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A fire truck zooming down the street woke me up from the dream. That was the only drawback of living downtown. Countless calls to the fire department. Annoyed that my dream ceased abruptly, I walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. After gulping down Atlanta’s finest straight from the faucet, I stood in the dark thinking.
I couldn’t figure out why, of all people, Darren would hang out with me at the art show. He could have acknowledged me and went on his way. But he stuck around to check out sculptures, showed interest in my thoughts and shared his. On the other hand, he didn’t make advances towards me and assumed I had a boyfriend.
HE HAS A WIFE YOU IDIOT! A strong voice of reason emerged while analyzing.
I headed back to bed, realizing no matter how much I tried to rationalize our run-ins, I needed to wake up from wishful thinking.
Back at work, Monday morning. The night before I registered for classes for the upcoming quarter. I had four weeks until the first day of school so there was enough time to prepare myself for balancing work and school. Part of me wanted to share my progress with Darren but, I convinced myself to leave him be. I had to work harder at getting him off my mind.
“Hi Jenn, do you want to have lunch with us?” Miss Alice snuck up behind me as I worked.
“Awe, no thanks. I’m having a late lunch today. Working on a big project.” I lied, pulling up an old task list to play the role.
“Oh noooo,” she placed her hand on my shoulder. “We wanted you to join us. But I understand.”
“Maybe some other time, Miss Alice. Thanks again for the invite.”
She walked away, disappointed. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I wasn’t in the mood for lunch with people I barely knew. I’m not the type to get chummy with coworkers. I don’t do the non-work related team lunches and the employee happy hours. It all seemed fake. Forced conversations with people hiding who they truly were due to the fear of judgment spilling over to the office. Darren was the only colleague I’d ever had a genuine connection with.
Later that day, as I left for lunch, the team led by Miss Alice returned. I heard talks of how they wish I came, how the new place they tried had the best food...blah, blah, blah. I smiled, nodded, and pushed through the crowd of overly excited employees. I pressed the elevator button repeatedly, praying for it to come quickly. The doors opened and Darren stood in the corner, talking on the phone. Engaged in what seemed like a heated conversation.
“Look, I’ll have to deal with it later. I can’t do this right now...” he glanced at me entering the elevator, then lowered his voice. “Cheryl, let’s talk later... Well, at least wait until I’m out of the office... Cheryl, please!... I’ll call you back!”
I inched towards the front of the small space, pretending to be busy with my wallet. Darren was just as fascinating while angry. I wondered which words made the dimples appear, wishing I could see for myself.
Soon after ending the call, he tapped me on the shoulder. “Jenn, are you on your way to lunch?”
“Yea, the usual Monday burger run.” Assuming it was safe to turn around, I faced him. “Do you want to come?”
Before I knew it, an invite to lunch was extended. It wasn’t my intention, but the idea of easing a friend’s mind over a burger seemed natural. Plus, I felt sorry for the dude in the aftermath of a deep debate with Cheryl.
I then reflected on the name. Who in the hell is Cheryl? Is that the wife? And what were they arguing about?
“That sounds good. Hell, I need a break.” He shoved the phone into his pocket, “How’s your day going?”
“Pretty good. This project is kicking my butt but, that’s work.” I shrugged.
The elevator reached the first floor and Darren led the way out. His demeanor was uneasy and distracted, frequently flexing fingers at his side.
“Are you okay?” I pried, pointing to the finger flexing.
Darren followed my eyes to his hands and laughed faintly. “Yea, yea...well...not really...”
“Work stuff huh?” I tried to keep up the act of being unaware of the phone argument. “Nothing like a Monday burger to get your mind off the office.”
At first, he looked at me, wanting to spill his guts about the phone call. Instead, he smiled.
I led the conversation as we walked to the burger joint. However, judging by foggy expressions, he wasn’t engaged at all. Although Darren didn’t give a damn about what I said, I made it a point to cheer him up. He saved me with a shiny black Porsche, it was my way of returning the favor. At least, that’s what I told myself.
“Did your painting come in yet?” I sat at a booth by the window.
Darren shuffled in his pocket to remove the phone, then tossed it on the table. “No, not yet. It’ll come in about a week.”
“Good. You have to take a picture so I can see it,” I said excitedly, with a goofy grin. “Oh, yea! I registered for school. I start in four weeks.”
