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Heading to San Juan, Puerto Rico; and Darren blew me away with how he planned everything. The guilt of what Cheryl was going through casually faded, but a small piece remained. However, I needed that vacation with her husband. A beautiful place with the man I admired since the day I saw him. What could be better?
He showed up at my door, dressed casually in a black fitted t-shirt and jeans. He looked so sexy with a pair of designer shades covering those dark brown eyes. I wanted to see them, but the shades with the outfit turned me on so much. Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes was officially out of business/husband/father mode.
“Are you ready?” he asked in an excited mood, slightly jiggling keys.
The smell of him almost sent me into a fantasy. Then I realized, there was no longer a reason to dream of him. Darren was right there, in front of me. Ready to take me on a romantic trip including sweet surprises.
“Yes babe, I’m ready! Come in.”
Before getting my bags, he grabbed me, planting lips on mine. They blended effortlessly, moving in sync like a rehearsed dance. How could he belong to another woman when our kisses were a fusion of lust, passion, sensuality, and peace?
I lifted his shades to see the dark eyes. He squinted them slowly before kissing me again. I was a little nervous about our lips touching on the regular. They were becoming too natural. If it were easy for us to fall into kissing, it would only be a matter of time before our bodies did the same.
Riding the elevator, we kept it cool. The tension in the air spoke words like touch me, kiss me all over the tiny space.
“When was your last vacation?” I asked.
“Eh,” he stopped to think, looking for his phone, “Maybe a year ago. Took the family to the Bahamas.”
Darren’s search stopped when the door opened on a random floor. He moved himself and our bags closer to make room. As soon as the ride began again, there was another stop. It could have been karma or God telling us to cancel the whole thing.
“Family vacations are much different from a vacation with a friend,” I added.
“Very true. I need this time away...with you.” He looked over and smiled.
“I need it too,” I winked, then quickly looked away.
Darren arranged a car service to take us to the airport. Champagne, upscale snacks, and soft seats, kept us busy while making our way to Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport.
I was his woman. Or at least, I felt like it. His phone didn’t ring. Cheryl didn’t call at all. Guess she bought the excuse he gave her. I wouldn’t have. Either he married a naïve woman or a woman who had a plane ticket ready to meet us there. A dangerous game we played by leaving together on an exotic trip, but neither one of us could resist.
The flight there was nothing short of amazing. We sat in first class and sipped cocktails. Darren gave me the window seat so I could see the beautiful ocean from a bird’s-eye view. The geeky laughter and cool stories from his younger years, made time go by quickly. As we landed, I was too ready to get off that plane to see what my “man” had in store.
“We’re going shopping first. The driver will take our things to the hotel for us.” Darren informed, collecting our things from the baggage claim. “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know,” I replied before planting a big kiss on his lips. “A place where I can find cute bikinis.”
“I won’t complain about that,” he said with a big grin. “Let’s go, baby!”
Baby...Darren called me Baby. That word lingered in my mind.
At the store, unapologetic PDA ensued looking through the intimate apparel and swimwear together. I thought he was going to take a seat in the corner while I browsed. Darren was different, he enjoyed watching me shop and telling me what he liked. Not in a controlling way. I wanted to look good for him, so I was glad that he gave his opinion.
Along with swimsuits, I picked a few lingerie pieces for the weekend. He called me baby one time and I was already looking for lingerie to wear for the man. Damn shame.
Darren took a break from his “fashion consulting” to look at sunglasses. I held up a burgundy lace teddy and imagined modeling for him. I’d never worn nor bought stuff like that before. There was never a need to, in my past relationships.
“Are you going to wear that for me?” he grabbed me from behind, kissing on my neck.
“I’ll be wearing this for ME,” I teased, turning my head to peck him on the cheek.
“Oh yes, the demands. Well you know that’ll be kind of hard being that we’re staying in the same room,” he laughed, releasing me from his grasp.
“Huh?” I whipped my body around to face him.
I didn’t consider the temptation that would come with us sharing a room. After all that time Darren still hadn’t been in my bedroom, unless he was fixing something. I couldn’t imagine getting through an entire weekend laying next to him.
“What?” He let out a geeky chuckle. “You thought I would have us in two separate rooms?”
“I can abstain,” I tried to stay cool. “Can you?”
“I guess we’ll find out,” he sighed, checking the time. “You got everything you need?”
“Yep,” I replied, leading the way to the register.
I set the items on the counter and shuffled through my purse to find my wallet. He pulled out the black card and placed it into the cashier’s hand. I looked up in surprise as I wasn’t expecting him to pay for EVERYTHING on the trip.
“You don’t have to do that,” I whined.
“Shh. Yes, I do,” he replied, with his index finger up to my mouth.
We then headed to the next store where he could find a pair of swim shoes. The more we shopped, I started to feel sad for Cheryl. There I was, with her husband spending money that should’ve been for their family. I was being too selfish. But I deserved someone who wanted to spend time with me, and money on me.
After shopping, we settled into the hotel suite. The place was nothing like I’d ever seen. Spacious rooms, so many amenities, and topped off with an amazing view of the beautiful water.
To my surprise, there were two bedrooms. It bummed me a little because I was looking forward to cuddling with Darren at night. I was prepared to resist the temptation of breaking the big rule.
“You said we were sharing a room,” I softly hit him on the shoulder.
“Oh, did I say that? Hmmm,” Darren laughed. “I have a surprise for you later. So get ready.”
“What am I getting ready for Mr. McCray?”
“A surprise,” he said in a smart-ass tone. “Isn’t that what I just told you?”
I tossed my shopping bags on the lounge chair. “Look here Darren, I need to know what to wear.”
He went into my bag and held up my new swimsuit. “Bring this, aaaaaannnd that’s about it.”
“Alright, sir. I’m going to hop into the shower, I smell like an airplane.”
“How does one smell like an airplane?” he laughed. “You’re so cute.”
