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I laid in the dark, then closed my eyes to drift off into dreamland. Eventually, sleep came, but only for a brief moment. Bedtime felt like a 30-minute nap because the phone alarm went off at 7:25 am. I looked down to press the snooze button on my phone and found a missed text from Darren.
Teddy Bear Eyes: Hey! I just wanted to check on you. Hope you made it back safely. Let’s talk soon.
The message came in at 1:45 in the morning. Why wasn’t he snuggled up with his wife at that time? Hmmm. I smiled at the message through my sleepy haze and replied.
Jenn: Morning. I’m safe. Came home and went straight to bed. Whenever you’re free to talk, let me know.
With the snooze button activated, I took a short nap before work. The smile displayed because of Darren’s message followed me to the pillow. The next time I woke up was 9 am and I was an hour late. I stared at the phone frantically, wondering what happened to the snooze alarm. I wasn’t prepared to go into work. I had too much on my mind to deal with Miss Alice, Michael, and possibly running into Darren.
I jumped out of bed and emailed Kelly, letting her know that I was too sick to come in and apologized for not emailing earlier. She understood and told me to get well soon. I wouldn’t dare email Michael, as his coldness would have rendered a not so understanding response. I got back into my covers to go back to sleep.
Around noon, the ringing phone woke me up. Without looking at it, I answered.
“Hello,” I spoke in a soft raspy voice.
“Are you okay?” The deep sexy voice asked.
“I’m fine, just lying in bed. Wh-who is this?” I rolled over, facing the wall.
“Darren.”
At first, the weariness didn’t allow me to recognize the voice, but I became attentive as soon as he spoke his name.
“H-hey Darren. What’s up?” I sat up in bed, rubbing my eyes.
“Are you sick?” he asked, exuding great concern in his voice.
“Not really. I called...well emailed out today.” I threw the covers off me and moved to the edge of the bed. “I needed more sleep. The plane ride was exhausting.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I messaged you at work and didn’t hear anything. I went by your desk and Miss Alice said you were out.”
“Miss Alice!” I shouted. “Why did you go by my desk?”
“Sorry, I was just checking on you,” he replied in an innocent voice. “What’s wrong with Miss Alice?”
“You KNOW she’s nosy as hell. I don’t need her jumping to conclusions.”
Darren fell silent. I heard his heavy sighs, which hinted that he was thinking of what to say.
“Thanks for checking on me,” I continued in a softer tone.
“Anytime. I wanted to take you to lunch so we could talk. Do you mind if I bring over some food?” he suggested, shuffling the phone.
I froze. Darren, the married man with a child wanted to come over to MY apartment to eat. Dammit. He made it too hard to resist him at every turn. But I knew I needed to talk to him face to face to end whatever it was that was starting between us.
“Hello?” he inquired during my silence.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” I finally spoke.
“Jenn, why do you ask that?” he sighed. “Look, I only suggested it because you live close to work. Didn’t think you’d want to risk running into your boss when you’re supposed to be out sick.”
“Okay,” I reluctantly replied. “I guessed that makes sense.”
“Do you want your usual Monday burger or something else?”
“Monday burger is fine,” I smiled softly.
“I’m leaving the office now. See you in a few.”
After hanging up, I jumped into the shower. It took three minutes to wash away the weekend and prepare for the talk. Cleaning up the living room consisted of throwing clothes into the closet, both clean and dirty. I brushed my hair into a slick ponytail, then threw on a long-fitted shirt and stretch pants with a pair of fuzzy socks. Twenty minutes later, I heard a knock at the door.
“Damn, he even knocks sexy,” I cooed, bouncing towards the door.
Darren almost took me off task by staring at his tall, caramel stance in the hallway. He wore a casual blazer, plaid shirt, and JEANS. That was the first time I saw him in denim. As usual, his cologne came through the door before he did. I let him in and pointed to the counter where he could place the food.
“I got your usual,” he took the burgers out of the bag. “And I left the place without getting us anything to drink.”
I stared at his expression, silently cursing himself for forgetting beverages.