“Good for you,” he replied, sitting down and giving me a smile that faded as quickly as it came. “I’m glad you did.”
The somber disposition crushed my attempts. I should’ve known better than to rush in like Superwoman to lift his spirits. Fed up, I waved for a waitress to take our orders.
Lunch was quiet for the most part. I viewed random things outside, while he ate and periodically checked his phone. That was yet another sign to leave Darren McCray out of my mind. How many times can a girl get rejected?
“This was a mistake.” Before I knew it, I had mumbled my thoughts aloud. Embarrassed, I kept my eyes down, picking at fries.
Darren sighed to himself and I suddenly felt his stare. “Sorry, I’m being rude.”
I raised my head in astonishment. I was talking shit on the other side of the table and he apologized to me. Although he WAS being rude.
“I’m having a rough day and...”
“Say no more,” I smiled, holding up my hand. “It’s fine.”
Although curious about the elevator argument, I realized during our silence that I didn’t want to hear complaints about the wife. Frankly, I didn’t want to hear him speak of her at all. The word “wife” seeping through his lips was a constant blow to my fantasies. Also, we weren’t close friends, so his marriage problems were none of my business.
“School in four weeks. You should take a vacation before you start,” Darren suggested, forcing an upbeat tone in his voice.
“I thought about that. But I don’t know,” I shrugged, pushing the half-empty plate to the side. “My close friends are in Boston, and I haven’t seen them in a while.”
“There you go! Book a trip to Boston and visit your friends. I’m sure they would love to see you.” He blinked slowly. As his eyes re-opened, a new light shone through as if the blink was a reset button for his mood. “You’re good company.”
“Thanks. I’ll think about it.” I blushed at the compliment, flirting with my eyes. I couldn’t help but give a little eye tease by the way he studied my face. Darren’s soft stare conveyed that it was okay to activate the harmless razz.
“Heard that before,” he let out a genuine laugh, then wiped his mouth with a small napkin. “Two weeks from now you’ll be messaging that you’re on your way to Boston.”
I giggled at the insinuation, crossing my legs and leaning my shoulder against the thick window pane. “Right, because I always take your advice.”
We endured a refreshing walk back to the office. I knew I had something to do with his mood improving. Thinking of my efforts in being Darren’s “Lunchtime Superwoman”, I felt better about inviting him out for a burger.
However, the mini celebration came to a halt as he held the door open for me. I noticed a Black Zirconium band on his ring finger. That was the first time I paid attention to it. Another sign to ensure that nothing but random lunches would come of me and Darren.
He immediately caught on to my face sinking to the floor, moving to use his back to hold the door open. “What’s the matter, Jenn? Did you leave something at the restaurant?”
“Uh...No, I’m fine. I have to rush back to work. See you around,” I scurried through the lobby to the elevators.
I didn’t look back to see if he was behind me. Seeing that ring turned my heroic spirits into a villain.
Lunch was a huge mistake. I thought. A mistake that I will never make again.
Over the next few days, the goal was to avoid Darren. The fantasy of mine HAD to leave for good, with no way of returning through the force of “teddy bear eyes”. It was time to buckle down on finding my own man. Meeting Mr. McCray was valuable. He showed me the qualities that I would want in the next guy. At least I had a silver lining to the unattainable lust.
I relaxed at home, scrolling through Instagram when photos of Boston kept appearing on my timeline. My social media must have had a mind-reading feature because I strongly considered making the trip after Darren’s recommendation.
While comparing plane ticket prices online, I phoned my friend, Samantha, to see if she was up for a visit.
“Hey girl, how’s it going? I miss you, Jenn!” Sam answered.
“Hi, I miss my Sam! I was thinking that I’d pay you and Kassandra a visit in a few weeks. Just a weekend thing before I start school.” I looked to the floor and saw Darren’s note from the art flyer and threw a pillow over it. “I need to get away!”
“YES! I love that idea. Back to school, congrats Jenn! I know Kass will be up for it too, so come on.”
“Good, I’m booking it now,” I replied, balancing my cell between my ear and shoulder. “So, how’s Boston?”
“It’s great. Work is crappy but what job isn’t these days. I met this new guy!” she giggled like a schoolgirl. “His name is Jerry.”