We kissed, again, before I headed to the shower. Darren’s lips were pillows of gold, and his masculine hands were all over my back. I HAD to pull away because if I didn’t, he’d end up in the shower with me. I didn’t know how I was going to survive the trip without giving in. But I was determined not to. For his wife’s sake. Crazy thought process, right? Although I allowed myself to be with him and kiss him, I looked out for Mrs. McCray by not sleeping with her husband at that moment.
“Take your shower baby. I have to make a few phone calls.” He grabbed his cell and walked out on the balcony.
I watched him look at the scenery as he talked on the phone. I wondered if he needed to check in with his wife.
“He better be telling a good lie,” I mumbled. “Can’t ruin this trip for the both of us.”
After my shower, I came out to find Darren STILL on the balcony talking on the phone. His body language confirmed that he was having a heated discussion. It seemed as if the excuse for being in Puerto Rico wasn’t going over too well with the wife. I watched him until a weird feeling hit my stomach. I couldn’t allow the argument to disrupt my vacation. I wanted to be there, with him, and the wife just had to deal with it. She could have said “no”, but she accepted his excuse.
I made my way to the minibar to assess the liquor inventory. A drink was the only cure to ease the eerie feeling. If he wanted to argue with his wife, that was on him. I was determined to have a good time.
“Hey, are you drinking without me?” Darren joined me at the minibar. “You weren’t going to wait for me, baby?
I didn’t want to look at him. All I wanted at that time was a drink to forget about the scene on the balcony.
“I was but... you were still on the phone with someone,” I snubbed. “Seemed important.”
While mixing the drink, I realized the bizarre stomach ache was jealousy. Instead of waiting for me as I emerged from the shower, Darren decided to argue with his wife.
“What’s wrong baby?” he turned my face towards his, then looked away. “Look, that phone call... Don’t worry about it. Come on now, cheer up.”
“I’m fine,” I pulled away. “Just waiting for you.”
My pouting must have made him feel guilty. Good. I wanted it to. He chose this “thing” between us, and it was up to him to make BOTH women in his life feel special.
“Don’t act like this is a mistake,” he said with a worried look on his face.
“I’m not,” I took a sip and walked a few steps away from him, “You were busy on the phone.”
I heard Darren exhale sharply behind me.
I looked over my shoulder and continued snubbing. “Talking with the wife?”
“Come here, baby.” He hurried behind and pulled me close. “This isn’t the conventional, ethical, practical thing but, I can’t fight how I feel for you. EVERYTHING I tell you is real. EVERYTHING I do for you....I do it because I want to see you happy. You’ve told me what you’ve been through. I just want to do my part in making things better. Can you let me do that? I don’t want to hurt you baby, and I can’t see myself letting you go.”
Darren cuddled me from behind, waiting for a reply.
“So, what next? We have this trip, then you go back to your family and I only get you a few nights a week. It’s fine now, but...one day, it’s not going to be enough. I want you, Darren. The reality is, we’re hurting someone to have what we want. And the crazy thing is, I’m starting to be okay with it.” I confessed.
“Let me deal with what’s going on at home,” he kissed my shoulder. “You don’t need to burden yourself with that. I created this. You aren’t doing anything wrong.”
“You’re wrong, Darren,” I turned around, bothered by his words. “I HAVE to take on the burden. What if you wake up one day and...”
“Stop,” he placed his hand over my lips, “Don’t say it.”
I moved his hand to continue. Ocean-wave wrinkles formed on his forehead. I had a feeling he thought our conversation would lead to the end of us, right there in Puerto Rico. But, I was NOT getting on a plane to go back home. Darren just needed to understand my feelings in the matter.
“I can say ‘no more’, and walk away. However, I’m not hurting myself in the name of ‘doing the right thing’. You have to think ahead, and know what you’re going to do,” I demanded.
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I want all of you, baby. And I want you to have all of me.”
My face went from sad to confused. My mind raced drastically. What does that mean? Is he thinking of leaving his wife and daughter for me? For me!?!? A flighty coworker who was in the process of getting her life together?
In the midst of deep thought, our lips found each other again. That kiss was just what I needed to drop the sour attitude and resume enjoying the trip.
“I’m taking a shower, baby. Can you have me a drink ready when I get out?” He rubbed my face.
“Sure babe. And hurry up I’m ready for that surprise,” I smiled.
“I will. I know you’ll love it. See you in a minute, baby.”
I blew him a kiss, then went to make his drink. I left the drink in his room, then ventured out on the balcony to get a better view of the water. I’d never been to Puerto Rico nor traveled with a man before. It was all so foreign to me. Confusing, exciting, and new.
As the vodka started to set in, I became more “in the moment”. Thoughts of what Cheryl could have been going through faded, while the anticipation of Darren’s surprise took its place.
Then it dawned on me. Neither my friends nor my sister knew I was out of town. We were a secret. I couldn’t brag to anyone about him. Samantha was too judgmental and opinionated. While Kassandra was a horrid reminder of how temporary my “relationship” was. Marie lost her husband to cheating, no understanding there. I had no one to talk to about it, except Darren. And HE was the center of the issue at times.
I left the balcony and went to the minibar for another drink. Darren emerged from the shower in a towel. Water dripped from his face onto his chest, down to his pelvis, covered by the white Egyptian cotton. I tried to be subtle while peeking at him walking around his room with the scotch in his hand. He finally caught me glancing, and leaned on the bedpost with a sneaky smile.
“Hurry up!” I yelled out to him.
“This could go a lot faster if you came in here to help me get dressed,” he teased.
“I think you can manage by yourself.” I rolled my eyes, then walked to my room.
Darren’s big surprise was a sunset sail on a yacht. It was the two of us, the captain, and a crew of three. As I stepped on, the luxury took my breath away. It was like a moving apartment below. Modern furniture, classy décor, and beautiful artwork. Like the kind we saw at the art show he invited me to. I wondered if he picked it out just for me to admire. Knowing him, he did.
No expense was spared on this major treat. Back on the deck, delicious food was waiting for us. Which was great because I was starving after the plane ride, shopping trip, and minor drama back at the hotel suite.