“I have a few sodas and some juice in the fridge,” I smiled, attempting to relieve the pressure he put on himself.
As I went to retrieve drinks from the fridge, I felt his eyes on me. I fumbled through food cartons and half-empty Tupperware to prevent turning around to meet those teddy bear circles.
“I’ll take a sprite,” he crept behind me, peering into the fridge.
At the sound of Darren’s voice, a juice bottle left my hand and tumbled to the floor. He picked up the bottle and placed it on the counter as if it wasn’t a big deal that he made me so nervous.
“Shall we eat on the couch?” Darren asked, heading in that direction.
The only other choice was the bedroom since I didn’t have a dining room. We definitely weren’t going anywhere near my bed. I grabbed him a sprite, picked up the juice bottle from the counter for myself. His scent guided me as I followed him to the sofa.
After getting comfortable, Darren began preparing his food. The quick idea to make a pallet on the floor across from him was shot down by his scent begging me to sit next to him.
“You can watch whatever you want,” I handed him the remote.
“Thanks,” his soft but rough hands brushed slowly on top of mine as he took the remote away from me.
The touch froze my legs in place, watching him squirt ketchup on the burger. He focused on getting the right amount on the meat until noticing me standing over him.
“Are you gonna join me?” Darren teased with a dimpled smile.
I nodded hastily, brushing my hand down my ponytail. Once I sat down, he placed food in my lap and smiled again.
He turned the channel to an afternoon court show, sat the remote down on the coffee table, then turned to me. We sat in a brief silence as we both took the first bite of Monday burgers. My stomach turned flips, so I knew I wouldn’t be able to eat much with him around.
Darren took a few more bites and moaned sexily while he chewed. Barely looking at the TV, he watched me nibble on my food.
“So, how was Boston?” he asked after washing down his food with Sprite.
“A lot of fun. My friends are still the same,” I laughed, “Crazy, love to party, and full of opinions.”
I brush a few strands of hair out of my face, thinking that I shouldn’t have muttered the last part.
He sat up and moved the half-eaten burger next to the remote on the coffee table. “Opinions about what?”
I watched as he studied me for a few seconds before answering. “Um. Just what I’m dealing with here. How I’m adjusting to the new job and stuff.”
“And how are you adjusting...to the new job?” he asked, moving his arm to rest on the back of the sofa.
“Good. I don’t socialize much, but we work well together,” I replied in an ‘interview’ voice.
“Even with Miss Alice?” he chuckled.
His chuckle made me smile hard as I kept my eyes down at the burger I separated into small pieces.
“Miss Alice is sweet. But, like I said, she’s nosy as hell.”
“What would she think about me looking for you today?” he inquired, shifting his body next to me.
My eyes went up to the ceiling. “I don’t know. She probably thought it was work-related or innocent. But I’m not very trusting of people.”
“Even me?!” Darren asked, surprisingly.
I took a deep sigh, moving my eyes to his. I never questioned whether or not I trusted Darren. “I hope you’re genuine. But, some of your actions are a bit questionable.”
He looked behind us, at the painting he bought hanging on the wall. “Is it about that?”
“Part of it. I mean it IS an expensive gift. I don’t know how I would feel if my husband bought a random woman a painting like that just to say congrats on registering for school.”
Darren sat back on the sofa and folded his arms. I sensed that he was contemplating his next words. As if he didn’t have a reason for buying me that painting and needed to think of a plausible excuse.
“I didn’t even think about that,” his eyelids lowered into a squint.
“Does she know?” I asked hesitantly.
He shook his head, biting his bottom lip exposing more dimples.
“What did you mean when you said in your text...” Darren paused to look towards me with deep brown eyes glaring into mine, “...that you had me figured out. What do you think I’m trying to do here?”
That was my time. I had to be fully honest with him. No more “shy girl” behavior, overlooking the obvious. I mustered up my courage and replied sternly.
“I can only assume. But, based on your phone conversations and the little information that you’ve shared, your wife gets your damn nerves,” I smirked.