“Oooh, Jeeeerrrryyyy.” I teased. “Tell me about him.”
“Well he’s 37, Boston-native but his family came from Ireland or something. He’s amazing and we’ve been going out for about two months now. Still fresh, but much potential. So how about you? I know there has to be a new man on the scene.”
I closed my eyes tight, dreading the response I was about to give. “New job, new place, no new man. I’m trying to work on that. I guess I need to get out more.”
“Yes! Please do. You deserve someone new,” she reassured me. “A nice gentleman to show you how a man is supposed to act.”
In a way, I had one. Darren hadn’t done much, but his gestures made me feel good. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone about him. Mainly because there wasn’t anything to be excited about. I couldn’t have him; nothing was going on between us. So, no need in bringing it up to create false hope among friends.
Our conversation went on for another hour or so. Preparing for a trip to Boston provided a great distraction from thinking about Darren. Although the trip WAS his idea.
The next morning Kassandra called being way too excited at eight in the morning.
I stepped into a small corner of the lobby to finish the conversation. “Yes Kassandra, I’m coming to Boston.”
“Good and it’s not too cold up here so I won’t have to hear you complain,” she said loudly.
“Ha! You know how much I hate the cold.” I noticed I was talking loud as well. I peeked at the random stares, then lowered my voice. “Hey, I have to get to work. I’m running a little late this morning. I’ll text you my flight info.
“Yes, do that. Talk to you soon.”
“Alright. Bye.”
The smile on my face said it all. I was visiting my besties and I couldn’t wait to get on that plane.
“So once again, you’ve taken my advice.” A cologne-filled voice said, suddenly appearing from behind.
I turned around and there was Darren. Standing tall and sexy in a navy-blue suit. It seemed as though he waited for me to get off the phone to speak.
“Uh, yea. I guess you could say that.” My eyes danced around the lobby, searching for a reason to get away. “I’m going to Boston in two weeks to visit my friends.”
“Good. I’m glad you’ll have a chance to get away before school starts,” he moved closer. “You’ve been there before, right?”
“Twice.” I adjusted my backpack and swallowed hard, flushing down any words that may come up within the subjects of lunch, flirting, or something stupid. “Well um, I gotta head in. Too much on my plate this morning. Enjoy your day!”
I gave a quick wave, then headed towards the elevators. I didn’t need to spend any more time in that man’s presence.
I reached my desk, set my backpack down, and tried to get the day started. Miss Alice, of course, was waiting with questions burning on her lips.
“Hey, I didn’t know you liked artwork!” She pointed to a large object lying flat, under my desk.
My eyes followed her finger to a painting resting on the floor. I crouched down to pull it out, surprised at its beauty. The surprise elevated when I realized it was from the art show. The infamous $6,000 painting which moved my spirit into a trance.
“What?!?!” I screeched sitting the canvas upright. “How did that get here?”
“The messenger dropped it off about an hour ago. It was in the way so I had Darren move it under the desk since he was the only man around at the time,” she studied the area under my desk, “That’s funny, I thought there was a card or something with it. Did you mean to have it delivered here?”
“Umm...Well...yes, I did. It’s so hard to get home in time to catch the delivery guy at my building,” I lied. “I thought it was coming next week. That’s why I’m surprised it’s here today.”
I left her standing in front of the painting leaned against a file cabinet in my cubicle. My legs grew weak, pulling me into my seat.
Where did it come from? I thought. Only one person knew I liked.....DARREN!
Shocked was an understatement to describe the feeling rushing through me. Miss Alice gushed over how lovely it was, making small talk in which I ignored. I needed her to take a seat and mind her business while I figured out how to process everything.
“What’s wrong, Jenn? Did they send the wrong one?” she asked with her bony hand on my shoulder.
“No. It’s the right one. I’m just tired and I forgot to do some things that’s all.” I replied, hoping the excuse would be enough to be left alone.
My computer finally booted up, and an instant message notification from Darren appeared. I waited until Miss Alice left before opening the chat box.
Darren McCray: Hey Jenn, I thought you might like to hang it in your living room. I had a note with it, but you know how Miss Alice is. LOL!
Why in the hell would he buy me expensive artwork? Kevin never spent that much money on me. How am I supposed to accept this? As I pondered, another message popped up.