The new bikini was very revealing, so I decided to wear a sheer cover-up so Darren wouldn’t be enticed. However, the way things were going between us, I could wear a sweat suit and turn that man on.
After we ate light snacks and appetizers, I leaned on the rail watching the waves move about, while Darren spoke with the captain. Although I tried to keep my assets covered, the wind had other plans. The sheer material danced in the air, exposing everything that didn’t fit in the swimsuit.
“I take it that you’re enjoying this surprise?” a familiar sexy voice said from behind.
I turned my head, getting a side-eyed view of him. “I am. Thank you.”
He moved closer, pulling my hair to the side, and kissed me while my eyes went back to the waves. The kisses left electric tingles. His hands moved to my waist massaging my side. I turned to him, wrapping my arms around his neck.
“This is so amazing, babe,” I said through a huge smile. “Being here with you. I love it!”
“Yes, it is amazing. Jenn, I have feelings for you. Feelings that I want to explore.” Darren said candidly.
“I have feelings for you too,” I disclosed.
Those words freely flowed between us. No thinking or hesitation, just immediate reciprocation uncovering truths.
On the yacht ride, we fell deeper for each other. My common sense must have stayed back in Atlanta because I didn’t have a moral notion stopping me. I made rules, and his surprise erased each code of conduct one by one.
After the revelation, we kissed, and I held him as close as I could. Our tongues guided one another, our lips ventured to each other’s necks, and our hands rubbed every inch of skin. I untied my cover-up and took it off, fully exposing my bikini to him. Darren stopped, admiring my body. His dimples embedded in the charming smile, and those amazing eyes undressed me. I desired his hands to do the same.
“Isn’t there a room somewhere below?” I pointed around the deck.
“Yea, why?”
“I want to lay with you.”
The teddy bear eyes widened. “You sure? The sun is about the set, Jenn. We’re going to miss it if we’re downstairs.”
I swiftly looked away to think for a split second. I wanted to watch the sunset, but that could be saved for the next day.
“I don’t care.”
Darren reluctantly stepped back. The struggle between right and wrong played out all over his face. “Wait. Don’t rush into this.”
“I’m not rushing, Darren,” I begged, taking a step closer.
“I don’t want you to regret it,” he backed away.
“I know what I want,” I stepped closer.
“I know you do. However, I want to give you what you need.” He stroked my face. “Let’s enjoy the sunset. Dinner will be out coming out soon, and I don’t want to ruin this for you by jumping into bed. My feelings are real, and so is my life back at home. I need to figure things out first.”
I nodded, lowering my head away.
We walked to the other side of the yacht to have dinner. The sun didn’t go down without putting on a beautiful show, just for us. The sky reflected colors of purple, orange, and blue. Slowly dancing in formations of creative works. All arranged in a fitting masterpiece for a romantic evening. Although it was a beautiful sight, I couldn’t help but regret that we didn’t lay together as I suggested.
“Darren, what is it about me?” I asked while we waited for dessert.
He wiped his mouth with the cloth napkin, then sat it in his lap.
“You’re reserved, mystic, bold, and confident. I love your passion for art, how you can look at a canvas with random colors and see your soul in it,” he smiled just thinking about it, then continued. “I love your smile, and that nervous laugh you did when we first met. I even love that forehead I tend to kiss all the time.”
“Love. It seems you love a lot of things about me,” I replied with my eyes on the table.
“I do.”
I lifted my head to find his sexy eyes on me. I couldn’t contain my excitement.
“What is it about me?” he asked, then chuckled.
“You’re very different. But, in a good way. I’ve never met a guy that was both down to earth and well put together at the same time. Hard-working, driven, easy-going, and I love that geeky laugh you do.”
“I DO NOT have a geeky laugh!” he replied, before letting out a geeky laugh, proving himself wrong.
“See. There it is!” I teased. “It’s sexy. Darren, everything is so natural and effortless with you. I can just be myself, and you’re okay with it. That’s rare to find, you know?”
“Damn, didn’t know that,” he said, then tucked his bottom lip.
“Guys I’ve dated in the past made me feel like I had to be who they wanted me to be; just to be considered for their heart. You make me feel like I’m enough.” I asserted,
“Because you are, Jenn.” His eyes dug deeper into me. “You are enough for me.”
I blushed, moving my hair behind my ear. “You’re enough for me, Darren.”
“Why thank you!” He sat back in the chair, folding his arms.
“If only...” I paused to bring us back to reality.
“If only what?”
“If only this could be...something real,” I replied in a lowered tone.
Darren sat up straight, then leaned towards me. “This is real.”
“How? Yes, we keep talking about this, but feelings are involved now. How am I supposed to be happy in this situation when we don’t even know what it is?”
A crew member came out with a huge tray filled with an assortment of desserts. He then refilled our wine and went back to the kitchen.
“Angel, your secret admirer...” I started, then glued my eyes to the delectable sweets.
He leaned back again, “Oh no, Jenn. I’m not trying to entertain her, I...”
“Just hear me out.” I continued. “She was asking a lot of questions the other day. And it had me thinking about whether or not I was single. Am I? Do I go out and date while you’re at home, being a husband? I don’t want to, but...what am I supposed to do in the meantime? Wait for you? You’re not leaving your wife. At least not for me.”
Darren’s expression turned serious. I was laying a heavy burden on him, and all he wanted to do was enjoy a sunset with me.
“Would you wait for me?” he asked, returning the heavy load.
I was floored. He had the nerve to ask that? It was insulting to hear at first.
“What do I look like to you?” I shrieked. “Why would you ask me that, Darren?”
I rested my arms on the table, to ensure I heard clearly.
Keeping his cool, Darren cleared his throat before continuing. “If it were an option to wait for me, would you do it?”
“You need to elaborate,” I demanded. “Fast!”
“Jenn, you said it yourself. One day, all of this won’t be enough for you. If I were to be in a position to give you more, would you wait for it to happen?”
He was serious as if he’d been thinking about that very thing. When I laid out all of my demands and put the pressure on him to figure things out, I didn’t actually expect him to consider leaving his wife so soon. I just needed to show him that I was to be treated with respect and not a side-piece.
