CHAPTER 2
I had to take a moment to calm my nerves before I could even attempt to follow him. And while there wasn’t any rule stating anything had to happen tonight, I’d just bought an evening with him and it would be a shame not to take advantage.
Honestly, I’d done my fair share of research already. This wasn’t a new fantasy for me. And despite Connie’s moaning, I didn’t go on and on about wanting to find a guy to dominate me in the bedroom. I hadn’t peppered her with questions about what it felt like to be tied up, spanked, fucked with a dildo while you sucked your boyfriend off.
Okay, I might have asked a few questions once or twice.
Maybe a dozen . . .
Master Gareth stopped at the opening to a hallway. He didn’t turn back to face me, but I knew he was waiting. There would be no one to force me into this. The charity would happily take the money regardless of whether I took advantage of my purchase or not. And I’m sure Master Gareth would easily step back up onstage to find another bidder. No one cared if I didn’t take this golden opportunity to explore something that had been haunting me for years. This was all down to me.
I let out a huff, straightened my shoulders, and walked toward him.
When I reached him, Master Gareth turned his face so his profile was clear over his shoulder. “The Blue Room is this way.”
I knew he was giving me a chance to change my mind, to turn around and leave. Not surprising given my hesitation in coming even this far. I would have said it was sweet, but he didn’t come across as the sweet type. Plus I knew if I didn’t do this now and walk away, I’d regret it.
“I’m right behind you.”
“Sir.” There was something about the way he said that single syllable that made me shiver. It was that same feeling deep down that I’d experienced when I’d first caught sight of him behind the curtain. “From this point on you are to address me as Sir.”
“Yes, Sir.” Oh, shit. Shit, damn, holy hell.
He moved then and somehow I was able to follow, keeping a respectable distance behind. The gap gave me opportunity to ogle his ass, which was tight, muscular, and encased in leather. Maybe that was the appeal of the BDSM lifestyle. Leather. It smelled wonderful, primal, felt amazing when I’d run my hands along it.
No, there was more to it than that.
I nearly ran into him when he slowed to let another couple pass us in the hall. He turned his head, quirked his eyebrow once more, and I knew I’d been caught. Well, what did he expect? He had a nice ass.
It didn’t take us long to get where we were going. Master Gareth stopped in front of a door, his hand on the handle. He looked at me again, but this time there was no humor in his gaze. “When we go in, I want you to take the seat that you find inside and place it in the center of the room. Then we are going to have a little chat. Understand?”
A chat? Not exactly what I thought we’d be doing. And why the hell was the idea of having a conversation so fucking arousing? I must have been more hard up than I’d thought.
“Yes, Sir.” I wondered if he could hear the pounding of my heart in my chest. It shouldn’t be that difficult given how hard it was beating. God, I think it might have rivaled the dance music that I normally listened to.
His lips twitched into that smirk of his once more. Instead of being infuriating, it was starting to appeal to me. I wondered what else I could do to make him smile? Master Gareth opened the door with a quick twist of the handle and stepped aside to let me past.
The room was surprisingly empty of things that I would have suspected present in a BDSM club. There were rings positioned on the back wall and a small wall unit in the corner. Besides the chair he’d already mentioned, that was it. No large crosses, or swings, no contraptions of any kind. Not even a window or mirror for others to see in or for me to check out how red my skin would look.
I didn’t want to admit to being disappointed, but there was a small part of me that felt like a kid after the Christmas presents had all been opened. Master Gareth cleared his throat and I realized that I was still standing in the doorway. I quickly strode over to the chair, picked it up, and awkwardly carried it to the center of the room. The damn thing was heavy.
I sat down even though he hadn’t mentioned that being a part of the plan. I assumed, even though that tended to get me into trouble, the intent of the chair was for me to use it, not simply stand beside it. He appeared to be the logical type. Rubbing my hands along my jeans, I let out a shaky breath and waited for what was to come next.
