Three

AFTER DINNER THAT EVENING, Abraham said to Zillah, ‘I’ll swap jobs with you tonight, if you like.’

What? Abraham offering to dry dishes? But Zillah scampered off to help Luke take out the rubbish and clean all the shoes for the next day.

‘Are you ill?’ I shook my hand free of soap suds to lay it against his forehead.

‘Cheeky brat.’ He cuffed my hand away. ‘Listen, Magdalene — you know the kitchen girls better than I do. Which one should I marry?’

I dropped a plate back into the water, I was so surprised. ‘Abraham! I can’t tell you who to marry!’

‘Don’t want you to,’ he said. ‘Just tell me if there’s one of them I shouldn’t marry.’

‘Ask Luke. It’s a whole year since they were in my classroom.’

‘Luke’s a boy so not a reliable witness,’ he said. ‘Start with Bernice. She’s the prettiest one.’

Ha! He’d noticed, had he! She was more than pretty; she was beautiful — big dark eyes and the most gorgeous skin. I used the words from the betrothal ceremony. ‘She is good and kind and seemly.’

‘But?’

‘I think you would upset her.’ I looked over my shoulder to make sure neither of our parents could hear. ‘She obeys the Rule and she likes living by it. But you …’

He flicked the tea towel in my direction. ‘Okay, got you. I’m too much of a heathen for the lovely Bernice. What about Eden?’

I sighed. ‘She’s quiet. Good. Cried whenever Sister Leah growled at her.’

‘Adina? What’s she like?’

‘I like her. She’s kind. She shortens her words when it’s just us kids around.’ I shut my mouth, not wanting to be horrible about her.

‘Come on, kid. You’re the only one I can ask. Tell me what’s bugging you.’

‘She giggles a lot. Sister Leah used to get furious with her, but Adina didn’t seem able to stop doing it.’ These were terrible things to say and would only get worse, because truly I didn’t think any of the kitchen girls would suit my rather carefree brother.

‘That leaves Jewel and Mercy,’ he said. ‘How about one of them?’

‘Not Mercy. She’s Bernice’s best friend and they’re very similar. I like Jewel. She’s nice, but she’s very gentle, Abraham. She got upset whenever anybody else got in trouble. She didn’t cry when she got growled at though.’ I handed him a dripping saucepan. ‘She will probably be best.’

He tapped the saucepan against my behind. ‘Good info, kid. You’re a star.’

‘Abraham — do you want to be married?’ I couldn’t imagine him being a husband and the father of many children.

‘Don’t want to live for ever with the parents.’ He clattered the pot into the cupboard. ‘I’ll choose Jewel. She sounds like she’s got a bit of spirit.’

I grabbed his arm. ‘Abraham, what can we do about Zillah? She cried when Father prayed for her today.’

He sent another saucepan after the first. ‘Luke and me — we talk about it all the time. Can’t see any way forward yet. Try not to stress, sis. You’re a good kid.’ He bent and whispered in my ear. ‘Old Stephen might turn up his toes, with a bit of luck. That could change everything.’

I gave a choke of laughter. ‘I told Zillah we’d all pray for that next time Father prayed for her.’

‘Awesome.’With a farewell flick of the tea towel, he headed for the door.

‘Abraham, wait a second. Neriah was really upset today and they didn’t catch the bus either. Their father took them in the van. Have you heard anything?’

‘Not a whisper. I’ll tell you if I do.’

At prayers that evening, I asked Father, ‘Please will you pray for Neriah and her family? Something is weighing on her heart.’

‘Do you know what is troubling her?’

‘No, Father. She could not talk about it.’

‘I will add your friend and her family to my prayers.’

Zillah sighed and I felt a flash of guilt for making the prayer time longer. We four children bowed our heads but kept our eyes open. Once, Abraham had caught a mouse, waiting till evening prayers to release it.

Father was still praying for the salvation of the world when we heard Elder Stephen call, ‘Praise the Lord,’ as he opened the front door.

We stayed on our knees, gaping at him. As far as I knew, he’d never been in our house before. Mother was the first to recover. She began clambering to her feet. Luke sprang up to help her. Father was the last to rise.

Elder Stephen said, ‘I apologise, Brother Caleb, for interrupting your time of worship.’

Mother got all fluttery and busy. ‘Please sit down, Elder Stephen. You do us a great honour. May I make you a cup of tea?’

He took the chair she pulled out for him and ignored the bit about tea. ‘Brother Caleb, I come on a most serious matter.’

‘I will assist in any way I can,’ Father said.

Mother said, ‘Yes, of course. Children, go to your rooms.’

Our leader held up a hand. ‘One moment. Brother Caleb, the matter bringing me to your house concerns your daughter Magdalene.’

Mother clapped her hands to her face. ‘What has she done?’ She whipped round to glare at me. ‘Wicked child! How can you shame us so?’

‘I have not done wrong! I have not transgressed. I have not.’ I spoke to Father — he might believe me, I prayed he would. Zillah pressed herself against me. Luke took my hand. Abraham stood behind me, his hands on my shoulders.

Father said, ‘With respect, Elder Stephen, how does the serious matter you speak of concern my daughter?’

Our leader gave a deep and melancholy sigh. I didn’t believe in the truth of his sorrow, even though I was terrified about what might be coming. ‘Magdalene Pilgrim, Sister Leah says you talked privately with Neriah virtue today.’

I gulped in a breath. ‘Please, is she all right? She was very distressed.’

He gazed at me for long, silent moments. Mother plonked on to a chair. ‘Have you brought shame upon us, you wicked girl?’

Father placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘Wife, we must wait until we understand what has happened before we judge our daughter to have transgressed. Magdalene, explain, if you please.’