I shook my head. “I don’t know, Darren. What you’re telling me doesn’t make sense. Just spit it out. Do you have a plan of action now?”
“This was supposed to be a friendship. And that was it. However, feelings arrived and are steadily growing. I’m not letting you go and you’re not letting up so, we have to start thinking about options for us.” He explained, locking his gaze on my somber face.
I then crinkled with confusion. I was a little annoyed with him, but mostly at myself for moving so fast without a plan of action of my own.
“So, me waiting for you is option number one?”
He shrugged. “It’s a thought. I need to know if I shake things up at home, you’ll still be by my side.”
Of course, I wanted to be by his side, but I wasn’t sure if Darren was serious, getting caught up in the moment, or just blowing smoke up my ass so I would shut up and get back to appreciating his surprise.
“Let’s get through this trip first.” I shook my head, tossing my napkin on the table. “I can’t answer that right now.”
Darren was disappointed, but I couldn’t lie to him.
“Fair enough.” He nodded, returning his back to the chair. “I understand.”
Puerto Rico had become a roller coaster of emotions. I was beyond happy with the confessions of feelings but baffled with the thought of Darren insinuating that I consider waiting while he figured out how to leave his wife.
The yacht sailed us back as things were a bit shaky between us, but we made the best of the “ride” home. I was tired and ready for bed, along with time alone to think.
“I’m going to bed, Darren. Thanks for everything today. I had a great time!” I said as we entered the suite.
“I’m glad you did,” he said, giving a half-smile. “Goodnight, Jenn.”
He kissed me on the forehead, then headed to the minibar.
“You staying up?” I asked, watching his every move.
“For a little while,” he mumbled, fumbling through bottles.
“Okay.”
I knew what he was about to do. Check-in with the wife. He had to.
I hit the shower for some hot water therapy. Part of me wanted Darren to hear the steamy drops falling from my body to the floor of the tub and be enticed to join me. All I had were fantasy thoughts of his hands moving smoothly up and down my body. Exchanging wet kisses as the four play intensifies into kinky love making. As I fantasized, I waited for him. And waited until I felt stupid for wishing for a moment that wouldn’t come.
I slipped into a sexy nighty, then into bed. Sleep didn’t come as soon as I wanted. After tossing and turning, I stepped into the common area to see if Darren was still there. He wasn’t. I overheard him talking on the phone in his room. The door was cracked, and I was able to glance at him laying across the bed in the dark room, lit up by the TV. I moved closer to hear while staying out of sight.
“Yea, it’s cool. Really nice out here,” he said scratching his leg. “I think she’d like it. Maybe when she’s a little older to do more activities or something.”
Darren laid in bed, half-naked. I discreetly moved around to catch another angle of his body in boxer briefs. It was like watching a Playgirl magazine spread.
“How’s my baby girl doing today? Good... Is she starting that dance class soon?... Why didn’t you tell me?... I would have paid for it... Let baby girl dance if she wants to. It’s not a big deal Cheryl,” he said in a firm tone.
Just when I thought another argument was about to take place, he laughed. Hard. So, I’m standing there, spying, and he was in bed, laughing on the phone with his wife. The jealous pain came back to my stomach. I couldn’t take anymore. I left Darren to his conversation and shuffled back to my room. Soon after, I heard footsteps near my door.
“You spying on me?” he joked with his geeky laugh.
A sexy and tall stature stood in the doorway. Bare chest and briefs fitted with a generous bulge in between his thighs. I removed the covers showing off my body in the nighty.
“Lay down babe.” I requested, patting the empty space beside me.
I wasn’t 100% ready to have him close to me, but the jealousy said it was time to turn up the heat. Had to show him why I mattered too.
Darren looked at me as if I said he won a million dollars as he climbed into bed. I snuggled into his arms and the smell of his deodorant was enticing. Minutes went by without either one of us uttering a word.
“I think I’m starting to get jealous.” I sighed.
“Huh?” He arose, adjusting his hands around me. “Jealous of what?”
“Your wife,” I replied. “You have feelings for me and...”
“Jenn, I wouldn’t be here with you if I didn’t want to. It’s a confusing situation but, just know what I feel for you is totally separate from what I feel for her. I’m risking a lot bringing you here.”
I pouted while he stared into me. Those dark eyes went straight to my soul, searching for the reason why I laid next to him, thinking of his wife. Yet, he didn’t understand my position. It was hard to slip into the role of the other woman and not have apprehensions about the future.
“When was the last time you slept with Cheryl?” I asked in a low and hesitant voice.
Darren dropped his head, then quickly lifted it to reveal his truth. “About a week ago.”
I appreciated the honesty, however, rage came over me.
“You’re spending time with me, kissing me, then going home and making love to her?” I sat up in bed. “How do you expect me to feel about that Darren?”
“I knew this would happen.” He muffled, sitting up and removing his arms from me. “Can we just enjoy the trip? I know I started all of this, but I can’t have a good time talking about my wife. You said I’m not supposed to bring her up, and I’ve honored that. Now, that’s all you do.”
“Because I don’t know how this will end!” I cried out.
Tears streamed, while Darren’s palms slapped forehead. He listened to my whimpering for a while, then lifted his head.
“Do you even know what you want, Jenn?” His voice quivered. “Do you want me to leave my wife for you?”
I couldn’t answer the questions. Although I was being selfish with him, I wasn’t sure if I could handle the guilt of breaking up his family. His face grew angrier with me the longer I sat with no response.
“Just what I thought,” he said, getting out of bed. “Goodnight, Jenn.”
As Darren left the room, I sat in bed softly crying. I didn’t know what I wanted FROM him, I just wanted him. I was so caught up in “fantasyland” that when reality hit, the details of our budding romance weren’t sorted out. On the other hand, how could it be? We were falling deep and fast into a love affair with blurred lines.
