| |
Two weeks passed after the ride home from Darren. I counted each day waiting for lunch plans. At first, I felt guilty for thinking about him so much. Lusting after a married man can be demonized in most moral codes. But I didn’t have a man to think about. Kevin was out of the picture and I hadn’t met anyone new to fill up space in my lonely heart. There was no harm in just... thinking. And the man WAS attractive as hell. How could I deny myself a little eye candy and fantasies? I wasn’t acting on them at the time.
But on the other hand, that was just my luck, I met a MAN, a real, living, breathing MAN and he was taken. Though initially disappointed by the soul sinking blow, the shock slowly wore off, and I was back into the adoration of dimples, teddy bear eyes, and enunciated words escaping from his lips.
Since we didn’t immediately follow up on the proposed lunch, I brushed it off as him being the type who suggests hanging out, but never follows through. Either way, I was confused yet captivated by the idea.
His voice didn’t carry through the office as frequently as before. I started to wonder if he was on vacation or moved on to a better job. I subconsciously wished it wasn’t the latter. I knew I couldn’t have Darren, but feeling him around the office made my days better.
As soon as I walked in, there was Miss Alice, waiting at my cube.
“Hi,” I sighed, anticipating invasive questioning.
“Morning, Jenn! There’s a team-building seminar happening downstairs...”
She rambled as I maneuvered around to my desk. Any other person would understand that early morning conversations were a “no-go”. Not Miss Alice. She didn’t care if you were in the middle of saving people from a fire. If something was on her mind, she’d find you and tell it.
“Is it mandatory?” I asked side-eyeing her with a smile.
“Nope. But they serve breakfast and lunch. It lasts until 3.” She nudged me with that bony arm. Luckily, she hit my backpack before I took it off.
“Everyone on the team is going,” she continued in a high-pitched voice. “You should come too. Get a free day from work, and you’ll get to meet people in other departments.”
Two weeks prior, I would have jumped at the idea, figuring Darren would be there and I could meet him. But we had our introduction, and I knew enough about the mysterious wonder to stay away.
“I think I’ll sit this one out. I have a lot of web fixes to finish before tomorrow.”
It was the truth, but I was efficient enough to go to the seminar and complete the job before leaving for the day. Sitting at a seminar to build comradery and trust between people I wasn’t connecting with, didn’t sound appealing. I’d rather sit alone with my music.
Miss Alice’s face wrinkled the wrinkles already set in from old age. “Awe no! Are you sure? We’re gonna miss you,” she begged.
“Yes, I’m sure. Next time, I promise.”
That was a promise I knew I was going to break. I had no interest in meeting anyone else in that office. Every person, besides Kelly, had let me down, slowed me down, or aggravated the hell out of me.
Miss Alice kept her pouty face on me setting up my laptop. Realizing I wasn’t going to change my mind, she checked the time and walked away.
“Peace and quiet. Thank you, God!” I celebrated.
Headphones were on, and so was my favorite playlist that helped me zone out. I was going to have a good day in the office, and all it took was a seminar offering free food to the corporate minions.
Two hours into my work, and I was almost done. I was about to do some online window shopping when I received a notification from the company’s instant messaging system. The name Darren McCray flashed at the bottom right of the screen along with a small chat box.
There was only one “Darren” I knew who worked there. Before opening the chat, I said a short prayer that it wasn’t anyone other than the one I wanted to hear from.
Darren McCray: Good morning Jenn. Are you available for lunch today?
“It’s him! Thank you, GOD! Wait, I can’t take this seriously.” I whispered to myself.
I looked around to see if anyone passing by heard me. Luckily, the area was almost clear, except for myself and five other people scattered on the other side of the room. Calming down from the raging teenage excitement, I replied.
Jennifer Steele: Sure. What time?
Darren McCray: I have a meeting in a few minutes, but I’m free at 1. Is that okay with you?
I paused to come up with a response that didn’t sound like an anxious woman on the constant search for love.
Jennifer Steele: That’s fine.
I gave a silent salute to my cool and short reply. No signs of fondness in those two words.
Darren McCray: I’ll meet you in the lobby.
Jennifer Steele: k.
Although I ended the chat with an unenthused one letter reply, I reread the chat a dozen times. It was only 10:30, so I had time to regain control over my emotions before the “lunch date”.
I wore a hip-hugging dress, knee-length of course, but tight enough to leave a good impression on men. Darren wasn’t the gawking type; he kept his wandering to a split-second glance with no reaction. The kind where he could be doing backflips inside, but the poker face wouldn’t allow it to show. I could only imagine how his mind spoke words hidden behind the eyes of professionalism. Although I didn’t have a chance in hell to win him over, I at least wanted him to think I looked good.