It was difficult to speak. The three of them watched me. I tried several times before I could get words out. ‘I do not understand. There is nothing to explain. Neriah was crying. Sister Leah scolded her. She ran outside and Sister Leah told me to go and assist her.’ I looked at Father. ‘I obeyed.’

Elder Stephen paused for another of his long silences. He might as well have shouted to the city that he believed me to be a liar, a transgressor and a rotten sinner. At last he said, ‘But that is not all, is it, Sister Magdalene? You talked to Neriah virtue, did you not? You spoke about why she was distressed. Sister Leah reports that you were gone for quite ten minutes. What did she tell you?’ He snapped the last sentence at me.

Abraham tightened his hold on my shoulders. ‘Courage, little sister,’ he muttered.

I raised my head. ‘We did not speak. I tried to comfort her by just being with her. She cried for a long time, and when she was calm I asked if she could talk about her trouble. She shook her head and we went back to class. I speak the truth. The Lord is my witness. What has happened to her? Please, tell me.’

He didn’t believe me. Please, Lord, help me.

‘Thank you, daughter,’ my father said. ‘You were a true friend to a distressed girl.’

Elder Stephen made a chopping motion with his hand. ‘No, Brother Caleb, she was not. Did you not think, girl, that it was your duty to discover what was causing the distress? You should have reported your failure to Sister Leah, who would have succeeded where you did not. As it is, you have grievously failed that unhappy girl and you have brought damnation upon her family. There will be consequences. It is my heavy duty to warn you that such dereliction of duty cannot go unpunished.’

Mother’s moans rose into a wailing cry, but I couldn’t say a word to defend myself. It didn’t matter. Elder Stephen wouldn’t believe me anyway.

He turned to go, but Abraham, his fingers digging into my shoulders, said, ‘One moment, Elder Stephen. With respect —’ he didn’t sound one scrap respectful — ‘I need to make sure I understand, because it seems to me that the Rule has changed. Is that correct?’

‘No. It is most disrespectful of you to suggest such a thing. The Rule comes from the Lord. Do not question it.’ His voice was full of hate and venom.

Abraham wasn’t bothered. ‘Okay. Good. So the Rule says a man’s deeds are between him and his conscience, does it not?’

‘You know it does. This has nothing to do with the matter in hand.’

I closed my eyes, unable to look at our leader’s accusing face.

Abraham said, ‘So you are going to punish Magdalene for obeying that Rule? You are saying she should have broken the Rule, ferreted out her friend’s secret and then told about it? Told who? Sister Leah? You? How was she meant to get hold of you, by the way? We do not have a telephone.’

Mother sat at the table holding her head, swaying and keening. Father said, ‘That will do, my son. However, you are right to remind us of the teaching of the Rule. Elder Stephen, I ask you to explain my daughter’s transgression in this matter.’

I couldn’t raise my eyes. I didn’t know silence could shout. I didn’t know it could be thick and choking. It was broken by Elder Stephen’s footsteps, by the noise of the door opening and closing behind him. I collapsed on to the floor. Mother was shouting at me, Zillah crouched beside me. ‘Don’t cry, Magdalene. Please don’t cry.’

Father’s voice cut through the racket. ‘Abraham, thank you for reminding us of the Rule. We all need time to pray and reflect. Please go to your rooms, my children.’

‘He didn’t even tell me what’s wrong. He didn’t even tell me if she’s all right.’

Luke said, ‘He spoke about damnation. It must mean Neriah’s father has taken his family out of the Faith.’

‘No!’ I looked up at Father. ‘Please — no. Not left. Not gone and damned?’

Father said heavily, ‘I fear your brother is correct, my daughter. It can be the only explanation.’

‘No. Not that. Please.’ I was five years old again, my world collapsing around me. Miriam gone, then just weeks later Daniel and Esther too. Rebecca gone four years ago. And now Neriah. My friend was damned and dead to me.

Father was speaking. His words didn’t make sense. I stayed crouched on the floor, listening to somebody saying no no no over and over.

The boys pulled me to my feet and half-carried me into our bedroom, where Luke wrapped blankets around me. He and Zillah sat on either side of me on my bed while Abraham strode around the room, swearing and cursing our leader, but quietly enough that our parents wouldn’t hear.

Zillah’s eyes grew rounder and rounder. His fury helped me believe I’d done nothing wrong. The sick feeling faded. The weight on my heart now was for my friend.

Luke was frowning. ‘Abraham, chill, bro. Our revered leader will be after your blood. You’ll have to watch out.’

Abraham snorted. ‘Like I care. But yeah, you’re right. We’ll all have to watch our step. He’ll be after us any chance he can grab.’

‘I don’t get it though,’ Luke said. ‘It can’t be just about Rebecca ditching him. He’s had four years to get over that.’

Abraham plonked himself down on the rug between our beds. ‘Good thinking, brother. It’s gotta be something else that’s riled him. Could be something about one of the businesses. Or somebody worldly doing a rant against the Faith. I’ll find out. I’ve got a worldly mate I can ask.’

‘Will you tell us, Abraham?’ Zillah asked.

‘Of course I’ll bloody tell you!’

‘Don’t get mad,’ Luke said. ‘She’s a kid. Nobody tells us kids anything.’

Abraham leaned over to tug her foot. ‘Sorry, sis. Magdalene, how’re you doing?’

‘Better. I’ll be all right. It’s good to talk.’

Father knocked on the door. ‘My sons, please leave your sisters. All of us will benefit from prayer and quiet reflection.’

‘Like hell we will,’Abraham whispered, but he and Luke obeyed our father and left us alone.