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Early spring in Atlanta, however, most days felt like summer. The joys of a new job curtailed the urge to complain about temperatures reaching in the high 80s. I was determined to keep my mind positive; drenched in sweat and all.
The next part of the “get my life back together” plan was to find an apartment downtown. Near work, because getting a new car didn’t make the list of things to restore. Taking a stroll as a morning commute instead of sitting in hideous traffic was a nice change. Until then, Marie dropped me off at the Marta station to ride the train to the office.
During the first day of work, Kelly introduced me to almost everyone in the office. Administrative staff members, the team, managers from nearby teams, random people on the floor. However, she didn’t introduce me to him. I guess since he worked on a different floor, he wasn’t included in the new girl tour stop.
While heading home for the day, I found him in the downstairs lobby. I didn’t just see him; my eyes experienced his face. Distance sat between us, but through the crowd of people rushing to leave, I knew I wanted him. Brown skin, with a height no less than six feet, fit, low haircut, with a thin mustache leading to a short goatee. Deep dimples on each side of a spellbinding smile exposed with his laughter. He regularly checked a cell phone while listening to random jokes told by Michael and another guy. I was heavily curious to know what made him glow infectiously. If I knew, maybe one day that smile would appear just for me.
My eyes locked on him until he was about to look towards my direction. I lowered my head for a moment to hide the eye-stalking, then once I looked up, he was gone. Jolting my head from left to right, I searched for signs of his whereabouts. No luck.
The sight of him confirmed that my efforts in picking up the broken pieces of my life weren’t going to be in vain. I needed that motivation. At first, I just wanted my livelihood and an apartment of my own. I didn’t imagine I’d find a new interest as well. It was meant to be.
Throughout the first week, I desired to be in his presence. The first glimpse was satisfactory, but my goal was for him to know me. A face to face meeting was the perfect start. But...nothing. I settled for distant views or sounds of his faint voice passing by.
Instead of sitting around hoping, I took action to place myself within his viewpoint. I wasn’t going to talk to him and run the risk of saying something embarrassing. I desired to show him I existed, and allow him to initiate an introduction.
On the first Friday morning at the new gig, I exited the elevator to the main area on my floor. I walked by the break room and heard a voice; deep, sexy, masculine, and articulate. A loud radar alerted. It had to be him. I thought.
I placed my backpack on the desk and grabbed a coffee mug gifted to me from Kelly. Pretending to want coffee, I made my way to the break room, executing the action plan. And there he stood, looking handsome as hell. It was a casual Friday, but he wore a navy-blue suit with a light grey dress shirt peering through the open area down to the top button resting on his torso. His face was freshly groomed and he wore a pair of small framed reading glasses without the rim. I moved towards the coffee machine which sat on the counter in the corner of the mid-sized space. The perfect position to wait and stare without being noticed.
He and two others were on the opposite side of the room, rambling about some zombie apocalypse TV series that everyone, but myself, was into. By listening to him, I deduced that he went to good schools and had a family that strived to teach their offspring to be better than the stereotypical black man seen on TV. His tone was calm but seductive, not overly aggressive but firm when he had the right answers. The guy was secure in himself by opting out of being the center of attention.
He correlated the zombie show to current events that plastered our TV screens during the morning news. A man who was well aware of what was going on in the world, and keen on popular entertainment. And punctual because he checked his Rolex, mid-sentence, then bowed out of the conversation to prepare for a meeting.
After leaving the conversation, he passed by me without noticing I was in the room. As he walked by, his cologne wavered, leaving a small present for me to breathe in. The scent was just like him, seductive and mysterious. I poured coffee, to keep up the act, and headed to the other side of the counter to get napkins and sugar. Lingering around in hopes that he would circle back.
“Hey Darren, wait up!” A coworker called out.
I looked up as he turned around. He was distant but I HAD to see those eyes. As my luck would have it, the person calling his name blocked my view. They both walked away as the “eye-blocker” talked to him about business.
Darren. The man’s name is Darren. I thought to myself, almost dropping the coffee mug.
“Hi!” An old lady’s voice shrilled from behind.
I turned around and saw just that. A short old lady with red hair, a frail body, and dressed in a Golden Girls outfit.