Darren McCray: I know the painting will be too heavy for you to carry home. Let me know what time you’re leaving for the day and I’ll give you a ride.
“Huh!?!” I said aloud.
“Is everything okay, Jenn?” Miss Alice asked from two cubicles over.
“Yes,” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Everything’s fine.”
I temporarily closed the chat just in case she snuck up behind me like a ninja. Figuring the coast was clear, I reopened it and replied.
Jennifer Steele: First off, thanks! This was so unexpected. No need to give me a ride. I’m not going straight home after work. Taking an Uber to my sister’s house. Thanks anyway.
Another lie. I couldn’t allow him to take me home again. It was all wrong. Wrong on so many levels. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to accept a gift with so much value from a man who wore a wedding band every day. Deep inside I knew things were sketchy, however, I couldn’t help but to be flattered as well.
All in all, it was too mind-boggling for me. Every time I tried to get rid of the lusts, the dreams of giving in to inner desires; he’d pop up outdoing himself.
Is he courting me? I wandered, trying to focus on work.
I HAD to talk to Darren to finally make sense of it. He didn’t respond to my refusal of his offer to take me home, so I figured he understood the message within the message. But, on the other hand, I didn’t want to seem unappreciative. It would have been rude to not officially thank him.
I waited until the afternoon to reach out again.
Jennifer Steele: Hi Darren. With the craziness of this morning, I forgot to ask...
Jennifer Steele: Was this the painting that you were trying to buy that night at the gallery?
Darren McCray: No, I bought another one for my den. The artist gave me a good deal on the one you have and I thought you’d like it. Sort of a “congrats on starting school” gift.
It couldn’t have been a gift to go back to school. While at the art gallery, I was still unsure about going back. There was something weird about the guy that I needed to investigate.
Jennifer Steele: It’s lovely! But I don’t know if I need to accept this.
Darren McCray: Just a gift, Jenn. Enjoy it.
Darren McCray: ...And you’re very welcome. ☺
Still no clarity within the message. An abrupt thought to leave it be, consumed me. He was the man of my dreams giving the attention I wanted since the day my eyes experience him. Part of me didn’t want to dig, finding out the full truth.
An Uber ride took me home, and I struggled with getting the painting on and off the elevator. I hung it up on the living room wall, another battle. The effort in keeping him off my mind was not working. Especially since I had a constant reminder hanging over my sofa.
Another week of radio silence between us then, I broke down and invited him to lunch. My curiosity just wouldn’t let it go. Plus, the lust inside craved seeing him up close.
“So, what’s the plan for your Boston trip?” he asked, finishing his steak.
“I don’t know yet.” I pushed my salad around with my fork, trying to think of how to ask about the gift. “But I’m sure my friends will have something planned for us.”
He stopped eating and looked strangely at my fork sliding across my plate. “Something wrong with your salad?”
I tapped the fork on the plate hard and nervously grinned. “I just uh, need more salad dressing.”
“Oh okay,” Darren motioned for the waiter to come over to the table, then continued. “Are your friends from Boston?”
“Samantha is originally from Florida and Kassandra is from North Carolina. We were all roommates in college.”
With a slight head tilt, his mouth curved into a smirk. “What school did you go to again?”
I condensed my eyelids throwing him a ‘You already know the answer’ look, “UGA.”
“I think we always beat you guys in football back when I was in school.” He chuckled.
He tended to bring that up every time we mentioned anything about our college days.
“Georgia Tech beating UGA? I doubt it!”
The waiter came over dragging her feet, annoyed that she’d actually have to work for the tip. “Yes?”
“Hi, can she get more salad dressing? Thanks!” he turned to me and smiled, “I know we beat your school. I was on the team, Jenn.”
The waiter nodded her head awkwardly at Darren’s sudden change of attention, then dragged her feet away.
“I think your memory isn’t serving you well today,” I joked.
He teased with a sexy serious face, then broke out into a geeky laugh. I swooned, then straightened my face to keep the setting strictly platonic.
“Are you and your boyfriend looking to take things to the next level? You know, marriage? Kids?”
Where in the hell did that question come from? I thought, with a cringed expression.
“Darren,” I sighed, rolling my eyes. “I’m single. And I have been for a long time. My last relationship didn’t end well so I’ve been focused on other things.”
