That evening, Stella reflected on her conversation with Lexi with a heavy heart. She wasn’t exactly rolling in money but so far she hadn’t got into debt and while not making a profit as such, she wasn’t spending more than she made and still had a very small amount of savings behind her. Life must be so hard for Lexi, even though she didn’t always let you know it.
From the large living room window the sun lowered in the sky, flooding the room with light, and hungry seagulls could be heard overhead. Her laptop was open on the small table at the end of the living room as Jay was coming over to show her how the website worked, and to upload the images she’d taken after a big week of cleaning. There were fewer boxes than there had been last time and Stella smiled to herself. She was making slow but steady progress; she just wished she could do something more to ease Lexi’s burden.
Rather than slipping into her unflattering but warm fleece pyjamas and big fluffy dressing gown, as she normally did after work, she’d not only remained dressed, but had even changed her top to something a little more flattering. Any agonies she’d had over dinner had been resolved when she’d discovered a meal deal in the supermarket. They could enjoy a nice three-course meal and a bottle of wine, and she’d even splashed out on a bag of salad to go with it. The plates were laid on the other side of the table and everything else was in the kitchen, ready to go.
Stella’s phone rang and she answered it immediately when she saw Jay’s name flash up. Her body fizzed with panic that he was cancelling on her. ‘Hi, Jay.’
‘Hi,’ he said in the cheerful tone she had come to recognise. ‘I’m outside.’
‘Okay. I’ll come and let you in.’ Stella hurried out and opened the door. He was wearing the same leather jacket but this time he wore a navy sweater underneath. He ran his hand through his hair and her heart beat like it was about to have a full-on seizure. Seeing his face, she echoed his warm smile.
‘I’ve got everything sorted out for your website. I can’t wait to show you.’
Stella pulled herself together. ‘I can’t wait to see it. I didn’t know if you wanted to eat before we looked at it or after?’ He had lovely even teeth and a thin covering of stubble on his chin.
‘Shall we eat after? It won’t take long for me to upload the images and show you where everything is.’ Stella led the way into the flat and Jay followed. ‘It’s such a nice place.’ He didn’t seem nervous at all as they entered the living room, which helped Stella relax.
‘I know it’s a mess and ridiculously Seventies, but I’ll get round to sorting it once I’ve got the business up and running. I’m going to have to do a little bit at a time.’
‘Good idea.’ Jay stood surveying the living room with his hands in his jeans pockets. It emphasised how flat his stomach was and Stella had to draw her eyes away. ‘I see you’ve got your laptop all ready. Do you mind if I drive?’
‘Drive?’
‘Control the mouse,’ he replied and there was something disarming about the slightly mischievous glint in his eyes.
‘Oh, sure.’ Stella giggled then hated herself. She never giggled. She laughed or chuckled, and occasionally snorted when something was really funny, but she wasn’t normally a giggler. She had to get a grip. ‘Did you want red or white wine?’
Jay shook his jacket from his shoulders and hung it on the back of the dining chair. ‘White would be great, thanks.’
Stella made her way to the kitchen. She’d never seen a navy jumper look so sexy on anyone before. She’d always associated navy jumpers with accountants or civil servants, but then Jay seemed to break the mould as far as his profession was concerned. She turned down the oven so the Brie and mushroom pie would stay warm while they worked, and poured two large glasses of wine before going back to the living room, already feeling a little hot and flustered. After handing a glass to Jay, Stella then pulled out a chair and sat down next to him. ‘I’m really excited to see the website.’
‘It’s a big thing. I know everyone seems to have websites these days but a good one that’s easily navigable is essential, especially for the holiday lets. Speaking of which, have you got the photos?’
‘Yep.’ She pulled a memory stick from her jeans pocket and handed it over. Hopefully he wouldn’t notice it had gone a little warm. He took it and plugged it in and the photos she’d taken flashed up on the screen.
‘There’s some great shots here,’ he said, his eyes fixed forwards and his fingers whizzing about.
‘Thanks. Some little touches like a few cushions here and there made a huge difference.’