Darren flared into his geeky laughter. I didn’t know whether it was because of my stoic tone, which made it comedic for him, or if I were telling the truth. Maybe both.
“That’s marriage,” he shrugged, relaxing his body, “And I get on her nerves too.”
“So much that she’s buying expensive gifts for a new coworker?” I raised my voice for him to know that I wasn’t in the joking mood.
He sat up taken aback by my question. “I would hope not.”
The typical male response. Of course, he wouldn’t like it if his wife did those things for a young, attractive man at her job. I suppose things were easier for him when he controlled the situation by just telling me to enjoy what he was doing. But I needed definitive answers and continued to grill him.
“Then why is it okay for you to do it?”
“Maybe it’s not,” he shot back. “Do you want me to take it home?”
“Oh no, you’re not getting off that easy,” I replied waving my finger at him.
He paused, then hunched over, resting his elbows on his knees with fingers interlocked. Darren’s body language showed that he was preparing for war and I was ready.
“What!?!?” he replied with a blank but serious face.
“Darren...” I grew aggravated.
He saw my expression and tilted his head to the side. “Yes?”
The one-word replies HAD to go! Darren Calvin McCray needed to explain to me what was going on. He was a married man, attempting to court me.
“You can’t do the things you’re doing for me with no reason. What is it? What is this ‘like’ you have for me?” I scolded, waving my hands.
His face loosened after the question. I didn’t know what it meant, but I refused to sit and listen to bullshit.
“I’ll tell you a story...” he sighed, unlocking his fingers.
I sat back and rolled my eyes, waiting for the fable.
“Michael comes to my office, chatting about a bet we made. Then he rushes off because he has an interview. Now Michael hates everyone Kelly chooses so I thought it wouldn’t last long and I had more gloating to do....” Darren paused and laughed to himself. Once he saw that I wasn’t amused, he continued.
“I thought it was over, but he was still in there, with Kelly, talking to a candidate. I passed by to let him know he lost the bet and owes me money. We have this hand signal,” he laughed again while I prayed that he would get to the point, fast.
“Afterwards, I waited outside near the copy room for Michael. Guess who walks out first?” He nodded in my direction, trying to get me to guess.
I, on the other hand, didn’t know what the hell rambled on about. Another quick minute of me being unamused signaled him to cut the guessing game short.
“A beautiful, young, vibrant lady who looked as if she had the entire world on her shoulders. She turned her head towards my direction to smile and wave at Kelly. And I saw this light that I’ve never seen before in someone’s eyes,” he concluded.
Darren’s voice was slick and smooth. I felt passion through the words like he was reliving the story as he spoke. It took me a few seconds to catch on, then the scenario started to sound familiar and it clicked! He was the “D” character interrupting my interview. My work crush, noticed me well before I even knew he existed.
As flattered as I was, I couldn’t allow the revelation to deter me from getting EVERYTHING I needed to stop the confusion within my feelings.
“Okay, what does that have to do with anything?” I shrugged, bawling up my uneaten food.
He shook his head, which was full of wrinkles of confusion. “I don’t know what it is Jenn, but ever since that day, I’ve felt something when you were around. Something that I don’t feel with my wife. An energy that I’ve never felt before. It’s scary.”
I could relate to what he said. I’d never felt an attraction towards a man like I had with Darren. But I wasn’t going to tell him that. Mainly because he took a long ass time to tell that story instead of just saying: ‘Hey, I saw you on your interview and I liked your vibe.’
“That’s the reason why you invited me to lunch?” I inquired.
“Part of it. I thought I could keep it innocent. You know?” the war posture softened and Darren leaned back on the sofa. “Lunch here and there, work friends. But at night when I close my eyes, I’m imagining more with you. And that’s the part I can’t wrap my head around.”
“You’re married. Darren, you’re married and you...”
“I know and it makes this hard,” he interrupted, reading my mind.
I realized that just as I wanted answers, so did he. And I didn’t have them. I couldn’t help a married man assess feelings. Hell, I needed some assessing myself.
