10

“You didn’t have to come to check up on me. I told you I’d take Angelina to her doctor’s appointment.” Keren glared at Nate as they stood out on her porch once again. “And I will. But I sure don’t know why you picked one so far away.”

“Because she’s the best.” Why did this woman dislike him? He’d been the only one who’d believed her when she’d told them Angelina was missing. Nate forced a smile. “And I do trust you. That’s not why I’m here. I knew you would do what you said.”

“Even though I disagree with it?” Keren shook her head. “She doesn’t need a doctor. She needs time. There’s nothing wrong with her that being around a loving family can’t cure.”

“I agree. She does need you. But sometimes we need a little more than family to get through a difficult time.” He knew that from experience. “You gave me your word so I believed you. I just thought Angelina could use a little extra support today. I saw what happened when she tried to leave before. I wanted to be here to encourage her.”

Keren’s gaze flicked toward the steps. “Oh.” Her burst of anger seemed to deflate. “I’m sorry. I’m a little anxious. We all are. Peter even took some time off. He’ll meet us at the clinic.”

“Good. She needs both of you supporting her.”

“It’s just…I don’t know. I knew it wasn’t good for her to just hide out here. But at least she was safe. You know? And I didn’t want to pressure her. Try to make her do something she didn’t want to do.”

He nodded.

“I come from a small family so…so I hate the thought of anything happening to her.”

“Something did happen to her.”

She nodded, her eyes filling with tears. “I know. But she survived it. And…in my family, we learned to just keep moving forward when something bad happened. Not to dwell on it.”

“That’s wonderful, but sometimes people get trapped in the bad times. Then they need a little help setting themselves free.”

“I guess.” She opened the screen door and motioned at the sofa. “Might as well get comfortable. Who knows how long—”

“Don’t even finish that sentence, Keren. I’m ready.” Angelina looked better. She was dressed and had washed her hair, but her face was still splotched with red, a sure sign she was anxious. “Morning, Nate.”

“You look great.”

“Liar.” She walked to the middle of the living room. “But thanks for saying it anyway.”

“I’m not—”

“Have you never seen a picture of me before?”

“I’m just saying you look good.”

She took a deep breath as she stared at the open door. “OK, let’s get this show on the road. I’ve got my nerve up but don’t know how much longer that will last.” She looked at Keren. “Even if I freak out, I want to go see the doctor. OK. You take me whether I want to go or not. Even if you have to pull me out of this house, I want to go.”

“OK. But—”

“But you won’t freak out.” Nate smiled as he looped his arm through hers. “God’s still got your back.”

“I hope so.” She took a deep breath and stopped one step before the porch.

“You can do this, Angelina,” Nate said firmly. Give her strength, God.

She shook her head. Her eyes filled with tears. “I don’t…think I can.”

“Will you let Luther Marks win?”

One small tear traced its way down her cheek.

He fought the urge to wipe it away. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and make all her problems disappear. Instead, he smiled. “Then let’s not let him. One baby step outside. That’s all you need to do. One baby step.”

She took a deep breath. “One baby step.” Her foot moved forward. And then she was outside.

“All-righty! You did the hardest part.”

She had a long road ahead. If she learned to lean on God, she’d make it.

She took a deep breath and then looked back at Keren. “Lock the door before I can change my mind. I’ve got an appointment I plan to keep”

~*~

Angelina opened the door marked Conference. It had been more than three weeks since Nate and Keren had brought her to the clinic. Turned out that she wasn’t crazy. Her diagnosis had been PTSD. She wasn’t in the loony bin; she was at the clinic. The euphemisms went on and on. A post-hospitalization plan, her doctor called it. A plan to keep her out of the hospital and healthy. If she didn’t succeed, would they lock her up forever? A part of her thought it might be for the best—at least she’d be safe.

Wrong attitude. Nate would be disappointed with her. Not that what he thought mattered. She hadn’t even heard from him since she came to the clinic—and she thought she would. Apparently, he’d done his good deed for the week.

That was fine. She had her own life to live. She didn’t need Nate Goodman. Or anyone. Still, she’d thought he’d been sincere when he’d told her that he cared.