Jay looked up and smiled, then took a sip of his wine. Stella really couldn’t fathom why he wasn’t taken already. He was so handsome and easy to be around. From their previous dinner together and the telephone and text conversations they’d had, she knew he had a fun side but was still a gentleman. ‘So …’ And he began taking her through the details of the website and uploaded the pictures they chose together. The second flat was now ready for bookings and he showed her where everything on the website was and how to update it. He even suggested a blog. ‘You might not get millions of people reading it, but you’re a sweet, interesting person and I bet they’d love Frank. You could look at other social media too.’
‘Do you really think so?’ It was all alien to Stella, being such a private person, but if it helped the business she couldn’t really ignore it.
‘Yeah, definitely. I can then link them to the website once they’re up and running. They’re easy to do. Just follow the instructions on the sites, or let me know and I’ll do it for you.’ Stella’s head was whirling. Jay had said she was sweet and interesting. If that was really what he thought of her then that was pretty amazing. She hadn’t felt that way in a long time. He leaned his strong jaw on his hand as he clicked some buttons and his sweet grey-blue eyes were bright with enthusiasm. It was endearing and very, very sexy. After a moment he said, ‘It’s exciting stuff, isn’t it?’
‘It is,’ she agreed, taking a sip of her drink.
He suddenly sat back, taking his wine glass and looking down into it. ‘Sorry.’
‘Sorry? For what?’
‘For getting all excited about the website. I don’t mean to. I just really enjoy my job.’ He kept his eyes down and Stella swore he blushed.
‘It’s okay. I do it about the shop too. It’s pretty amazing actually, loving what you do.’
‘It is.’ Jay stared into her eyes as they connected over this shared experience. The space between them felt small and she had a sudden urge to lean forward and kiss him, but when her wine splashed onto her finger where her glass was tipping, she sat back and thought about the matter at hand.
‘I know I need a picture of the front of the shop. I’ll get that done this week. As soon as we get a good day and I’ve repainted the sign.’
‘You’re repainting it yourself?’
Surprised at his question, Stella felt flustered. ‘Yeah. I can’t afford a sign writer and anyway, I think it’ll look nice if it’s a little higgledy-piggledy. I’ll draw it out first, of course, but how hard can it be?’ Did he think she was mad or not capable of doing it? A sudden bolt of insecurity shot through her and she felt slightly foolish, but his eyes stayed on her.
‘I think you’re absolutely amazing.’
A firework went off in Stella’s heart and she felt its light and warmth fill her body. ‘I wouldn’t go that far. I’m just skint.’ Jay’s expressive laugh echoed around the room. ‘I’d better check on dinner. Are you hungry?’
‘Ravenous and it smells delicious.’
Stella hurried off while Jay shut down her laptop. When she came back he was waiting at the table. They ate a small starter of baked Camembert with crusty bread, chatting happily about his work and her plans for the future. Then he helped serve out the pie while Stella prepared the salad. Conversation moved on to their respective pasts. Her curiosity was piqued when he mentioned Miles. ‘I saw him the other day,’ said Jay, ‘moaning on about losing the shop to you.’
‘Was he?’ Stella asked, her fork ready with food but she was unable to put it in her mouth.
‘Well, I think he was. I mean, he could have been talking about something else and I’ve got the wrong end of the stick.’ That was very sweet of Jay, but she was sure he hadn’t. After their last exchange Stella wasn’t at all surprised Miles was going around slagging her or her shop off. A prickle straightened her spine.
‘If he was saying anything about a shop selling stupid, overpriced stock then he probably was talking about me. He came in the other day and basically said as much.’ She sighed, exhaling the tension from her shoulders. ‘He wanted the shop you see, and he thinks he could do all this a lot better than me.’
‘Well, he’s wrong there, isn’t he?’ Jay gently laid his hand on hers. ‘Try not to worry about Miles. Like I said before, he’s always thought he was better than everybody else in this town.’ He glanced at her before continuing as if confirming to himself that he should say more. His vulnerable expression made Stella’s heart thump. ‘When we were kids,’ he began slowly, ‘he used to take the mickey out of me for my accent – for being common. Not pronouncing my t’s properly.’
‘What?’ Who the blimmin’ hell did he think he was? ‘That’s so mean.’
Jay gave a self-conscious laugh and scratched the back of his head. ‘It wasn’t great fun, but it was a long time ago. I’m sure he’s sorry for it now.’