I couldn’t stop watching the clock; counting down the minutes until lunchtime. To him, it was grabbing a bite to eat with a new coworker. To me, a piece of my fantasy came true. A fantasy that I needed to let it go. I had to find my own man, not lust after another woman’s husband. Still, he had to be the imaginary man until reality gave me what I desired.
In between working and waiting, I conjured conversation starters that would keep him interested. I’d never been fortunate enough to converse with guys whom I felt were out of my league. Most men I came in contact with were on my level or lower.
I’m what people would classify as unconventional. Smart and fun to be around, but not the usual lady that is seen on the arm of a man like Darren. I love art and all things technology. He was a suit and tie guy with a business, sports, and political brain.
Ten minutes before lunchtime, I rushed to the bathroom for one final look. I fixed my hair, straightened my dress, and made sure there were no unwanted guests in the crevasses of my teeth from the granola bars I ate earlier.
By 1:05 pm, I stepped off the elevator and into the lobby. Darren was there, leaning on the receptionist’s desk typing on his phone. He wore a black suit with a purple tie. His pants fit in a “Dapper Dan” style which made me swoon the second I saw him.
I walked towards him hastily with a semi-smile, “Sorry, I’m late.”
He slightly acknowledged me with a swift head lift, then back to the phone. “It’s okay. I just got down here myself.”
The demeanor was distant. I waited until he was done typing before I continued.
“Do you have a place in mind?” I pulled at my dress.
Briefly looking up again, unaware of the dress I tugged in the right places, just for him, he replied. “We can go to this new place around the corner. Do you mind walking?”
He obviously cared more about what was on the iPhone than me.
“I don’t mind,” I chuckled. “It’s a nice day out.”
As we walked outside, no words were spoken. I racked my brain trying to think of the conversation starters I rehearsed earlier. Being in his presence made me forget, and the silence between us didn’t help jog my memory.
“That meeting took up my entire morning,” he dropped his hands and scoffed, keeping the phone at his side.
Good. He spoke first. I thought, shifting my eyes around.
“So, how was your meeting?” I asked to start a conversation that would hopefully end in us laughing together.
“Long. Boring. Same old stuff. Giving me more work to do,” he laughed and looked around before we crossed the street. “How’s your day going so far?”
We crossed in sync. More like I was trying to keep up with his long legs.
“Eh, pretty good. Just fixing things I didn’t break,” I looked down at my feet as I replied, listening to my cheap heels scrape the pavement.
Construction work in the area left bits of concrete and gravel on the ground. I wouldn’t dare to think of how I could recover tripping in the middle of the street.
“I know how that is,” he looked straight ahead as we stepped onto the sidewalk. “Seems like that’s all I do these days. Fix problems I don’t cause.”
“So what department are you in?” I could have kicked myself for asking about work. That definitely wasn’t going to make him smile.
“Accounting. I’m the director of the department. Got the position eight months ago and I’m STILL cleaning up the mess from the previous director, Bruce.” Darren’s face crumpled. I imagined that he was thinking of everything on his plate.
I sensed he was under a great amount of pressure, being one of the few black men in charge around the office. People don’t understand the unnecessary stress the corporate life places on professionals of color and women. It’s sad. Always having to do extra to prove yourself equal. Getting blamed for things you didn’t do. And don’t even think about standing up for yourself, you’ll then be stamped as the belligerent one. Trying to explain the black experience at work is even more exhausting because people just don’t want to see it.
“Oh. That’s rough,” I stepped over chunks of concrete; sneaking a few glances at him. I wanted to see if those dimples were going to come out and play.
“It is. Seems like that’s all I have time to do now is work.”
His face relaxed a bit, I wanted to think because he remembered that we were about to have a nice lunch together. In all honesty, it could have been because we were getting further away from the office.
“Sounds like you need a vacation,” I suggested, relaxing along with his mood.
“Thinking about taking one soon. I know I’ve earned one or three,” he laughed hard at his joke.
Darren’s laugh was deep and geeky. Almost as if he was about to snort, but his smoothness held it back. It was sexy to me no matter how it came out through his diaphragm. I laughed too, no longer worried about tripping over whatever was on the ground. If I fell, he’d be polite enough to catch me and it would’ve provided the chance to feel his hands on my body.
“Table for two please,” Darren told the hostess while holding up two manly, elongated fingers as we walked in.
My mind went into lust land, wondering how those fingers would feel inside of me. Reaching my spot as I gasp in euphoria. I cleared my throat to wipe away the “fantasy fingering” daydream and checked back into the present time. Only so I wouldn’t be standing alone in my thoughts as they walked to the table.
The hostess led us to a booth in the back of the restaurant. He waited for me to sit before he sat down. I watched him sit and fought the urge to look for a bulge in his pants.
“You been here before?” he asked getting comfortable in the seat across from me.
I shook my head, shaking away “the bulge” thoughts.
“I came here last week with a friend of mine and she said the salmon was really good.” He shifted his eyes back to the phone.
