CHAPTER SIX

“Tell me about Daniel and Carlos,” Nyla asked.

“You know I’m not supposed to talk about them. If we’re overheard you’d be forbidden from visiting me again.”

“I don’t want to get you into trouble, Mother, I’m just so curious.”

Rachel searched her daughter’s pleading eyes. She wanted to share everything with Nyla and was so tired of being afraid that it made her angry and exhausted. She often dreamed about going to sleep and never waking up. Nyla would hurt at first, but she believed it would be better for Nyla in the long run to quit coming to this depressing place.

“Forget I brought it up. I can see the mention of their names has hurt you.”

“Thinking about them doesn’t cause me pain. In fact, remembering them and thinking of you are what has kept me from going insane while imprisoned. The sadness you see in me is really guilt. I tried to get everything I wanted, but I let everyone down, especially you.”

“Don’t ever feel guilty, Mother. If you’d succeeded, it would’ve been a better life for me too. At least you tried and I’m proud of you for placing your principles above your fear.”

Rachel smiled at her daughter. They were so much alike it scared her and she feared Nyla would repeat her mistakes. Rachel glanced over at the monitor and could see the woman behind the glass was absorbed in her video game and had an ear bud pressed securely into her ear. She sighed and spoke softly to her daughter.

“Daniel was the most beautiful baby, aside from you of course. His skin was so soft that I still dream of stroking his round satiny cheek. Even as a newborn, I could see Carlos in him. But as much as I loved him and Carlos, I loved you just as much. I couldn’t stay where I was and build a new life without you. I had to come back.”

“Now I’m the one feeling guilty. I had my friends and Grandmother Ruby. You should have stayed with Carlos and Daniel. You could have been happy and free, but look at you now. We missed you, but we were never angry or resentful, we understood.”

“There could be no true happiness or freedom without my darling daughter. You have always been my world and I hope you know how precious you are to me. Daniel had Carlos and they both had a life without restrictions, but you had few options if I couldn’t take you away from here. Regardless, despite my best efforts, I failed and now you have none.”

“What options? There’s nothing here worth having.”

Looking at the timer, Nyla saw they only had a few minutes left. She didn’t know how many more chances she would have to share her mother’s memories, hold her mother’s hand and feel the depth of her love or if she would ever again see her mother’s eyes brighten as she relived a cherished moment of her past. Nyla knew whatever she had experienced in Mexico must have been powerful to have sustained her for so many years in the Facility.

“Maybe SLIC and CTA know what’s best for us after all. I followed the rules with you and look how wonderful you turned out. You’re smart, beautiful, kind and caring, just like the hospital promised me you would be when I was impregnated. I knew the law, yet I allowed my emotions to interfere and it has hurt those I love.”

“Don’t ever say that, Mother. The authorities don’t know what’s best for us. Maybe all the laws and rules have solved some of society’s problems, but the trade-off isn’t worth it.”

“Five minutes,” came the voice behind the glass.

Nyla was certain the monitor wasn’t paying attention or she would have already been thrown out for discussing inappropriate material. Visits were too few and too short for people to discuss much, so conversations were only randomly monitored. The Facility didn’t bother using hi-tech listening technology their perceived invincibility gave them an arrogant confidence.

“Okay,” Nyla replied.

The woman nodded and then resumed playing her game.

Nyla grasped her mother’s small, shriveled hand and looked deep into her eyes. She inched closer and lowered her voice. “Mother, tell me about the village where they live.”

Rachel felt confused by the desperation she detected in her daughter’s voice. They had talked about Daniel, Carlos and Mexico before, but only briefly. Rachel hadn’t thought her daughter was even interested in that portion of her life, but had only listened to be polite.

“I don’t even know if they’re still there, but when Carlos took me to his home to have Daniel, so the baby wouldn’t be taken from me, it was a peaceful place. The village was small and isolated and everyone was family whether they were related or not. Mexico City was the hub of government activity, so the rural towns were very much in charge of themselves. In the evenings, we would sit on top of the high cliffs and look out over the Rio Bravo below to America on the far side of the river. The scene was so incredibly beautiful. I still think about sitting there with Carlos while holding Daniel in my arms. It reminded me of when I was a little girl and lived with my mom and dad. I wanted that feeling of family for both of my children.”