As she walked into the conference room, Keren jumped up from the table and rushed over to her. She put her arms around Angelina. “How are you, sweetie? It’s so good to finally see you. I’ve been so worried. I wanted to come to sooner, but the doctors told me to wait until you felt better.”

Felt better. Another euphemism. “Then I guess that means I’m better since you’re here.” Maybe Nate had been told the same thing.

Keren’s husband, Peter, smiled at her. She hadn’t liked Peter when he’d married Keren, but she’d been wrong. He’d been kind to her since the kidnapping and hadn’t asked for a thing in return. Not even money to help out.

Now it was time for everyone to sit around and decide what was best for her. They pretended as if she had a say in the matter.

Dr. Markley stood. She didn’t look much like a doctor even with the white smock. Her long blonde hair hung down below her shoulders. Under the smock was a flowing flowered skirt with a soft blue top. “Good morning, Angelina. How are you feeling today?”

“Fine.” She’d keep her answers short. The less she said the less chance to say the wrong thing.

The doctor motioned for her to sit opposite from Keren and Peter. “If you’re like most of my patients, you hate this type of meeting. It feels as if we’re deciding your life for you, but that’s not what we’re doing. We just want to get things organized so you have an easy transition.”

And I don’t end up back in the loony bin…oops, the clinic. Angelina sat down.

The doctor got right to the point. “So, what are your plans? After you get out.”

“I don’t know. Haven’t thought about it. I’m not sure I’m ready to leave.” Being in here was safer than being out there. “Maybe I should stay for a few months instead of a few weeks. I really don’t mind.”

The doctor nodded as if that meant something important then jotted on her notepad.

Angelina hated when the doctors did that. They always seemed so serious, so full of gloom and doom. As if every word she said had deep, psychological meaning.

Dr. Markley smiled as she looked up from the file. “I believe you’re ready. I know it’s scary out there. But once you understand that you’re safe, that not everybody is out to hurt you, you’ll be fine.”

Why was it so hard for them to understand that if it happened once, it could happen again? Surely there were more serial killers out there waiting. Her fame brought them out, gave them opportunity to stalk and terrorize her. But Angelina only nodded.

Dr. Markley looked at Keren and Peter. “Angelina and I have had a few discussions about the fact she needs to regain her independence as well as find her place in the world.”

“What’s that mean?” Keren asked.

“I’ll let Angelina tell you.”

Angelina looked at Keren. “It means I can’t live with you forever. I’m sure you’re happy to hear that.”

“We don’t mind at all. You haven’t been a bother. Right, Peter?”

He leaned forward with his elbows on the table. “Right. You’ve been the perfect house guest. Not a problem at all. We love having you stay with us.”

“Thanks for saying that, but sooner or later, I need to move back home. I guess.” She looked over at Dr. Markley, who smiled her agreement. “But maybe not quite yet. And I’m getting a job. I’ve spent my life doing nothi—”

“That’s not true.” Keren voiced with fierceness.

“Please let her finish.” Dr. Markley said with a firm voice.

Keren had become her protector the past few months. And her cheerleader. But Angelina had learned from Dr. Markley that too much protection was as bad as too little. Even though Keren’s heart was in the right place, too much protection from Keren had allowed her to get trapped again. Not with Luther, of course, but it still hadn’t been good for Angelina to stay in Keren’s guest bedroom for months.

If Nate hadn’t shown up, who knows how long she’d have been there. Now that she was out of it, she had no intention of getting trapped in it again. “I’ve spent my life doing nothing. Living off the money I’ve inherited. Sure, I’m involved in a few charities, but most of my life has been about me. I’m tired of that life. I’m not sure what that means yet, but I…I need to do something. Something that makes a difference. Something important.”

“I think that’s wonderful, Angelina.” Peter smiled. “If there’s a way we can help, let us know. We want to support you in any way we can.”

“Thanks, Peter.”

“Of course. We’ll do anything you need. I just meant there’s no reason for you to get a job.” Keren looked at Dr. Markley. “It’s not as if she needs the money.

“Don’t you think I’m capable of getting a job?”