“So what, I’m just supposed to be okay with this attraction while you go home to your wife at night?” I asked with a disturbed look on my face.
“I wouldn’t expect you to be. I subtly brought up my wife when I drove you home that first day to remind myself that I couldn’t go there with you,” Darren put his hands in his head, shaking it back and forth, “I’m not myself anymore. I don’t know what this is.”
I placed my hand on his to stop the shaking. “Or maybe you’re finally being the person who you’ve always wanted to be. Free.”
That was all the advice I could give. The phrase rolled off the tongue without even thinking it over. I walked away to the kitchen. His explanation didn’t make sense but it made sense. We were attracted to each other. However, the only drawback was he could have been acting out because marriage was getting the best of him. Me, I was looking for something long term.
Darren followed me into the kitchen. “I do love my wife.”
“You don’t have to convince me,” I said bluntly, wiping down the counters.
“Why the smug attitude? I’m being honest with you,” Darren whined, coming closer to me.
I pointed to the time on the stove. “Aren’t you going to be late?”
“No. I’m done for the day,” he replied, taking off his blazer and neatly throwing it over his arm.
“Oh well, you are the boss of Accounting,” I snickered, “You can pretty much call it a day when you want.”
“I wish. But I needed a break. This weekend, while you were enjoying your mini-vacation, I was stuck at home doing work.”
He moved in closer, invading my personal space. Every swish of his cologne flowing to my nose lowered the guard I tried to build. I turned around, finding him close enough to kiss me.
“Did you get everything done?” I asked trying to find somewhere else to look.
I swallowed hard, dropping my hands. The small disinfectant cloth used to wipe down the counters slipped to the floor. I don’t think he noticed, or maybe he didn’t want to break the mood to pick it up for me.
“Yea mostly.” His index finger brushed against my face, pushing away strands of hair near my eye.
“I’ll finish the rest later tonight. But I won’t bore you with that,” Darren’s eyes met mine and I felt like getting lost in them, “I’m glad you had a good time. Do you um, have plans for the rest of the day?”
“Nope just hanging around here.”
Something needed to happen at that moment. A distraction, a disturbance, hell a knock on the door. My saving grace came with Darren’s phone ringing. The disappointment suddenly painted on his face prompted me to encourage him to go answer it.
“Get it,” I sighed. “It might be work.”
He remained close to me for a few seconds, then rushed to get his phone. I resumed cleaning the counter, breathing out the rush of feelings bottled in while he stood close to me. If those feelings were released, we would have been kissing to the tune of his phone ringing.
I couldn’t make out what he said over the phone, the television drowned out the soft-spoken conversation from the living room. The curious part of me wanted to know if Cheryl was on the line, but it was better that I never knew.
“Did you want something else to drink?” I asked, stepping out of the kitchen as he hung up the call.
“No, I’m fine,” Darren replied, staring at the phone screen.
I tried hard to read his expression, but all I saw was the top of his head.
“Is everything okay?” I inched into the living room to gather up the empty ketchup packets and leftover food, “Did you want to save this?”
“I’m good, just looking at this video Michael sent,” he looked up with a smile, “No, I’m done with that.”
Darren stayed until it was time to pick up his daughter later that afternoon. There were no more discussions about our “situation”. We fell back into our old routine of random conversations and small flirting. Even had a few more moments of silence between us where our eyes and in sync breaths did the talking.
That night, I laid on the sofa with my mind replaying our serious talk. I’d be lying if the explanation of his attraction towards me didn’t keep me smiling. I was officially smitten with Darren Calvin McCray. He wasn’t mine, but there was a sign of potential for us to be...close...friends. It was selfish of me to keep going with Darren and his wife was home, thinking they had a good marriage. On the other hand, why cut that off for a woman I didn’t even know? I appreciated him and I felt that he had an appreciation for me as well. There was no harm in that.
I pulled out my phone and sent him a text to solidify being on board with our special friendship.
Jenn: I know we didn’t finish the conversation. But at this point, there’s no more to be said. I know how you feel and I have to be honest, I feel the same way. There’s no harm in being good friends, right?