Time ticked on for what felt like hours, when, in fact, it must have been only heartbeats. Master Gareth stared at me long enough for the hair on the back of my neck to prickle and a tingle to start somewhere in my toes. It was unnerving and unnatural to be under such intense scrutiny by one person. Me! I’d always been more of a fade into the background type than one to stand out in the spotlight. The way his gaze slipped over my body was almost too much.
He hummed softly before moving into the room and quietly closing the door. As far as I could tell there was no lock, which meant I could leave at any time. Reassuring. He slapped his hand against the side of his leg and looked at me long and hard. I don’t know what I was expecting him to do when he finally did move, but him coming to squat down in front of me, his forearms resting on his knees, wasn’t it.
God, he had sexy arms.
“Hi.” He had a great voice, too. It was deep the way I liked it, gravelly. I hoped he didn’t smoke. “Now, I know you paid for tonight, but there are a few things we need to discuss before I go any further. This is for my benefit as much as yours. Okay?”
Oh. I hadn’t thought he’d need any time to get ready to do something. Maybe my first instinct about taking it slow was correct after all and we were only going to make plans to do this another time, or not do anything at all and simply talk. I was okay with that.
I was.
Well, I’m sure I could work my way into it if I had to.
“Hi.” I smiled, though my cheeks twitched. They did that when I was nervous or had to pose for family photos. “I’m Liz.”
“You’re a friend of Connie’s.” It was a statement and not a question, so he’d clearly recognized her out in the crowd by me. He held out his hand for me to shake. It was a nice hand, large and warm. Everything about him seemed warm and inviting. Not exactly the image I’d had for a Dom. “I haven’t seen you at the club before.”
“No, this is my first time. Connie finally convinced me to come.” I really didn’t want to let go of him, but it would have been weird to keep the handshake going much longer. It was nice when, instead of returning his hand to dangle between his legs, he placed it on my knee.
“Is Liz short for Elizabeth?”
“No, actually. My mom figured everyone would call me Liz anyway so she said she saved me a step.” I laughed. Mom would die if she knew I’d mentioned her in a sex club. She’d die knowing I was even in a sex club. More things I’d have to keep to myself. “I always laugh when people call me Elizabeth.”
“So, why are you here, Liz?” He’d started rubbing small circles with his thumb on the inside of my knee. It felt like there was a direct line from that single spot connected to my cunt. Those most intimate of muscles clenched and I was shocked at how aroused I’d gotten in such a short time.
He’d asked me a question? Oh, right. I licked my lips once more and tried to smile again. My lips were still twitching.
“I’m here . . . because I’m curious.”
“About what?” he asked when I didn’t continue. He was perceptive, which I guess shouldn’t have surprised me. “There are many things you could be wondering about. If I don’t know specifically what they are, then I can’t help you.”
This time I couldn’t stop the giggle from escaping. “Sorry.”
“What do you have to be sorry for?” He squeezed my knee and for some reason that helped me relax.
“For being a bit freaked out. This isn’t what I expected tonight would be like.” He wasn’t at all like the Dom I’d pictured in my head. In so many ways he was much better.
“How so?” The glint was back in his eyes and I could tell he was at least seeing the humor in the situation as much as I was.
“First, a distinct lack of nudity.” I shifted in my chair, but not enough to break his touch. “Honestly, I didn’t think there would be this much talking. Connie never mentioned that there would be talking.” To be fair to her, she didn’t say much of anything. She’d always believed in experience being the best teacher.
Master Gareth cocked his head to the side and frowned for a moment. “You’re a stranger to me. I don’t know what your limits are, your likes or dislikes. I’m also a man with a certain amount of pride. I hate failing to live up to expectations.”
“I guess I can appreciate that.”
“I’m a stranger to you as well, Liz. One who will end up having you in some compromising positions. I think taking a few moments to have a conversation and get to know each other would be prudent. Don’t you?”
“Yeah, that makes sense.” Smart, sexy, and dominant.
I totally ignored the part of my girl brain that perked up and wanted to ask for his phone number. Because buying him for a night was all well and good, but starting to think about the possibility of having a relationship with him went well beyond what I should be considering just then. I could tell he was calm, where I tended to bounce through life. It would do me some good to find a person like him.