Hmmm. So basically, he takes women to lunch a lot. Just GREAT! I thought to myself. Why in the hell am I even here?
“I always eat salmon when I go out to eat,” I smiled softly. “Think I’ll get something different this time.”
“They have a good selection,” he laid the phone on the table face up, tapping the screen to open a new message. Then his eyes lifted to meet me. “You know what you want to drink?”
“Lemonade,” I replied with a straight face as his eyes departed me to look at the phone.
I sighed and looked out the window. There was no point in giving him any more attention than he was giving me. I would have pulled out my phone too, but it was already on the battery life of 2%. I glanced back over to him, eyes with a blank stare. He didn’t notice, just adjusted his suit jacket, and typed with one finger. Fortunately, the phone received a break once the waitress came over to give us menus.
“Welcome to Stylis. I’m Rachel, and I’ll be your server this afternoon. Can I get your drink orders?”
As she spoke, Darren gave her his full attention with a smile. The dimples peeked and I became jealous. “She’ll have a lemonade and I’ll take a sprite.”
“Okay, I’ll get those right out,” the waitress said then walked away.
My face went back to the window. I no longer cared about being there, just wanted to eat and go. Cars and pedestrians moving about served as entertainment because Mr. “Teddy Bear Eyes” had no time for me.
“It's work,” he laughed. “I’m not ignoring you.”
“Huh?” I replied, faking a surprised expression, whipping my head around.
“I caught that face,” his laugh grew deeper.
I couldn’t help but join in on laughing. It was so infectious.
“Other than system failures, how have you been enjoying your new position?” he asked softly.
And just like that, I had his full attention, and those teddy bear eyes sucked me back in. My nonchalant attitude faded and the atmosphere lightened.
“I really like it.” My eyes brightened. “I’m learning a lot, and I think it could be a place where I can work my way up.”
Darren snickered at my response, rubbing his goatee with his thumb and index finger.
“Jenn, you sound like you’re on an interview. Don’t worry, Michael didn’t send me to lunch with you to get hidden information.”
I laughed to myself, thinking about his statement. The response indeed sounded like Interview Prep 101.
“Honestly,” I sighed. “Everyone on my team works my damn nerves!”
“That’s more like it. I get it. They can be a bit much sometimes.” He agreed. “Imagine having to manage a team full of them.”
“Dang, is it that bad?”
“Most days I can deal with it. But this morning I had to suffer through a meeting set up by one of my managers. Man, I wanted to run out of there.”
He relaxed even more in his seat as if the guard of the professional sex symbol was finally shedding. Darren needed a buddy to release his work frustrations. And I was willing to be just that.
“Let me guess, it was one of those meetings that could have been a one-sentence email?” I said, resting my elbows on the table.
“Exactly!” He leaned forward a little, with his eyes widened, “I don’t know how much longer I can take it.”
“You’re the Director. So that’s what you do, direct the team to stop scheduling pointless meetings.” I suggested, crossing my legs.
My vagina did some strange throbbing when he leaned forward with those eyes. Had to keep Miss Kitty at bay.
He looked up, probably thinking about how to execute my idea professionally, then nodded. “That’s the most sensible thing I’ve heard all day, Jenn. I should have pulled you into that meeting.”
“You should have. I would have whipped them right into shape,” I snapped my fingers and laughed. “Wait, they didn’t want to partake in the team-building seminar?”
He shook his head. “Can’t, it’s mid-month. The executives want a report and a presentation to determine the needed improvements in the budget. A new initiative to help allocate company funds. You didn’t want to go?”
“No, I needed some quiet time. Miss Alice is sweet but she’s nosy as hell, talkative as hell, and always finds a way to...”
“Sneak up on you when you least expect it?” Darren finished my sentence.
It was good to know that I wasn’t the only one around the office the “old soul” harassed.
I chuckled and pointed at him. “Yes! Oh my God, you too?!”
He nodded, giving me deep dimples with tightly pursed lips.
I was too into his eyes and dimples that I quickly forgot we were there for lunch. I didn’t need rehearsed conversation starters to keep him interested. All I had to do was be myself. There was no pressure of impressing him, because no matter what, he had a wife at home. I just had to lighten up, and enjoy lunch with a new friend from work.
“What are you thinking about ordering?” He tapped the menu.
I scanned the menu and picked the first thing I saw in the entre’ section.
“I think I’ll get the chicken parmesan,” I replied rubbing my hands together. “Haven’t had that in a long time.”
“I’m in the mood for fish.”
His dimples teased me when he tucked his bottom lip to say the word “fish”. And his eyes did a sexy squint after a few blinks. The type of squint would be followed by wet lips, a bare chest, and a sexual encounter. Damn! Damn! Damn! That man!
The waitress came back with drinks just in time for me to stop lusting again.
“Ready to order?” Rachel asked, placing them on the table.
