It was Sunday, and Lexi and Stella were stood in the living room of Vivien’s old house. It was the first time Lexi had been in there since Vivien had died and she was grateful for Stella’s moral support. She shook her head in disbelief. ‘I still can’t believe that Vivien left everything to me. I mean, why me? I’m nobody special.’
‘I think you’re wrong there,’ said Stella. ‘And Vivien saw it too.’
‘Hmm.’ Lexi still wasn’t convinced and kept worrying Mr Beck would call saying it was all a mistake. ‘Anyway, how are you?’ Lexi asked eagerly.
Stella perched on the edge of the old worn sofa and Lexi joined her. ‘To be honest I’m still in shock. I can’t believe they dropped the case just like that. I was sure Roger was the type to try and rinse me for every penny I had.’
‘I wonder what made him change his mind.’
‘I have no idea. I always thought I was a pretty decent judge of character but maybe I’m not.’
‘Maybe they realised one of them had left the door open.’
Stella nodded. ‘Maybe. But to get an email out of the blue from their solicitors? Crazy.’
‘I wish I’d seen your face,’ Lexi said with a grin.
‘It was like this …’ Stella widened her eyes and her mouth dropped open in a caricature of shock. Lexi giggled. ‘After that I was so elated I was all motivated again and got a few more artists lined up for the exhibition. Hopefully that’ll generate some sales. This week I’ll clear the shop so it can be an art gallery for next weekend. I’ve decided I won’t move Vivien’s chair – I’m going to put my favourite piece on there and use it like an easel.’
‘That’s a lovely idea,’ Lexi said, smiling.
‘Listen to me,’ said Stella. ‘I should be the one asking how you are.’
‘I think I’m okay.’ She looked around the living room, a familiar and yet unfamiliar sight. Everything seemed different. Every corner was crammed with beautiful dark wooden furniture. It sucked in the light, making the room darker, but Lexi had grown so used to it she couldn’t imagine any other sort of furniture in there. The thought that one day soon she might be living in this very house, her children tearing up and down the stairs, was mindboggling. ‘It still just feels really weird. Like this is all a dream, or at some point someone’s going to jump out on me and tell me it’s all been a huge prank. Apart from Vivien dying that is; I know that was real. But this house …’ She didn’t know how to finish the sentence and traced her finger over the sofa.
Stella placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘I understand, honey. But this is what Vivien wanted and she’d want you to be happy. Not feeling guilty.’
‘I can’t help it, it’s every woman’s default mode.’
‘That’s true.’ Stella stood and held out her hands to Lexi. ‘Come on, this place won’t clean itself.’
Lexi placed her cup down on the coffee table. ‘Thanks for doing this. Right, my mum always said to start at the top and work down so, shall we?’
Stella nodded and picked up a black sack. Lexi grabbed a broom and they headed upstairs to start cleaning and sorting out Vivien’s things. The bare dark wood floorboards of the stairs creaked under foot and Lexi’s hand traced along the heavy wooden banister. She’d polished this for Vivien, and remembering her friend brought tears to her eyes.
‘Are you okay?’ Stella asked, seeing her face as they got to the landing.
‘Yeah, I’ll be fine.’ Lexi took a breath and willed her eyes to stop because Stella was right: Vivien would want her to be happy. The walls of the landing were covered in photos and paintings. There were sepia pictures of Vivien’s mother and father, and judging by the clothes, their parents too. She would keep all these for sure. She owed Vivien that much and wanted everyone who came into the house to know about her.
‘The house is huge,’ said Stella. ‘How many bedrooms is it?’
‘Four,’ said Lexi. ‘And a smaller attic room upstairs. And the bathroom is huge.’ Though it felt strange saying it amongst her mixed emotions she couldn’t wait to move in. She was beginning to feel that Vivien wanted her and her children here, bringing life to the lovely old house. Her rented house was tiny and she was constantly patching up torn wallpaper or scrubbing off scuffs from the walls. Her landlord wouldn’t let her put up pictures and she desperately wanted some of the kids on display. Despite their constant gurning she did have a few nice ones of them and even some where they were hugging each other. She could just picture them framed nicely on the stairs snuggled between some of Vivien’s.