“Liz, can you look at me?”
I hadn’t even realized I’d broken eye contact. Connie always teased me that it was the biggest sign that I was a natural submissive. Get me in the room with a dominant man and I’m incapable of seeing higher than someone’s knees. I found it infuriating; she thought it hilarious.
Master Gareth had beautiful eyes, so why wouldn’t I want to look at them? They weren’t in the least bit feminine, but had a depth to them that I wouldn’t normally associate with a man. There wasn’t an ounce of fat anywhere on him from what I could see. I wouldn’t go so far to say his looks were perfect, but I couldn’t say that about most people. I wouldn’t want him to be either. Imperfections make for a far more interesting person.
I hugged my arms around my middle and hoped I wasn’t showing my muffin top.
“Why did you come here tonight?” There was no malice in those eyes. Gareth was curious, was taking the time to get to know me, even if it was only for one night. That was more than I could say about a lot of the men I’d been dating. Connie would, of course, argue that meant I was dating the wrong guys. I couldn’t disagree with her.
Why did I come here tonight? It was more than pressure from Connie to get out and explore my options. It was probably the first time I took a chance on something like this, reached for something that I didn’t simply want, but needed. This time I made sure to hold his gaze. I didn’t want him to have any false impressions.
“Because I needed to know.” And that was the God’s honest truth. Saying I was curious was all well and good, but there was a lot more to it than that. I had to know if this was really who I was, or if it was nothing more than a fantasy. If it was the latter, then I would go home and buy up every e-book I could find with BDSM as the theme. If it was the former . . . well, I’d have to figure that out as I went.
He gave my knee a final squeeze before letting his hand dangle once more. “Then I’ll help you.”
My head began to spin and I had to pull in a few deep breaths to settle my nerves. I’m not sure if it was relief or fear, but either way it was a rush.
“This is really going to happen.” Yes, I’d paid the money, but this whole night didn’t seem real yet. A wonderful dream with the perfect man cast as my Dom. A bevy of undiscovered pleasures stretched out before me.
“If you want it to. But only if you’re honest with me and yourself. I’m not a miracle worker, a psychologist, or a magician. We’ll be in this together tonight, taking things as far as you want them to go. But only if you’re honest with both of us.”
I nodded. Yeah, I got that and for once the idea of laying it all out there for someone to see didn’t freak me out. “I think I’m a submissive.”
“And you wanted to spend some time with a Dom to find out for certain?”
“Yeah.”
“Why the auction? I’m sure Connie could have put you in touch with some people if you had questions.”
“She’d tried, but I always wussed out. She was the one who suggested I come tonight. I wanted something . . .”
“Safe?”
“Contained. If things weren’t what I’d expected, I wanted to make sure it only lasted one night.”
“Why?”
Licking my lips, I tried to find the right words. “If things didn’t go the way I hoped they might, I knew I would be able to walk away. This is only for one night.”
Master Gareth nodded. He linked his fingers together and leaned a bit farther forward on his feet. “Why?”
I twisted in my seat. “I’ve had a few boyfriends in the past, but I never really felt satisfied with them. I was drifting along and none of them seemed able to anchor me.”
“Was there anything any of them did sexually that aroused you?”
Poor John. The memory of his face and the look he’d had on it when I’d asked him to spank me was forever burned there. “Spankings were good for me. None of them were willing to try anything more than that. I think I freaked a few of them out with even the suggestion of something more.”
Master Gareth got to his feet but didn’t move away. He towered over me, his groin just about at face level. The leather pants left little to the imagination, hugging his half-hard cock.
Oh my.
It would be so easy to lean forward and press my face against the hard ridge of his shaft. I would mouth at him until he pulled me away by my hair, yanked the button from its mooring, and shoved his cock in my mouth.
“What do you fantasize about when you are alone? When there’s nothing but you and your handy vibrator, what do you think about?”