The next morning, I woke up to flowers in my bed. I didn’t know when Darren had the opportunity to sneak them into my room while I slept, but I felt special waking up to the smell of orchids. A sweet surprise after a night of sobbing. Next to the arrangement was a hand-written note on a small card:
Jenn,
I’m so sorry about last night. I know things are complicated between us. Again...the feelings I have for you are real, and I don’t want you to think I’m using you. You’re an amazing woman Jennifer Steele. Remember that. We have to be patient with each other as we figure this out.
Love,
Darren
I jumped out of bed to brush my teeth. Staring at my puffy eyes and tear stains made me feel completely hideous. I washed my face to splash newness of the morning, rinsing away the awkwardness of our first major fight.
I joined Darren in the common area where he sat at the dining table eating breakfast and watching TV. His shirt was off, with a pair of pajama bottoms. The thought of walking up behind to massage his back ran across my mind. Instead, I decided to sit and eat. Although the gift and the note was his white flag, I wasn’t too sure if he wanted me close at that moment.
“Hey, sleepyhead,” he greeted, flashing dimples.
“Thanks for the flowers,” I replied easing into the chair across from his. “And the note.”
He nodded and grinned while chewing, then shrugged. “It’s the least I could do. Eat up. I have a busy day planned for us.”
“Which includes?” I asked, uncovering the plate of food in front of me.
“The beach and some random adventurous stuff,” he winked.
“Oh my God. You’re not going to have us jet skiing, are you? I’m scared of those things.”
“Guess I’ll have to call and cancel,” Darren teased.
I looked up at his dimpled face beaming at me and laughed. “Shut up.”
“Seriously, we’re getting wet today.” He added, leaving the table to get a cup of coffee.
The breakfast spread was predictably upscale. At that point, I didn’t expect anything less from Darren C. McCray. The effort and money spent on the weekend, made me regret pressing him the night before. All he wanted to do was make me happy, showing me a good time. The least I could do was put my reservations aside and relish in the weekend.
My intuition never told me to leave him alone. Only morals and a sense of decency due to the marriage status. I knew he was into me. The words he spoke came off as sincere. The only drawback I had was his family. Not my intuition telling me to run for the hills because he lied. Darren was genuine and just as confused as me. Which made sense because things moved very fast.
Coming to that realization contrived the notion to ease up on the constant questioning. Especially when I couldn’t be truthful with him. All I had was silence serving as answers to his questions. He indeed needed to figure things out and I needed to as well. I wasn’t being honest with myself. I wanted to be with him. Deep in my gut, I desired him to consider leaving his wife for me. Even if there would be a substantial amount of pain as a result.
A few hours later, we met with a professional diver to go snorkeling. Another first for me. Darren was very experienced and I was elated he showed me a piece of his adventurous side. I swam in serene water next to tropical fish and sea turtles. We connected hands as he helped me navigate through the ocean. In between diving, we shared intimate kisses which made the diving instructor a little awkward. We didn’t care, it was OUR time. Due to the limited chances we had to be alone back in Atlanta, Darren and I had to maximize our vacation. It was a fanciful sight between two premature lovers who had no business being together. Snorkeling was the perfect remedy for getting the trip back on track.
The next event was lunch on the beach. Mr. McCray arranged a tropical setup with more flowers waiting for me at the table. A spacious dining setup for two sat in between beautiful rock formations and the ocean. We dined within a secluded motif with a makeshift staff area only a few feet away. The satin light brown table cloth complimented my floral arrangement along with ornamental plates and pewter decorative wine glasses.
“I see you’re spoiling me today,” I said, taking in the view of the empty ocean.
“That’s my job,” he replied confidently.
While getting captivated by the water swaying with the wind, Darren snuck a small gift in front of me. The sound of him tapping the box got my attention. I looked down in awe.
What the hell is this?!? I thought, gasping.
“Open it, Jenn.” He urged, as I continued to stare in shock.
I pointed to the box, afraid of what was inside. “What is it, Darren?”
“You have to open it.” He urged again with a wicked grin.
I took a deep sigh, then proceeded to uncover the dark blue box holding yet another surprise from Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes. Under the gift disclosed a beautiful necklace with a diamond pendant. My first diamond ever. I choked on my words gaping at its beauty, and his thoughtfulness.
“Wha-what’s this for?” I grinned holding it up to my face, taking a closer look.
“Just for being you,” he hissed sensually. “And to show that you’re important to me.”
I looked up to find the corners of his mouth turned up in a big simper. The smile didn’t stay long. Before continuing, a sexy and serious expression painted his face.
“Let me take care of you, Jenn. It’s the least I can do since I’ve put you in this situation. Allow me to continue to show that you’re special to me.”
My smile faded as well. “Take care of me how?”
“I want your heart. Be patient with me, and I’ll give you everything. I promise.” Darren pleaded.
His promise meant the world to me. It felt real. However, the thoughts I’d sworn off earlier that morning resurfaced.
How can he make this promise to me with a whole family at home? I asked myself.
I noticed that I mouthed the words because Darren took heed grabbing my hand to hold it tightly. His touch was sincerity at its best. It shook those apprehensive rants going on in my mind.
“As long as you show me that this is real, Darren, I’ll give you all the patience in the world.” I teared up meeting his dark, dreamy eyes. “Just don’t hurt me.”
He got out of his seat and kneeled next to me. “I won’t hurt you, Jenn. I’m working things out on my end. Everything is going to be fine between us.”
I nodded, then kissed his soft lips. I had to trust Darren. What else was I going to do? Leave? Hell no! That promise was all I had to hold on to. I was in too deep and I was entitled to the feelings and tangible joys he delivered. Before coming to Puerto Rico, we were just “special” friends. I had no idea how much we felt for each other until given the opportunity to be alone.
“When did you decide you wanted this with me?” I asked, cupping the necklace in my hand.
He arose and walked back to his chair. “Jenn, something clicked when I first saw you. It was as if I instantly knew I had to have you. That night, I dreamt of you. I didn’t even know what your voice sounded like. But even in silence, you spoke to me. It’s hard to explain, but I just knew. I thought the feeling would go away. There you were, every day, taking bullshit from Michael, dealing with work, and looking as if you had to take on the world. I felt like you deserved love and I wanted to be the one to give it to you.”
