Tanner didn’t know what to say. “I clean house.”
“I’m sure you do,” Ramona replied. “But you’re busy and your helpers can only cook and clean when they’re here. I know it’s been difficult lately. Eva is willing to help, but she is delicate. If you allow it, I can bring in a crew of willing women to get this place spic-and-span. No judgment, just friends wanting to help.”
Tanner wanted to say he and Becky didn’t need help, but if he’d learned anything over the last few weeks, it was that pride could bring a man to his knees. He’d shuttered himself here with Becky and he’d made do with very little cooking and cleaning. Ramona was right. His family had cleaned once a week and now that his nieces and cousins had moved on, he’d neglected things. Maybe he was the spoiled one.
“Tanner?”
He glanced at Ramona, swallowed his pride and nodded. “I’d appreciate that. It’s time, I reckon.”
Ramona had the good grace not to bob her head in agreement. “I’ll get the ladies together. Maybe in a couple of days, after Becky and Eva are both better?”
“That would work.” He thanked Ramona for the food. As she was leaving, he called out, “Oh, wait. I have something for Eva. I made it a while back and I was saving it...for a special time. But maybe it will cheer her up.”
He went to the back porch where he’d hidden the hibiscus carving and brought it back. “She seems to favor the hibiscus flowers.”
Ramona took the piece of oval wood and eyed it. “Tanner, this is lovely. Eva will be so touched.”
“Let me wrap it. Just brown paper, but I like to wrap the things I create to keep them safe.”
Ramona smiled and helped him get the paper folded over the carving. “You have such a talent.”
“It’s a living.”
“You have a gut living and, Tanner, you have a gut life. Remember your blessings.”
Tanner thought about that. He did need to remember how blessed he was. “Tell Eva hello and I hope she’s better soon.” He hesitated, then added, “I promised Becky when she’s feeling better, we’d go for a picnic near the shore. Maybe Eva will feel up to that, too.”
Ramona studied him for a moment. “Do you have feelings for Eva?”
Tanner felt sweat popping out on his backbone. Not one to blurt out such private things, he stood still and stared out at the palm fronds lifting in the wind.
“Tanner?”
He turned back to Ramona. “I think I might, but I can’t be sure. I’ve been on my own for a long time and well, Eva might rather go home to her mamm.”
“Is that your excuse?”
Surprised, he gawked at Ramona. “She does have to leave, right?”
“She can make her own decisions on that, I’m thinking, but ja, Helen expects her back before full summer.” Ramona shifted on her tennis shoes. “But then, you’ve known that all along. I know you care, but you can’t toy with her emotions. She’s grown but she hasn’t experienced a lot of life, understand?”
“I do and I respect that,” he said. “She wanted work and I needed someone to guide Becky. And not just anyone. Eva has helped her with her reading and taught her a lot of the things I’ve neglected.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” Ramona replied. “Just don’t hurt her. She’s strong underneath her frail appearance, but she’s quite fragile in the love department.”
Tanner understood more than he could say. “I don’t know if I can love that strongly ever again.”
“Then you need to tell Eva the truth. All of the truth.”
Shocked again, he asked, “What are you saying?”
“It’s pretty obvious you’re trying to protect your child. But Tanner, you should know Becky is accepted here. No matter what happened before she was born, she is loved, and she will be protected here. Eva would do the same for her, too.”
Tanner lowered his head. “So you’re saying I’ve held a secret that everyone’s already figured out.”
Ramona shook her head. “No one is talking about you if that’s what you think. You and Deborah aren’t the first to get the cart before the horse. And Becky is a sweet child. You’re doing your best.”
He didn’t elaborate. So no one had questioned the hurried wedding. They thought Becky was his child.
Tanner let Ramona go with that assumption. “You’ve given me a lot to consider. I know you’re doing this out of love for Eva. I appreciate that. I can only tell you I’m confused, but I do care about her. A lot. It’s a new feeling for me.”
“New feelings can bring about new hope and the life Gott means you to have.” Ramona held the package he’d wrapped and then said, “Why don’t you wait and give this to Eva in person. Maybe on that picnic you’re planning.”
“That’s a thought.” He took the package back. “I would like to see her reaction.”
Ramona gave him a reassuring smile before she left. He went to check on Becky. She was sleeping, so Tanner decided he’d go into his room and begin the process of cleaning. Not enough to stir up dust. But just enough to face his memories, and maybe let go of some of them.
“I’m much better.”
Eva smiled at Teresa, glad to see her friend after four days of being confined to Ramona’s house. “I’ve missed our walks. How is Jasper?”