“She’ll have the chicken parmesan, and I’ll have the lemon pepper tilapia. Can I change the sides to broccoli and brown rice? It’s fine if there’s an extra cost.” Darren requested, showing more dimples.
I caught myself making a goofy expression while he completed the order. I quickly wiped the smile off my face and pretended to look at something interesting on my phone that was down to 1%.
“Is it work?” he asked as the waitress left.
“Oh. No. It’s not,” I frantically shook my head.
He briefly glanced down at his phone then back to me. “Where did you work previously?”
“This small tech company in Kennesaw. It was an okay job, good money, but not a place to advance. The company was family-owned and only promoted those who shared the same last name as the owner.”
Darren crimped his lips as I replied. The dimples teased again before coming out in full force when he responded. “Been there, done that.”
“I stayed because it helped pay for grad school,” I continued with a lowered tone. “I was almost done, but I had to quit when I lost that job. I’m debating on whether or not it’s worth the trouble to finish.”
“Why?” He wrinkled his eyebrows with another seductive squint.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Had a lot going on this past year and I sort of lost the drive for it.”
“Don’t give up. Go back to school. You’ll never know what type of opportunities it’ll give you. We work at a good company but anything can happen. Can’t get too comfortable.” He advised in his sexy, articulate manner.
The seriousness in his voice and face turned me on more than his dimples did on the first day I saw them.
Dammit, why are you married? I thought, with my head tilted to the side, eyes piercing his face.
“You old enough to be in grad school?” he joked. “I know women aren’t supposed to reveal their age but...”
“I’m 28.” I interrupted with a girlish grin. “And I don’t mind. I think that rule applies to women over 30.”
I played with my straw, thinking about how I could contain the throbbing urges throughout lunch. Everything he said and did, turned me on.
“Ha! I think you’re right. My wife gets bent out of shape about her age all the time. She’s 35. I told her it doesn’t matter, but I guess it’s a woman thing.”
And there was my answer. Him bringing up the wife. Maybe it was God’s way of reminding me to STOP LUSTING! But he was so damn fine in that suit sitting across from me with those teddy bear eyes. It didn’t aid in keeping my mind on PG things. Then, I noticed his lips. Lips that I wanted to sink my teeth into. Softly and sensually.
“It is,” I laughed. “How old are you? You look fairly young to be a department director.”
“36,” he said, with no dimples.
I leaned forward. “Is it rude to ask a man his age?” I jokingly whispered.
“Not at all. Men don’t care about that stuff. Well, I know this man doesn’t,” he chuckled, pointing to himself. “What were you studying in grad school?”
“Computer Science. I was an art major in undergrad, but I fell into the web thing randomly. The money was always good and I wanted to learn more about it, so I figured grad school would be the best way. I only studied art because I couldn’t think of what I wanted to do at the time.”
“You like art? Me too,” he smiled. “I go to galleries when I can. I haven’t been lately because of work and my daughter keeps us on our toes. Can’t squeeze in much time to...”
I completely checked out after he said the “d” word. DAUGHTER. As in his sperm connected with the wife to create a human being! JESUS! After I felt he was done rambling about the highs and lows of fatherhood, I checked back in.
“Oh...Okay. Um, how old is your daughter?” I asked, pretending to care.
“She’s 6, going on 26,” he laughed, shaking his head.
The geeky laugh didn’t sound as sexy as before. Mainly because he was talking about a child. HIS child, with his WIFE!
“I can only imagine. I’d never been much of a kid person. Until my sister had her son. He’s 5 now. Smartest little kid I know.”
“Auntie Jenn.” He snickered, pounding ice with his straw. “Cute.”
Does he mean I’m cute or the fact that I’m an aunt is cute? I pondered.
Although he probably needed someone to talk to, why me? Why lunch? Wasn’t he and Michael friends? They could have gone out to lunch, relieving me of sinful lust and confusion.
“Does the accounting department work closely with the web team?” I asked, hoping to get more info as to why I was there, eating lunch with the Director of Accounting.
“Not all the time.” He shook his head with an innocent stare. “Michael used to work with me until he moved to your department.”
“Yea...Michael.” I rolled my eyes at the thought of the bland-toned manager.
“I know you’re probably not too fond of him, but he’s said some good things about you.”
Michael and Darren have conversations about me! I thought. Why? And does Darren ask about me or does Michael bring me up?
He couldn’t have brought me to lunch to tell me how Michael actually likes having me on the team. THAT could have been summed up in an instant message.
“Soooo are you on the company’s welcome committee or something?” I inquired further.
Darren almost spat out his drink. He wasn’t prepared for that one. But, he wasn’t giving me the answers I needed through small talk.
“Huh?” he asked in a “WTF” tone.
The reaction made me feel bad about the sarcastic question. I had to think quickly to clean it up a little without sounding like a complete ass.
“Lunch.” I shrugged, widely pointing to our surroundings.