I didn’t expect a response right away because I knew where he was. At home, with his wife and child. Where he needed to be. I tossed my phone on the coffee table to take a shower. As soon as I grabbed a towel off the rack, my phone buzzed. Rushing back to the phone, I was quickly disappointed that it was just an email from a solicitor. I carelessly tossed it back on the sofa, then it buzzed again. And two more times as I returned to the bathroom. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice, so I ignored it.
After the shower, I headed to my room to clean up the mess of clothes jammed in the closet. Sorting clothes distracted me from checking messages. I arranged them in clean and dirty piles, then headed to the kitchen for a bottle of juice before bed. I went an entire hour without thinking of Darren until my phone rang.
“Is it my special friend?” I asked, strutting on beat with the ringtone.
It was my sister.
“Hey, Marie.”
“You couldn’t tell your sister you made it back from Boston safely?” she fussed. “I was worried sick!”
“You weren’t too worried. It’s 9 o’clock the next night and you’re JUST now calling me?” I teased.
“I was busy. I’m a mother you know,” she laughed. “So how was your trip?”
“It was fun. I didn’t do much sightseeing this time just hung ou....”
“Hold on. Hold on. I’ll call you back. Your nephew doesn’t want to stay in bed,” she fussed again before hanging up.
I laughed and shook my head at the phone. After the call ended I saw where I had three missed messages. All from Darren.
Message 1: I don’t’ see a problem with it at all.
Message 2: I’m indeed attracted to you. But I know we can’t do anything about that. I’d love to be good friends with you.
Message 3: I enjoy being in your company.
I didn’t respond. I read the messages over and over on my way to bed. I made sure I set three alarms that night to ensure that I made it to work on time the next day.
The remainder of that week, Darren and I spent every lunch hour together. We talked about everything, from our parents, adjusting after college, and I even filled him in on my past relationship with Kevin. I felt him getting upset at the way my ex dumped me. I was over it, but Darren expressed that he felt I deserved better. His concern for me made me fall even deeper. The way he listened was nothing like I had ever experienced from a male friend.
Friday afternoon. To keep Darren in the “friend zone”, I made plans to meet up with some high school friends that night for a concert. I hoped that I’d at least find a truly single man to get to know and date. That way I can leave Darren in his place for good and put an end to the nonstop thoughts of him being all mine.
That afternoon, Kelly needed me to do some last-minute work which kept in the office longer than expected. I had to smile and pretend that I was okay with working late especially since she didn’t put up a fuss about staying home earlier that week. It was almost 5:45 pm and everyone else had gone home for the weekend.
The room was quiet. All I heard was my fingers on the keyboard and mouse clicks. Just when I thought I was completely alone; the sound of footsteps grew louder behind me. I felt a tall familiar figure behind me, placing his hands on my shoulders giving a slight massage. Usually, that would scare a woman. But I knew who it was, the cologne gave him away. I smiled and inhaled the aura of Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes.
“Why are you still here?” he asked, discontinuing the mini massage, “Aren’t you supposed to be home by now?
“Well, that was the original plan, but my boss had OTHER PLANS for me,” I replied, still typing.
Darren walked around to my side and leaned his backside against the desk. “I just finished up for the day and was headed home until Michael mentioned that you were still here. I don’t want you to be in this empty office by yourself.”
“I’ll be fine. The security guards are around.” I turned to look at him, “I’m almost done anyway, I have plans tonight.”
“Are you going on a date?” he asked with widened eyes.
“No. I’m going to a concert with some friends,” I flirted. “You going on a date?”
“I wanted to. But you’re going to a concert,” Darren flirted with a grin. “I’m about to grab my laptop. Finish up here and I’ll take you home.”
“Is that a demand Darren McCray?” I teased.
“Yes, Jennifer Steele,” he replied backing away. “You know the rest of that can wait until Monday.”
“What if it can’t?” I looked back innocently.
“Then I’ll wait for you,” he winked then headed towards the elevator.