“He is great,” Teresa said, her dark hair in a perfect center part underneath her organdy kapp. She wore a navy dress and a crisp white apron with white flip-flops. “We’ve been seeing each other more and more, but we’re taking it slow.”
“I guess slow is gut,” Eva said, wondering how Tanner was doing. “I miss work, too. I’m going back on Monday.”
“So you have the weekend to make sure you’re well.”
“Ja, but I’m feeling so much better. And Becky is completely well.”
“Does your mamm know?” Teresa asked, her eyes wide with curiosity and concern as she grabbed one of the lemon bars Ramona had left on the counter for them.
“I told her I got sick,” Eva replied before sipping on her honey-infused tea. “She is not happy, but I’ve explained that I’m okay and I had enough money to pay my doctor bills.”
“I reckon she wants you home.”
“She does, but she took it much better than I expected. I think she’s found someone else to lavish with love—the widowed neighbor next door.”
“The man she always complains about?” Teresa let out a snort. “Your mamm sounds like an interesting woman.”
“She is at that. But I must go home and check on her at least. If I decide to stay here, I’d move back after explaining things to her.”
“And would you explain about Tanner and Becky—that you now have someone to lavish your love on?”
Eva put a hand to her lips. “Shh. People will believe that.”
“Do you believe that?” Teresa asked. “I think you fell for Tanner the first day you saw him.”
“I did not. He was rude.”
“And yet?”
“And yet, I love Becky and ja, I care for Tanner. He needs someone to love him.”
“And you would love him out of duty, or truly love him?”
“I’m trying to decide that,” Eva admitted. “I think I love him, and it would be because I want to be with him—not out of duty or pity. He does not want pity or an arranged marriage. And neither do I. I know how I feel, but he’s not ready to hear that—from any woman.” She shrugged. “He is still pining for Deborah.”
She couldn’t tell Teresa all that Tanner had told her. He surely regretted being so honest with her. He’d pull away again. She knew his patterns and his moods now. Knew his pride, too. He wore pride and guilt like a shield.
Teresa cleared their dishes and quickly washed them and put them on the dish drainer. “I think he will pine for you if you leave. You two need to sit down and talk about your feelings.”
“I don’t believe Tanner is ready for that talk.”
“Well, if he doesn’t hear it from you, you might go home and be lonely. Do you want that?”
“What I want right now is another lemon bar,” Eva replied.
Teresa said, “Uh-huh. I think I have my answer.”
Eva didn’t deny anything. She couldn’t even tell her best friend what she wanted these days. She’d had a lot of time to think about it and pray about what might come next.
Her here with Tanner and Becky.
Or her back home with Mamm and Moses.
She sure knew in her heart which she wanted.
But Tanner didn’t want the same things she did.
The next week held perfect weather, so Tanner planned an afternoon off to go to the beach as he’d promised. After her follow-up checkup, Becky was completely well and back at school. They’d go to the shore as soon as she got home. Eva had worked a couple of hours each day, and she’d kept Becky with her in the shop. They were both being cautious. Eva and Martha cleaned down all the doors, the bathrooms and even the cash register. No germs could live in that store that now smelled like lemon and lavender.
Tanner had only spoken a hello and “Glad you’re feeling better” to Eva. He needed some time and so did she.
But now, he was ready to have a few hours away from the world and he wanted Eva and Becky there with him.
Tanner heard the chatter of female voices on his porch, so he hurried to open the door. Another reason for him and Becky to leave for a few hours.
“We have arrived,” Ramona said with a beaming smile. “I have Rachel and your cousins Reba, Leah and Trudie. Martha will be here later after she closes down the store. Your home will be pristine by the time we finish.”
“And I have arranged to go on a picnic with Becky and Eva,” Tanner replied, searching the women crowded on his porch. “We’ll be out of the way for a few hours.”
“She’s on her way,” Ramona said. “She’s packing a huge basket with your early supper.”
“That’s thoughtful,” he said. “I just have chips and crackers.”
“Then you will appreciate her efforts,” Ramona replied as the women filed in. “She’s much better and has energy to spare, so she’d cooked up a storm.”
“Is she truly well?” he asked, still concerned for Eva’s health. Still feeling the traces of his past life. “I haven’t pestered her about it.”
“She’s fine. But her mother is wanting her home. So be prepared that she might leave soon.”
“I’ll have to explain that to Becky.”
He wished he hadn’t gotten so close to Eva, because now Becky expected her in their life. How could he explain yet another heartache to his daughter? Should he tell Eva the truth and let her decide what she wanted? Would she want him after he confessed his secret?
So many questions, and so much complicated confusion. He wouldn’t blame Eva if she ran to the bus stop and left.
But he hoped she wouldn’t. Not yet.