That was the only word I could spit out. Usually, I’m quick on my feet, but nothing else came to mind. Could have been the eyes from across the table that blocked the thought process.
“Well, maybe I am now that you’ve mentioned it,” he raised the drinking glass, “Welcome to the company, Jenn.”
I toasted with the lemonade and sipped. Relieved and still confused.
We spent the rest of our lunch having intriguing conversations about art, college life, and dream vacations. I enjoyed talking to him. There was more to Darren than being an articulate “stuff shirt” kind of guy. Like he had a wild side waiting to get out. If he were single, I could have helped him in that area. Unfortunately, that was for his wife to figure out.
“Thanks for lunch,” I said as we walked back to the office.
“You’re welcome, Jenn. I honestly think you should go back to school. You’re almost done. Don’t lose your drive now,” Darren said, opening the door for me.
“I’ll think about it.”
He paused and gave me a serious-sexy expression. “Please do.”
I wanted to kiss that face...
I spent the remainder of the day handling issues, thinking of Darren, trying to stop thinking of Darren, then rationalizing why I should get to know him better. It had been a while since I made a new friend. With that in mind, I concluded that having a guy friend like him would be mentally stimulating. Although on paper I wasn’t on his level, we had a fair amount in common. And I felt he could be a good influence in my journey of starting anew. A rational voice to keep me on the straight and narrow with a side of eye candy.
That night, I focused on making a final decision about grad school. Darren’s strict and seductive demeanor encouraged me to stop procrastinating. Filled with “Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes” courage, I emailed an advisor about registering for the upcoming quarter. I only needed four classes to graduate. The next obstacle was making sure tuition was affordable.
Ecstatic about getting back in school, I couldn’t wait to tell Darren the good news. I sent him an instant message as soon as I got to work the next day.
Jennifer Steele: Hey, I took your advice and emailed my advisor to enroll back in school. Thanks for the encouragement and advice!
Soon after, I received an email from my advisor giving me an outline of the costs for tuition, fees, and books. The amount was a little higher than what I paid in the previous year. The good thing was that she attached applications for financial aid and loans to see if I qualified. The plan wasn’t to add on to the student loan debt accrued from undergrad, but my education was important. I spent the entire lunch hour filling out applications and praying for a miracle.
Unfortunately, I didn’t receive a response from Darren over the next few days. I even walked around the break room and lobby to “bump” into him. He wasn’t around. I could have kicked myself for thinking there was a friendship on the horizon. At least I was getting back in school so my crushed hopes weren’t a total loss.
On Friday as I returned from a midday burger run, a flyer sat on my desk. It was for a local artist showcase at a gallery not too far from where I lived. The beautiful paintings on the flyer spoke to me. On the back, there was a sticky note from Darren.
Jenn, I saw this and it made me think of you. You should check it out. May find something you like. And congrats on going back to school. Proud of you! – Darren
His handwriting was sexy. I loved the way he wrote my name, “Jenn”. I was surprised to get a note, plus he remembered I liked art. Gushing over the note, an interruption from Miss Alice ensued.
“What has you smiling so hard?” she asked, straining her neck to read the note.
I flipped the flyer over so she wouldn’t see that it was from Darren.
“I was checking out this flyer for an art show,” I discreetly peeled the note off the back.
“Nice! Who left if for you?” she moved closer, hoping that I’d hand it to her.
I folded the note and stuffed it into my pocket. “Someone I met from another department.”
“Cool. When is it?” She leaned against my desk with folded arms, “Are you going?”
“Tomorrow and I don’t know yet. Excuse me.”
I walked to the bathroom, retrieving the note, to get away from the questioning. I couldn’t possibly tell her that Darren left it for me. Miss Alice was too much of a busy body and rumors would fly if she knew.
I locked myself into a stall and opened the note. While reading and smiling, I wondered when he had time to come by my desk. Leaning my shoulder against the wall, I daydreamed for a while. It was hard to only consider him as another coworker. Which was crazy because we never spoke outside of work. Other than the car ride home and lunch we didn’t speak much at all. The automatic toilet flushing broke the daydream spell.
I wanted to send him another message to let him know I got the flyer and the note but I had to play it cool. I stuffed them into my backpack and went on about my day. Just as I left the office for the day, rain started to fall. Part of me hoped for my knight and shining armor to roll up in his Porsche to offer another ride home. He didn’t show. Luckily for me, I brought a sturdier umbrella, so I flipped it up and began the foot journey home.
Friday night with no plans. I poured a glass of wine and ordered Chinese food to at least have someone knock on my door. A romantic comedy on a movie subscription service entertained me for the night. However, it didn’t help that I imagined the characters as me and Darren. Love scenes took my mind away to falsified flashes of us getting intimate in bed. Then, more wanders of what his “manhood” looked and felt like.