I couldn’t describe what those words meant to me. They seemed to mean more than waiting after hours to take me home. They insinuated a deeper thought. Like he wouldn’t mind waiting as long as it took for us to be able to act on our attraction. Once again, the hard task of keeping him at a safe distance commenced.
I hurried through the remainder of my tasks to make sure I didn’t keep him waiting too long. Honestly, his presence and mini massage made me want to spend a little time with him before the concert. He returned right as I was saving my work.
“You didn’t have to rush for me. I said I would wait for you,” Darren said walking toward me with his laptop bag on his shoulder.
I gawked in awe as he came closer. He wore a fitted polo style shirt which showed a nice outline of a muscular chest. Amid the staring, an innocent but risky idea came to me.
“Are you sure you don’t need more time?” he asked with a sweet smile.
“Nope, I’m ready. Are you in a hurry to get home? Wanna get a drink?” I asked boldly.
“We can do that. My wife is taking my daughter to a play date this evening so I’m pretty much free.”
Wife reminder. Uggh! That “W” word changed my mind quickly.
“You know what, I can go straight home,” I said bleakly. “We don’t have to get a drink.”
I held my head down while grabbing my backpack.
“What’s wrong, Jenn?” Darren took the bag from my hand, “What made you change your mind like that?”
“It was a bad idea,” I breezed by him towards the elevator.
“Jenn, don’t do that,” he begged, following me. “I was just saying that I was free for the evening. It’s fine. We can go get a drink or two or three if you need it.”
I turned around to face him, catching those dreamy eyes, then swiftly moved mine to the floor. “I just don’t want to make things hard for us, you know?”
“We’re friends remember?” he convinced. “Things won’t be hard.”
“Alright,” I sighed. “Let’s go.”
Darren suggested we have drinks at a bar inside the W hotel downtown. When we arrived, he helped me sit at the high bar stool before he sat down. It took a lot for me to compose myself while his strong hands brushed against my waist.
“Are you in the mood for wine, or do you need the hard stuff?” he asked, setting in beside me.
I needed the hard stuff. But not liquor.
“A vodka and cranberry will do,” I grinned ear to ear with dirty thoughts running through my mind.
“You really need that drink huh?” Darren snickered with his taunting dimples. “Getting happy just thinking about it.”
“It’s not the drink.” I batted my eyes slowly, rubbing fingers through my curly styled hair.
Darren bit his bottom lip and studied my fingers gently moving from root to tip. His dimples made slight imprints along with his eye movements. I was pissed when the bartender appeared, breaking up the moment. I pushed my hair to the back, sitting silently while he talked to the bartender.
While he ordered, Cheryl’s name popped up on his cell phone. It was only a text message but seeing her name killed the vibe. Darren didn’t see the message, luckily the bartender’s questions about the liquor preference kept his attention.
I sat back, marveling at the décor around the bar. Abstract art in a luxury form with gold and deep purple colors were surrounded by modern-day light fixtures. By the decorum alone, I could tell our drinks were going to cost a “pretty penny”.
The thought of Cheryl’s message suddenly scared me as the phone buzzed again, giving a reminder of the message.
My mind raced with questions. What would she think of this? Was she texting to tell him that the playdate ended early and she expected him home soon? Does he come here with his wife? Would anybody see us and get the idea that we were spending quality time with each other?
Darren mildly touched my arm, easing the anxiety building from Cheryl’s text.
“Here you go,” he handed me the drink. “Strong drink for a strong lady.”
“Are you starting a tab?” the bartender asked him.
He looked towards me to make the decision. I nodded my head, beaming on the inside at how Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes put the ball in my court.
“Yea, we’re starting a tab,” he smirked.
The happy hour “date” was off to a nice start, I didn’t want Darren to check his phone. I feared that the message would bring it to an end. But I didn’t have the heart to be shady. It could have been an emergency with their daughter.
“Darren, your phone buzzed,” I alerted before turning my attention to the flat screen TV. An international soccer match was on. I watched as if I understood the game, preventing the impulse to look at the message.