“Tell me more,” Nyla demanded.

Rachel was afraid of what this conversation could do to both of them, but couldn’t deny her daughter’s plea.

“There were no computers or robots. I would sweep the house with a broom Carlos had made of grass and we hung our laundry on the line to dry in the wind. His mother sewed all of our clothes by hand with threads so brightly colored that it made me smile just to look at the garments. The house always held the pleasant aroma of tortillas, frijoles and empanadas cooking on the wood stove. Everything was simple and my short village stay still seems like it was a wonderful dream. I wanted that life for you more than anyone can possibly understand.”

“I can’t believe so much has changed during your lifetime. It had to be difficult to live in the generation which encouraged family in the beginning, to only have it outlawed in the traditional sense so few years later.”

Rachel nodded as she tried to suppress the tears welling in her eyes. The thought of having her children and Carlos with her was such a glorious vision, but also painful. She knew she would never leave the Facility so the dream was simply a fantasy. She shut her eyes, took a deep breath and tried to focus on another topic.

“You know, I’m the envy of all the other prisoners. I get far more visitors than anyone else. You and your grandmother have been so faithful over the years. I hope you realize how much I appreciate you spending time with me in this wretched place.”

Nyla found it depressing that she was the only person visiting a prisoner, as usual. The Facility was full of women like Rachel. The families of these women had dissolved and most of Nyla’s generation had embraced or at least accepted the new family ordera woman and one child of an unknown father. There was no need for marriage or divorce and the spread of sexually transmitted diseases had been eliminated. There were no unwanted babies or domestic violence, and little emotion could be detected in the zombie-filled streets of America.

“Here.” Nyla handed her mother a tissue.

She sat silently, giving her mother time to contain her sadness. Nyla wanted to know more, but she hated seeing the pain and guilt in her mother’s tired eyes. As she waited, her thoughts drifted to Ethan. Women had become so used to not needing or wanting a man and living separate gender-dictated lives, that no one seemed to notice how odd life was or how scarce or perfect the few remaining males had become. Nyla had seen photos of men in history books and pictures of her grandfather and his brothers. Many of those men were short, heavy, bald, frail, or had poor complexions, but not anymore. Something had happened to those men and all that remained were young men like Ethan and Jared.

Nyla glanced at the clock. They were almost out of time and she yearned to hear more of her mother’s stories. “Please continue. We only have a few minutes left and I want to know everything. I know it’s impossible, but anything you can tell me will be treasured.”

Again, the desperation in her daughter’s voice stunned her. Rachel was confused by the sudden change in Nyla, but the desire to share her memories with her daughter was overwhelming. The risk of talking about her crime was great and she didn’t want Nyla punished, but there was nothing else left the authorities could take from her.

“I left Mexico when Daniel was only a month old, because when I looked across the river all I could see was you. Carlos was a student on a temporary Visa at the college studying American government and politics when I met him, so he knew about you. He wanted to raise you like his own, so you could experience the love of a father. He promised me it would happen. I don’t blame him though, he tried. He wanted to come for you, but I wouldn’t let him. If I got caught I knew I would be sent here, but if a foreign man was caught abducting a female American child, he would have been executed.”

The buzzer sounded, signaling their time was up. Nyla would have to wait another week to see her mother again. Usually the realization pained her, but this time it also made her anxious. She needed to hear more and the thought of waiting another week made her want to scream. The injustice only made Nyla more determined to change the course of her future.

“I’m so sorry you didn’t stay, it sounds like El Paraíso,” Nyla whispered into her mother’s ear as she hugged her tight.

Rachel was unable to respond. She had never heard anyone say the name of Carlos’ village before and she couldn’t remember ever telling Nyla its name. Maybe she had. In the Facility the days ran together and conversations and dreams melded into one mind-numbing vision, always making it difficult for her to separate reality from fantasy.

“What is this place doing to me? I must be losing my mind,” Rachel muttered as she watched Nyla walk out the door.