“Well…I just…jobs are stressful. Believe me, I know that. People telling you to do this, and that. And do it now. And that’s not the right way. Do it again. Very stressful. Don’t you agree, Doctor Markley?”

“That’s true. Jobs are stressful but—”

“See.” Keren looked pleased as if the doctor had agreed with her. “It’s not like you need the money, Angelina. Besides you didn’t work before. I thought the point of all this was get you back to the way you were. You were fine the way you were.”

Angelina wished that were true. Even Luther knew she’d become spoiled and selfish. Don’t think about him. She shook her head. “I’m not the same person I was. I can never be that person again. And the truth is I don’t even want to be that person anymore. I want more in my life than going out partying and spending money. I want to find a way to help people.” Angelina looked at the doctor to see what she thought about it.

Dr. Markley nodded with enthusiasm. “That’s a wonderful attitude, Angelina. I completely agree with you. Being a contributing member of society is important. And I didn’t get to finish what I was about to say. Jobs can be stressful, but not all stress is a bad thing.”

“Jobs aren’t the answer to everything,” Keren said. “They can even be more stressful.”

“True but doing a job well can help build self-esteem. When we do a job well, whatever it is, it makes us feel good about ourselves.”

“And you think Ange needs more self-esteem?” Keren asked.

“Angelina.” Angelina corrected her cousin.

“Sorry, I meant Angelina. Anyway, she’s always had more than enough self-esteem.”

“I know it might have seemed that way but I’m not sure that was ever true, Keren. I’ve come to realize I might have been hiding behind the glamorous image of Ange.”

The doctor smiled at her.

It had taken a long time for Angelina to admit that during their sessions.

“I’d like you to explain to Keren why you felt the need to change your name,” Dr. Markley said. “That way she’ll be more understanding about it.”

“Mostly because that man…Luther…called that name over and over. Almost like a taunt.” She shuddered. “I hate that name now. Plus, Ange was all about herself. I want to be different now. I…I want to be someone my parents would be proud of.”

“I’ll try to use Angelina from now on. It’s just a hard habit to break.”

“I know.”

“And nothing wrong with changing your name. A lot of people do. But if it’s because you’re ashamed of what happened to you, that’s a different story.” The doctor looked up from the notes she’d been writing. “Just remember, Angelina, you’ve done nothing to be ashamed of.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s about shame. It’s more about…” She searched for the right words. “I don’t want to sound as if I’m bragging, but I was famous. Maybe not as famous as some people but famous enough. I just want to live a quiet life now. Not be in the media spotlight.”

“That sure doesn’t sound like you, Angelina. You loved all that hoopla and excitement,” Keren said. “I don’t think you should give all that up because of Luther Marks.”

“I’m a different person. I don’t need all that attention.” She shrugged. “Besides everyone just wants to feel sorry for me and treat me as if I’m a fragile tea cup about to shatter.”

The doctor made another note then looked up. “Maybe that’s because you feel that way. Do you? Feel like a fragile tea cup?”

Angelina hadn’t thought this would turn into a therapy session. “Not really. I just don’t want them to pity me.”

“I can understand that. But this isn’t about them. It’s about you, I don’t think you should talk and talk about it all the time to the exclusion of other things. But when the situation calls for it, you need to be able to discuss it. Honestly and openly. Especially with those closest to you.” Dr. Markley nodded toward Keren and Peter.

“I don’t like talking about it. What’s the point? It won’t change what happened.”

“True, but talking gets it out of your head.” Dr. Markley looked at Keren. “Does she talk about it with you?”

“No.” Keren looked at Angelina. “Not really, but you can’t blame her. It was a horrible ordeal. I wouldn’t want to relieve such a nightmare either. As far as I’m concerned it’s in the past and that’s where it needs to stay.”

Angelina smiled at her cousin, grateful that someone understood. Of course, she thought about it and relived it in her nightmares almost every night. Even daytime was hard, sometimes.

“I don’t feel comfortable forcing the issue,” Peter said. “But we’re here for you, Angelina. You know that. If you want to talk, we’ll listen.”