“Oh, thanks.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw where he read the message, then put the phone away in his pants pocket. I wanted to ask about it. Ask if I needed to hurry so he could head home. I tried reading him to see what it meant. But he didn’t seem bothered. Whatever the message said, Darren wasn’t trying to leave. I watched him like a hawk for about two minutes. No emergency. Our time wasn’t disrupted.
“So, this black card you’re always flashing?” I asked, focusing on something else besides the wife’s text. “Not trying to get into your business but...”
“Investments. Savings. And I’m a pro at salary negotiations,” Darren replied, returning to his sensual expression. “Any more questions?”
I blushed at how his eyes studied me while answering my probing. “Just trying to see how I can be like you when I grow up.”
“You will. It takes time, but you will,” he smiled back holding up his drink. “What are we toasting to?”
“Toast to getting through a day of hell!”
A geeky laugh left his mouth as we clinked our glasses.
Another hour of flirting with two more rounds of drinks, and I was ready for the concert. I wanted to cancel on my friends and spend more time with Darren. The night probably would have ended with us getting a room at the hotel.
My “date” paid the tab and held on to me as we walked out of the hotel. In my mind, I was supposed to feel dirty, ashamed, wrong. Those feelings never came. Instead, I felt happy, secure, protected, in bliss knowing that I was with someone who wanted to be with me. As we walked, I looked up and smiled at him. He returned the smile that instantly snapped me into a daze.
Later that night, I met up with friends, as planned. The concert was for an indie artist popular for his dynamic shows. I was having a great time and didn’t care about finding a man. Darren killed that idea during happy hour.
During a slow song that I didn’t care for, I took a quick trip to the bar. My phone buzzed in my pocket from text messages. Mostly from Kassandra updating me on her blind date. But there was one that I wanted to take time to read and reply instantly.
Teddy Bear Eyes: Hey, didn’t want to bother you. Just wanted to check in to see if you were having a good time.
Jenn: Hi ☺ I’m having fun. Wish you were here!
I knew the message would trigger something forbidden between us, but I lived in the moment.
Teddy Bear Eyes: Wish I was there too. I have to take my daughter to her aunt’s house in the morning. Let’s meet up for breakfast.
Jenn: It’s a date!
Teddy Bear Eyes: I’ll call you in the morning. Have a good night and be safe! Call me if you need me.
“Call me if you need me” How sweet. That message amped me up to continue having a good night.
I didn’t get home until 3AM. The concert was great but my friends thought it would be a good idea to swing by an after party. BAD IDEA. I was way too tired and didn’t want to miss breakfast with Darren. I fell asleep on the sofa dressed in my concert/party clothes.
My phone vibrating off the table woke me up later that morning when the sun was almost at its peak. It was Darren!
“Hello? Hi!” I answered in a panic.
“Hey, I’ve been trying to call you for the past two hours,” he laughed, “Did you forget?”
“No. No, I didn’t. I-I just got in late last night, well...this morning.” I stumbled off the sofa and into the bathroom. “I’ll be ready in about twenty minutes.”
“I have to help my boy move some furniture to storage. That’s why I was trying to get you earlier,” he said disappointed.
“Oh, sorry,” I murmured, annoyed with myself for oversleeping.
“It shouldn’t take long. How about I pick up something after I’m done and bring it over?” Darren suggested.
“Sure, I’ll be here,” I happily agreed.
Relieved that I had more time, I dashed into the shower. My hair reeked of smoke from the after party. Meeting Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes, looking and smelling like the previous night, wasn’t very attractive. Waiting for him to arrive, I laid in bed, imagining how sexy he looked moving furniture. I’d pay to see that in action. It was as if my man was coming over for mid-morning loving. Although it wasn’t going to be like that, it soothed me to dream.
I almost feel asleep dreaming of Darren’s hand on me, barely hearing the door. I ran to catch the door before he left. I didn’t want him to think I was standing him up for the second time.
“Hey” I opened the door, panting. “Come in.”
“Are you okay? Sounds like you were working out.” He walked in, checking me out.