I fantasized us lying in bed, him on top of me, stroking my face. Staring into each other’s eyes, his dimples flared with a smile and I pulled him close for a kiss. Our lips meshed together like marshmallows melting into a s’more.
I had to talk to someone to cease the lust fest. However, the dead battery on my phone put a halt to that plan. As I searched for the charger in my backpack, I found the art show flyer and note from Darren.
Reading it for the 20th time, I decided to go to the event. It was either that or spend another night with Chinese food, lust-filled fantasies, and a movie.
The next day my sister and nephew came over to help unpack the leftover boxes. If it weren’t for them, boxes would have stayed in the corner with junk piling on top of them over time.
“How’s the new job?” Marie asked, while hard at work.
“It’s cool,” I said stacking books on the shelf.
“That’s good,” she smiled. “You thinking about getting a car soon?”
“No.” I walked over and sat across from her on the floor. “Why did you ask that?”
“I don’t like you walking downtown,” she made a horrified face. “Too many crazies.”
“A lot of people walk around here. And I don’t get out much anyway.”
“You were always the boring sister,” Marie teased.
I tossed a pillow in her direction in response to her comment. She dodged it and continued to unpack.
“For your information, I’m going to an art show tonight,” I said in a snooty voice.
“Art show. That’s right up your alley. Going with a friend?” she pried, raising her eyebrows.
I moved an empty box to the side and started on another one. “Nope.”
“I saw Kevin at the grocery store the other day,” Marie paused to catch my reaction.
I gave her nothing. Darren took the ex-boyfriend off my mind. There was no need to pine over an old lover who hurt me the way he did.
“And, he asked about you,” she continued. “Maybe you can invite him to the show.”
“No thanks, it’s over between us,” I replied, bothered by the suggestion. “Why would I want to spend time with him?”
My sister knew how he broke up with me. She was my ride when Kevin left me alone at his apartment to go party while I wallowed in embarrassment and tears. It didn’t sit well that she would even say that.
“Because he’s still thinking of you,” she said, then paused again.
I stopped unpacking to give her a death stare. Her expression showed that she was seriously thinking that I would be overjoyed. Instead, I became disgusted by her inconsiderate point of view.
“I always liked you two together,” Marie added. “So, you’re never going to forgive him?”
“Are you ever going to forgive your ex-husband?” I snapped at her.
I knew bringing up Beaux Sr. was below the belt, but I was pissed at the fact that she talked about Kevin as if he moved away or something. That dude disrespected me and our entire relationship. My sister saw firsthand how broken he left me. She was out of her damn mind.
“That’s different!” She slammed a book onto the floor, “Making an immature mistake with a girlfriend is one thing, but risking your family, unforgivable.”
That declaration sent a bad feeling to the pit of my stomach. Deep down, I secretly wanted Darren to do the same thing. That brought on a small level of guilt for thinking like that. I wasn’t concerned that I insulted my sister. To hell with her emotions. She brought that on herself by mentioning Kevin in the first place.
“I can’t believe you would say that, Jenn!” she fussed, getting my attention.
“Well, I can’t believe you thought I would be waiting around for Kevin,” I spitefully replied.
“A relationship and marriage are two different things,” she yelled.
“A heartbreak is a heartbreak!” I shouted, matching her volume. “No matter how much you try to downplay it.”
I was done with the conversation and left her on the floor with a box of books.
“Jenn, if you’re not looking to get back with Kevin, at least put yourself out there to find someone new,” she yelled while I went to check on Beaux. “Find you a little crush. Someone to give you those butterflies again.”
In reality, I had found someone new. But I wouldn’t dare tell Marie that I was crushing on a married man. Especially after what she went through in her marriage.
Needless to say, her and Beaux left shortly after the quarrel. Along with leaving the pile of old textbooks on the floor. I packed them back up and drug the big box downstairs to the trash.
That evening, I ran late for the art show. Taking my sister’s advice, I spent more time in the mirror painting my face to hopefully catch the eye of a new crush. Although I hated the delivery and the mention of Kevin, she was right about one thing. I needed an available man to give me those butterflies again.
By 8:25 pm, I pulled up to the gallery in an Uber. I strutted inside in heels and a tight, dark purple jumpsuit with high hopes that I’d meet a fellow art lover and get his number. Unfortunately, the event space was filled with mostly couples and men that obviously weren’t interested in the opposite sex.
The exhibition consisted of two artists, a sculpture who frequent the Atlanta area, and a painter from DC. One piece grabbed me at first glance. It was of a woman looking out into the ocean. The piece was called “A Dreamer’s Day”. I was in awe, staring at how the artist blended blue, orange, purple, and gray to show the ocean complementing the evening sky. The painting put my mind at ease, causing a beautiful hypnosis.
“I knew you’d come.” A deep, sexy voice said from behind.