“Wow,” I whispered, taken aback. “So you wanted to save me?”
“NO!” Darren answered abruptly. “You’re very independent. But you don’t have to be. Not with me. Jenn, you see the world differently. I’ve always wanted that in a woman. I just... met and married Cheryl first.”
I’d never met a man who wanted me at first sight. Well, I did. In turn, all they wanted was sex. Darren saw me and wanted ME!
The last event for the day was me watching him parasail. I refused to do anything up in the air that involved water beneath my feet. My task was to capture his memory via video and pictures for his keepsake. Darren was a brand-new man that day. In a good way. I was so used to seeing him uptight and wound up about work. It was refreshing to see him living care-free.
We headed back to the hotel to get dressed for dinner. I couldn’t wait to see what he had planned for us.
“Make sure you wear comfortable shoes; we’re going dancing later.” Darren peeked his head into my bathroom as I fumbled through jewelry.
“You? Dance?” I laughed. “Oh, I gotta see this.”
“I got moves, baby,” he replied, doing an old man shuffle behind me.
“You’ll need a few lessons.” I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry old man, I got you.”
“Old man?!” He tickled my waist.
“Stop.” I laughed hysterically, trying to wiggle away from his fingers digging into my sides. “I have to finish getting ready.”
“Make sure you wear that necklace.” Darren requested, then kissed my neck. “I think it’ll look sexy with that dress.”
“You know I will.”
Darren reserved a private booth in the back of a romantic dimly lit restaurant that served every exotic fresh meat from the ocean. I was beyond impressed, tasting the finest seafood San Juan had to offer. I made sure I wore a slinky dress that showed off the new diamond necklace. Looking good for him was essential for our last night in paradise.
“You look so beautiful tonight, baby,” he cooed, caressing my hand.
As he grabbed my hand, I looked down and saw it. The ring. The wedding ring that solidified our reality. I wanted to say something, needed to point it out, but we were having such a good time. And I was tired of talking about his marriage. There was nothing I could do. I chose to be with a married man, and chose to dive into the deep feelings. In choosing that path, the ring came along with it. Whether I liked it, or not.
Then, I recalled the awkward stares the diving instructor gave earlier. He’d noticed the ring on Darren’s finger and no ring on mine.
Damnit! I thought, inching back further into the booth.
I felt my face turning sour, knowing that I screwed up once again. I looked like a fool the entire time without realizing it. How could we have been so careless?
“You okay?” He gripped my hand tighter.
“Yea, I’m fine,” I replied, forcing a smile. “When are we dancing?”
“We can go now!” he replied, with his geeky laugh. “Let’s go!”
A change of location and a few tequila shots later, Darren and I were on the dance floor in a small club with live entertainment. He proved me right in showing he could dance. Our moves were concurrent and procreative. As my backside grinded into him, his pelvis was there to meet me guiding us in another direction. His hands moved with the beat rubbing my thighs, up to my stomach, copping a feel on my breasts, and then my neck in a soft choke.
I turned around to feel his chest close to mine. We became one in the club that night. Our connected bodies grooving and swaying led to a passionate kiss that lasted until the song ended. Darren almost exposed my ass to the crowd with his hands rubbing vigorously on the back of my dress. I didn’t mind. Those hands soothed my body, putting the previous worries of a ring to the back of my mind. That ring may have connected him to Cheryl, but our bond was much greater.
“You are one amazing woman, Ms. Steele.” He whispered as we waited for the band’s next selection.
A tongue kiss on his neck was my response to his declaration. I tasted his cologne which savored in my mouth as I breathed.
“Oooh. Stop that.” Darren pulled away gently.
“You sure you want me to stop?” I asked, batting my eyes slowly.
He did his geeky laugh, then pulled me to the bar. “We need a break and another round.”
I wasn’t in the mood for a drink. My mind was set on orally pleasing his neck on the dancefloor. The goal was to get him hot for me, physically. I knew I was leading up to breaking the rules, but those emotions flowed. And it wasn’t all liquor and lust. Being true to myself meant acting out on everything I wanted with Darren, while I had the chance.
The club closing didn’t stop the party for us. At the hotel, we danced in the living room and kept the drinks flowing. It was our last night in beautiful San Juan, I wanted to make it last as long as possible.
“Whew! I need another drink,” he wiped sweat from his forehead, “I’ll be right back.”
“Babe, will you bring me a glass of champagne?” I asked, walking away.
“Yep.” He shouted back, in a deep, semi-drunk voice. “Hey! You better not be going too far, Ms. Steele. Don’t get tired on me now.”
Swaying my new necklace back and forth with my fingers, I wandered into his bathroom where there was a big Jacuzzi tub. Feeling spontaneous, I started to run water. I had to have gotten lost in watching the faucet because the next thing I remember was smelling Darren’s scent approaching me. He turned me around and gently raised my chin to kiss him. Before the tub spilled over, he pulled away to turn it off.
I slipped out of my dress, allowing it to slink to the floor. Darren froze at the sight of my exposed breasts and lace thong panties. I kept my eyes on him as I slid them down to my feet. I dipped my toes in to test the temperature, then sunk my entire body into the steamy water. He stood before me without speaking a word. I heard his breathing grow heavy, watching his chest rise and fall with each dirty thought.
He bit his bottom lip, squinted those eyes that constantly put me in a blissful trance, then retrieved our full champagne glasses waiting on the bathroom counter.
“Wait...” I held up my finger. “New rule, you have to get in here with me, naked, before you can drink.”
“New rule huh? Whatever you want, Ms. Steele.” He shrugged.
It had to be the liquor or the raging feelings from the dance floor that changed his mind. When I suggested being alone on the yacht, he stopped me. Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes sung a different tune in that bathroom. He was all in with going further than we’d gone before.
He handed me the glass, then proceeded to undress. I wanted him to go slower so that I could mentally record each article of clothing coming off. Just as a trinket to inwardly replay anytime I wanted. In his birthday suit, Darren brought his sexy body along with the champagne to sit across from me in the tub.