‘How can you be so nice about it?’ asked Stella. The moment she’d met Miles she’d known he was a snooty prick and the other day had only proved it.
‘Sometimes you have to let bygones be bygones, don’t you? We were both kids. I’m sure he knows he was an idiot back then. But like I said, I might have misheard or got the wrong end of the stick with what he was saying the other day, so best not to go accusing him of anything.’
‘I won’t,’ Stella confirmed, admiring Jay’s sensitive nature. ‘I’ll be happy if our paths never cross again. I certainly won’t seek out opportunities to talk to him.’
Jay’s sweet smile got the evening back on track and eventually Stella took out their dessert bowls, cleared now of the delectable profiteroles she’d got in the meal deal, and came back to find him sitting on the sofa having topped up their wine glasses and placed them on the coffee table.
It was gone eight o’clock, and the sun had finally set. The noise of the gulls had quietened and now only a few birds could be heard singing themselves to sleep. Stella’s nerves threatened to get the better of her and take her to the armchair, but she pushed them down and sat next to Jay. If she was going to invite him to Isaac’s wedding she was going to have sit next to him at some point. In her mind, the time spent at the dinner table didn’t count as it was for business, but sitting on the sofa felt decidedly more personal. He turned his body and his knee rested against hers. She’d expected a bolt of electricity to shoot through her but instead the nerves in her stomach grew fierce. Jay rested his arm on the back of the sofa and said, ‘Now that all the business stuff’s out of the way, I really have to tell you something.’
‘Oh?’ Her mouth was dry and she suddenly craved a large drink of water.
‘I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.’
Stella wanted to reply but couldn’t think of anything to say and then, before she could open her mouth, his left arm reached forwards and he cupped her face, drawing her towards him. For a second, Stella allowed him to lead, though something inside her brain warned her that she wasn’t ready for this. His lips touched hers and his kiss was soft and gentle. He pulled away for a second, studying her face. Jay was without doubt the most handsome man she’d ever seen so what was happening? Why wasn’t her body burning with anticipation? Why didn’t she want this? He kissed her again, more passionately this time but Stella’s brain simply paused. She’d imagined kissing him and how wonderful it would be, but for some reason it wasn’t making her feel how she thought it would.
She put a hand to his chest to gently ease him away but he misread her signal and instead grabbed her fingers and pulled her closer, his kisses becoming more passionate and eager. He finally paused, whispering, ‘Where’s your bedroom?’ and nuzzling her neck.
She pushed her hand more firmly into his chest. ‘My—? No, wait.’
‘Why? What’s wrong?’
‘I’m sorry. I’m just … I’m not ready.’ Unable to read the emotion that passed over his face, she said again, ‘I’m really sorry.’
‘Right. I—’ He shook his head. ‘I’m sorry, I thought … I thought you wanted to—’
Stella felt her face flame. ‘I thought I did too. I just … I haven’t been with anyone else since my divorce. It’s been a while and I thought I was ready, but I guess I’m not.’ She stared down at her hands in her lap.
‘Right.’ Jay also kept his eyes down. ‘I umm, I should probably go then.’ Stella knew she should say no and ask him to stay but the fact was she wanted him to leave. Damn it, she was useless at relationships. Jay leapt off the sofa as if she’d just told him she had bubonic plague and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair. Stella stood up to show him out. ‘No, don’t worry. I can see myself out.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ said Stella. ‘I didn’t mean to lead you on or anything.’
‘Honestly, it’s fine,’ said Jay, but she could tell by his tone of voice that she’d hurt and embarrassed him. At the doorway to the living room he stopped and turned. ‘I still think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I’m sorry if I came on too strong. I’ll, umm, I’ll see you around.’
Stella waited until she heard the shop door slam then flopped back down onto the sofa. She hated herself for being so ridiculous, so prim and proper. She didn’t have to be in love to sleep with someone. She could just do it because she wanted to. She was an adult! But then her indignation subsided. Who was she kidding? She’d never been like that. She only ever found someone truly attractive after she knew their personality.
Anger rose up inside her at her own stupidity and ridiculously Victorian attitude, and she punched a cushion. Before long, tears threatened her eyes. As she picked up her book in an attempt to think of something else, a tear fell onto the page, soaking into the paper. Then another. She quickly wiped them away, cursing her own stupid heart, and went to bed.