Chapter Eight

Mom drops me off at the front door of the high school. I’ve got on fresh clothes and cleaned up in the gas station sink, but I’m still worried I’m a walking stink bomb. I can’t smell myself, but it’s been three days since I’ve had a shower or washed my hair.

Jack is standing at my locker. My heart turns cartwheels and refuses to settle down to a steady beat. I stop right in the middle of the hallway. A stream of people flows around me, but I don’t budge. I just stand there, angry that my body reacts to him while my mind cries, Run. Do not stop. No matter how much you want to know this guy. Do not stop!

“Hey, Mattie.”

His words come out soft. Sweet. I don’t want to like him. I won’t let myself like him. I pull my eyes away, step around him, and open my locker door.

Jack hitches his backpack higher up on his shoulder. “You disappeared again.”

I grab my English book out of my locker and slam the door. My intent was to carry it home with me, but Mom pulled me out of choir and I didn’t take the time to run and get it.

“I came by after school.”

I swing around and look up into his face. “You don’t know anything about me.”

His eyes are dark and his face serious. “I know, and I’m trying to change that.”

Jack does all the right things, says all the right words, and makes it too easy for me to like him.

“I don’t want a guy waiting around for me. I don’t want a boyfriend. Understand?”

His mouth twitches back and forth, like he’s not sure what to think of me. “What about a friend?”

I shake my head and take off for class. “If we were ten that might work.” I sigh. “But not now.”

Jack falls into step beside me. “We could crank down our hormones and give it a go.”

I glance at him. Jack tilts his head to the side, pulls up his shoulders, and flips his hands in such a goofy way that tiny bubbles of laughter ripple through my body, threatening to push my mouth into a smile and force me to erupt into giggles. I clamp my lips together and turn away.

“Not that it would be easy,” he mutters, “but at this point, I’ll try most anything.”

I stop right in the middle of the hall. “Why?”

Jack swings around and stands in front of me. “Why what?”

“Why bother?” I wave my arm. “Look at these girls. Some of them would dump their current boyfriend or even sell their mother into slavery to be your girlfriend, so why bug me?”

Jack’s face gets this comical look on it, half serious and half ridiculous. “Am I really bugging you?”

I grip the straps of my backpack and roll my eyes at him. “Don’t be cute. Just answer the question.”

People push past, bumping into us. Jack sighs. The grin lines on the sides of his mouth smooth out, giving his jaw the square, chiseled look of a man instead of a tall boy. “You’re you, Mattie. Straight up. No games.” He shrugs his shoulders. “And that lets me be me. Not the prom king or the basketball star or the guy with the fancy new car. With you I’m just an ordinary guy who wants to know this super cute girl with a megasized attitude.”

My heart melts into a puddle of raw emotion. I shouldn’t have kept up the conversation or asked why he’s interested in me if I couldn’t handle the answer. Jack doesn’t say any more, just falls in step beside me as we drift through the hall to my class.

His “See you later, Mattie” sends another ripple through the pool of my heart, leaving me rubbery and weak. I flop into my desk. This is ridiculous. Insane. I can’t waste my time on a boy. Not now. Not for years.

Mr. Avila is well into class before I recover enough to get to work. Three days of being homeless hasn’t messed up my grades, but I’ve got projects coming up and papers due. Stuff you can’t work on while you’re sitting at a little kid table in the public library or crammed into a dark car. I spend the morning trying to forget Jack and focus on school. By noon, I’m flipping through my workload, putting everything into categories from THIS IS DUE TOMORROW to no sweat I’ve got all week.

Jack isn’t in the cafeteria. The smart, thinking part of me is relieved; he finally wised up and realized I’m a total waste of his time. Maybe he’s even hiding out in the boy’s locker room, embarrassed by his sudden burst of honesty. Or maybe he decided he doesn’t need the hassle of a person like me, and he’s strolling through the hall right now, wrapping some other girl in all the right words and getting more than a scowl and a sassy comeback.

The wishful romantic in me is disappointed. He was a friend. Maybe it was only a three-day relationship, but he knew I existed, seemed like he cared, and was fun to be around even when I acted all snippy and snotty.

I take my tray of pizza and salad over to the table, plop down, and prop open my algebra book. Two tables over, Lilly wrinkles up her face and gives me a look of confusion. She’s texted me a ton of times asking for details about Jack, even though I keep telling her there is nothing to report.

I grin at Lilly and shrug my shoulders to either say “I don’t care where Jack is” or “I don’t know,” depending on my mood and her interpretation. She gives me a sideways grin and gets back to feeding Tanner’s constant demand for attention.

Despite her obsession with Tanner, Lilly is a good friend, but she lives in a single-wide trailer with her mom, dad, and two little brothers. Just like Mom’s friend Carly, her living situation leaves no room for Mom, Meg, and me to crash on the couch. I take a bite of pizza and get to work.

Lunch break is well underway when Jack slips onto the bench across from me. “Sorry I’m late. My parents wanted my latest physics grade.” His face is flushed and he’s out of breath, like he sprinted through every hallway in the entire school just to get here.

Our eyes lock, and there’s no way I can let go. Words of warning shoot through my head. Careful, Mattie girl. You’ve got goals. You’ve got plans. If you fall for this guy you could end up like Mom, pregnant at sixteen and homeless at thirty-three. Be strong, Mattie. Be brave. Be smart.

I look away and try to focus on my food. It doesn’t work. My eyes are like magnets—they snap right back to him, eating up his every word, his every movement. Jack chatters on about his physics grade.

“I’ve been a lazy bum my whole school career and still managed to keep up my grades.” He shrugs. “But it’s my senior year and physics is the hardest class I’ve ever taken. I’m actually doing some homework.”

My algebra book sits on the table beside my tray. I can’t reach for it. My emotions are too messed up, too conflicted to concentrate on anything but Jack. I should grab my books and run, but the feeling of friendship—true friendship—is so intense I can’t let go.

“My whole mission in life is basketball.” Jack dips a carrot in ranch dressing and pops it into his mouth. “That sounds shallow and childish, like I’m still a little kid that hasn’t gotten past pro ballplayer as my only career option, but I love the game. I really do.”

He keeps going like I’m his best friend and he can share anything with me. “I’m not big or tall enough for the NBA, and I don’t think I ever will be, but I’m hoping I can land a spot on a decent college team. I don’t need the scholarship money, but I really want to play at that level.”

Jack throws me another one of his heart-stopping smiles. “And someday, I want to get enough experience to coach college basketball. That’s my goal anyway.”

I look into his handsome face and wonder how I messed up. How he broke every boy barrier I’d set up.

Jack waves his hand at the tray on the table in front of him. “I’m trying the mac and cheese.” He takes a scoop, shovels it in his mouth, and wrinkles up his nose. “Not as good as the boxed stuff.” He grins and shoves in another bite. “What’s your goal, Mattie?”

“President of the United States.” The words slip out of my mouth so easy and quick that I don’t have a chance to take them back.

Jack doesn’t laugh. He sets his fork down and studies me with serious eyes. “Wow. You do have goals. Big ones. Really big ones.”

I’ve never told a single soul about my dream to change the world. Make it a better place. Help the poor and uneducated and other people in need. I’ve kept my grand plans secret from Mom and Meg and barely dared dream them myself. Why did I think I could trust them with Jack?