Once the smell of captivating cologne hit me, I figured out who the voice belonged to. I turned around slowly to prepare my face, ridding the delirious smile and found Darren behind me. He had the stance of a smooth talker, ready to charm the panties off any woman who locked eyes with him. He was dressed in a nice suit. Not the usual office wear, but an ensemble suitable for a date or a night at the art gallery. His hair was freshly cut, teddy bear eyes gleamed with leisure, and a grin that breathed vibrancy into his dimples. I tried so hard not to stare into those gripping eyes.
“Hey! Didn’t think I’d find you here. Thanks for the flyer by the way,” I shifted my eyes around the gallery. “I’m really enjoying myself.”
“My wife and kid are staying at her mother’s for the weekend and my boys are busy with their wives, so I thought it would be a good way to spend a Saturday evening.” He broke the stance, altering his weight to form another pose with his hands in the pockets of his fitted dress pants.
Another mention of the wife and the daughter. I got it, GOD! I screamed in my head.
“Last night I watched old movies and ate pizza,” he concluded shaking his head at himself.
“Old movies and pizza huh?” I nodded, continuing the eye shift. “Chinese food and a romantic comedy for me.”
Darren laughed at my boring evening. I HAD to look at his smile again. The force was back and taking over. My eyes were then glued on him. No shifting. I couldn’t move them if I wanted to.
“Did you just get here?” I asked, internally begging the force to set my eyes free.
“No, I’ve been here for about an hour,” Darren pointed at the painting that drew me in, “You like this one?”
“Yea. It’s nice,” I forced myself to turn my back to him, begging for the art trance to return. “I mean all of the pieces are great, but this one stands out. I feel a connection to it.”
Along with the painting’s connection, I felt him move closer behind me. His scent commanded my attention. I closed my eyes and inhaled the small portion of the charming aura. Thoughts of him putting his hands on my waist came to mind. Then, he kissed me on the neck. Whispering words of romance and small jokes to make me smile.
“I think he’s selling this one. You should buy it.” He recommended with a faint tone.
I didn’t need advice on buying art. Darren’s hands and lips on me would have been better. To hell with the painting, I could pull it up on the internet if I wanted to look at it. Since I wasn’t going to get the touch of my crush, I breathed deeply and engaged in small talk.
I pointed to the price conveniently located on the information card. “Um, $6,000. I can’t afford to admire that every day. I’ll just keep it in my memory. And it’s a she. The artist’s name is Natalie Speers.”
“Ah, I see,” he moved from behind to stand next to me.
My body weakened from his movement, wafting the scent my way. We gazed at the artwork, then he turned to face me. I didn’t move, thinking it would be safer to enjoy him from a side view.
“Have you seen the other sculptures in the back?”
I shook my head hastily, with my view remaining solely on the painting. “Uhh, no I hadn’t made my way back there yet.”
He tapped my elbow with the same two fingers he held up at the restaurant. The same fingers I wanted inside of me. “Come on. I think there’s a lot of pieces you’d like.”
Since he tapped me, I had to face him. Another slow turn towards his direction. That time, I didn’t think of erasing the goofy smile. “Lead the way, sir.”
I followed him to the back where there were only five other people in the room. Even though we weren’t completely alone, it seemed as though we were. He pointed out sculptures he liked which turned out to be the same ones that I liked. I never met a man that was into art as much as I was.
“This one is major!” Darren pointed to the three-dimensional model with abnormal features. “It’s abstract yet...”
“Structured with a message,” I chimed in, staring at the side of his face. “Like a 3-D version of a Basquiat.”
He turned to me in amazement. “Yes! I was trying to find a parallel. But you summed it up just right, Jenn.”
I felt like I had a superpower that read his mind. Our art talk was effortless, with no awkward silence at all.
By 10 pm, the showcase was coming to a close. The host thanked everyone and directed us to the area where attendees with big wallets could make purchases.
Darren motioned me to walk with him to buy something. I followed, but kept my distance while he handled his business. I was afraid of people thinking we were together. Hearing him correct insinuations with the words “Oh, we’re just coworkers” would have sunk my soul...again.
“Why are you standing back here? Thought you got lost.” He chuckled finding me in the corner of the small room and placed a receipt in his pocket.
“Just wanted to be out of the way,” I replied awkwardly.
He squinted his eyes and blew out a laugh breath. “Need a ride home?”
“Okay,” I replied softly, accompanied by a big smile.
We walked outside and Darren handed a ticket to the valet. The sky was clear and illuminated by the moonlight, displaying a storybook evening. I wondered how his wife would feel about him giving a young woman a ride home after spending the past hour and a half with her at an art show.
“What did you buy?” I asked, assuming it was something for his wife.
“A painting,” he replied, then licked his lips. “I had my eye on one of the sculptures but it wasn’t worth twenty-thousand bucks.”
Bucks, another deep dimpled word. I wanted him to repeat it so I could gander at them more.