‘Just remember you deserve this,’ said Stella, and Lexi nodded. Stella went off to clean the bathroom and Lexi entered Vivien’s enormous bedroom.
It was located at the front of the house and had two large sash windows through which sunshine streamed in. A large tree outside shaded the room a little and Lexi threw open the windows to invite in the fresh air. When she saw the four-poster bed, complete with a deep pink bedspread and a gazillion cushions in different shapes and sizes, she smiled. Old Vivien knew how to live in style. There was also an old-fashioned dressing table and mirror, still strewn with trinkets. Somewhere were the things she’d bequeathed to Miles, and Lexi had promised to find them for him. He’d been very patient and hadn’t even mentioned them, knowing how hard she was finding accepting this new situation. Sniffing, Lexi gave herself a mental shake; time to crack on. Against one wall were two large dark wood wardrobes and when Lexi opened them, her mouth dropped.
‘Stella? Stella? Come here. Quick!’
Footsteps pounded into the room and a breathless Stella arrived. ‘What is it? Are you okay?’
‘Look at this.’ Lexi pointed to inside the wardrobe. Stella joined her and her mouth dropped open too. The wardrobe was fit to bursting with exquisite vintage fashion. Lexi ran to the other one and opened it too. It was also stuffed full, the bottom lined with shoes and handbags, and in the corner of the room were a stack of hat boxes.
‘Wow, this is amazing.’ Stella pulled out a delicate grey silk evening gown that could have been haute couture it was so beautiful. ‘What will you do with it all?’
Lexi shook her head. ‘I don’t know.’ It was like being given one last present from Vivien, and Lexi closed her eyes and gave thanks. ‘I mean … I really don’t know.’
‘You should sell it,’ said Stella, running her fingers over a gorgeous but tiny sequined gown.
Lexi turned to her. ‘Sell it?’
‘Yeah.’ Seeing Lexi’s shocked expression, she added, ‘Not in a horrible get rid of things way,’ she reassured her. ‘But you could start that online vintage clothing business you talked about.’
‘What?’ Lexi’s brain had paused. It was all so overwhelming.
Stella continued and it was wonderful to see the same enthusiastic woman Lexi had met when she first arrived in Swallowtail Bay. The one who was never daunted by hard work or problems. ‘All this combined with the clothes you make yourself – you could be a huge hit. You could sell online, have a rail in the shop, do fittings from home—’
‘Me?’ asked Lexi.
Stella nodded and placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘Yes you. You probably couldn’t give up the café just yet, but you never know, maybe one day. This could be the start of something wonderful.’
‘Just like living here?’ Lexi felt her breath leave her chest. ‘Do you think I could really do it?’
‘Of course you could.’
Overwhelmed by the sudden changes in her life, Lexi sat down on the edge of the bed and felt the tears fall down her face. Whenever she was with the kids she’d swallowed them back down, putting on a brave face, but now she was with Stella she could let them fall. ‘I can’t believe this is happening. For so long I’ve felt like I was being punished for everything I did.’
Stella joined her and placed a hand on her back. ‘Punishment for what?’
Lexi wiped her tears away with her fingertips. She knew she should have used waterproof mascara today. ‘Nothing. Never mind. I’m just tired.’ But she couldn’t stop the tears from coming now she’d started.
‘Please tell me, Lexi.’
Lexi studied Stella’s face through misted eyes. For so long she’d been alone without someone to talk to, someone to confide in. Could she take the final step and open up completely to Stella? She trusted her, and no one could blame her any more than she blamed herself. Sucking in a breath she said, ‘It was my fault Will and I split up. I ruined my family.’
‘No,’ said Stella, now rubbing her back in gentle, soothing circles. ‘Sometimes things just don’t work out.’
Lexi shook her head. ‘You don’t understand. I cheated on Will. I—’ The words fell away. Her friendship with Stella meant so much to her, she didn’t want Stella to think less of her but she couldn’t bear to lift her head and see her response.
‘What happened?’ Stella’s voice was gentle and kind, carrying no judgement or reproach.
