MOTHER WAS OUT OF bed when we got home. ‘Is your sister well? Has the baby arrived yet? What does the doctor say?’
I thought she was more concerned for her grandchild than for Rachel. We answered her questions as best we could and didn’t mention Elder Stephen.
That evening she helped us cook dinner, preaching at us the entire time. Zillah kept her head down and didn’t utter Praise the Lord once.
Was this how our lives were to be from now on?
As soon as we heard Father arrive home, I said, ‘Please excuse us, Mother. We have done nothing wrong but we need to speak to Father.’
He was surprised to see us. We never came to meet him. ‘Has something happened, daughters?’ He sounded worried.
‘No. Not really, but we think you need to know.’ I stumbled over my words.
He got out of the car. ‘Very well.’
‘Mother will serve the dinner in a minute,’ Zillah said.
He paused at the kitchen door. ‘The matter is urgent?’
‘I don’t … do not … know, but if Elder Stephen comes …’
He walked on to his study. ‘Sit down, daughters. Magdalene, what has occurred?’
We told him, omitting nothing except the exact words the woman at the door had said. Nutter. Boot up the backside. Father would not be happy for us to repeat such words.
As it was, we saw the shock on his face. ‘My daughters — you are sure Rachel did not know who he referred to?’
‘We are sure, Father.’
He closed his eyes for a moment. ‘Forgive me. Your sister is a godly woman. She would not tell an untruth and she would not try to hide such a truth.’
We waited for him to tell us to kneel and pray, but he kept on staring over our heads until the loud crashing of pots in the kitchen brought his mind back. He stood up. ‘You did well to speak to me of this. We will not upset your mother with it.’
‘No, Father.’
She cast us a furious glare when we sat down at the table. Father saw it but began to say grace as always. The meal passed in silence.
Prayers that evening were no longer than usual, but when I tried to go to bed at the same time as Zillah, Mother said, ‘You will do the mending, Magdalene. It has been shamefully neglected of late.’
‘Yes, Mother.’
I sewed a button back on to one of Luke’s shirts, then fixed the hem of a table napkin where it had unravelled. She read scripture to me as I sewed.
‘He that believeth and is baptised shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned. Heed the words of the Lord, Magdalene.’
‘Praise the Lord.’ I pulled my stitches tight.
The next day was Saturday but Mother wouldn’t let us go with her to buy the week’s groceries. ‘You will stay home today,’ she said. ‘Clean your brother’s room. Make it perfect for his return.’
‘Yes, Mother. Is he coming back today?’ My heart lifted.
‘Whatever gave you that idea?’ she said. ‘He will not be back until next Sunday. Keep your thoughts on scripture while you work. Wash you, make you clean, put away the evils of your doings before mine eyes; cease to do evil. Heed the words of the Lord, daughters.’
‘Praise the Lord.’
Father came in. ‘Are you ready, wife? Let us go.’
They drove away.
‘I don’t want to wash curtains and scrub the floor. It’s not fair! Luke should be here. We need him to be here.’ Zillah wore her rebellious face, but she came with me to Luke’s bedroom. He had it all to himself now Abraham was married. She stood in the doorway. ‘This room is clean. Why do we have to do it all again?’
I shrugged, climbed on a chair and began unhooking the curtains, saying, ‘These don’t need washing.’ I tossed the curtains on to the floor. ‘Help me take them out to the clothesline.’
She didn’t move. ‘That’s dumb, Magdalene. We have to wash the stupid things first.’
‘That’s what we’re meant to do,’ I said. ‘But we’re not going to. We’re going to peg them on the line and squirt them with the hose. They’ll be wet, so Mother will think we’ve washed them and scrubbed them.’
She leapt up, scooped up an armful of curtain and ran outside. ‘We’re being really, really sinful! But I don’t think the nice Lord will punish us. Do you think He will, Magdalene?’
