| |
Somber lullabies and twinkling lights
above me in the night’s sky.
Changed my last name
when I signed my heart away.
White dress and red roses
keeps me guessing what I would be
without him by my side.
I would feel like Carole Landis
when Rex Harrison broke her heart.
My mind will numb the pain I’m feeling.
Fluorescent lights and the Doctor
saying that I’ll live through
the rebirth of snakes in the air.
Fluttering in the wind
while I say my vows
that I wrote on my own.
Love, loving him in the future tense.
I brought myself to imagine
a life without him right there
but I just couldn’t.
It’s death that holds me close
whenever I feel numb.
It’s not around the corner
but why do I keep on looking there?
There must be some somber feeling
that I missed while listening
to a friend’s reclaimed lullabies
on my smart phone late at night.
I feel like Carole Landis most days.
Faking smiles and forcing laughter.
In my head that sounded like a melody
but it never could be created
in a way that feels like a broken record.
Ten minutes into a novel
I borrowed from him a long time ago.
Never returned it but I’m sure
I won’t miss it as the book
contains photographs of the past.
I was seven when I first met him.
He told me his name but I didn’t care.
I know it hurt him to see me
like an open wound that didn’t heal.
I promise when I walk down
in a white dress with my brother
walking by my side
I won’t turn a blind eye
on the things that made
everything lined up so perfectly.
We won’t be a perfect couple
but that won’t matter
when I have him to myself
all throughout the nights
will have together.
And yet, the death of me
will be his only weakness.
I won’t go before he does.
That’s a promise to all
who knows what keeps my mind
at ease when it comes to true love.
I guess the white dress
and the pink satin sash will have to wait
until I’m ready to face the world
with him as my man.