“I’m Alice.” She continued, getting uncomfortably close. “Everyone calls me Miss Alice. I’m sort of the ‘old soul’ around here. You’re Jennifer, right?”
“Yes, but you can call me Jenn,” I tapped my fingers on the hot mug.
“I was out earlier this week when you started. I went to my son’s wedding in the Bahamas. It was so beautiful. I’ll have to show you pictures later.” She raved within my personal space. Darren’s scent was replaced with her coffee and cigarette air.
“Wow, that sounds like a good vacation,” I replied uninterested, and I damn sure wasn’t going to sit through a pictorial recap. I backed up a little to relieve my nose.
“How’s everything going so far? Ready to run out of here yet?” She laughed and nudged me with her boney arm.
“Going well. The team has been great,” I sat the mug down to discreetly rub my stinging arm. “So, how long have you been here?”
I probably shouldn’t have asked, but she should have been retired in the Bahamas instead of visiting.
“Five years next month. I retired from teaching 15 years ago and got bored sitting around the house.” Miss Alice moved into my personal space again, and so did the coffee-cigarette air. “Now, I do all of the administrative duties for our team. Keeps my mind sharp, and I love this place!”
As she talked, her eyes glowed. I could only imagine the facial expression her eyes saw as I thought to myself. Who in the hell likes coming to work? It was just my luck. Instead of being face to face with Darren and his enslaving cologne, I’m getting acquainted with the office “hen mother” who made the job her life.
“Nice,” I replied, trying to wrap my mind around her logic in retiring just to go back to work. “Well, I gotta start my day.”
“Sure thing. If you need anything, Jenn, just holler,” she replied exhaling a final whiff of the ghastly stench.
“I will.” I smiled to be polite. “Thanks, Miss Alice.”
Miss Alice walked over to the fridge to put away her lunch. While I planned my escape, another glimmer of hope struck my mind. Darren could have still been in the area preparing for the meeting. Grabbing the mug, I ventured back to my desk, to relieve my hands from the blazing coffee, then headed to the copy room. It was a central area where I could hear more clearly to find him.
Standing in the what should have been a storage closet, I tinkered with various machines. The plan was for him to find me as the damsel in distress.
“Need some help?” An unfamiliar voice asked.
I tilted my head, examining a frumpy, light brown man with spiked hair. Not Darren.
“Oh...Umm,” I unknowingly pointed to the shredding machine. “I was trying to determine if I needed a special code to use the copier.”
He bobbed inside the room, pausing the music playlist on his phone, and parked next to me with an asshole grin. “You don’t need a code to shred paper.”
“I know that much.” I shot a faint smile at the obvious sarcasm.
“Ha! I know what you meant.” He placed his fingers on the start button on the copy machine next to the shredder, then looked at me giving him a miffed grin. “No code needed. We’re not that fancy. Just press start, and enter how many copies you need.”
He then lifted the cover and stared at the empty platen glass in exaggerated shock.
“What happened to the paper you’re trying to copy?” He snickered. “There’s nothing on here!”
The loud screech in his voice was unbearable. He seemed bothered that I didn’t have a sheet of paper on the copy machine ready for him.
It’s not that serious dude. I screamed in my head. I’m waiting for a REAL man to come in here to help me!
“I don’t need to use it right now. I wanted to know for future reference. Thanks for your help.”
Swiftly moving past him, to find Darren’s voice, he stopped me.
“Wait! I’m Justin. I work in graphics.”
I looked back, shooting another faint smile, “Jenn, nice to meet you. Thanks again.”
“Anytime,” Justin nodded proudly like he’d done a huge deed for me.
By the time I reached the main office area, Darren’s voice was gone. I gave up on the morning quest and went back to my desk to complete a boring training presentation. Two minutes after I sat down, in comes Michael.
“Good morning, Jennifer,” he said in the usual bland tone. “I was looking for you.”
“Morning!” I pointed to the direction of the copy room. “I was getting acquainted with Justin from graphics.”
“That’s good. You’ll be working with them on most web requests and projects. Come with me, there’s someone in the accounting department you need to meet,” Michael said, then walked a few steps ahead.
I had a strong feeling he was leading to meet him. I didn’t need to orchestrate a scene. My uptight boss was going to do it for me. I quickly brushed my hair, checked myself out in the mirror, and hurried to catch Michael with a cute office strut in my business skirt.