“No, just rushing that’s all.” I caught my breath checking him out as well.
“You don’t have to rush for me,” Darren said smoothly with a smile. “You know I’ll always wait for you.”
I tried to contain the arousing force in between us, attempting to draw us together.
“Let’s eat. I need to soak up some of this liquor.” I skipped towards the kitchen, “What did you bring me?”
“Some bacon, eggs, and pancakes,” he unpacked breakfast on the kitchen counter. “What had you out until this morning? The concert lasted all night?”
“There was an after party at this club downtown,” I sighed, admiring the delicious platter he brought over. “It was fun, but I was quickly reminded of why I hate clubs. Just the same ole promoters, same ole celebs, same ole groupies. Not my thing anymore.”
Darren exhaled the usual geeky and sexy laugh.
I tapped him on his exposed, muscular arm. “Don’t laugh at me! Where’s your food?”
He moved closer to me. So close. It made me a little nervous.
“Honestly, I already ate. I didn’t think you were going to answer your phone this morning.”
“That’s fine. More food for me,” I said then ate the soft scrambled eggs.
He watched me eat, slowly shifting his eyes from my mouth to my eyes. “Man, I just knew you had a boyfriend. Your ex was a fool for doing you wrong. But hey what can I say, I’m marr....”
I held up my hand to stop him from finishing the sentence while I chewed.
“Please don’t say it. Doesn’t make this better.”
Darren’s face saddened with the sound of my words. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make this uncomfortable.”
“I appreciate that. I want to be close to you but I know that this... whatever this type of friendship is, can only go so far,” I explained, “I don’t want to destroy your family.”
“I get it and I don’t want to do that either,” he grabbed a slice of bacon from my plate, trying to lighten the mood by teasing me with it.
“Are you sure you’re not unhappy with your wife?” I asked, getting him to concentrate on the subject matter at hand.
Darren’s face went from teasing to confusion then guilt. “It’s not anything like that. I just find myself wanting to be in your company. Cheryl’s a good wife. A good mother. I love her. She has her ways, but I love her. And then there’s you. My mind drifts to you and I can’t stop it. Your laugh, your smile. Even the way you second guess being around me, it...it turns me on.”
The honesty left me speechless and a little mad. What was I supposed to do with a man who was attracted to me but still in love with his wife? My head lowered to my plate.
Wait, he said I turned him on! I thought. Damn Jenn, you still got it!
I was done eating and Darren watched an old movie on TV. Something inside moved me closer to him. Feeling my energy, he put his arm around my shoulder. The two of us snuggling on my sofa was magnetic. He then reached for his phone and dialed a random number.
“Hey Morgan, can you do me a favor and take Dana home? I got caught up with something... Thanks. Talk to you soon... Bye.”
After the quick request to Morgan, he turned off his phone. Resting his head on the arm of the sofa, he pulled me on top of him. I laid in on his chest inhaling the masculine sensuality of his cologne. My head moved with his chest rising and falling. Based on that phone call, he was mine for the rest of the day.
“So, I take it that you’re not leaving anytime soon?” I asked, peeking at him.
“Do you want me to leave anytime soon?” He asked with a slight chuckle.
My head moved back to rest on his chest. “You know the answer to that question Darren.”
“Jenn, I want to spend time with you, like this more often. Is that possible?”
“Yes!” I quickly answered.
That “yes” crept through my lips as soon as the question filled the air. I wanted to see him more. Outside of work, lunches, and random outings. I wanted him in my space, lying next to him. That was all I needed from him at the time. A space where we could be in our own little world, with no worries of how our growing friendship would cause havoc in his home.
Darren stayed until the early sunset. Over the next few weeks, Tuesday, and Thursday nights belonged to us, in my living room. He came over, we snuggled, talked, and watched TV. He would even help me study, rewarding me with food and cuddle time.
I didn’t allow him in my bedroom. That would have been too much of a risk. Although I craved intimacy from him, we both knew that would have been too far. That was around the time I started to think less of the sin I committed and more of how satisfying it felt. I deserved it.