Yeah, I was blushing hard. Though if it was from the heated nature of my thoughts or the need to spell out what I did when I got myself off, I couldn’t be sure. I imagined it would be poor form to say “you” given I’d just met the man. Honest, but unnecessary pressure. Maybe he wouldn’t mind?
“I’m not sure I can put it into words.” I licked my lips in an attempt to cover up the blatant lie. I didn’t know if I would sound like a freak for saying the truth out loud.
“Liz, I want you to close your eyes.” I did without hesitation. It was getting easier to do what he said. “Now, tell me what you see.”
I squeezed my hands a bit tighter in my lap. The images that popped into my head were always consistent, always set to get me turned on. “I see a man who is larger than me. He tells me what to do, takes away my choices in the bedroom. I don’t want to think or decide or have to ask. I want him to simply know what I want when I want it. Apparently, I need to be with a mind reader.”
“Liz.” There was a warning note in his voice. It was strange to have someone pick up on my deflection techniques so quickly after first meeting them.
“I want to do what he says. If he wants to fuck my ass or have me give him a blow job, then that’s what I’ll do.” I opened my eyes then and looked at him. Really looked at him. Somehow I knew there was something special going on tonight. I had taken a step into becoming someone else. An evolution into someone I didn’t yet know.
I’m not sure what he saw standing there, what insights he gained by seeing me sitting before him, but something on his face changed. He leaned back and for a moment I understood what it would feel like to be under a magnifying glass.
I wasn’t about to let that intense look scare me off. I knew I wasn’t able to hold anything back now that I’d finally started talking. “Does that make me some sort of anti-feminist? I mean, what kind of woman wants to give up that kind of control to a man?”
Master Gareth didn’t speak right away. While I knew what I said was probably the least shocking thing he’d ever heard in his life as a Dom, it was still a big step for me. I hadn’t even said all of that to Connie, and she was a sub and definitely someone who would understand. But she was confident in her ability to let go and let Stephen flog her senseless, tie her up and do what he wanted, or withhold her orgasm until she was nearly delirious from need. They’d worked out the playbook and knew the calls.
I was still figuring out what the game was.
It was like taking a giant leap backward and becoming an awkward teenager once more. Never knowing what to do or say, what made me a freak or what was simply me being different. I wasn’t old, but you’d think at twenty-six I’d have some of this stuff figured out by now.
“It’s been my experience that it takes a very strong person to admit to needing help.” He moved around to stand behind me. I shivered when I felt him lean forward so his mouth was close to my ear. “How long have you had these longings?”
Forever. “A while now.”
“You wanted tonight to see if this was something you could do?”
“I need to know that this isn’t some kind of mistake. Before I get into another relationship and fuck that up, too, I have to have my head around what it is I need. Before I ask someone for something I can’t really see through. I—” This really shouldn’t have been so difficult. I tended to do things the hard way when it wasn’t necessary.
On impulse, I slipped from the chair to my knees and stayed there. If I couldn’t make the words say what I wanted, then I could do this. Every cell in my body felt like it was vibrating with lust and impatience.
There was a pause and then the sound of the chair being pushed aside. “I have rules.”
Rules were good. I liked rules.
His hand was warm on my shoulder and surprisingly comforting considering I’d just met the man. I’d never been foolish enough to believe in love at first sight, but even I couldn’t deny the connection between us. While trust needs to be earned in most cases, for tonight I was willing to nudge my caution to the side and go with the flow.
“I’ve already told you rule one, refer to me as Sir.”
I nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
“See, you’re doing fine already. Second rule, if I do something you don’t like, you need to tell me. You will say red if you want me to stop. Yellow and I’ll slow things down.”
Colors were nice and simple. “I can do that.”
The hand on my shoulder gave me a squeeze.
“Sir! I can do that, Sir.” Dummy.
“Good girl.”
His other hand took up position on my free shoulder. For the first time since I’d entered the club I felt grounded. I loved the feeling of his hands on my skin, how it drew another shiver from deep inside and caused my blood to surge. I was flying blind, but it was certainly a rush.