To my surprise, I heard Darren’s voice again, coming from an office. I looked to the side as we passed by, wondering why we didn’t stop.
Darren is the person I need to meet. Right? I thought to myself, trying to keep up.
We stopped at a glass office with the door wide open. Inside, was a chunky man coughing his lungs out.
Michael knuckle-tapped on the opened door. “Hey Bruce, this is Jennifer. She’s our new Web Development Specialist.”
Bruce let out a huge cough followed by a few short ones. “Excuse me. Hi Jennifer, I’m Bruce.” He remained seated at his desk with a dark handkerchief in hand.
“He’s the Chief of Accounting. We work with them during the month-end to get company reports published on the website,” Michael added.
Bruce wiped his mouth as my manager explained. There was dried snot on the shoulder of his black company polo shirt.
So disgusting. I thought, standing as far away from the germs as possible.
“Yes.” He cleared his throat then continued. “We do a lot of work with you guys during our busiest time of the month. Fast-paced stuff. You up for it?”
Why did he even ask? I didn’t come to his office to hear him cough and test my skills in a fast-paced work environment. The interview was over and Mr. Bruce lost out on that opportunity. I smiled, playing the role of a nice new employee.
“That’s what I’m here for,” I replied quickly, ready to run out of there to find the voice of the man I admired.
Before Bruce broke out into another coughing fit, we headed back to our desks. The remainder of the day was spent in training sessions with Kelly and no signs of Darren.
Over the next week, I went back to the usual schemes of keeping my ears open for his voice. My plan worked, a little, when one afternoon he walked towards me, leaving the break room. It was my last 15-minute break of the day and I needed a caffeine boost. Unfortunately, it was on a day I rushed to get dressed in a pair of loose slacks and an oversized sweater looking like the office bum. My hair was in a messy ponytail and I needed my glasses since a contact lens split the night before.
“Yea! I knew that was going to happen,” Darren said loudly to Michael.
They bantered about a basketball game from the night before. As always, my manager was a different person in Darren’s presence. Come to think of it, the only time Michael showed any emotion was with Darren. Man crush maybe?
“No, you didn’t. Nobody saw that coming!” Michael replied.
“I know my guy!” he laughed, then took out his buzzing phone to view it.
Darren stared at the phone and scratched his head in angst. “Dammit!” he whispered to himself.
I fiddled with the coffee maker, sticking around until Michael departed. However, Darren was on his way out because of the message that made him curse.
“Everything okay?” Michael asked with great concern.
He paused for a minute, then answered. “Yea. I’m being pulled into this late meeting. Shit just messed up my day. Fuck!”
He even cursed articulately.
“Bummer. I’ll catch up with you later,” Michael replied, then looked over at me stirring the sugarless coffee, “Jennifer...”
I thought that was my moment for a brief introduction.
“...Did you finish those layout requests from this morning?”
My face sunk. He knew I finished those hours before. I guess that was his way of micro-managing to ensure I wasn’t squandering company hours. Or to look good in front of his friend.
“Yes. Those were done earlier. I emailed the team.”
“Good,” he replied then walked over to the window.
Darren walked towards me with an irritated face. It was only a millisecond but time slowed down, just for me. His face slowly moved to a more pleasant expression as we made eye-contact. I gave a cheesy smile and mouthed “Hi”. He nodded with a closed mouth smile then quickly shifted his eyes away. The cologne he wore that day was different from before but still alluring. I lingered in his smell until Michael strolled up with his bland face. I grabbed my coffee and rushed back to my desk.
So that was it, our introduction. I anticipated small talk in passing, and instead, Darren threw a head nod my way.
~~~~~~~~
My first month went by without a verbal “Hello” from Darren. I kept meeting new people who were eager about working on future projects together. Discouraged, I concluded he wasn’t interested and gave up. If he wanted to talk to me, he would have. Plus, he was highly professional, not the type to troll through the office looking for women. It was painfully obvious that he was going to walk about without caring if I was there. Even though I gave up on being in his view, I couldn’t help but daydream, which at the time, seemed like the closest I’d ever get.