“What shall we toast to, Mr. McCray?” I asked fixating my eyes on his penis burgeoning under the water.
“A toast to us, and how special you are to me,” he replied.
The sound of our clinking glasses solidified us moving into a bigger step in the “friendship”. I like to think I was promoted to girlfriend status. Ha! It sounds foolish to say it aloud.
Although I loved how he admired every facial expression I made. I maneuvered to sit on his lap so I could feel him. For a long time, I wondered what that bulge felt like against my skin. The temperature raised in that bathroom. He poured champagne on the side of my neck, then slowly sucked it off. Each tongue movement struck a nerve that streamed down between my legs. My moans amped him to do more. And with zero hesitation, Darren slid himself inside of me. I gasped, feeling him, rock-hard, easing into my tunnel. He let out a deep breath and massaged my shoulders.
The massage turned into his hands on my waist moving me back and forth with the thrusts of his pelvis. I dropped my champagne glass into the water and held on to the sides of the tub. Loud moans, his name being shouted repeatedly, and water sloshing alongside our bodies filled the room. It was quick, yet satisfying. I felt it when he was about to cum, he hugged me from behind tightly, as if he were bracing for an explosion. In which, it was.... inside of me! His head collapsed on the back of mine, as the beads of sweat from his forehead mingled with my wild hair in a ponytail.
“Ohhh, Ms. Steele.” He groaned and panted. “I think I’m officially addicted to you. Don’t ever leave me.”
“I’m not going anywhere babe,” I replied, rubbing his forearm. “Baby we gotta get out of here before we turn into prunes.”
“Haha! I don’t want to move.” He whined. “I want to hold you like this forever.”
“It’s possible.” I smiled and kissed his fingers.
The “naked party” moved to the bedroom. I straddled him and traced the details of his muscles with my fingertips. Strong hands covered my lower back and squeezed me. His left hand moved to rest on his forehead. I was about to lean down to kiss him, then, I stopped.
“What’s wrong?” he asked with a look of sexy concern.
I pointed to the shiny object on his finger. “You have your ring on.”
Darren sighed with a smile. I knew it aggravated him, still I was tired of that flashy reminder. Plus, I’d just given up the goods so he HAD to do something for me. He slid it off and placed it on the nightstand. That empowered me to continue. The ring was off. Although he was still married, I wouldn’t have to catch random glimpses on his finger while we made love.
His hands resumed to my body, caressing my breasts; moaning while I rubbed his chest. He arose placing his lips on my nipples. As he sucked each one, electric chills shot throughout my body, causing me to clench onto his back muscles. I tried to rush into the act as he had done before, though, he wouldn’t let me.
Darren paused to look me in the eyes. “Baby, I want to take my time with you.”
I couldn’t help but allow it to happen his way. I’d been imagining moments like that since the day I saw those dimples.
Returning to my breasts, his tongue made a trail up to my neck. Then ended with soft kisses on my lips. I held the back of his head as we kissed, maneuvering my fingers throughout his low haircut.
“Lay on your back baby.” He instructed in a low, raspier voice.
I gave him a sexy smirk, then laid down next to him. Darren’s tongue took an adventure making pit stops around my belly button, before hitting between my legs. My body contracted like a hand squeezing a sponge when his tongue vibrated on a highly sensitive area. After I couldn’t take anymore, he switched to French kissing, making the soaked section even wetter. I endured the pleasurable four-play as long as I could. Pulling him up to me, we kissed again. I opened my legs wider, to feel him in the place where his tongue had just danced. I let out a “porn-star” moan, signaling him to just give it to me. He stopped.
“Baby, are you sure you want this? The first time happened quickly, we can stop if you want. However, I must warn you, once we go down this road again, I ain’t stopping.” Darren said in between heavy breaths.
The hell was he thinking?!?! I didn’t bother to answer that silly question. I yanked him closer to prove I was serious and ready. The main rule had already been broken in the Jacuzzi tub. Hell, us spending time together and coming all the way out to Puerto Rico was breaking more rules than I’d given. I was tired of the guilt, the thoughts of Cheryl, and going back and forth with my feelings. I wanted him. I DESERVED him. There was an open opportunity to have what I desired from my dream guy and I took it with no apologies.
Another gasp exited my mouth as he entered inside me; as if I were trying to catch my last breath. He filled my walls like I was made just for him. The first go around was so intense and rushed into the moment, I didn’t take time to actually feel Darren. And that’s what he wanted me to do in his bed that night.
I held tightly onto his back as he slowly grinded into me. I’d never experienced such passion during sex before. My ears tingled as air from his breathing touched them. Before I knew it, my legs were elevated by Darren’s strong muscles.
“I’ve been waiting so long to make love to you, Jenn,” he whispered, grinding harder. “Damn baby. You feel so good.”
“Yes!” I replied right before my breathing became irregular.
My nails clenched into his arms, scratching at every piece of skin and muscle I could grab. Deep dimples flared on his face, knowing he was getting the job done.
“You want me to go deeper baby?” He breathed out.
I nodded with my eyes closed, and nails making tiny marks on his arms.
Moving back to adjust my legs, Darren’s hands caressed my hips before pressing deeper inside. My body wanted to tighten up from the pressure of him. I didn’t let it. I wasn’t going to appear like a “little girl” by running away from the first sensational hit of pained pleasure. I relaxed, granting full control over me. He showed his experience in making my body feel like a fragile gift to be taken care of. My head tilted back as far as my neck would allow to receive whatever thrusts he gave. Mr. Teddy Bear Eyes introduced my vagina to what pleasure was supposed to feel like.
“Take it baby,” he demanded, towering over, moving his hips into mine.
I’d never seen that side of Darren. I suspected he was a bit of a freak, but not in the take-charge kind of way. It was sexy, mysterious, and I needed more!
He laid on top of me, wrapping my legs around his waist then continued. I was ready for his lips to be on me.
“You’re mine...You know that?” he panted.
