22 

The storm of feelings accompanied Ruthie on her trip up to the Miller farm. They darkened the entire journey, isolating her from all but the baby in her arms. Every now and then she felt a rush of panic that there might indeed be a certain logic behind what Kyle had proposed. Then she tightened her embrace of Samuel and the horror rose fresh and strong, leaving her feeling ill to her stomach.

The only reason she ate at all that evening was because the baby needed nourishment. Her family, lovingly conscious of her mood, let her be. After all, she had lost her husband only a few months before.

She rose before the sun, glad to return to the farm’s simple routines and early morning chores. In spite of her distress, she saw the mark of hard times everywhere she went. There were fewer animals, and those still around bore the lean, hungry look of beasts at the end of a long winter.

The family watched her in their quiet way, waiting until she was ready to speak for herself. Ruthie was not sure she should say anything about her traumatic encounter with Kyle. But after an inner debate she decided she had to tell someone, and who better than her family to help her sort it all out?

She waited until after breakfast. Mornings were a good time for sharing secrets. The sun had not yet warmed the earth, and fewer chores clamored for attention than in the summertime. Once the breakfast dishes were washed and put away, the family returned to the big breakfast table for their Bible reading and prayer. And she told them what Kyle had said.

She held nothing back. Not even the doubts that had come to her in the night, the ones which whispered that perhaps Kyle was right. Perhaps she should give the baby to Kyle and let him enjoy all the things she could not give him. Speaking in the Old German tongue helped Ruthie distance herself from the life in Washington and all her worries. It gave her the ability to stand away and observe her situation from a fresh perspective.

When she finished, she felt drained but satisfied. She knew that baby Samuel would stay with her. The doubts that had plagued her the night after Kyle’s visit had no place here in this home. The baby was hers—hers and Joel’s. Samuel would be raised with all the love and care she could give him.

To her surprise, it was not her father who spoke first. Instead, just as Joseph opened his mouth, Simon rose to his feet, moving so swiftly that his chair clattered over behind him.

“Everybody wait right here,” he demanded. “I have something to tell you.” He turned to Sarah, his younger sister, a grave expression in his eyes. “Unless you object.”

She started to speak but stopped and bit her lip. She glanced at Ruthie, then gave her head a shake. No. She did not mind.

Simon left the room. Ruthie’s mother turned to her husband with a troubled expression, but before she could voice the question in her eyes, Joseph raised one hand. Wait.

Simon soon came back, bearing a worn and tattered leather wallet. He pushed it across the table to his father and declared, “This is for Ruthie.”

Joseph picked up the wallet and looked in astonishment at the bills stacked inside. “What is this?”

“Papa, Patience and I, we want to wed.” His voice trembled with the effort of speaking. “The Brueders are . . . are as hard up as we. All winter we have worked, saving up a dowry.”

“I helped, Papa,” Sarah added. “It was fun.”

“My tool shed,” their mother cried. “And all those hours you spent at the markets. I knew it was taking you too long to sell so few eggs.”

Joseph had not touched the money. He looked from the wallet to his son and back again. “What have you done for this money?”

“We dried flowers, Papa. Wild flowers we gathered last autumn. We didn’t want to say anything because we weren’t sure . . .” He had to stop for a breath. “It was Patience’s idea. She heard about it from one of the stores. Sarah made the bouquets with her.”

Joseph stared at him. “So much they pay for dead flowers?”

“Eight hundred and seventeen dollars, Papa. We wanted to use it for planting some acres of flowers this summer. Then maybe in the fall we have our wedding.” He turned to look at Ruthie. “But I want you to have it. You need it. For the baby.”

Ruthie had to swallow the sudden lump in her throat before she could speak. “Simon, I can’t take your dowry.”

“Yes you can. You must. Samuel is your son, Ruthie. He is yours.” He crossed his arms determinedly, showing the strength in his body and his spirit. “I know Patience will agree. The money is yours.”

A shaky breath from the head of the table brought them all around. Joseph’s beard trembled as he struggled for control. He raised a work-worn hand and wiped at the corners of his eyes. Finally he managed, “Such a family I have been given. Such riches.” He looked at his son with shining eyes. “This day you have made me very proud.”

Simon blushed under the praise. “It wasn’t just me, Papa. Sarah is an artist. You should see what she can do with the flowers. And Patience, she—”

“I was not speaking of the flowers. The flowers can wait for another talk.” He gestured at the wallet on the table before him. “I am speaking of your gift. For you and Patience to offer your sister the dowry your own fathers cannot give . . .”

Joseph Miller stopped and covered his eyes with one hand. He sat there for a long moment, utterly still, while they all held their breath.

As they sat and waited, the sun cleared the roof of the barn. Light streamed through the back window and splashed joyfully upon the table. The sudden light brought a sheen of tears to Ruthie’s eyes.

Joseph dropped his hand and said to his son, “Make your wedding plans. I will be speaking to Papa Brueder. Save this money for your planting.”

“But, Papa—”

“Enough, I tell you, enough.” He turned and looked at Ruthie. “You know what you are to do.”

“Yes, Papa,” she said softly. “The baby is mine.”

“Have Kyle come to see me, if she will. It is time for us to talk. She needs help to heal these wounds.” He bent for his crutch, then pushed himself erect. He turned and looked once more at his son and murmured, “The richest man in all the world.”