Two full paychecks later, I was ready to find a new apartment. During the lunch hours, I searched for apartments within my price range a couple of blocks away from work. After a few days of viewing high-priced apartments overlooking the city, I found a quaint high rise in a building four streets over from the job. Step two of restoring my life, completed. The only drawback was that I had to wait three weeks before moving in. Something about renovations.
My anticipation grew every day squatting in my sister’s home.
“Beaux! Stop that!” Marie yelled as I walked through the front door.
I had a long day of working, listening to Miss Alice, and enduring Michael’s unsettling remarks. The last thing I needed was an agitated mother and a screaming little boy keeping me from relaxing.
“Auntie!” Beaux yelled, running towards me.
Judging by the ruffled pajamas he didn’t go to school that day. Which could have been hell on Marie because she worked from home for a financial consulting company.
I picked up my fun-loving nephew and covered him with kisses. “Hey, big man. How was your day?”
Beaux was a joy but had too much energy for me on most days.
“Gooood. Mommy’s making dinner. Tacos again. Ew!” he wiped his nose on the back of his hand.
Comfortable in my arms, Beaux went into a coughing fit. Sort of like the one Bruce had in his office, without the husky undertones and adult germs. Kid germs were easier to manage.
“Taco Tuesday big man,” I smiled through the exhaustion. “It’s a tradition ‘round here.”
Placing him feet-first on the floor, I ventured into the kitchen. Marie stood over the stove and profusely shook pepper on simmering grilled chicken in our mother’s favorite pan. The smells strengthened as the simmer grew louder. I was ready to celebrate Tuesday with chicken tacos, tequila, and good news to share.
I sat at the counter, watching her work around the stove, just like our mother did when we were young.
“Hey sis, you’re just in time,” she moved over to stir guacamole in a bowl next to the stovetop, “Any luck with the apartment search?”
“Glad you asked.” I beamed. “I found a place. Only a few blocks from work. It’s a nice building. Doorman, elevator, and a pretty good view.”
She nodded softly, then flashed a stern face in my direction. “And the rent?”
“I can manage it.” I spouted with no hesitation.
“Alright, sis. Make sure you’re able to keep it up.” She sighed, looking for more seasonings in the cabinet above her.
I grew slightly insulted by the statement then quickly brushed it off. Marie took on the overbearing role after our parents died. I appreciated it, but she had to understand my ambition in going my own way.
“What’s that about?” I crinkled my face at her. “Plus, I thought you were ready to get me out of here.”
“No. YOU’RE ready to get out of here. I know you love us, but I notice how you side-eye Beaux when he’s being extra.” She softened her tone with a laugh. “I like having you around and your nephew adores you.”
I laughed in relief as I realized where she was going with her questioning. Marie never babied me. She made it a priority to fill the void of both parents by aiding when I needed her. Then pushing me to my greatest potential. Something my parents had done since I was born.
“He’s just being himself. A kid.” I shrugged playing with unopened mail on the counter.
“You like your independence.” Marie continued placing the guacamole in the fridge to chill. “I know you had it rough last year, and almost it took you down. I never want to see you in that place again. That’s all.”
“It was pretty bad, but you guys helped me through it. I appreciate that.”
“We’re all we got. Me and Beaux will always be here for you.”
We shared an exchange of endearing smiles. If I’d known better at the time, I would have continued smiling instead of opening my big mouth.
“Have you heard from his dad?” I asked.
Her demeanor stiffened as if I’d told her he was at the front door, finally ready to be a good father. She grew to hate him. They were in love since their premature years in high school. However, as soon as marriage and a kid came along, Beaux Sr. realized he missed out on the single life and wanted to explore. Unfortunately, he explored without telling Marie. My sister filed for divorce after discovering his flings through social media and snooping through text messages. After that, the only time they spoke, which was more of arguing, was when she demanded him to spend time with Beaux Jr. However, Beaux Sr. felt the hefty amount provided through child support would suffice as being a father.
“Yes, and no I don’t want to talk about it!” she replied after taking a few deep breaths. The small meditation moment must have worked because a few minutes later, my sister was back in her happy place, preparing dinner.
“Gotcha! Where’s the tequila?” I stood up, looking for meditation medicine of my own.
“On the table, I bought a new bottle today.”