Your mine. Those words almost created a reality of us belonging to each other. Then, common sense crept in to remind me that I couldn’t say the same. There was a ring in the room that represented “vows” to a woman named Cheryl.
However, I needed to stay within the moment. I wasn’t going to get that time back, so overthinking the logistics of our “situation” had to wait until we landed in Atlanta. So, if Darren wanted us to pretend that we belonged to one another, I was okay with it. As long as he kept coming with deeper penetrations inside of me.
“I know,” I whispered in his ear. “Take it, baby. It’s all yours. Take it!”
That was a sign for him to go harder. I wanted him to lose his damn mind within my walls. We were in an exotic place, might as well get crazy in bed. He then buried his head between my neck and the pillows, to deliver what I demanded. I laid there, receiving it all. I deserved good dick from him. He’d stressed me out on the first day with his weird arguments/conversations with Cheryl during our secret vacation.
A faster pace and his strange exhales told me it was time. Darren’s hand journeyed to my backside drawing me in. With the heat rising from our bodies, we could have melted into one another.
Out of nowhere, a huge sensation came over me. I grabbed him and screamed. “Darren!”
“Yes baby, I feel you.” He groaned.
“Darren!” I called out once more, gripping the sheets.
In a daze, my legs shook, dropping from around his waist.
We didn’t use protection. It wouldn’t have been as intimate if we had to stop and think about it. I took my chances by allowing him to release inside of me again. At the time, I didn’t care. Maybe I even wanted some type of interruption that would guarantee Darren in my life forever. Either way, Cheryl’s feelings didn’t consume me. Whatever she couldn’t control, wasn’t my problem.
He pulled out, dripping his “release” and collapsed next to me. I quickly jumped to lay on top of him. Tracing the outlines of his chest muscles with my fingernails, I thought about how good it would be if I were his woman. I didn’t have the slightest clue how that would happen, but it was heavily on my mind.
In the beginning, he was eye candy because I didn’t think he’d ever notice me. Then, we became lunch buddies. Another escalation to a harmless attraction elevating to passionate sex in San Juan, Puerto Rico. So much of my fantasy came true and I didn’t have to create a backhanded scheme. It was all fate. Was it wrong for me to think the affair was destined to be?
“I want to stay like this for a few more days,” I said, getting my breathing back under control.
He kissed my forehead. “Me too. Baby.”
Darren took a few deep breaths with his eyes closed. I prayed that he wasn’t going to sleep. I wanted to stay up and talk. Talk about anything, everything. Just as long as we could be together just a little longer.
“You sleep?” He tapped me, with his eyes softly closed.
“Nope.” I giggled, looking directly at him. “Looks like you’re about to be.”
He opened one eye and rolled it over at me with a grin. “I’m not sleeping. My eyelids are being lazy right now.”
“Is that what it is?” I chuckled. “Wake up baby.”
“I’m up, Jenn.” He took a deep breath. “What time is it?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Late.”
“How late do you want to stay up?” He yawned, moving his hand back and forth on my spine.
“I wanna watch the sunrise...with you.”
Darren tapped me on my thigh. “Get up. Let’s go to the balcony.”
We shared a big lounge chair with a blanket over us snuggling together. The sun was expected to rise within minutes. That only meant we had a few hours to sleep before heading to the airport. Honestly, I didn’t want to see the sunrise. The new day would put an end to my fantasy come true and throw us back into what we truly were to each other. He, Cheryl’s husband. Me, a coworker. The few nights during the week still belonged to us, but the massive step we took on the trip changed the outlook on what we longed for.
Darren’s phone alarm went off at 11AM. Five hours before, we had made our way to his bed. I pretended that I didn’t hear it and continued to lay on his chest. I felt him moving his arm to shut it off. Emotions took over with a small tear rolling out from the corner of my eye. I let it fall. I refused to stop holding him to wipe my face.
“Baby.” His hand gently shook my shoulder. “We gotta get up.”
“Mmm. I don’t want to.” I whined.
His arm cramped around me, and another tear fell.
“I know baby. I’m not ready to leave either.”
“Let’s just stay a little longer, Darren,” I suggested, this time wiping away the tears so he wouldn’t see it.
He chuckled as if it were a joke. I already worked out an excuse for calling out of work.
“I need to get back to my daughter. She’s starting dance classes this week.” He moved his arm to sit up in bed, “We missed breakfast so we’ll have to grab something at the airport.”
“That’s fine,” I mumbled somberly.
I got out of bed to go pack up my things. Darren’s hand stopped me.
“What’s wrong, baby?” he asked, pulling me back in bed.
“I’m not ready to go back to reality. Need a few more days of this.”
I tucked my bottom lip to stop more tears. Couldn’t even look at him either.
“Baby,” Darren grabbed my face and gazed into my eyes. “Just because this trip is over, doesn’t mean WE are over.”
I nodded, not knowing what to feel. Darren gave me a taste of what it would be like to have more. And I wanted it all, at any cost.
The ride home from the airport that evening was more bitter than sweet. I was heading back to sleeping alone and only dreaming of him lying in bed with me. The trip solidified my place in his heart. Deep down I left with more confusion. I didn’t know how to behave around him at work. He and I were so out in the open.
He held me in the back seat of the SUV. I wished the driver would have taken a longer route to allow more time. We pulled up to my apartment building and Darren instructed the driver where to park and wait while he helped me take my bags upstairs.
“So what now?” I asked, watching him stack luggage in my bedroom. “Where do we go from here?”
“WE aren’t stopping Jenn. Coming home isn’t going to change a thing. I’m figuring this thing out as we go, baby. I have a daughter to think about.” He explained.
“I get it. And I know you can’t put a definite timeline on this. Just know I can’t wait forever.”
“You won’t have to, baby. Sorry, I have to rush,” he grabbed his keys. “I promised my baby girl I’d be home before she goes to bed.”
I nodded. “Text me when you make it home.”
I followed him to the front door. He paused and turned to me with his arms wide open.
“Come here. Kiss me before I go.”
We kissed so sweetly, stopped to look into each other’s eyes, then kissed again. After I closed the door, tears fell uncontrollably.