CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

The moon cast a warm glow throughout her cell and for that, Rachel was thankful. She had awakened from a peaceful sleep, the first she had experienced in a very long time. An unusual sense of contentment flowed through her body, yet tears rolled down her cheeks.

Rachel got out of bed and walked to the reflector embedded in the wall. She combed her skeletal fingers through her course graying hair and stared at her face. She hardly recognized herself anymore. Her eyes were sunken, lifeless and ringed with deep dark circles. Her skin had lost all its color and firmness and her complexion had taken on a dull pasty texture. While looking at her reflection it was impossible to believe Carlos had ever found her beautiful. If she had indeed possessed beauty, the loss of her freedom and her family had stolen it from her.

A cup of water sat by her bed and she looked at it longingly. Rachel knew the time had come to take control of her destiny. She would no longer live like a caged animal. She had accepted her punishment for her family’s sake, but Nyla’s decision to leave had released her from her duty to protect her daughter from society’s cruelties and Ruby was resigned to her bleak existence.

Rachel grasped the edge of the mattress and pulled. She only managed to scoot it a couple of inches away from the wall and feared she was too weak to accomplish her goal. She sat down, panting, gazing around the dreary enclosure. There was nothing from her past decorating the cell or anything alluding to a life outside its walls. The cell oozed hopelessness and despair.

Forcing the feeling of defeat from her mind, she put all her weight into a desperate tug. The mattress slid and Rachel stumbled, barely catching herself on the edge of the sink before tumbling to the cold concrete floor. She pushed herself to her feet and stared at the stained pad, a memento from the cell’s previous inhabitant, relieved the worn mattress had moved enough for her to retrieve the needed items.

On the side facing the wall, a zipper ran the length of the mattress so the cover could be removed and washed. No one had ever cleaned her bedding, so she used the place to hide her personal belongings that had been smuggled in by Ruby and Nyla. Rachel unzipped the cover several inches and removed two photographs and a small plastic-wrapped bundle. In one photograph, Carlos held Daniel and smiled at his newborn son. Daniel was swaddled in a hand-crocheted blanket made by Carlos’ mother. She missed the dear old woman.

In the other picture, Ruby held Nyla on the day they had brought her home from the hospital. Nyla wore the required white T-shirt with her twelve-digit identification number printed across the front in bold black script. A bandage circled the tiny hand clinging to Ruby’s arm where her chip had been inserted. Despite Nyla’s attire, she looked happy and healthy. Nyla still looked healthy, but Rachel couldn’t remember the last time her daughter had looked truly happy.

She stared at the photographs, stunned by a sudden realization. Something was missing from both scenesshe was missing. The revelation made her sad, but the more she thought about it the more appropriate it seemed.

Sitting on her bed cross-legged, she placed the photos in front of her. Rachel gazed lovingly at the pictures as she slowly unwrapped the plastic bundle. Over the past several months, she had amassed twenty pills. She wasn’t exactly sure what the ovals were, but if one was supposed to help her sleep through the night surely twenty would make her sleep for an eternity.

One at a time, Rachel raised the photographs to her lips and gently kissed the faded surfaces. She then arranged the treasured images side-by-side in front of her and took one of the pills between her fingers. She stared at it for several seconds and prayed her actions wouldn’t hurt Ruby too much and that her mother and God would understand and forgive her.

Rachel placed the pill in her mouth and washed it down with tepid water. The act was easier than she thought it would be, so she continued on. One by one, she repeated the process until the precious photographs began to blur. By the time Rachel had swallowed the last pill, she could no longer recognize any of the people in the photographs, but knew she loved them very much. She felt warm for the first time in a very long time and the sensation was strange yet comforting.

The room around her began to spin so she leaned back, placed her head on the pillow and grabbed the sides of the bed in an attempt to steady her swirling world. Rachel closed her eyes, forcing the buzzing out of her head and fighting the nausea threatening to dislodge her means of escape.

Her mind reeled through all the things that had happened in her lifetime and the pity she felt for herself lessened. She thought about the massive earthquakes, plagues and acts of terrorism which had killed thousands of people; great tsunamis that had annihilated thousands of miles of coastlines; volcanoes that had buried cities in ash and lava with no warning; and of the west coast of America which had been caving off into the ocean at an alarming rate. The people who had died and suffered in those catastrophes had no control over their fate, but she did. Her actions had landed her in the Facility and it would be her decision to leave.

As Rachel began to drift in and out of consciousness, a new thought warmed her soul and the disasters of the world and in her own life faded from her mind. She suddenly realized she would soon be with her father. Though Nyla would never know her biological father, Rachel knew Carlos would be a perfect substitute for her daughter. Girls needed their fathers and Rachel missed hers so much. The thought of seeing him again brought a smile to her lips and allowed her to let go and leave all the pain behind.