“I know that, Peter. You’ve both been so kind. Letting me live with you. Letting me invade your privacy. It’s not fair to you. You’re practically newlyweds. You need your privacy.”

“We don’t mind at all. As Keren always says, family helps family.” Peter sounded sincere.

“Which brings us back to the point I want to talk about today. Your living arrangement. It sounds as if you’re planning to go back to your cousin’s. Is that true?”

Angelina glanced at Dr. Markley. Something in her tone made her think the good doctor disapproved. “I guess. But not forever. Unless you don’t think I should go back at all?”

“It’s not about what I think.” The doctor tapped her index fingers together. “But at some point, you need to live on your own again. And it might be easier if you do it when you leave here. If you go back to their house it will be too easy to fall back into old routines.”

Living on her own was just another way of saying being alone. Which was why nobody had even known she was missing. But Dr. Markley was right. She couldn’t expect to live with Keren and Peter forever. Her father would be ashamed of her for being weak, depending on others to take care of her. “You’re right. It’s time I learn to live by myself again.”

Keren leaned forward. “I don’t think she’s ready for that quite yet. But I’m sure you must be so tired of our tiny house. It’s nothing like what you’re accustomed to.” She turned to the doctor. “Angelina has a wonderful home in Mt. Pleasant. Not like our little house.”

“You have a lovely home, too.” Angelina told her cousin. “And I really do appreciate you letting me live there with you.”

“And I love you living there, but, maybe the doctor’s right. It might be time to think about other…living arrangements.”

“You don’t want me to live with you?”

“No, that’s not what I meant at all, Angelina. But the doctor says you need to regain your independence. Maybe, you should move back to Mt. Pleasant and Peter and I could live in that apartment above the garage. It’s still there, right?”

Angelina didn’t want to live in her childhood home. Too many rooms. Too many places for a person to hide. And it represented everything she used to be. Money and extravagance. “That apartment is even smaller than the house you have now.”

“But that way we could live right beside each other. You could come over anytime you wanted. Even for dinner every night, but you could still have your independence as well. We wouldn’t mind, would we, Peter? If it helps you.”

“But it’s such a long drive back to Cleveland for Peter’s job.” Angelina interjected before Peter could answer.

“Not that long.” Peter nodded. “And that way we could save the money to buy our own house someday.”

“There’s no way I’ll let the two of you live in that tiny apartment. It barely has the right to be called an apartment, but you could live in the main house. I could live in that apartment. It would be fine for me. I’m only one person.”

Keren’s eyes widened. “Well, I never thought of that. But if that’s what you want, I guess that would be fine with us. Wouldn’t it, Peter?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“The house is just sitting there, and I’m paying for the upkeep on it anyway. Of course, I forgot to renew my landscaping contract, but that’s been taken care of now. I should have offered it to the two of you in the first place. It was rude of me not to. But it would mean more of a drive for you to get to work, Peter.”

He shrugged. “Not so much that it would be a problem.”

“Whatever you want, Angelina.” Keren smiled. “Besides, it might be nice for you to move back to Mt. Pleasant, don’t you think? It’s a smaller town, and it’s your home.”

“I guess.”

“Great, we’ve got the housing arrangements down.” The doctor made a few more notes. “And the good news is Mt. Pleasant is much closer for your appointments with me. I’d give it a little time before you go job hunting. In the meantime, maybe some volunteer work. There shouldn’t be a lot of stress involved in that.”

“That might be fun. Until they find out I’m crazy.”

Keren leaned toward her. “You’re not crazy. You have PTSD and that’s very curable, right, Doctor?”

“It certainly is. With time and some effort on your part. Nothing good ever happens without a little effort.” She smiled. “Or a lot.”

“You keep saying that, but I don’t feel as if I’m getting any better. I’m getting worse.”

Dr. Markley looked at Angelina. “It only seems that way. But one thing I’ll insist on if I agree to release—”

“If you release me? What does that mean?” Maybe she wouldn’t have to leave, after all.

“I misspoke. I meant when I release you. Along with your medication and your continued counseling sessions with me, I insist you join a support group.”

A support group? Angelina was sure there were worse things—but she couldn’t think of any.