“Liz, I need to know if there is anything that freaks you out. The dark? Loss of breath? Being yelled at?”
“Nothing, Sir.” There was that one time I’d freaked out when I’d gone indoor rock climbing, but I doubt he was going to send me scurrying up a wall anytime soon.
“Pain threshold?”
“One of the boyfriends I asked to spank me? When he did, his hand ended up hurting before my ass did. Sir.” John had dumped me a week later. Despite what Connie said, I knew that was the reason why. He wasn’t able to meet my gaze for days after, like I’d turned into some sort of three-headed freak. Sure, I might be better off without him, but it had still hurt.
The bastard.
Another squeeze, this time a lot harder. “From this point on I want you to stop thinking, Liz. I’m in charge now. Your body belongs to me and I will do with it what I want. Do you understand?”
I couldn’t resist looking up at him. “This is really going to happen?”
I’m not sure if it was because we weren’t that far into the scene, or if I was suddenly speaking to the man behind the Dom. Either way, Master Gareth gave me a small smile.
Logically I knew he wasn’t two separate people, but I swear in that moment I could see a lot more than the Dom mask he’d been wearing up to this point. Maybe a mask wasn’t the right description and he was simply good at hiding his emotions from others. Either way, I could tell he was used to keeping a part of himself held back.
I knew because it was something I did too.
Maybe someone had hurt him at one point? Wouldn’t that be ironic?
Master Gareth’s slight smile melted from his lips. The spark was still present in his eyes, which served to keep me calm and focused on him.
“You paid your money. I’m here to do what you want, which is to take over. If you don’t want this, we can do something else. I would hate for you to feel some sort of pressure to continue on because of the auction, what Connie said, or any other reason. I don’t mind talking about the lifestyle if you want more information. Though I could point you to some good Web sites for that.”
“No! Sir, I’m good. Please. I’m ready for this.”
Master Gareth reached down and cupped my chin. His gentle pull stretched my head back not quite to the point of pain. I gasped and let my eyes slip closed. He didn’t let go, didn’t relent. His fingers dug into the sensitive skin of my throat and gently squeezed. It wasn’t enough to cut off my oxygen, but the sudden possessive and controlling move had my cunt clenching at the prospect of an amazing fuck.
“You need to stop your mind from spinning.” He squeezed a bit harder. “Don’t think for a moment I can’t tell when you’ve got something buzzing around in there.”
It was hard to blank my mind, though I made a valiant attempt. Instead, I concentrated on the pull of his calloused fingers across my throat, the ache of my neck muscles as I held the awkward angle. I didn’t dare move. I didn’t want to. It felt amazing to have his hand holding me firmly, pressing me into the floor with the strength of his will. Fuck, it was quite the rush.
“You will do what I say when I say. There will be no hesitation. If you have a genuine problem with anything, remember to say either red or yellow. No won’t stop me. Stop won’t stop me. Begging and pleading won’t get you what you want either.”
“Sir.” And in that moment I felt relief.
He understood.
Gareth wasn’t humoring me or trying to simply fulfill the auction bid. In a matter of a few minutes he got me. It was weird and electrifying all wrapped into one overwhelming package of awareness.
I couldn’t stop the moan from escaping when he released the pressure on my throat. How could I miss the contact already? Was I that pathetic that the least bit of attention turned me into a panting, needy whore? The ping on the end of my nose had me snap my eyes open.
Right. No thinking.
“There is more to being a good submissive than doing what you’re told. It’s important, but not the be-all and end-all.” He moved once again and with my eyes closed it was challenging to track him. “Tonight we’ll keep things simple.”
Would there be other nights? Would I even want other nights? I couldn’t help but think yes, given how strongly I was reacting to him. It would be very easy to lose myself in him. Now I understood what Connie had been trying to tell me for months.
Without realizing he’d gotten close, I gasped when his hand plunged into my corset, found my nipple, and squeezed tight. The pain jerked me back to the room and Gareth.
