19.

I TOOK THE LONG WAY back home. Sometimes the long way is the shortest, or is the only possible. If not I would go back to my house. I thought obsessively about the last sentence Eva said. That made sense; it was fine, but why yes. Yes, it makes sense. Why did she need that yes? Maybe it was her way of speaking, as I always say “Look” before a sentence, or “of course” when there is nothing to look at. I have tried many times to dismiss these words, but, of course, without much success.

I came home; my wife was waiting for me.

—Where have you been?

—Don’t you always say I’m always home, I left you alone. Look, don’t you say you want to be alone and want to come home and not find me inside. That’s it; I leave in a few hours and...

—Do not get so angry.

—Look, this cannot go on like this.

—I had been saying that sentence every other day for the last ten years and thinking it every second hour. And the following...

—I can’t, I want a divorce.

And she said:

—Why don’t you just divorce? I explained that if we were married by agreement we should divorce by agreement. It made sense to me. Or maybe not. When I write it, it seems illogical because a divorce is generally the opposite of an agreement. Two or three times we drafted a divorce agreement, but we never did divorce. My daughters asked why. They do not understand. Neither did we. Although one is never ever able to fully understand the depths of any relationship. Sex was sometimes very good, never very bad. Maybe that was the reason. Makes sense.