“Oh...I-I’m sorry I just assumed that you were spoken for,” he replied with wide eyes. Almost as if he was embarrassed by asking in the first place.
I shrugged. “I don’t get out much to meet new people anyway so...”
“It’ll happen soon,” he added suddenly, biting his bottom lip.
“Funny, I was telling my friend a while back that I needed to go out more. The only place outside of work and fast food places near my apartment.’
He blinked slowly and licked his lips, neatly placing used silverware on the empty plate. “Maybe it’s time for you to wait and allow a man to come to you.”
“And there is another piece of your good advice that will come true.” I laughed trying the break the lust thoughts surging from his newly wet lips.
“What day are you leaving?” He chuckled, retrieving his phone.
“Next Friday. I’m working until 12, then heading straight to the airport.”
“Do you need a ride? I can take you on my lunch break.” He typed in his calendar app, then quickly put it away in his pocket. “Hell, I may even take a half-day myself. They’re working me too hard.”
“Uh...I think I’ll...”
“Nope, I insist,” he chimed in, while I tried to come up with a solid excuse.
“Well, if you insist. Okay!”
I knew I shouldn’t have said that. But what else could I say?
“Good,” he replied, interlocking his fingers with his forearms on the table.
“Darren, why are you so nice to me?” I asked, dropping my fork on the plate.
The question slipped out as my eyes went into a dreamy state, staring at him. The words felt cheesy and immature leaving my tongue. But there was no turning back and the question had to be answered.
Darren squinted his amazing eyes then responded, “Because I like you.”
That comeback stopped me in my tracks. The waiter bringing the check to the table helped me to focus on something else. A bill we didn’t ask for from the lazy waitress. I grabbed the check, as I promised him earlier, that lunch was going to be my treat. He tugged at the receipt, preventing me from looking at the total.
“Look, Jenn, I know you said you wanted this to be your treat but, I’ll take care of it,” Darren said pulling out his black card then placing it into the check holder.
“Darren!” I slapped my hand over the check.
He softly placed his hand over mine, “Nope. I got it.”
Our focus locked in on each other. That time I wasn’t swooning, I waited for him to move his hand. Darren quickly shook his head and shot a look over at the waiter.
“No, I got it, Darren,” I raised my voice to get his attention. “And what do you mean by saying you like me?”
“Wait...” he said with the look of swiftly redirecting his thoughts.
At the time, I knew it was coming. He noticed my dreamy eyes and I thought he would do the “man thing” by backing away because I was getting too close.
Here we go, the bombshell of him verbally rejecting me. I thought as he swiftly removed his hand. I hid my hand in between my knees and slid back into the chair.
“Neither one of us asked for the check,” Darren scratched his head. “I asked for salad dressing.”
“Ha!” I laughed loudly, getting the attention of the waiter and her friends gossiping at the hostess section. “I forgot all about that.”
I didn’t want the salad dressing in the first place. My hand went over my heart, feeling it slow down with each second that passed. The relief that came over me was calming.
“I don’t need it anymore,” I waved my hand. “We can head back.”
For the rest of the day, I couldn’t stop wondering what Darren meant by saying that he liked me. He didn’t answer the question. I felt something brewing between us, something that he wasn’t ready to admit. Darren’s reluctance to explain could have been his guilt telling him to run away.
I agonized the entire walk home, talking to myself. “He is married...with a kid. What kind of “like” does he mean? As a person, as a lover, as a side piece? This man is slowly working me and I don’t know why. Why me? Does he see me as some naïve girl who wouldn’t mind being a mistress? Of course, he does. But no. No! Darren doesn’t want me in that way, he’s just being nice.”
My personal conversation probably scared people passing by, but couldn’t worry about that. I fiddled with my hair as I talked it out with myself. And I had no resolution to the enjoyable confusion instilled by Darren. As much as I tried to lose that attraction, he made it harder and harder.
I began to feel played. I remember paying close attention to the argument with Cheryl in the elevator. It wasn’t 100% clear whether or not she was the wife, but I had a strong feeling that her full name was Cheryl “Mrs. Teddy Bear Eyes” McCray. Cheryl “mother of his child” McCray. Cheryl “Jenn, you’ll never take my position” McCray.
“I’m only here to make him feel better about himself when the wife makes him feel shitty,” I concluded.