A hospital porter helped me into a wheelchair. It made me feel like a two-year-old, but no way would they let me walk unaided to see Zach.
I’d seen my brother pale and lifeless before, after an overdose. At the time, doctors had packed his stomach with charcoal, infused him with saline and put him on a ventilator. They’d told Mum and Dad that the next twenty-four hours were critical.
I gazed at him now as I did then. Only this time, part of Zach’s head was shaved. He’d lost half his dreads and his face was puffy and discoloured around one eye. Who knew how mashed up his brain would be beneath the dressing? If he pulled through, how would he be? Would he remember and what would happen to him?
I asked a doctor about his chances. “Too early to say,” she replied with a sympathetic expression. “After the operation to reduce the swelling in his brain, we put him into an induced coma to give him the best chance of healing.”
“He looks so vulnerable.” His arms were stick thin, shrinking his tattoos.
“He’s young. He’ll receive the best care in Birmingham.”
“He’s an addict,” I said gloomily.
“Even addicts pull through.”
“You’re not thinking of getting out of bed now, luvvie?”
The nurse, a big woman who, on every level defied NHS advice on obesity, tucked me in. I shook my head with a sheepish smile. “Do you need a bed pan?”
“I need to make a phone call.”
She smiled, disappeared and, as good as her word, trundled in with a portable phone trolley.
I made a reverse charge call to Lenny. “Molly, thank God,” she exclaimed. “Me and Dusty were about to come and see you.” She waited a respectful beat. “Have you heard about Zach?”
“I’ve seen him. They took me up to the ward.”
“How is he?”
“Hanging on in there.” If I believed it enough, he’d be okay, wouldn’t he?
“I thought he was dead,” Lenny declared.
“Where exactly did they find him?”
“Two police officers rocked up and said that they’d searched the property. Frightened the life out of me. When they opened the cellar there he was. If it hadn’t been for them turning up, God knows what would have happened. But, goodness, Molly, you’re lucky to be alive.”
I swallowed. I mentally added ‘unhinged’ to Edie’s dismal list of attributes.
“Dusty’s bought you PJ’s and toiletries,” Lenny continued.
I wouldn’t need them but didn’t tell Lenny this. “There’s a key stuck to the underside of the window frame at the front of my house.” Which, on reflection, wasn’t very smart. “Could you go inside and bring me a pair of jeans, T-shirt and trainers?”
“Okay,” Lenny said uncertainly. “You’re not planning to discharge yourself, or do anything silly, are you?”
“’Course not,” I said. “And, um, could you bring them straightaway?
I had so much to think about. West would be back to ask more questions I couldn’t answer. Zach I could do nothing for apart from pray. My car was in dock and I needed wheels. Rocco remained an enigma. Way past the time we were due to meet, why hadn’t he picked up my call? He’d be waiting, worrying and primed to hear from me, wouldn’t he? That slow kiss said so. Then why did I nag with doubt? Why did I fear that he’d run out on me? Why did my eyes brim with tears at other possibilities?
Because the injuries to my body had messed with my head.
Because I couldn’t trust anyone.
And most of all, because I missed my sister.