‘It was after Ralph was born. There’s only two years between the kids and I felt rubbish after having two kids so close together. My body felt gross and not my own – I’ll save you the gory details. And I was so tired with a toddler and a newborn. I was exhausted all the time and I felt so low. My self-confidence was through the floor.’ Lexi pulled a tissue from her pocket and twisted it in her fingers. ‘Will was working all the time because we needed the money as I didn’t have any coming in. But then, within weeks of Ralph being born, he started going to the pub after work. We hardly ever saw each other and when we did we were both either so exhausted we hardly spoke or all we talked about was the kids. I began to resent him going out to the pub instead of doing his share at home. I hardly left the house because I didn’t have time for a shower or anything. I’d always think, “I’ll have one when Will gets home,” then he’d go the pub and I never got the chance. I just felt so low. Then Ralph got colic and was up all night. Taylor joined in too because Ralph would wake her and I was surviving on pretty much an hour of sleep a night if I was lucky. I didn’t know what day it was and honestly felt at times like I was going mad. I asked him to stop going but he said he worked so hard he deserved to unwind.’
‘But what about you?’ asked Stella. ‘You deserved to unwind too. Did he stop going?’
‘No. After that we ended up arguing all the time. Then one day I met this guy in the park and it all snowballed so quickly. He was so nice to me and kept paying me compliments. When I was with him I felt like more than just a mum and a wife; I felt like a person again and one someone wanted to be with. I just got swept away in this made-up world and – and I slept with him. It was only once and as soon as I did it I regretted it. I knew I’d risked everything and that underneath it all Will was a good man. He was just tired and stressed like me. But the guilt was too much. After a month I came clean to Will and he said he could never forgive me.’ She wiped another escaping tear away. ‘I threw everything away including the love of my life because I’m stupid.’
‘You’re not stupid,’ said Stella. ‘And we all make mistakes.’
‘Do we?’
‘Of course. You should see some of the things I wore in the Nineties.’ Lexi laughed and Stella continued. ‘But seriously, you can’t keep beating yourself up about something that happened in the past. I can’t even imagine how you must lose yourself when you have kids. Isaac and I couldn’t make our marriage work and it was only the two of us. Throw in kids and I can imagine it’s even harder to remember that you’re a couple. And it sounds like Will didn’t exactly help matters, disappearing to the pub instead of being there for you. He has to take some blame for this too, Lexi.’
Lexi sniffed again. Unburdening all of this felt so good, but the guilt remained and she suspected it always would. ‘Do you really think so?’
‘Yes, I do.’
‘I think I’ve had to keep this all bottled up for so long I just made it all my fault. In my mind, Will was blameless and I put it all on me.’
‘Sometimes circumstances force us into making the wrong choice, but that doesn’t make you a bad person.’
Resting her head on Stella’s shoulder, Lexi said, ‘Thank you, sweetie.’
‘Things are changing for you now, Lexi. And I know it’s scary, but you’re not on your own anymore. I’m here for you and so is Raina. And maybe Will realises the mistakes he made in the past too. Time to start afresh.’ They sat unspeaking for a moment while Stella rubbed Lexi’s back, then in her usual cheerful voice she tried to chivvy her up. ‘Right, come on. We’ve got a whole lot of work to do today so no more lazing about. Let’s do the bathroom together. The shower screen’s got more limescale than a scaly lime.’
Lexi stood, feeling like a load had lifted off her chest. For the first time she could see that she hadn’t been completely to blame for the situation her family was now in. Both she and Will were equally responsible that things hadn’t worked out. She’d always regret that night and feel a certain level of guilt for it, but Will wasn’t the angel she had decided him to be. His disappearing off to the pub instead of being there for her had a huge impact on their situation too. Hearing someone else say it made all the difference. Maybe this new start was a chance to leave some of the past behind and start afresh. Though he’d never said anything, she knew Will felt sorry for neglecting her and not realising the depth of her isolation. They could both have a fresh start. It was what Vivien wanted for her.
Closing her eyes, she took a second to ground herself in this moment of freedom before starting the cleaning again, but as she left the bedroom she glanced again at the wardrobes full of gowns. Thank you, Vivien, she said to herself. And thank you, Stella.