“I said no thinking, Liz.” The slight smile that had played on his lips was gone now. I was surprised how different he looked, all hard angles and iron control. “If you can’t listen to me on this simple thing, then this will not work out.”
Oh no, no, no, no! “I’m sorry, Sir. I’ll do better.”
“Yes, you will. Part of the problem is your clothing. It’s a distraction. Take them off, fold them, and place them by the door.
Wait.
What?
“You’re not moving. Do it now, Liz, or else leave.”
There was no room for negotiation in that tone. There was no softness in his gaze or body. Gareth stood there staring at me, arms crossed and legs spread shoulder width apart. If I had been thinking I would have freaked out. I hardly knew the man and he wanted me to get naked in front of him while he remained fully clothed. It was probably the most insane thing I’d ever been asked to do in my life.
I don’t think I’ve ever moved so quickly before in my life. Sure my fingers shook as I pulled at the knot holding the front of my corset together, but I somehow managed to get it open. The damn thing proved harder to fold than I first figured it would be. I didn’t want him to change his mind and kick me out because I’d moved too slow, so I folded the damn thing in half and jogged over to the door to place it on the floor.
If nothing else, I could go with the flow.
My jeans were easier to fold, but ended up being harder to remove. I wasn’t wearing panties beneath and he would get an eyeful right away. I’m still not sure what had possessed me to skip putting on my intimates, but it had somehow seemed appropriate given where the auction was being held. Honestly, I didn’t think anyone would be in a position to have noticed.
Too late for regrets.
I kicked off my heels as I undid the button. The denim pulled off easily and I had it folded and placed on the corset before I turned around to face Gareth once more. I could feel the blush heat my face and I hoped he didn’t hold that against me.
My hands twitched at my side as Gareth’s gaze slid down my body. God, I wanted nothing more than to cover myself then. I’d never been particularly good at making it to the gym on a regular basis, so there was a bit extra of me around my middle, ass, thighs . . . okay everywhere. Most men didn’t seem to mind, but I’d always been self-conscious about my weight.
“Very nice.” His words penetrated into me and I shivered.
Naked is as naked does, I guess.
“I want you to put your shoes back on and come over here.”
My ankles were protesting the return of the heels, but I wasn’t about to argue with him. It gave me a few precious seconds to register what was happening. Gareth had moved to the wall where there was a ring secured quite high up. I knew it was a spot where people could be secured, but there didn’t seem to be anything with which to bind me. Maybe that’s part of the advanced class. If I was very lucky and very good, maybe someday I’d get to take part.
I joined him by the wall, pleased that my ankles didn’t buckle as I crossed the room. Even in my shoes, Master Gareth was taller than me by a good four or five inches. Maybe he was trying to make sure I didn’t feel too threatened by his size out of the gate. I would have told him that regardless of my submissive tendencies, I’ve always had a thing for big men. The bigger the better, in my book. He was built like a brick shithouse, exactly the type of man I gravitated toward.
When I finally met his gaze once more, I could see something different. I’m not sure if he was simply happy to have a new playmate, or if I was so new I had that cute-puppy-dog look about me. Probably the latter. Connie always teased me about that.
“Liz, I want you to lift your hands above your head and press your back to the wall. I want you to stay there and not move.”
For once my mind stayed quiet as I did what he asked. The wall was cold and my nipples went instantly hard. They ached in that pleasant way and if he were to tweak them now, I would have been begging to get fucked.
Oh, shit, I didn’t even know if sex was on the agenda. Wouldn’t that be a letdown after getting naked and horny? Also a waste of a perfectly sexy man.
I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to watch him or not, but when he moved away toward the cupboard I couldn’t stop looking. What the hell did they have in there? My pussy felt swollen in anticipation. I hadn’t been this turned on in years, so much so, I think I could actually have had an orgasm from penetration. Normally I had to rely on either oral or my hand to get off. But nope, the mere sight of Gareth in front of what I assumed was a toy cupboard was enough to have me coming.
God, I hope sex is on the table.
Or at least an orgasm.