‘No. I think the nice Lord likes us having fun.’ I wasn’t worried about any punishment from the Lord, not when there was Elder Stephen to worry about. Tomorrow was Sunday and he would not have forgotten about Rachel, or about Zillah going to a real school, or about me running through the streets with my hair uncovered. We had given him something real to punish us for.
We would have fun while we still could.
Mother didn’t check on our work when she got home. She went straight to her bed.
We unpacked the groceries and put them away. ‘What’s the matter with her?’ Zillah asked. ‘She’s not sick. She should help us.’
I tipped rice into its container. ‘She’ll be well enough to go to worship tomorrow. Betcha.’
My sister dropped a potato on the floor and gave it a hefty kick. ‘I don’t want to go to worship. Elder Stephen goes on and on about wickedness and salvation. But he told lies about Rachel, so he’ll go to hell too.’ She gave the potato another boot. ‘I hope he goes to hell tonight.’
I retrieved the poor potato and handed it to her. ‘See how far you can kick it outside.’
She snatched it, thumping her feet with each step she took. The door crashed shut behind her.
Sin, iniquity, damnation.
We made lunch and took Mother hers on a tray.
After Father had said grace, I asked, ‘Father, do you know if Mother bought ingredients for the food we must take to worship tomorrow?’
He pushed his plate away, then set his clasped hands on the table. ‘We will not be taking food with us tomorrow. Your mother is not well enough to prepare it.’
‘Thank you, Father.’
He got up, pausing to say, ‘You are good girls, my daughters.’
We cleared away the lunch things in silence, until Zillah said, ‘I think he loves us, Magdalene. Do you think he does?’ She ran at me, snatching the dishcloth from my hand. ‘Don’t keep wiping and wiping things! Stop it!’
I stood statue still, just breathing — in and out. In and out. ‘Okay. I’m all good. Let’s go to the park. If I don’t get out of here, my head’s going to explode and you’ll have to clean up the mess.’
Father gave us his permission. We put on our headscarves and walked, the way good and godly girls must do.
I told my sister, ‘Yes, I think Father does love us. I truly believe he does.’ But he couldn’t protect us. The Rule wouldn’t let him.
Mother was busy in the kitchen when we got back. One look at her stormy face was enough to chase away the happiness of the afternoon.
‘No,’ she said. ‘I do not want your help. You ran off and left me in my hour of need. What child does that? Not a Faith child. Remember the words of scripture: God will render to every man according to his deeds.’
‘I’m a girl, not a man,’ Zillah muttered.
‘We will set the table for you, Mother.’ I spoke loudly, hoping she wouldn’t yell at Zillah for being blasphemous, ungodly, iniquitous, sinful, disrespectful and probably six more things as well.
We called Father to the table. He sat down, saying, ‘Wife, it is good to see you well.’
The food was tasteless. She’d made a shepherd’s pie but there was no salt in the meat. Father put the half slug he found in his lettuce on the side of his plate without comment. Zillah gave a gasp of horror — she’d eaten all her salad.
Mother went to bed as soon as she’d finished eating. I went to bed at the same time as Zillah, leaving the shameful basket of mending untouched.
Zillah shut our bedroom door, then stood in front of it, her hands on her hips. ‘You’ve been really weird all day, Magdalene Pilgrim. If you start staying in bed and preaching scripture too, I’ll run away and I won’t tell you. So there!’
I didn’t answer her — I didn’t know if it’d be kind to warn her that tomorrow was going to be bad or if I should say nothing. She stomped off to have a shower, staying in there longer than we were supposed to. Neither of us spoke when she came back. I went to the bathroom, stood under the shower and let the water run over me until it went cold.
Back in the bedroom, Zillah threw herself at me. ‘Don’t be cross, Magdalene! I didn’t mean to be horrid to you. I won’t run away without telling you. I promise.’
I put my arms around her. ‘I’m not cross with you. I’m just worried, Zillah. Really worried about tomorrow.’
I felt her head move as she nodded. After long ages she said, ‘I’m glad you’re not cross with me.’