelings. She’d showed up here and he’d been the first person she’d met. But a man settled in his ways, and stubborn at that, might not ever make the first move.
Should she?
Neh. She’d rather just leave than to be rejected by Tanner. She’d get over this and she’d have her memories. But when she thought about going home to the routines her mother mandated, Eva cringed. She’d lived a different life here—her life.
But was this the life Gott planned for her?
Unsure and confused, she could at least enjoy her last few days with Becky. She often sat in the swing with Becky, waiting for Tanner to come home. That gave her time to wonder what was holding them back, what was between them that couldn’t let them talk about their feelings for each other.
Well, there was her mother, who had become impatient and demanding again. “You should have been home a month ago. Are you planning to never return?”
“I’ll be there soon.” She explained about Becky’s school program. “I have to be there when she sings.”
“You need to be here. Not there spending time with a widowed man who is older than you.”
Eva didn’t try to point out that a lot of Amish women married older men, and for the most part, their families approved.
Finally, out of frustration, Eva asked Helen, “And what about you? How is Moses?”
For once, her mamm had been speechless. “What do you mean? He’s fine.”
“I mean, you talk about him more than you ever have. Have you two finally made your peace?”
“Perhaps. We are civil.”
“I see. Civil is a start, ain’t so?”
“I miss my child. Moses is my neighbor. I can be civil to him as any neighbor ought to, but you should obey me and get yourself home.”
“I miss you, too, Mamm,” Eva had told her this morning. “I’ll be there soon, and we will make tea and have a gut talk.”
“I’d like that,” Helen had said. “And Eva, Ramona goes on and on about what a help you are to her. She’s proud of you and well... I am, too. Now don’t dawdle. You have a busy day.”
Her mamm, ever the surprising one. Kind one moment and angry the next. Eva decided she was caught between two worlds, the one she wanted and the one her mamm wanted for her. How could she ever choose?
Tanner was stuck in the past, needing a wife but longing for the one he’d lost. He might not ever admit his true feelings. Someone had to decide something here.
Well, she’d decided and that meant she’d go home the day after Becky’s program. Teresa had spent a lot of time with Eva and Becky. Eva knew Teresa would be a big help to the child.
But Becky didn’t seem so sure. She liked Teresa, but the child had it in her head that Eva should be her mamm.
Now Becky giggled as she tried to catch a swallowtail. They left their larvae on the citrus trees which would then become heavy with what was called orange-dog caterpillars, created from a tiny orange egg. It was amazing that the strange-looking chrysalis turned into a beautiful butterfly. No wonder Becky loved them.
“I almost caught it,” she squealed. “But I don’t want to break its wings.”
Eva waved and smiled. She felt like that butterfly. She’d been enclosed in the chrysalis of her mother’s overbearing love and demands, cocooned and protected, but arriving here had helped her shed that delicate skin and lift her wings to the sky. She’d felt free for the first time in her life.
Am I wrong, Gott? Am I wrong to want to spread my wings and find the life I pray for? Or will my fragile wings be broken? Help me—show me the way. Your will, my prayers.
Eva said her silent prayer and hoped the Lord would guide her along the right path.
When she opened her eyes, Tanner was standing on the porch by the back door, staring at her with those big eyes that held the depth of the ocean. Those eyes held as many secrets as the ocean, too. Eva had tried to read those secrets, and she’d failed. Maybe that was her answer then. She would accept that and go back home to Campton Creek.
Tanner couldn’t stop thinking about how much he wanted to rush to Eva and beg her to stay. But he didn’t have the right to do that. He’d tried love once and he’d failed miserably. He couldn’t make Deborah love him, and he hadn’t protected her enough to keep her alive. Never mind that the doctors said she’d had a complicated pregnancy and had gone through a hard birthing.
Becky had survived. Her mamm hadn’t. No one’s fault.
Gott’s will, they all said.
Or some sort of tribulation for the lies they’d both held in their hearts. Maybe if he confessed everything to Eva, he’d finally be free of the pain and the guilt, the horrible never-ending grief. Maybe. But what if he couldn’t let it all go?
He would not hurt this woman, this sweet, tender, gentle, loving young woman who desired so much more than he could give.
He’d rather let her go, than see her turn away as Deborah had done.
So he stood silent and watchful, taking in the warm spring air and the scent of flowers blooming. He noticed Becky laughing and singing to the butterflies; he noticed Eva in her mint-green dress, her hair tidy under the stark white kapp.
