23

Twenty minutes until the meeting started.

Angelina stared at the clock. She had no intention of going to that meeting. She’d promised Dr. Markley to give it a try and she had. Much to her surprise the meetings had been helpful, but after the last one, she was done…finished. The humiliation of the anxiety attack was one she could live without.

Besides they all knew who she was now, and they’d treat her differently anyway so what was the point of even going. Not to mention, she didn’t need to complicate Nate’s life. Leslie still seemed quite interested in Nate. And after the hug she’d seen last night, it looked as if Nate might fell the same way. Nope, the best thing she could do was to stay out of the way. She’d miss him, but…

Her gaze strayed back to the clock.

Eighteen minutes.

A part of her wanted to go. Maybe Rosie went on another date. Perhaps Fred liked his new job. And it might be that Max finished his book—if there actually was a book. Another glance at the clock.

Sixtee—

A knock on the door made her jump. Must be Keren. Worried that she wasn’t capable of fixing something to eat when she got hungry. Which reminded Angelina that she needed to buy some cookbooks or maybe watch how-to videos. She walked over and opened the door.

“Evening, Angelina.” Nate grinned.

“What are you doing here?”

“I thought we could drive to the meeting together.”

“I’m not going.”

“I was afraid you’d feel like that. That’s why I stopped. You really have nothing to be embarrassed about. It was a small anxiety attack. I’ve seen worse. Actually, I’ve had worse ones myself.”

“I just…after what happened, I can’t.”

“It’s really important for you to come tonight.”

“Why?”

“It’s all about the getting back on the horse thing. If you don’t want to come back after tonight, fine with me. But you’ve gotta come back tonight, or you’re giving in to the PTSD. And if you do that, Luther wins. You don’t want that, do you?” He grinned again.

“I know, but still…”

The seconds ticked by.

“So, are you ready to go?”

She shook her head. “I...I can’t.”

“Of course, you can. You’re not the only one with anxiety attacks. You can’t let one little panic attack stop you from going to the meeting.”

“Why not?”

“Now don’t go reading more into this than you should. The truth is that I’d hate to be the reason you quit. In fact, if you quit, I’ll have to assume it was my fault. And that could cause me to have my own setback. Do you want to be the reason I have a setback?”

“You won’t have a setback, and you know it.”

“It could happen, and I know you wouldn’t want to be the cause. Would you?”

“You’re impossible to say no to, but you already know that, right?”

He shrugged.

“Yoo-hoo.” Keren walked up the steps. “Oh, I didn’t know you had company.”

Nate smiled. “Just thought I’d see if Angelina wanted a ride to the meeting tonight.”

“If she needs a ride to the meeting, I’ll be glad to take her.”

Why did everyone think she was so incompetent that she couldn’t even get herself to a meeting? She took a deep breath, fought off the floating sensation that threatened, and fanned the tiny spark of outrage that they were treating her like a child.

Both of them were looking at her.

“Are you all right?” Keren asked. ”You look a little pale.”

She nodded. “I’m fine. Nate, that was very nice of you to stop, but I can drive myself.” She walked into her apartment and picked up her purse and keys. She smiled at the two of them. “See you later, Keren. Nate, I’ll be right behind you.”

Nate winked. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Are you sure you don’t need me to drive you?” Keren asked.

“I’m quite capable of driving myself to the meeting.”

“I know that.” Keren smiled. “Have a good meeting.”

Nate walked down the steps ahead of them, whistling.

Keren followed behind as Angelina made her way to her car.

He was already in his car and driving away.

“Angelina.”

She turned to her cousin. “What?”

“I’m a little worried about you.”

“Why?”

“I think you’re doing too much too soon. Dr. Markley said to take baby steps. But you’re running here and there. Trying to do everything at once. And after all that happened with that little boy and his mother, I worry that it’s been too much stress for you. I don’t want you to get sick again.”

“I’m fine.”

“And I know something’s going on between you and that policeman. He keeps coming here all the time. Why don’t you just tell him to leave you alone?”

“He’s not bothering me. We’re friends.”

“Fine. If you say so.” Keren hugged her. “All I’m saying is don’t do too much too soon. You’re not as strong as you think you are.”

Angelina got in her car and drove away.

You’re not as strong as you think you are. You’re not as strong as you think you are. You’re not…

“Shut up.” She screamed to the empty car. But that was the truth. She wasn’t strong enough. Certainly not good enough for Nate. He deserved a healthy person. Not someone like her. Her parents would be so disappointed in her. That was her truth.

Luther had told her that over and over.

Keren, who loved her, was even telling her that.

“It’s not true. You’re wrong. You’re wrong. I am…” She stopped, unable to say the words. “Get hold of yourself, Angelina.” She didn’t need to have another anxiety attack at the meeting.

She pulled into the church parking lot.

Nate’s car was there, but he must have gone in without her.

Oh, well…she was strong enough to walk into that room alone. There she’d said the word. Alone. That was a start. Nate was right. They wouldn’t judge her. They’d all been through their own bad times. Jumping out of her car, she hurried into the church.

“Are you mad at me?”

She jumped. “Where did you come from?”

“I was waiting for you.”

“Well, stop it. You scared me.” She was pleased that he’d waited.

“Sorry. So are you mad at me? Because you seemed sort of irritated at me when I left. Not to mention you left the station last night without saying good-bye.”

“I didn’t want to interrupt your conversation with Leslie.”

“That’s all done with, Angelina.”

“It didn’t look done to me. That hug looked quite friendly.”

“It was a good-bye hug. I am not interested in Leslie. At all.”

Angelina fought back the desire to cheer. “Besides, the only person I’m irritated at is me. I am so sick of myself.”

“You need to cut yourself a break. You went through a lot. And you’re getting stronger every day. I think you’re quite amazing actually.”

“That’s not true. I almost had an anxiety attack on the way over here.”

“Key word. Almost. We each have our own journey to take.”

“I don’t feel like I’m making any progress with mine.”

“Are you kidding me? Look at what you accomplished in the past few days. You actually figured out a way to keep Charlie safe. So I really don’t know how you can say that.”

“Because it’s true. I only did what I did because I messed up in the first place. Luther’s right, my life is pitiful and worthless.”

“Luther isn’t right about anything. He’s dead. Remember?” His gaze met hers.

“You know what I meant.” She walked away and then turned back. “Come on. We’re late. And that’s not good since you’re the leader. And no, I’m not mad at you.”

“Glad to hear that because that would make me sad.” He took hold of her arm as his gaze locked with hers.

She couldn’t breathe.

Nate moved closer. “I know this isn’t the right time.”

“For what?”

“For us, but…” He leaned close. His lips met hers.

She closed her eyes savoring the sweetness of the moment.

He moved away. “But that’s a promise for later. When you are ready.”

She had no idea what to say.

He touched her cheek and smiled as they walked down the hall hand in hand.