“That’s the only thing about great art,” I fiddled with my purse. “It’s expensive.”
“It is,” he nodded, then made a face as if a bright idea came into his head. “Have you tried creating your own? I’d support it if you did.”
Supportive and sexy. A deadly combination for me to be standing near the unavailable man. I grinned at the idea, appreciative that he entertained the thought of being my first customer.
“No, I just like to admire it. Thought about it back in college, but I don’t have the patience for it.” My eyes teasingly danced up and down his suit as he tuned into my answer.
Strangely, he didn’t reject the modest flirt. Almost as if he wanted it. Darren caught on to where my eyes moved on his body and blushed. A tiny geeky laughed crept out of his mouth, signaling me to stop.
I quickly switched back to coworker mode as I continued. “So how did you hear about the show anyway?”
The blushing slithered off his face, taking the smile and dimples with it. He followed my lead and switched back into coworker mode as well.
“An old colleague of mine gave me the flyer. I was hoping you got to it before Miss Alice did.” Darren pulled out his phone to check the time, then quickly put it away to look at me.
Our eyes stayed on each other, innocently, as the car came around. He did the gentleman duty of opening my door instead of allowing the valet to do so. It was a quick ride home. We didn’t get to say much; just listened to music and laughed about random people on the street. That time, he didn’t drop me off at the front of my building. He parked the Porsche in the visitor’s area, which left me baffled.
“Since it’s late I’ll walk you to the door to make sure you get in safely,” he turned off the engine.
“Oh,” A nervous laugh snuck out. “Thanks, but you don’t have to. We have security at the front desk.”
He sighed with a half-smile, “I insist.”
I exited the car and waited for him. Then, I suddenly noticed how his eyes flustered while looking at me that night. The possibilities of Darren equally admiring me deemed to have been coming true from that notion. A short fantasy arose while he fiddled with whatever caught his attention in the console. I didn’t mind, I needed time to myself to dream up a good fantasy scenario.
However, before it began, he suddenly appeared on the passenger side and motioned for me to lead the way into the building.
“I think they do art classes at that place we just left. Maybe something to do for a date night.” He entered the automatic doors behind me.
“Date night?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.
I didn’t know if he suggested a date between us or if it was his way of determining whether or not I was dating around.
Open marriage possibly? I wondered. It’s not uncommon in this day and age.
“Yea, with you and your boyfriend,” Darren replied nonchalantly.
Upon his response, I was glad that the fantasy didn’t play out in my head. I got way too ahead of myself. He wasn’t equally interested at all.
“I’ll have to look into that,” I nodded.
Inside the elevator, silence came. He pulled out his phone to check messages and answered a few texts. Making myself scarce, I teased the walls with my fingers to take my mind away.
“Are you doing another movie tonight?” Darren asked, clicking on his phone keyboard.
“No, I think I’ll call it a night,” I said softly.
“I think I’m done for the night too,” he yawned, placing the phone back into his pocket. “I need to get up early tomorrow to do some yard work.”
The ride to the sixth floor seemed longer than ever. I felt his eyes move away as he leaned down to straighten his pants leg over the expensive shoe. My peripheral vision stayed on him, but I didn’t want him to catch me flirting again. I felt embarrassed about letting my guard down earlier. Especially since he thought I had a boyfriend.
As the elevator doors opened, he waited for me to walk out first. While I dug through my purse to find keys, I caught him staring at my door as if he was trying to remember the numbers glued above the peephole.
“Well, thanks again for the ride AND suggesting the show tonight. It was a lot of fun,” I unlocked the door.
“No problem. I’m glad you enjoyed it. Have a good night, Jenn,” he smiled, standing in the hallway with his hands in his pocket, as I walked in.
“Good night,” I waved to him right before closing the door.
I quickly pressed my face against the peephole to get one last glimpse. He took his phone out of his pocket, scratched his head, and walked away. After he was no longer in sight, I turned around to lean my back against the door. I let out a big sigh then went to get ready for bed.
Usually, I would call friends to fill them in on a night out with a guy. But it wasn’t a night out nor a date. We ran into each other at an art show. Well, an art show he told me about. Then, he drove me home and walked me to the door. No hug, no kiss goodnight. However, a gnawing feeling said the night wasn’t very casual.
“What tha hell am I thinking?” I stared in the bathroom mirror. “He’s not yours, Jenn. Just go to bed.”
That night, I dreamt of Darren. We were alone making pottery. His hands soothed me, planted on top of mine molding clay. Our energies connected constructing the masterpiece. His breath against my ear felt like silk as he whispered instructions while moving my fingers along with his. With hands still molding, I tilted my head around to meet his lips. Our kiss lasted a long time and the tip of our tongues touched in between sensual pecks.
“I love this,” his deep voice said in my ear. “We should do this more often.”
“We should,” I replied in a seductive tone. “Kiss me...”