CHAPTER TWELVE

Nyla held her breath and passed her palm across the eye of the scanner, hoping her bandage wouldn’t interfere with the reading. The gate to the Facility eased open and she exhaled. She reached the next door, stared into the retinal scanner, pressed her thumb into the mold and waited while the heavy barrier slowly opened.

The walk down the dank hallway seemed longer than usual. She knew it was her imagination, but couldn’t fight the feelings of claustrophobia. Sweat beaded at her temples despite the cold interior and her heartbeat raced. Nyla didn’t know if the nerves came from the fear of having her chip removal discovered or from knowing it might be the last time she ever saw her mother. Taking several deep breaths, she emerged into view of the monitor, waited to be acknowledged, and then went to the visiting room to wait for her mother.

Nyla heard the door open and looked up as her mother slowly shuffled into the room. Her jumpsuit hung off her bony frame, making the once beautiful, proud, athletic woman look unbearably tiny and forlorn. Nyla swallowed hard to push the lump in her throat down and pasted a smile on her lips.

“How are you doing, Mother? You look tired.”

“I’m fine. I just haven’t been sleeping well. I’ve been dreaming about Carlos and Daniel a lot since we last talked. They’re not bad dreams, but still painful and so very real. The Facility physicians have been providing medication to help me sleep, but I haven’t been taking the pills. Who knows what they’re actually giving me. Their answer to maintaining order is to keep all the prisoners so drugged up we can barely think or move, much less cause trouble.”

The deep dark lines beneath Rachel’s eyes concerned Nyla. Her mother had always been trim and fit, but throughout the years in the Facility, her weight had diminished to a point where her skin hung loosely at her cheeks and arms, and its tone held the gray pallor of death. All her muscle tone had been eaten away by inactivity and the sparkle in her eyes had been extinguished.

“I wish I could know my half-brother. I’m lonely a lot. I don’t know why everyone thinks the one-child policy is so great. Our country isn’t crowded. In fact, according to the latest census, our population is in a steep decline.”

“You’re too free-spirited to accept restrictions without question which concerns me. I want you to be happy but I don’t want you to end up here. Though, maybe we could finally spend some time together.”

Rachel’s smile was weak. Nyla appreciated her attempt to lighten the mood, but they were too much alike to hide anything from each other. She loathed seeing her mother suffer guilt for their situation. Grandmother Ruby was treated like an outcast. Nyla had been shunned because her mother had been labeled a criminal, but it hadn’t bothered her much. She was proud of her mother and grateful she had cared enough to try to provide her with a better life.

Nyla tried to talk about her studies. The topic was safe, but when Nyla thought about school, she couldn’t help but think about how close Ethan was to being done and about how differently he had been treating her lately.

“You know Ethan only has one term left.”

“He’s grown into a very handsome man. I like him very much and wish we all lived in a different time. I know it’s going to be difficult when you’re no longer able to see each other as much.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way.”

Rachel sensed her daughter was conflicted, but was hesitant to ask what was on her mind. Whatever had Nyla in such an unusual mood was most likely something that shouldn’t be talked about near potentially preying ears, but she just couldn’t brush her daughter off when she was clearly reaching out to her.

“You seem torn about something. Do you want to talk about it?” Rachel cautiously asked, while glancing sideways at the woman playing video games behind the glass window.

“Mother, you don’t know how much I wish I could. I’m just afraid a lot. Afraid I’m being selfish or making the wrong decisions. I’m sad I may not see the people who mean the most to me again, even if I think those people will understand and support my decisions,” Nyla said as she reached over and ran her palm affectionately down her mother’s arm.

Rachel flinched at the scratchy sensation she felt on her arm. Her mind reeled through the last few conversations she had with her daughter and everything made perfect sense. She and her daughter were so much alike and there was nothing she could do at this point to change that fact, even if she wanted to.

Trepidation and excitement made Rachel sit straight in her chair and her focus drifted. Nyla had grown up and she had missed it, and now her daughter was faced with a tough decision. She hadn’t been there for Nyla, but Ethan, Jared and Claire had. She knew her daughter was too strong-willed to let go of any of them without a fight, especially Ethan. Rachel understood how special he was to Nyla, and from personal experience, she was aware of how powerful those feelings could be in influencing a woman’s actions.

“Mother, are you okay? Please look at me.”

Their eyes connected and Nyla was certain her mother knew everything. She wanted her mother’s approval to be sure she was making the right decision about her future.

“Nyla, it’s time you move on and forget about me. I’m the past and you still have options. Though I love seeing you and cherish our time together, I don’t think you should come here anymore. This is no place for a young mind to spend time. This is a horrible depressing dungeon you shouldn’t have to experience. You haven’t missed a single Sunday since I was incarcerated, but it’s time to stop this madness and look forward.”

Nyla wasn’t surprised by her mother’s words and it gave her a great sense of relief. The thought of never seeing her mother again was painful, but she now felt one step closer to her goal. Rachel had given Nyla her blessing to try to alter the course of her future.

“Are you sure this is what you want? Are you sure this is what I should do?”

“It’s not necessarily what I want, but what I believe is best for you. Seeing you makes me hunger for freedom that is out of reach. Seeing your grown-up face only reminds me how I failed you. You deserve more.”

“Don’t say that, Mother. I’m proud of you. You were just caught in the middle. You were in the generation who knew too much about the past to accept the future without question.”

“I’m glad you understand. I also want you to know your grandmother only wants what’s best for you too. She’s old, she’s had some good times, and those memories have sustained her through the years. She wouldn’t want you to make decisions about your future based on her.”

“Thank you,” Nyla mumbled, trying to suppress the tears.

“Five minutes,” came the harsh voice from behind the glass.

Nyla pulled herself together. She wanted to make the most of their remaining minutes and not leave with sadness in the air.

“Tell me something, Mother. If you could tell Carlos one thing what would it be?”

Rachel fell silent as her mind reeled through all her memories of him and a smile came to her lips. There were so many happy visions and so many things she wished she could say to him. She had treasured the few notes Nyla had smuggled to her, but she had responded only once for fear of being caught, only to explain to him why she would not be replying again. Rachel had nothing to lose, but she couldn’t take chances with Nyla’s freedom.

“I would tell him to take care of my babies and that I loved him until the day I died.”

Her mother’s choice of words set her back. For a moment, Nyla was unable to speak or breathe and then the buzzer blared, signaling their time was up.

“Wrap it up,” the woman behind the glass stated and then resumed her game.

Nyla stood and hugged her mother tight, pulling her close. She held on, afraid to let go, knowing it would be the last time. She vaguely heard another warning from the woman behind the glass reminding her of the regulation prohibiting such contact, but Nyla couldn’t let go.

“I love you, Mother,” she whispered into Rachel’s ear. “Goodbye.”

“I love you too.”

Two women in uniform rushed into the room, each grabbing one of Nyla’s arms and pulling her away from her mother. As Nyla drew away, she ran her palm gently down her mother’s cheek, wiping away a tear that had just begun to fall.

Rachel watched her daughter with pride as Nyla was escorted out of the visiting room. She looked confident and determined as she pulled away from the guards and showed herself out. Rachel knew for sure, by the feel of her daughter’s palm, that she would never see her girl again. The realization didn’t bring her sadness, only relief. A huge weight had been lifted. At last, she was free to rid herself of this hell that had become her life.