Eva came to stand by him. “She sang wunderbar gut at practice today, Tanner. I can’t wait for you to hear her.”
Tanner nodded. “I hope I can make it. I have this big order that has to be delivered that day.”
“You must be there,” Eva said. “She’ll be heartbroken if you don’t show up.”
Tanner’s worry for Becky got the best of him. “I’ve always tried to show up when my daughter is concerned. You don’t have to point that out to me.”
“I’m sorry.” Eva’s pretty face held a light blush. “I should go.”
Regretting his outburst, Tanner tugged at her arm. “I know you mean well.”
“But you don’t want anyone else here with you and Becky, because you’re so afraid you can’t make the rules or protect her if someone else steps in—even me.”
“Eva?”
“I get it, Tanner. You and I haven’t talked since we decided to part ways, but I get it now. You never had any intentions other than needing someone to watch Becky. Well, I’ve watched her, and I’ve seen what she can become—not what you’re trying to make her. I had to leave home to see that in myself and now I sure see it in your child.”
“You don’t understand,” he said, trying to form the words to tell her so many things.
She pulled away but he tugged her close and without thinking, he kissed her, and was completely caught off guard when Eva responded. They stood there, hidden from Becky by a big lush palm tree in a huge pot. He held her close, and she wrapped arms around his neck, tugging his head down.
Right then and there, Tanner thought he could break a lot of rules—for this woman.
This was the perfect scene of serenity and calm, a facade of the life he believed he’d have. And then, off in the distance, lightning hit the sky over the trees.
Becky screamed came running toward the porch as the boom of thunder followed. “Daed!”
Tanner let go of Eva and hurried down the steps and grabbed Becky close. “It’s okay. Just a storm coming in from the gulf.”
“I’m glad you’re home,” Becky said as they came up onto the porch. “Eva’s here, too. Don’t let her leave.”
Tanner glanced at Eva and saw the longing and the surprise in her eyes and that soft blush on her cheeks. Followed by regret. “I didn’t notice that dark cloud behind the house.”
“It came on quickly.” Tanner set Becky on her feet, thinking that kiss had come on quickly, too. “Rain is coming in from the west, but it snuck up on us.”
Eva glanced at the darkening sky. “I should get home then, before it turns worse. Your supper is on the stove and Becky has done her homework and she has practiced her singing.”
There was a silent moment between them, like the time between the lightning followed by the thunder, a moment where Tanner hoped Eva would see the love in his heart.
“I want inside,” Becky said, breaking the tension as the sky continued to roar.
Tanner knew these pop-up showers didn’t last long, but he also knew his kiss had confused Eva even more than his outburst. “Maybe you should wait.”
“I can’t wait, Tanner. I’ll run ahead of the storm.”
Her words had more meaning than she’d said.
“Eva?”
She took off into the house before he could ask her to stay. By the time he and Becky made it to the kitchen, Eva was waving to them from the open front door. “See you tomorrow.”
Tanner hadn’t missed the determination in her words.
Eva Miller was tired of waiting.
Eva checked the sky. An ominous dark cloud hovered like a giant mushroom toward the southwest. She should make it home before the storm got here if she ran quickly. She’d only made it a few yards up the sidewalk when the rain hit. Big cold drops plummeted at her as she tried to step through water in her flimsy flip-flops. Drenched within seconds, Eva took off her shoes and dropped them in her soaked tote bag. She hurried barefoot toward the other side of town, thinking she hadn’t taken this rain seriously. She should have waited it out at Tanner’s house.
But her heart couldn’t take that. Not after the way he’d kissed her, and not after she’d responded in a way that told him how much she cared. A kiss was one thing, but honesty was quite another. He still held back that spot in his heart where he’d buried his secrets. He’d never allow anyone else to love Becky. Or him.
Now she was soaked through and cold, and discovering that even in a mild climate a rainstorm could make a body shiver. She was about to turn the corner toward Ramona’s home when a man on a fancy bike came barreling toward her. Eva screamed but the man didn’t see her or hear her until it was too late. They collided, the front of the bike hitting Eva and sending her into the nearby bird-of-paradise bushes before the man swerved and took a tumble onto the sidewalk.
Eva hit hard against a hidden cement curb and stumbled forward. She fell to the wet earth, blinked once and then everything went dark.